A Hundred Horrible Deaths for Rainbow Dash

Number 2

Applejack dug her muzzle beneath the barrel she had just finished rolling into the barn and, with enough effort, managed to tip it upright. “Alrighty, Rainbow Dash,” she said. “You get the first batch, as promised.”

Rainbow Dash was immediately on the ground, hugging Applejack’s leg like a puppy. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Applejack flashed an irritated look, and Rainbow giggled sheepishly as she got back on all fours.

“Sorry,” she said. “I just can’t believe I’m going to finally be able to have some of that sweet, tasty apple cider without having to wait in line for hours.”

“If it really meant that much to ya, ya should’ve asked me the last three seasons! We’re friends, ain’t we? That’s what friends do.”

Applejack grabbed a mug off the ground and positioned it under the barrel’s nozzle.

“Hold it!”

Rainbow Dash rushed up to the barrel and, seemingly out of nowhere, yanked out a mug of her own. It was huge in size, looking like it could fit her entire head and then some. All along the surface, there were wood-carved images of trouser-wearing ponies dancing and kicking each other’s asses while they were raising mugs of their own. She handed this monstrosity over to AJ. “Fill this thing up. I’ve been dying to use it.”

“You’re plannin’ on drinkin’ outta this?”

“Totally.”

“Fine, but it’s gonna cost ya extra.”

Applejack proceeded to fill up the mug. After nearly a minute of salivating in anticipation as the liquid kept flowing (it was seriously a big-ass mug), Rainbow Dash finally got her cider. She held the monster in both her front hooves, grinning stupidly into the sea of froth that had gathered at the top.

Without so much as a thank you, she scuttled backwards, right up against the barn door, and started chugging. There was much to drink, but every gulp was heavenly. She had half a mind to down all of it at once.

Then the barn down crashed down inward right on top of Rainbow Dash. She was smashed into the floor as Pinkie Pie bounced up the fallen door like a ramp and leaped off with ease. Rarity followed closely behind, leaping down with a little more poise. Twilight and Fluttershy came through as well, and soon all four of them were crowded around Applejack begging for cider.

“Alright, alright, settle down, girls,” Applejack hooted. “This barrel ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

Applejack poured a mug for all of her friends in exchange for their bits. When she finally poured herself some, she raised her mug for a proper toast.

“Wait, where’s Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked.

Applejack lowered he mug for a moment. “Ain’t she over by the—,”

Then she noticed the barn door on the floor for the first time. Well, it wasn’t completely on the floor. It was being held up slightly, and she noticed a single blue leg sticking out from underneath.

“Help Rainbow Dash, girls!”

The door was heavy, but the five of them were able to toss the door aside without much effort. There sat Rainbow Dash, her mug down between her legs and her face shoved deep in apple cider. There was no blood or bruises, surprisingly, so it didn’t look like she had literally been crushed. But still, Rainbow Dash was not moving.

Fluttershy pulled Rainbow’s head out of the mug. Her jaw dropped limply, and cider poured out from her mouth and her nostrils.

Twilight put her ear to Rainbow’s motionless chest. “I don’t hear anything.”

Applejack took several steps backwards, eyes agape as a terrible realization took hold of her. “Sweet Celestia,” she whispered. “Rainbow Dash drowned in my apple cider!”

The collective dropping of cider-filled mugs made a hollow clunk echo throughout the barn. It was followed by the loud splash that Rainbow Dash’s head made as it crashed back into the very cider that ended her life.