Equestrian Diaries

Dear diary,

That immortal bitch!

I can't believe that Celestia would do this to me. I've been her loyal student for ten years and she goes and sends me to a rat hole of a town. Friendship my ass!

Her sister is breaking out of her moon prison and I tried to warn her but everypony in Canterlot is too fucking prissy to realize it. I decided to humor her and go to Ponyville. Spike was all perky about it but it bummed me out.

I was doing research on Ponyville and they only have one library. ONE LIBRARY! She's sending me to a town of hicks and hippies. And the people, ugh!

This one pony looks like she eats sugar for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sugar... or crack. This other farm filly force fed me apples. Then we have the wench that messed up my do. The ultimate bitch ran the boutique. So at first she's treating me like a dress up doll that went through the spin cycle, then (when I tell her that I'm from Canterlot) I become best friend material. Spike kept drooling over the floor. I didn't even know that he could fly. Don't get me started on that little bitch who thought that she was too good to talk to me. With her birds and shit.

Then when I get home, to the ONE LIBRARY, they all messed it up trying to through me a sucky party. Damn! If I could I would have killed Celestia. Now I have to get the other ponies to help sort out HER family issues. I don't even know why I care.

Twilight Sparkle