4 Untactical insertion

"Agh, my head!"

The Soldier lifted his head slowly, turning it from side to side as he scanned the area. He appeared to be in some kind of forest clearing. How he had got there he had no clue. He could find out later. For now, he need to find out where exactly he was.

He checked the strap across his chest. Grenades. Check.

He formed a fist with his hand and knocked on his head. It gave off a loud clanging noise.

Helmet. Check.

Shovel. Check.

Shotgun. Check.

Rocket launcher. Rocket launcher?

Soldier's eyes began to sweep the immediate area. Oh no, he can't of lost it, not already. He'd only had it a day. Soldier jumped to his feet and began to sweep the immediate area. He found he was indeed in a forest clearing, but it wasn't like any forest he'd ever been in. Broken planks and splinters were scattered everywhere, suggesting that when he had been sucked through to where ever he was, everything nearby had been sucked through too.

Which meant he was here. Which gave him all the more of a reason to find this new awesome rocket launcher, and find it quick.

He walked up to one of the trees and examined its trunk. It bark was gnarled and twisted in such a way that it looked as if it was bearing its sharp, barky teeth at him.

"That's your war face? You don't scare me!" barked Soldier, trying to give himself a sense of familiarity in this strange place. He turned quickly as a feral howl in the distance snatched his attention.

"Ugh." He grunted. "Sounds like trouble."

He took out his shotgun and checked it. Full ammo.

"That's as best a place to look as anywhere, eh heh heh."

He cocked his secondary weapon violently and stalked off into the forest in the direction of the howl, the dark branches swallowing him up behind him.

"Oh no!"

Spike ran after the hot air balloon as fast as his stubby little legs could carry him. At least it gave him something to worry about, he thought. After Twilight had decided to give him the day off, he was sure that he would be able to have lots of fun, doing the things he'd always wanted to do but never had the chance due to all the chores Twilight gave him.

But it seemed that he didn't have much that he wanted to do. In truth, Spike loved to help his friends, despite moaning about it sometimes, and felt empty inside when none of them wanted his help. Also, the voice in his head may have been exaggerating a little when it told him that he never got to do what he wanted. The only other thing he really did was sleep, and that wasn't very interesting at all.

After spotting the hot air balloon in town, he quickly ran over too it, deciding that it would be a fun thing to do. He had always enjoyed flying, despite being a wingless dragon. He guessed a love of feeling the wind in your scales was something built into every dragons base instincts. Unfortunately, Spike had been a little over enthusiastic, and managed to release the balloon from its mooring, sending it drifting deep into the Everfree forest, one of the most dangerous locations within the borders of Equestria.

Due to his single mindedness to catch the balloon however, Spike had not noticed this, and after somehow managing to catapult himself onto the balloon's mooring rope from Big Mac's apple cart, he found himself in the heart of the dark forest.

"Whoa, that was a close one." Sighed Spike as he tied the rope to a nearby branch. Slowly, he began to look around, taking in his surroundings. He gulped.

"If I didn't know better, I would swear I was in the middle of the dark and scary Everfree forest."

He heard an angry howl frighteningly close to where he was standing. He jumped.

"What was that?!"

"C'mon Spike. Just because this forest is full of wild, dangerous animals, doesn't mean your gonna see one!" He said, trying in vain to comfort himself. He heard another howl, this time closer still. The prospect of not bumping into one of the wild, dangerous animals of the Everfree forest was becoming thinner by the second.

All of a sudden a foul odor hit his nose. Being a dragon, Spike had a very well attuned sense of smell, and this only amplified the unpleasantness of it. He spluttered and stumbled backwards, trying to escape the visible green stink assaulting his nostrils. He tripped over what seemed to be a small branch, falling on to his rear.

As he drew his eyes towards the 'branch' he had tripped over, it became apparent that it was not in fact a branch at all, as it was attached to the gnarled body of a Timber Wolf, the Everfree forest's most notorious pack predators. Many unprepared ponies had become snacks to these foul creatures in the past, and while they may not be the largest or most deadly individually, they were certainly the most intelligent, using teamwork to hunt down their prey in large packs. They were also well known for their revolting breath.

The creature snorted into Spike's face.

"aaaahhhhahahahaaaaahhhhh!" Screamed Spike as he ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. The wolves instantly giving pursuit of their new-found prey. They had not sampled the taste of dragon before, for obvious reasons.

Spike ran out into a clearing, looking for any possible way to evade his pursuers. Strangely, there were bits of wood and metal scattered everywhere. Much of the small pieces of metal were molded into strange shapes and the wood was of a strange variety that was certainly not found anywhere within a hundred miles of here. But he could worry about that later. He heard the sound of angry barking very close to his ears.

If he was still alive that was.

He ran behind one of the larger chunks of wood, trying to make himself as small as possible. He noticed a large, metal cylinder beside him, with strange components jutting off of it. It was very smooth, and was obviously some kind of tool, though what it was used for, he had no idea. It looked kind of like a telescope.

'Mann Co.?'

