You journey deeper into the gardens, occasionally stopping and looking around for the cat Celestia owns. Everywhere you trotted, your ears would be filled with the soft crunches of the grass below your hooves, the chirping and thumping pawsteps of little animals, and that weird noise you would always hear when ever you watched an anime scene that took place somewhere outside on a hot summer day.

"Seriously, why are you commentating my every move?" You say, clearly annoyed and confused because your conscience is announcing your every move. "I just said that! And stop doing that person thing, it's bucking annoying."

Bitch, you just jealous of my super sayian swag! Now shut the buck up and keep trotting, you have to find that cat soon, otherwise Princess Celestia'll fire your ass.

"Yea, yea. Calm down you." You say, as you circle around statues in the garden. You look at this one statue, which was a mare standing on both hind hooves with her forelegs kicking the air. You wonder who this mare was, but then stopped caring after setting your eyes on another statue. A very familiar statue.

"So this is Discord, huh? He is one clusterbucking, strange draconequus looking motherbucker." You say, with such a sailors' mouth. But you have to admit, Discord looked like his mother bucked, like, twelve other creatures, and because she took so much love juice, all of the seamen combined and formed him. "No wonder he's the spirit of chaos, his whole body is a walking Ponycasso painting."

You trot away from the statue, now searching for the royal cat in the bushes. With no luck, you decided to search in another area, like that lab-

"I think I'm going to go check in the maze place over there, maybe the cat'll be there."

...Bitch, did you just cut your conscience off?

"Yea, so what if I did? What are you going to do about it? Come at me br-Oof!" Ha, thats what you get. You bumped into the wall of the labyrinth, falling on your ass and hitting your head on a nearby rock. Thankfully, your helmet absorbed the hit and you stood up quickly, looking around too see if anypony saw you.

"Thank Faust nopony saw that. Now, lets go find the princess' dirty pussy!"

...Really?

"Damn straight. I don't mean it of course."

Sure you don't. Anyway, you trot into the labyrinth, walking deeper and deeper into it, searching every corner you could possibly find, and the damn labyrinth was, like, 90% wall of hedges and the 10% of it was just the dirt path. Eventually, you found yourself in the center of the labyrinth, surround my six statues: Three butterflies as one statue marked "Kindness," one with a cloud and a three colored lightning bolt labeled "Loyalty", one with three apples marked "Honesty", another statue with three diamonds marked "Generosity", one with three balloons marked "Laughter," and in the center of the five was the sixth statue, a six pointed star labeled, "Magic."

Curious, you trot up to the Magic statue, getting a closer look of it. When you reached the ledge, you noticed a small carving on the statue.

"C+T.S.? Who are these two?" You say out loud, raising a brow at the mysterious carving.

*CRUNCH!*

You were dead silent, but instinctively spun around and narrowed your eyes all around you. You looked around, slowly moving your neck around and opening your ears wider so you can sound-whore your way to safety. You trot slowly in a circle listening carefully to the noise around you.

"Who's there?" You asked with a forceful tone.

*CRUNCH!!!*

You turn around again, looking at a nearby bush, rustling quietly. Since you had no weapons with you, you picked up a rock and tossed it at the bush. When nothing came out, you dropped your guard a bit and sighed.

"Must be hearing things agai-"

If there is anything that can scare the shit out of you, it is getting attacked from behind. Especially surprise butt sex. Thankfully, you only felt your flank being grabbed.

"WHAT THE FLYING BUCK?!"

Still, being groped from behind both scared you and angered you. Turning around, all you saw was a small puff of smoke.

"Buck this, I'm out." You said, galloping away. Now, some ponies would think it 'll be wiser to just follow the path they took, but not you, you did what anypony would have done if they were trapped in a labyrinth with grass walls.

You went Juggernaut on those mother bucking walls and went right through them while screaming "Ain't no brakes for the rape train!" and finally crashing back to the beginning of the labyrinth. But everywhere you trotted, you could still hear crunches and soft laughter. It reminded you of that one horror-

"Damn it brain, shut up!"

Well buck you too!

"Well excuse me for worrying for my virginity!" You shout in... Wait your still a virgin?

"VIRGIN!? SCORE!!"

"The buck was that?" You say, cleaning out your ear. The noise came from all around, so you couldn't tell exactly where that loud voice came from. "It sounded like Short Fuse but with ten megaphones connected to his vocal chords."

Damn straight, that was loud as-

"Virrrrrrrgiiin..."

"The buck was that?"

You look around, and noticed how cloudy it became. It gave you an unsure feeling, so. like a stallion, you galloped full speed into the castle, closing and locking the the door.

"Sweet Celestia, that shit was scary as buck." You say, leaning on the door. "I am NOT going back out there!"

"Oh? You are back?"

You almost jumped out of your skin as you looked up and see Princess Celestia smiling at you. It was now or never, you have to tell her that you could not find her cat. The worst she could do is send you to the moo- You know what, never-mind.

"You look awful, my loyal subject. I there something on your mind?" The princess said, with a hint of suspicion. You gulped, trying to tell her.

"Yes, your highness. I am truly sorry, but...I could not find your cat." You look at the ground, sighing sadly.

"Congratulations...You passed the test, private."

You look up, dumbstruck. "Forgive me if I am being rude princess..but what are you talking about?" She looks down at you, then wraps you under her wing, very closely, making you blush.

"You see, most new guards would try to weasel their way out, but you, my little pony, told the truth. A guard must be honest, and you have passed one out of six tests."

"Six tests?" Before you could ask any more questions, the princess removed her wing from your back.

"My, my, would you look at the time? Off to bed my little pony." You look outside, and your jaw almost dropped when you saw that the moon had already risen.

"I was gone for ten hours? Since Eleven p.m.?"

"Yup, now, come. Lets go to your room."

"Such...Beauty!"

You were honestly expecting another bunk bed, with one bathroom and maybe an alarm clock.

But this is what you expected. What you really got, was a king size bed, a 50 in. flat screen T.V with three game stations: The Neighstation 3, the Trotbox 360, and the Wii horseshU. You even had a mothabucking mini fridge, a mini fridge!

"I love it!"

"I knew you would." Princess Celestia said, looking at you. "Enjoy your room, my pony, have a good night as well." You thanked her before she left as she closed the door. You wanted to play some games, but you were really tired, so you hopped into bed and turned of the lights.

Before you closed your eyes, you noticed a rather large bear, sitting in a corner. "What is it with the princess and bears?"

Your conscience does not know, just go to sleep.

With that, you drifted off to sleep comfortably, saving energy for the next day.

Author's Note

This chapter was a bit longer than I expected. I stayed up from 11:00 P.M. to 3:00 A.M typing this on my Ps3. I hope I made you guys laugh, and please, if you do favorite this story and like it, please like it.

Have nice day/night!