5 Private Spike

"You saved my life!"

Shouted Spike, running over to the 'hairless ape' that had single handedly wiped out an entire pack of Timber Wolves. Under normal circumstances, Spike would be slightly worried at the potential threat, but the only thing going through his head was sheer relief and gratitude. He grabbed the creature's leg and hugged it affectionately.

"Don't get used to it." said the creature, shaking his leg to dislodge the baby dragon. Spike fell to the floor with a thump.

"Where's my rocket launcher?"

"Oh, you mean your cannon? Here it is!" said Spike, rushing over to the Direct Hit. He hefted it into his arms and struggled back towards the creature. It smirked.

"Little guy aren't you? Thanks." Said the creature, snatching the weapon out of Spike's claws and slinging it's strap over his shoulder. Satisfied that the weapon was secure, he bent down to pick up his his Reserve Shooter shotgun.

"Sometimes I wonder why I use this damn thing."

The creature looked down towards Spike again. The dragon was looking up at him, his eyes wide with awe and respect.

"Something wrong?"

"You...saved...my...life."

Spike ran over to the creature and grabbed his leg again hugging it tightly. The creature looked both ways to make sure no one was there and sighed. Even the hardened veteran had to admit, it was kind of cute.

"You got a name, kid?"

Spike gulped. "Spike. Name's Spike." He let go of the creature's leg and stood up straight, trying to make himself look impressive.

"I'm a dragon."

"Bit small for a dragon, aren't you?"

Spike looked down glumly. "Yeah, well I'm only a ba- I mean, I'm only a young dragon."

The creature turned away from Spike and sniffed the air. Something didn't smell right about this place. The air smelt too fresh. He was definatley a long way from home.

"I bet Merasmus has something to do with this..."

"So, uh, what's your name?"

Soldier turned back to Spike. "My name?"

The Creature grunted.

"Since you do not have the authority to know my actual name, you may call me the Soldier."

Spike's eyes lit up.

"You're a Soldier?!"

"Damn right I am."

Spike had always dreamed of being a hero, and what could be more heroic than being a soldier? Risking your life on a daily basis on the battlefield to defend all you loved and cared about, marching through the streets in your bright uniform, taking in the noise of the cheering crowds.

"Could you teach me to be a Soldier too?"

The Soldier took one look down at Spike and snorted.

"No."

He turned back towards the forest and started walking. Spike gave chase. He wasn't going to give up that easily. If this guy could teach Spike to become brave warrior, Rarity would be sure to be impressed!

"Aw, c'mon, where you going?"

"I need to set up a camp, find the nearest village or town and get my bearings. Army stuff." Said Soldier carefully. Not actually being in an official army had left him unprepared for this kind of thing. Most of what he did outside basic combat was trial and error.

"I can show you where Ponyville is!"

"Negatory. I do not need your help, lizard."

Aw, please, give me a chance! I'll do anything! I'll clean your boots, polish your weapons, I'll follow your every order to the letter, just please give me a chance to be a hero like you!"

"Hmmmm" Thought Soldier. He rubbed his chin.

Soldier looked down upon the castle that sat before him, the last enemy bastion in existance. If the United States of Soldier could take this fort, they would have conquered the entire world.

"General Doe, Sir! We have the enemy stronghold surrounded!" Came the booming voice of Color sergeant Spike, The impressive dragon a product of years of grueling military training.

"Good work, Sergeant!" Grinned Soldier.

"The troops are ready to attack on your command, Sir. All you have to do is give the order."

Soldier looked over his army, a mass of blue trench-coat clad purple dragons, unflinching in the face of the enemy guns, which continued to pound their ranks from within the safety of the castle. The cowards. The Soldier lit a cigarette and drew it to his lips.

He brought his rocket launcher to his shoulder, steadying it. No general should fear front line duty, he thought. The enemy bombardment grew more intense, but still, his perfectly trained troops did not yield. It was time.

"Charge" He whispered.

"CHARGE!" Screamed Spike, waving a huge ornate banner with a likeness of the Solider's face emblazoned upon it. The troopers gave a terrifying battle cry and charged forward, their characteristic rocket launchers blazing like the 4th of July, sending down a hail of explosive warheads upon the castle walls.

Within minutes the walls had crumbled to dust, leaving-

"Soldier, are you still there?" said Spike, tugging on the bottom of the Soldier's trench coat.

Soldier looked down at Spike (again), grinning manically.

"That's General Jane Doe to you, private!"

Spike's eyes lit up.

"You'll do it?!" He said, barley able to contain his excitement.

"Do not speak without my permission, private! Now, down and give me twenty!"

Desperate to impress, Spike looked around eagerly, and then at Soldier with a puzzled look on his face.

"Permission to talk, sir?"

"Spit it out then, private!"

"Twenty what?"

Soldier groaned. He really had his work cut out if he was ever going to make a man out of this lizard.

"Twenty push ups! Here, let me show you." He threw his rocket launcher to Spike, who only barely caught it. Soldier dropped to the ground and began to do some extreme push ups, eager to show this kid exactly what he had let himself in for.

"Oh, and sir?" Wheezed Spike, strugging under the weight of the giant metal weapon.

"What now, private?" Said Soldier, beginning to get rather annoyed with the constant flow of questions.

"Isn't Jane a girl's name?"

"Dammit."