Love Is In The Air:
Chapter 1: Of Airships and Alcohol
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Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, you were a pony. Not just anypony. You were a light gray pegasus stallion living in Canterlot. You moved in some few years ago after living in Baltimare. You came into town with only a hoofful of bits and a desire to live free of your parents and their ridiculous rules. You were also an avid drinker of alcohol. Not a drunk, but certainly a stallion that could hold his own in a drinking contest. You enjoyed a cold pint of the local brew every now and again.
One night in particular you’d drank a bit too much. You stumbled through the city streets, clumsily placing one hoof in front of the other. Before long, you were in an unfamiliar part of town. This thought didn’t hold your intoxicated attention for long as you came across a barrel. What was so interesting about this barrel? Well, you’d managed to ever so elegantly knock the top off of it and spill its contents onto the ground.
The sight before you certainly caught your inebriated eye: a pile of apples. Sweet, delicious apples. You righted the barrel and dove in like a foal to a pile of presents on Hearth’s Warming Day. You spent the rest of your conscious state devouring the most delicious apples you’d ever eaten while drunk. Amidst it all, you fell into unconsciousness.
You had a dreamless sleep, waking to the oddest sensation of rocking below you. It was almost soothing, if not for the ear-shattering creak of metal on metal around you. Cradling your forehead with a hoof, you gave your body a tentative sniff, confirming your suspicions. Yes, you’d drank heavily the night before. Yes, you’d also managed to wedge yourself into a barrel of apples. And yes, you even managed to get the worst hangover imaginable. You took a moment to congratulate yourself on getting into yet another implausible situation through the power of alcohol!
The absurdly dark barrel was soon lit up by candlelight as you pried the top off of it with your hooves. You peeked your head out of the drum long enough to survey your surroundings. Good. You were in an airship’s cargo hold, from what you could gather. The other barrels of food and various other supplies, along with the window showing clouds drifting by tipped you off. At least you were safe enough for now. The only airships you knew of were yachts moored around Canterlot. At worst, you’d intruded on one of Prince Blueblood’s precious vessels. At best, you’d managed to invite yourself to one of Fancy Pants’ near legendary parties. He was allegedly a really good sport about things like this, from what you’d heard.
You stumbled out of your wooden prison and onto the floor. Your wings ached from being crammed into the tiny barrel for the whole night. Giving them an experimental stretch, is seemed as though you’d slept on them wrong enough to make bending them painful. You weren’t going to fly anywhere soon.
Below your hooves, you felt the oddest rocking sensation. You knew airships were supposed to move with the breeze, but not as badly as to force you to get your sea-legs. Or were they sky-legs in this case? You honestly couldn’t care less as you pressed a hoof to your forehead again to pacify its throbbing pain.
You berated yourself as you slowly ambled to the cargo bay’s door, managing to dull your hypersensitive state. Never again would you go on a bender without somepony to stop you from taking your fourteenth glass. With all the fury of Tartarus, you stared at the door before you, directing your anger to it instead of yourself. Your staring contest with the plank of wood gave you more time to recover thankfully, before you pulled it open. You supposed it was now time to try and explain your way out of this situation to anypony around.
You managed to make it up the stairs behind the door, and through what you guessed were the crew’s quarters. The rumble of the airship’s engines was now apparent to you. You managed to find a door to the deck of the ship, scrambling outside. With wide eyes, you now found yourself watching clouds pass by quickly around the ship, alongside the lush scenery ahead. There was no balloon overhead. The airship was clearly one of the sleek, fast sorts instead of the lumbering behemoths seen around Canterlot. Wherever the ship was going, it certainly wasn’t a three hour tour around the capital's mountain.
You snapped to your senses as you noticed the crew at last. Several mares were staring at you. It was only now that you realized that you’d walked to the bow in your trance at the majesty and wonder of the ship around you. Awkward silence ensued as you attempted your best poker face past a crimson blush. “’Sup?” You managed to inquire. You were amazingly inarticulate, given the circumstances.
