Wackey Friendship Jokez 4 Kidz

I know it says Kidz in the title, meaning that it would be for children... in most contexts. This, however, is not one of those. There is a large amount of swearing (from, nearly entirely, our anti-hero), but not enough to warrant a mature rating that would stop most people not old enough. Enjoy!

Dear Princess Celestia

Is he joking? I can't tell. I seriously cannot tell if he thinks its funny or if he is just a jerk. Ever since he arrived earlier today, he has been kinda really rude.

Awaiting your response, Twilight Sparkle

I slipped into my room past the wiry figure over to Spike's sleeping form, careful not to wake the stallion passed out on the ground. This stallion was my house-guest from the wrong side of Manehatten, or so he professed. He was arrested in the middle of a robbery and Celestia apparently felt pity for him... or something like that.

Shaking Spike, I whispered to him "Spike... I have a letter for you to send."

Spike muttered something about tomorrow and turned the other way, and so it was determined that my letter would wait for tomorrow.

With a sigh of defeat, I left my note on the window sill and made my way back to the plush bed that awaited me. I watched the pegasus snore. He was cream colored with shaggy black hair and a scraggly beard. Straight out of Manehatten slums, he said. Rougher and tougher than anything I had ever seen, he said. A no-good rebel without a cause, he said.

I know he's soft on the inside. Even the nastiest of guys have some nice in them.

"What the fuck is this?" A gruff voice spoke, waking me up. Sure enough, it was our newest resident Mickey.

Rubbing my eyes, I sat up to see him holding the note in his right hoof. "Yawn whaaaat do you mean." I spoke half-awake, my yawn slurring my speech.

"Do you think I'm a joke?" He demanded, tossing the paper aside. It slowly drifted to the ground, not even slightly frayed by the course treatment.

"Well, I-" He didn't even let me finish.

"Don't even answer that. I'm not nice. I'm the real fucking deal. Do you want me to start losing my shit? Let's see how funny I am then. Go ahead, say I'm nice." He said, his voice raising as he spoke.

I pondered what he just said. I bit the rim of my hoof trying to think of a proper response. "I don't know what you want me to say... You aren't that funny, do you think your funny?"

He looked to either side of him, then looked down. A slow rumbling laugh began, which quickly turned into a maniacal laughter. He looked up at me and what I saw in his eyes were not good.

"Twilight thinks we got a COMEDIAN IN OUR MIDST!! Times for the show to begin!!" He quickly sprinted out of the room.

"HAHAHAHA" He spat at me "Looks like I'm really funny." He ran around the room, knocking books off the shelf. He grabbed a lamp in his teeth and smashed it against the ground. "Looks like the princess' pet is enjoying the show! Hardiharhar, he's breaking shit. Look at him, he's being an asshole... LAWL!!!" He pulled out a lighter, which I quickly put a stop to, my aura enveloping his body. I pulled him to me with all the might I could. Thankfully, he didn't even put up a fight.

"What the bloody tartarus is your deal?" I said with my teeth gritted for whatever smartass response would come next.

"My deal is that you think you're oh, so special with your charmed life and think you can judge me. You don't know what I've been through, you don't know who I am, what I've dealt with... you don't know me." I something change inside, but I wasn't sure if it was in me, or him. He was still the same mean, aggressive, detestable bloke, but he seemed different. As if there might be a reason.

I let him fall to the ground and cast my eyes away from him. "You're right. I don't know... any of those things, but I do know one thing. You don't like me, and given your destructive behavior, I don't like you. But we need to deal with each other, at least until you can prove you've learned something. What do ya say? Truce?" I spoke, declaring my wish for peace.

"Just tell me what I need to do." He said vehemently.

"Perfect, err, good. Spike, prepare a list." I looked into my bedroom to see Spike with a mortified face. "Spike?" I turned my head to face Mickey. "Mickey, prepare a list. One, get Spike some help. Two, put the books back on the shelves in their proper order. Three, Clean up the shards of glass from the lamp. Four, get a new lamp. Five, re-organize the entire library. Six, get a bed for Mickey. Seven... Are you writing this down?" I asked.

"How do you expect me to write? I have no paper, no quill and no shits to give about your stupid list." He said sarcastically. "And this list better be for you, because there is no way in tartarus that I'm doing any of that."

"New list. One, have Rarity give Mickey a lesson in manners. Two, find Mickey some friends. Three, have Fluttershy teach him about compassion. Four, introduce him to everypony else."

"You know you can say 'anybody' right? Frankly, I don't see the point. I would know what you meant, and everybody isn't species exclusive. Are you going to say everypony in front of a griffon?" He spoke, smacking his lips. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

I walked into the library and saw Mickey hunched over a desk. Without noticing I was there, he jogged out of the room. I looked at the small piece of paper.

Deer Prinsess Sule Selestia,

Today, I lurned abowt freindship.

Sinseerly, Mickey