Spike froze as he heard the sound of sniffing on the other side of the piece of wood. Dragons weren't the only ones who had a good sense of smell, and Spike was sure that sooner or later, they would sniff him out of his hiding place. He crawled over to the cylinder to inspect it closer. Who knows, it might just help him get out of this mess.

'Oh, I wish Applejack was here.'

Spike ran his claws along the weapon. It appeared that the components on its underside were handles. He tried to heft the cylinder on to his shoulder. It must have been twice the size of him! One of the wolves gave a surprised whimper, as it picked up his scent.

Spike noticed that there was, in fact, a mini telescope attached to the side of the weapon. He peered into it. He noticed that there were some kind of markings on the lens. Crosshairs! This must be some kind of cannon! Perfect!

Spike had read a book about Equestrian warfare when he was bored in Twilight's library. Cannons were massive weapons that were used to fire large balls of cast-iron at enemies. They were usually found on castle battlements or on the back of wagons (mostly on castle battlements though, it had been centuries since Equestria had been involved in a proper full-scale war.) Such weapons were horrifically powerful, and they were seldom used in anything but the most desperate confrontations.

This weapon appeared to be much smaller than a normal cannon, suggesting that it was meant for claw-held use. Speaking of claw held use, the weapon was clearly not designed for use by ponies. There was no way Twilight could fire this thing. Perhaps it was meant for use by diamond dogs?

Also, the weapon smelt of a weak magic. That in itself was not unusual, many weapons used by the royal guard were enchanted to improve their efficiency and power. However, something about the smell of this magic was strange. The smell was faint, due to the magical power being drained, but the smell was still there.

It smelt of sour cream and rotten fish.

One of the timber wolves began to scratch at the chunk of wood Spike was hiding behind. He yelped, prompting his pack mates to help him. The air was filled with the sound of wood scratching on wood.

"Well Spike, here goes nothing."

Spike grabbed the top of the chunk, his other hand clutched firmly around the mini-cannon. He attempted to vault on to the top, but due to the weight of the weapon and Spike's lack of physical strength, he settled for dragging himself up slowly. Thankfully, the wolves didn't notice. Spike dug his feet into the wood, bracing himself for the inevitable recoil. He pointed the mini-cannon vaguely towards the middle of the pack of Timber wolves.

"Hey you! Over here!"

At once the wolves heads shot up to face Spike, their eerie green glowing eyes revealing an insatiable hunger. The lead wolf gave a satisfied grunt and licked his lips.

"Come and get it!"

Spike pulled the trigger of the weapon, launching a large chunk of metal out of the end of the weapon, leaving a trail of fire as it went. Unfortunately, Spike missed his mark, instead hitting a nearby tree, blowing the things into mere wood shavings in an instant.

"Whoa!" shouted Spike as he was thrown back into a steep cliff face. He grunted, slowly pulling himself to his feet. He looked over to the weapon, which had slipped out of his hands as he was launched through the air. Noticing that their prey had lost its toy, the Timber wolves began to circle Spike again, quickly recovering from the initial shock of the blast.

"Please, someone help!" Screamed Spike. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable end. He hoped that it would be quick and painless.

But the end never came.

"AAAaaaAAAaaaAAAAHHHH!"

*BOOM* *Click-click*

Spike opened his eyes to see that the Timber wolves were no longer focused on him. Instead, they had there eyes glued to the large, tall bipedal figure that had just crashed into the clearing. Laying at its feet was an unlucky Timber wolf, its head reduced to wood chips, its body spasming sporadically as the last of its life force seeped out of it.

"I've faced rodents more fearsome than you, twiggy!"

At once, the remaining Wolves leapt at this unusual creature, seeking to avenge the unexpected death of their pack mate. The creature leveled an odd looking stick towards the Timber wolves with it's monkey like hands and fired, The end of the stick blossoming into fire. Splinters exploded out of another Timber wolf's chest, causing the creature to yelp in pain and fall limp to the floor. The figure fired again at another wolf, this one loosing its head in a cloud of sawdust.

"Maggots!"

The two remaining wolves that had stayed back looked on at the unfolding battle in horror. As the last of their pack brothers crashed to the floor, they felt the attention of the strange creature fall to them. He leveled his stick.

*Click*

*Click*

The creature looked frustratedly at his weapon.

"Dammit."

Sensing his confusion, the two Wolves grinned menacingly. This creature would pay for what he had done to their brothers. They began to advance towards him, snarling menacingly. The creature pulled out what appeared to be a shovel from his back, holding it in front of his body defencivley.

The first Wolf jumped, its teeth bared, its mind focused on its objective of tearing out the creature's fleshy throat. The creature swung his shovel up to meet the chest of his enemy, knocking the wind out of him and sending him skidding off to the left.

"Boo-yah!"

The second Wolf, having snuck round behind the creature while it was distracted, leapt on to the creatures back, and proceeded to bite the back of his neck viciously. The creature yelped, and began slamming his shovel against his back, a few of his hits missing the Wolf and clanging off his steel helmet. After 1 minute of constant bashing and manly screaming, he finally stopped, allowing the long-dead Timber Wolf to drop ungracefully to the floor. He looked over to the trembling dragon.

"What's the matter kid? Never seen a hairless ape before?"