A white coated mare with a giant, extravagant hat and a purple, curled mane spoke first. “Um… Twilight dear, is he supposed to be here?” The alabaster unicorn called to somepony at the helm. Your eyes drifted up to notice a lavender unicorn. She was wearing a suitable tri-corner ‘captain’s hat’, with her horn poking through the designated hole in it. The appendage was alive with magic as it telekinetically held the helm in place.
You drank in her appearance, enjoying captain’s presence. Her eyes were violet, shimmering with an inquisitive nature that held no malice. Her body was fair. Not athletic in its lithe state, but certainly well maintained. Her mane and tail were a deep, royal purple, with a lighter purple and neon pink stripe through them. On her flank, though you tried not to stare too long, was a six pointed star, surrounded by five smaller ones.
The realization hit you at long last: you were ogling Princess Celestia’s favored student, better known as one Miss Twilight Sparkle. The others around her must have been her friends and the other Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. They’d managed to save your sorry flank some few months ago from the Changeling Invasion during the royal wedding.
“No, he’s not, Rarity.” Twilight stated flatly, quirking her eyebrow to you. “Which begs to question: why are you here?”
While you were flabbergasted by the scenery and checking out the unicorn, you’d given yourself no time to think of a proper cover story. Instead, you spewed from your mouth the first thing that came to mind, “I ate some of your apples.” Your voice was surprisingly calm and level, given your distressed demeanor.
“Ya’ll did what now?” An orange earth pony with a Ponyville accent glared at you as she managed to finish tying off a rope around a stray barrel. The blond maned mare was wearing a Stetson, and appeared to be quite miffed at the mention of gorging yourself on their produce.
You shrank back as she approached, flanks pressed against the railing of the ship as you realized there was nowhere to gallop off to. “I may have been a tad drunk at the time.” You quietly managed to state as you looked away from the mares. Your face hadn’t lost any of its color, maintaining a vibrant blush.
“Hold on. Is this what I think is going on?” A blue pegasus landed on the deck swiftly, her rainbow mane and tail flowing in the wind.
Captain Sparkle gave the other crew member a nod, “Yes, Rainbow. He’s a sto-“she was interrupted as the pegasus shoved a hoof into her mouth.
“Come on, Twi! Lemme say it! I just got through Daring Do and the Parasprite Pirate’s Treasure!” The athletic looking mare whined as though it were some significant rite of passage. You took a moment to register the book series before staring at the blue pegasus blankly. A mare as old as her? Reading some old teen novels?
You honestly were contemplating jumping over the guardrail and gliding to safety. But you had your doubts about how far you were from Canterlot already. Or worse yet, which direction the airship was heading in. It could be more than a day’s fight for a pegasus to get back home. For all you knew, you could’ve been passed out for the entirety of the day before!
“Yar, it seems like we be havin’ a stowaway!” ‘Rainbow’ stated in the most garish imitation of a pirate accent possible, causing everypony to cringe. You were honestly surprised that the posh white unicorn didn't faint from her presumed 'delicate sensibilities'.
“Yes, well, I guess I should be off? What direction are we going in? I’d kinda like to know how to get back to Canterlot.” You inquired calmly as you resigned yourself to being thrown overboard by the clearly hostile mares.
“Hold on there, stranger.” The lavender unicorn’s horn lit up with magic as a book floated to her side. The pages flipped open, and after a few moments of reading ‘Captaining for Fillies’ the mare nodded to herself. “According to the rules and regulations regarding stowaways in the book, he can either leave on his own, which I may add is a day’s flight back to Canterlot from where we are, or stay and work for us until we reach the next port.” The bookworm stated happily as the book disappeared. You never knew how it worked. Did unicorns have a pocket dimension they could summon items from? Or was it that they pulled them from other points in space?
