Wackey Friendship Jokez 4 Kidz

I bet you all are excited to read about my unbearable stay in Ponyville.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I actually do believe there is hope for him. That is, if Rainbow doesn't kill him first for being a dick. I'm holding off that introduction for as long as possible.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

After getting Spike into bed with some water, I went to Quills & Sofas with Mickey.

We walked into the store. It must have seemed rather peculiar to see me walking next to a tall, slouching figure.

Upon being greeted by an employee, he immediately made himself unpleasant.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" asked the kind mare whose job it was to stand there and ask that question.

"Yeah, like I need help from a mare who can't even find a well paying job or understand how to fill out a job application." Mickey said, walking straight past her.

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" the mare said, demanding his attention.

"I really don't need to clarify this. It's a really simple statement- I DO NOT NEED HELP FROM YOU. If you can figure it out, I'm sure that I can too."

"I'm sorry about him. We would love some help. Where would the mattresses be?" I asked, trying to diffuse the situation.

"No, no. He's right, you don't need help from the common rabble. I'm sure you can figure it out." she said, going back to her position.

I need to get him a lesson in kindness ASAP. I'm not so sure about how Fluttershy will take it though. I thought to myself as I chased after Mickey.

Once I caught up, he was looking at a sofa with a smug look.

"That's not a mattress, why are you so happy?" I asked him, perplexed by his pride

"Found the perfect one." he said.

"That's a sofa, not a bed." I said once more.

"It's a futon, it's both." he said. "You can put the back down and use it as a bed."

"Alright, if that's what you want." I sighed, getting out my purse.

After laboriously dragging the "futon" home because the cashier refused to assist the likes of us, I decided to skip the lesson with Rarity and instead set up a meeting with Fluttershy. He really needed the kindness.

"We are going to visit my good friend Fluttershy. I know you aren't really listening, but you NEED to be nice to her." I said, trying to clarify this to him.

"Oh, yeah. I will be. Are you questioning my social integrity?" He asked, slouched in his futon, which was right now in couch position.

"I don't think you understand. If you are not nice to her, or Celestia forbid you make her cry, you will be in a lot of trouble." I said, trying to snap him out of the lethargic haze.

"Like I said earlier, I've been through a lot. Most of its bad. It won't be the first time I was in 'a lot of trouble'. Besides, who's going to stop me?" He said arrogantly.

"Rainbow Dash and Applejack, only the two strongest mares in all of Ponyville." I said, confident that would get him.

"Yeah, you had me until you said 'mare'. I'm not scared of those two." he relaxed once more, reclining in his futon.

"Some things you just have to learn yourself." I sighed to myself.l I left my library to go to the border of Everfree forest so I may warn Fluttershy of the impending doom.

"I'm sure he just has a case of the grumpies." Fluttershy said after I warned her.

"You don't believe me either!" I exclaimed. "This is absolutely infuriating. The reason why I'm introducing you to him is so you can teach him to be nice."

"Silly Twilight, he's probably very nice. Why do you only see the worst in people?"

"Because sometimes that's all there is." I said, admitting to myself that in the short time I've dealt with, I've learned that there is not 1% of kindness. Not even .1%, or any smaller increments. He truly is a "no-good street punk rebel without a cause that calls no man mister because that's how I roll" as he so eloquently put it.

"Oh Twilight, I'm sure he's not that bad. You're just over-reacting." Fluttershy tried to reassure me. But she hadn't met him... She didn't know what he was like... She didn't know.

"I just wanted to warn you. I'll be back with him in say... an hour?" I asked

"That would be fine Twilight. Me and all the critters are very excited." Fluttershy said, bidding my ado.

"Goodbye."  I left her home and began my way to my own home. On the walk home, I realized how I thought of the cretin.

She hadn't met him... She didn't know what he was like... She didn't know. I had thought wasn't that exactly... what he said to me...

"Oh shit..." I said to myself once I realized the impact he was having. "With Celestia as my witness, I will never become like Mickey... NEVER!"

"I'm back." I announced as I let the door drift into place with a heavy thunk.

"And I should care why?" Mickey said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Because you want to get out of here."

"Who told you that? I have fucking futon, someone who might as well be an indentured servant and no worries about being cut up."

"You told me that! We had an agreement- You do as I say so you can get out of here."

Correction, you said 'You're right. I don't know... any of those things, but I do know one thing. You don't like me, and given your destructive behavior, I don't like you. But we need to deal with each other, at least until you can prove you've learned something. What do ya say? Truce?' Get your hand off your dick and start remembering correctly." He recited my words back to me, imitating my voice, albeit poorly, matching my normal inflections to a tee.

"How did you do that?" I asked walking closer to him. My eyes squinted, trying to size him up.

"I have a photographic memory. Didn't know that, now did you? What, did your precious princess not include that in the memo? Oh, is the little miss smarty pants upset that she doesn't know absolutely everything about everyone." He mocked me. It took a lot to stop myself from outright assault. No, a lot is an understatement. It took everything I had not to tear him limb from limb.

I clapped my hooves and rubbed my temples. "I don't know what you want! You have got to be the most difficult pony ever."

"Look who's finally catching on. Was destroying your house the first clue, or was it insulting you just now? I gotta say, I think it was the latter.".

Will Twilight put up with Mickey? Will Mickey play nice with Fluttershy? Probably not, but find out for sure next time in the conclusion to Friendship is Detestable- Lessons in Kindness