A Hundred Horrible Deaths for Rainbow Dash

Number 4

Rarity used her magic to wrap the blindfold around Princess Celestia’s eyes. The ponies surrounding her were giggling with excitement.

“Okay, now what?” asked the princess.

Twilight subsequently levitated the pony-tailed pin into the princess’s teeth. “Hold on.”

Pinkie and Applejack proceeded to spin Celestia around a good three to four times. She didn’t look particularly dizzy at the end of it, but she was still waving her head around wonderingly. Many of the ponies in the ballroom had gathered around, fascinated by the thought of their regal princess playing a silly game like pin-the-tail-on-the-pony. Since Pinkie Pie had planned the royal wedding’s reception, crazy things were bound to happen

“Alright, your Majesty,” said Shining Armor. “All you have to do pin the tail on the pony, true to the game’s name.”

“Very well.”

Celestia began walking around the room, tossing her head to and fro.

Rainbow Dash, who had just finished setting up the pony poster, was fluttering in the air watching the princess searching around like a lost puppy. She was so far away from the target that Rainbow Dash couldn’t help giggling.

“Hey, Princess!” she yelled. “You’re super cold right now!”

Then Celestia spun around a little.

“Okay, you’re less cold now.”

She turned and was now facing the target directly.

“Warmer.”

Celestia took one step forward.

“Warmer.”

Another step.

“Warmer.”

The princess broke out into a trot and, eventually, into a full-on gallop as Rainbow Dash continued yelling, “Warmer, warmer, warmer. Warmer! Warmer! You’re ho—“

As Rainbow Dash was impaled and finally screw-drived by Celestia’s abnormally long horn as it pounded into the wall, Celestia felt the poster up against her face and poked the pin where she believed the tail was meant to go. She pulled her horn out of the wall and spun around triumphantly. “Well?” she said. “Did I do alright?”

Nopony said anything. They just watched helplessly as Rainbow Dash, her back to all of them, struggled to pull herself out of the princess’s bloodied horn. But no matter how hard she flailed her hooves, the best she could manage was to spin like a skewer in pure, counter-clockwisified horror.