You paused for a moment to contemplate the implications of both scenarios before finally grasping her statement. Weighing your options, you came up with the easiest solution: “I’m good at making things work.” You pointed to your flank, showing off your cutie mark. It was a simple thing: merely a gear with a wrench crossed over it diagonally. And, in case the Princess’s prized protégé had that covered, you gave another offer, “Or I can wash dishes and mop floors.”
Twilight looked positively stumped for a moment, staring off into space as her horn’s light went out. “We did bring a engineer, right?” She inquired to the three ponies you could see, plus a cowering yellow and pink bump behind Rarity. The three (plus bump) gave her a definitive ‘no’. “Then I guess you can stay as our engineer.” She smiled to you from the helm, quickly catching the wheel before the ship could tilt from her lack of attention.
“I’m Captain Twilight Sparkle. That’s Rarity, she’s Rainbow Dash, that’s Applejack, and behind Rarity is Fluttershy. I think Pinkie Pie and Spike are below deck.” The captain happily introduced each of her friends, each one in kind regarding you in some manner as their names were called. Save for Fluttershy, but you presumed that was the yellow and pink quivering mass behind Rarity. However, you couldn’t help but wonder who this ‘Spike’ character was. What an odd name for a pony.
Without putting too much thought into the name choice of the crew member, you quietly excuse yourself down to the galley in an attempt to quell your now roaring stomach. Before you open the doors to head down, you could have sworn you heard that orange mare Applejack mumbling about ‘wasted apples’ or some such, littered with faux-profanities. The most delicious scent wafted into your nose as you passed the crew’s quarters, your wings inherently flapping lightly. You hovered toward the source of what had gained a tight hold on your sense of smell, as if the aroma itself were dragging you toward the kitchen by your nose.
Nutmeg, cinnamon, baking bread, chocolate, and the slightest hint of lemons all struck your senses as you crossed the entryway to the galley. Your wings decided it was a good time to let you strike the floor, as well. You cringed at the pain in your teeth and chin, rubbing your face gently with a hoof to soothe the ache. Not that your hangover was helping. Upon deciding swearing off alcohol entirely was too rash a course of action, you pulled your attention to the pink blur bouncing about the galley.
It was a pink earth pony mare, with a mane like cotton candy and a sickly sweet smile. Three balloons were her cutie mark, barely visible between her deft movements. The pink pony before you was performing a culinary juggling act between no less than four visible dishes. You had honestly never seen somepony go from kneading dough to mixing cake batter to chopping apples and back again so quickly. It was more than a tad frightening about how good she was with a knife.
Before you could back away, your vision grew dark and blurry. Blinking a bit, you pulled your head back, only to have the pink mare smiling brightly to you. “Hey there! I haven’t seen you before! And trust me, I know everypony on this ship! There’s only seven of us after all! Ooh! Did you land here after getting into some epic aerial battle, or did you sneak on board? Oh! Don’t tell me you’re a spy or something sent to stop us! Rainbow Dash wouldn’t like that at all. Maybe you’re a secret agent meant to help us! Maybe you’re-”
Your ears slammed downward at the verbal assault. They felt like they had been raped with a freight train. It was as if this crazy mare was shoving words into your ears rather than talking. You couldn’t take it. You were about to shove a hoof so far down her throat that you could use her as a sockpuppet when she finally ceased.
“Well?” the mare inquired, tilting her head with an eyebrow raised amusingly high.
“Well what?” you managed to, yet again, state oh so intelligently. The urge to slam a hoof into your face over your own stupidity was overwhelming, but you merely kept the one at your aching forehead softly pressed where it was.
“Duh,” the pink earth pony scoffed childishly before continuing, “Why are you here?”
You weren’t sure if she were crazy or genuinely mentally handicapped. You weren’t one to use it as an insult. You knew a pegasus with wonky eyes who wore paper bags and a pearl necklace, after all! She said she was a mail courier. You honestly didn’t know how she also managed to sneak into that luncheon like you had.
Pulling yourself to reality again, you formulate your excuse, “I fell asleep in a barrel of apples after drinking too much.”
“Oh. That happens to me all the time. Only I don’t really drink that much. And there’s typically more screaming and cupcakes and ‘Pinkie Pie, how did you bake a robot, that isn’t physically possible, blah blah blah’ and more ripped bags of flour.” This mare, that you’re more than willing to guess was named ‘Pinkie Pie’, was starting to frighten you. Scratch that. She was terrifying you more than that foalhood campfire story about Slendermane.
Your stomach saved your hide from making another dreadfully stupid comment, growling and grumbling like a beast from beyond the terror of imagination. After putting on your best poker face, you looked over to the half-cooked food on the counters. “Got anything to eat?”
You couldn’t help but feel stupid at that question, but the ship’s chef certainly didn’t seem to mind. The pink mare merely scoffed and blew a rather immature raspberry at the question, “What else do you store in a kitchen? Certainly not cannons. I’ve been in way too much trouble with the Cakes over that this week as is!”
You start to question the mare, but before the words can escape your lips, your stomach does all the talking for you. The vile beast that lies waiting in your belly roared in indignant pain. “Waffles. Slightly greasy. And a bag of ice for my hangover?”
The pink blur of a mare got back to work, leaving you to sit down at the nearest clean table. Placing your chin down upon it was the sweetest relief you’d felt since you woke up. The cold, metal table soothed your jaw’s previous injury from your stupid wings. Your forehead felt the same sensation. You opened your eyes to take note of the bag of ice already perfectly balanced on your head. The ship’s chef, however, was still working away at all the foodstuffs she’d been cooking.
Heaving out a sigh, your thoughts went back to your apartment in Canterlot. Had you forgotten to turn the stove off before you went out? Had you forgotten to lock the door? What about your irate landlady? How would she react to you taking a ‘vacation’ when you owed her well over two months of rent? By Celestia’s flaming menstrual cycle, you were going to be keel-hauled and gutted once you got back!
Before you were given a chance at forming your last will and testament, your nose was filled with the scent of buttery, syrupy goodness. You were surprised that in the minute you’d spent glumly moping at the table that a stack of no more than four multi-colored waffles had finished cooking. Pinkie Pie stood nearby, smiling brightly and eagerly watching you. She clearly wanted you to try them before she got back to- as you looked around, it seemed she’d finished cooking everything. However, a maelstrom of a mess littered the kitchen aside from the islet of the table.
Holding the ice pack on your head with a hoof, you pick up a fork and stab into the magnificent looking breakfast. Upon taking a bite of the cake, your tastebuds erupt in bliss. Or perhaps that was the burning sensation of throwing steaming hot cakes formed in a heated iron into your gullet before thinking about the consequences. Either way, you continue chewing and enjoying the waffles despite their heat, eventually finishing the final one with a half-burned tongue and filled stomach.
You start to compliment your cook, but the words die in your throat upon remembering your distaste for the mare’s torrential use of words. You opt to instead give the pink mare a small smile and a nod the moment you hear her ask how they were. Hopefully you can slip away from her soon enough. Even dealing with that orange mare with the Ponyville accent would be preferable to this. You quietly walked out of the galley, shushing Pinkie Pie as she tried talking. You couldn’t tell if she’s hurt or not by this action, but the moment her expression fell, you simply pointed to the icepack still on your head.
As if it were some grand realization, she gave you a wink and pantomimed zipping her lips. However, you did a double-take as her hoof emitted the sound of an actual zipper. Either way, you made yourself scarce from the galley. You instead began your one true love: taking care of machines. And, since you were on one giant machine, your demeanor grew generally happier! Who couldn’t be happy at the dulcet tones of the engine roar, or watching the gears and cogs move in time in a complex, harmonious dance?
Your hangover started to clear up as you wandered about the ship, making your way to the engine room. And there they were: a set of the latest engines in aviation. The product name for them was the Gemini III. The twin engines roared and rumbled with absolute power, both fueled by a single, giant crystal embedded into the floor. The enchanted gem had a specific purpose: to take in lightning, via unicorn or pegasus magic, hold it, and power the engines with it. You had honestly never seen an enchanting gem of this size before, nor had you seen the Gemini III outside of a showroom floor.
Your only guess as to why the mares on board even had a ship of this high quality was due to the Princesses chartering it for them. You had to ask yourself why. Where were they going that they needed an airship of this high a quality? Better yet, how did they manage to stock up on everything in the storeroom, yet forget to bring a proper engineer along? Was it Celestia’s student being arrogant about her abilities as a captain? Or was it simply that they truly had forgotten?
You took note, however, of a wrench lying on the floor of the engine room. Appalled, you picked the tool up, holding it in your hooves. Upon inspecting the room, you soon realized why there weren’t more lying around: all the nuts and bolts you could see were of a uniform size. However, you weren’t given much time to marvel at the idea before your ears were filled with a high pitched screech. Instead of jumping like a scared filly, you simply started looking about the room for the source of the noise.
You waltzed over to a series of valves and levers, cooing at the poor, unattended pipes attached to them. “Poor girl… They haven’t even looked at the gauges down here, have they?” You cooed to the ship, affectionately turning the knobs and attending to its needs. However, the whistle didn’t seem to stop. One of the pipes was emitting the sound, from what you could gather. Placing an ear against the offender, you could hear the source of its woes. Holding your wrench in one hoof, you raise it above your head and smack the nut holding the two pipes together. The noise ceased, and you gently tightened the nut back into its proper place.
Once you had managed to give the poor ship a bit of relief, your heart beat intensely as you renewed your love of machinery! Thus you began your new quest: taking care of this wonderful airship before this ‘crew’ could tear the poor girl apart! You began busying yourself with every last bit of maintenance you could, from tightening loose bolts, to charging the engine, to repairing faulty mechanisms, to even the simplest diagnostics throughout the ship. By the time you’d finished repairing the galley’s sink your hangover had nearly cleared itself up. To be honest, you hadn’t seen too much of the mares on board below deck. Even if their journey only began earlier that morning, you couldn’t help but feel as if they had neglected to properly maintain this beauty of a ship.
You wonder for a moment if they even checked the ship’s status before heading out. What utter nonsense! Anypony worth their salt as a captain would at least check the ship before putting the crew at risk! Though, you’d never heard much about Celestia’s favored student getting any schooling in aeronautics. You start a long, angry march through the vessel to the deck, avoiding the mares onboard once you reached the deck. You quietly made your way up to the Captain, holding your newly acquired wrench with your wing for safekeeping.
“Excuse me.” You called to the mare in a surprisingly calm, level tone of voice. “You have noticed the state of disrepair this ship is in, haven’t you, Captain Sparkle?”
Whatever happy conversation she was involved in, the mare grew silent. She simply gave a surprised, almost shocked inquiry, “W-what?”
You couldn’t help yourself. Your hoof hit your face with a loud echo, leaving only pain against your forehead. “Did you do the necessary checks on all the ship’s systems before you headed out? I’ve had to repair pipes in the engine room that were squealing, tighten seven different bolts that were falling from the walls, charge the engine myself after catching a cloud with a net out of one of the portholes, rebalance the gyroscope and check the barometer in the navigation room, and fix three different leaky pipes under the galley’s sink.” You listed off to the unwitting unicorn, unabashedly unimpressed with her blunders.
“I thought that the crew of the ship was-“ the mare grew silent as you pointed a wing to her friends mulling about on the deck, save for the rainbow maned one flitting about around the clouds that passed by. “Oh.” You swore that the captain gave the cutest bashful grin upon realizing her mistake. But you held strong. You couldn’t let this airheaded lass destroy this ship with you riding on it.
“Ma’am, I’m going to go back to checking everything to be sure we all don’t crash and burn.” You stated firmly to the captain.
She gave you a nod before calling out to you, “I’m sorry if I was rude before by forgetting, but what’s your name?”
You reply simply with your true name, avoiding any nonsense. There was no point beating around the bush with the student of royalty. You take note of her nod before giving her your much favored nickname, “But call me ‘Ratchet.’”
You carry your wrench in your mouth after, approaching the barrels secured to the deck. There you found a rope. What was so special about this rope? Why did you need it? Well, the answer was simple. You fastened it around your waist and to the barrels. Next would have been suicide if not for that rope: you hopped over the guardrail and got to work checking all the bolts on the hull, dangling against the ship like a barnacle on one of its seafaring cousins.
Of course, it certainly wasn’t as dangerous as a unicorn or earth pony in the same position. Clouds parted as they scraped against you and the hull, sending chills up your spine from the condensation held within each and every one. It seemed the local weather team of this area had a storm in mind down below. Nonetheless, you idly tapped each bolt you came across, giving each and every one of them a few turns to be sure. The minutes passed by like seconds with the monotonous task, even as you finished the other side of the hull.
By the time you’d returned to the deck, it was somewhere in the afternoon from your guess. Your stomach growled again, and your head only had the dullest of throbbing sensations. With your hangover cleared, and your appetite renewed, you sauntered back to the galley, effectively ignoring Captain Sparkle. However, you manage to bump into something small and purple on the way through the crew’s quarters. You halted your march, looking down in surprise only to find a small green and purple dragon.
“Hey! Watch where you’re-“ the reptile began in a childish voice, before growing silent and staring back at you. “Um, hi?” he waved to you despite your admitted nervousness. A dragon. On a ship powered by a giant gemstone.
“Oh Tartarus no!” You curse in a huff, trotting off away from the creature and back to the deck, leaving him standing with a confused expression. You make your way back to the helm, your expression telling only of anger and disappointment.
Captain Sparkle groaned as you approached, holding the wheel with her magic instead of her hooves, “What is it now?”
“You brought a dragon along! A gem-eating, hoard protecting, fire breathing reptile, which would rather let this ship fall to the ground than pass up that tasty enchanted crystal we have as a power source!” You raise your voice in half shock and half wonder, clearly unable to process the thought that this mare, this ‘captain’, would let such a huge liability on the ship.
“Yes, I did.” She vehemently answered with a furious glare, keeping her voice level, though angry. “He’s my assistant, he was raised around ponies, and unlike most dragons, he has a moral code and sense of ethics on par with some of the best ponies I know!”
“Moral high ground and who he was raised by doesn’t equal strong intrinsic self-control!” You retort quickly and angrily with your voice still raised. However, you were quiet after that, since her expression fell once more. You weren’t quite sure if it was guilt, regret, or perhaps melancholy on her face after that. It seemed as though you’d struck a nerve, or at least stated a very good point.
The mare was silent as she released the wheel with her magic, holding it instead with her hooves. The silence grew eerie as you stood a respectable distance away from her. At long last, it was broken by a sigh, “I’ll put a lock on the engine room. You and I both will have a key to it. As long as somepony’s in there, though, keep the door open.”
You gave a polite bow before walking away. However, you could have sworn you heard several other hoofsteps scurrying off below deck. It was probably just that Pinkie Pie character doing whatever it is she does when not cooking. “And Captain?” you called to the unicorn before getting out of earshot.
“Yes?” The purple unicorn wearily replied, surely tiring of your presence after that dispute.
You smirked a bit and tilted your head back toward her, “Have somepony relieve you from the helm soon. I don’t think your friends would like it if you overworked yourself.” You weren’t entirely sure what kind of response that drew out of her, but you could certainly imagine the many shades of red her cheeks could imitate as you waltzed back toward the galley.
You knew for sure that this little trip would be interesting at the very least. However, your hopes for your sanity being kept and avoiding physical injury were at an all-time low, and the six mares and dragon weren’t going to help any time soon with it. Between a less than stellar Captain, a dragon that could make the airship sink via a midnight snack, and a rather inexperienced crew, this was certainly better than scrounging around Canterlot in search of work.
For now.
