Chapters Rainbow Dash and Flaky in: Dimension Jumping
Twilight Sparkle sat in her library, reading a book, as her friend Rainbow Dash walked in the door. She took off her saddlebags and set them on the end table by the door.
"You wanted to see me, Twilight?" asked Rainbow.
"Indeed I did. I made a new discovery, and, seeing your obsession with 'being awesome'..." Twilight began.
"Hey! It is not an obsession! It's a hobby," interrupted Rainbow angrily. Twilight rolled her eyes.
"... I think you'd enjoy this. Watch!" she said and cast forth a spell from her horn. A pink field of light appeared in front of the duo. A picture of an office in ruins was made fully visible inside it.
A woman who looked to be in her late twenties in a white and orange jumpsuit had a white gun that had an orange and a blue sack of liquid on the back of it. She fired it at a patch of white on the high up wall, producing a circular blue field of light on the wall. She fired the gun and another formed below her, but it was orange. Both fields opened to reveal a view out of one thru the other. She jumped thru the orange and ended up on a platform.
She re-fired the blue light field at a distant slope, and jumped off the platform into the orange light field and went flying at a certain room. The room contained broken televisions, moldy desks, rolling chairs, and a control panel with a bird's nest on it. Inside the bird's nest was a bird pecking a potato battery. The potato battery began to speak.
"Oh hi. You're - ow - good at murdering things, why don't you - ow - murder this bird for me? You put that idiot in my body, and he has control over the entire facility. Unless you are willing to saw your own head off, and stick it in the machine, I suggest we... ugh, work together. No tricks, this potato only creates 1.1 volts of energy, I literally don't have the energy to lie to you." it said in a robotic female voice. The woman shooed the bird and set the potato on her gun. Loud cranking noises could be heard, and a button sprang forth from the bird's nest. A loud cranking could be heard. "Oh, thanks. What did you... wwwooaahhhh... Does this dual portal gun have an electrical charge? Nevermind. It must have magnesium in it."
The light screen faded and returned with another image.
Three young boys stood in the middle of a cul-de-sac. One was short, with a flat head that had three strands of hair coming from it. He wore a yellow shirt with a magenta stripe horizontally cutting thru the middle.
Another was of medium height, wearing a black beanie that slightly resembled a sock. He had on a red t-shirt.
The last was the tallest, with outward wall eyes. He had on a red and white striped shirt with a green coat unzipped over it.
The one with a beanie spoke to the shortest. "Eddy, the children finally accept you, why try to scam them?"
"Clamp it, sockhead. I'm not scamming them. I'm going to earn money the old fashioned way," said the shortest, Eddy, apparently.
"You're going to get a job?" asked the one with the beanie, expectantly. Eddy shook his head.
"You're going to harvest the souls of the mortals and return them to the massive alien overlord?" asked the tallest. The other two boys shot him a glance. "It happened here, in Tales Of The Evil!" he said and pulled a comic book from his jacket. The beanie wearing one snatched it.
"Ed! I've told you about these comics! They rot your brain!"
"Aww... But Double D!" complained Ed. Double D made a zipper out of his mouth.
"Shut it, you two!" complained Eddy. "We... Are going to volunteer at the local animal shelter!"
"A, that's working, and B, volunteering doesn't pay," corrected Double D.
"B, they are, and A, we won't. I've done it before. You just sit around petting animals," said Eddy. The others looked skeptical, so he added: "They have chickens."
Ed popped up. "Chickens! I love chickens! Oh, please Double D, may we go?" he got down on his knees and made puppy dog eyes.
"Fine. But I'm doing actual work!" settled Double D.
The picture faded and went to a robot with blue eyes and a gray body was pounding his head next to a green alien with no ears, antennae, and red eyes sat in a room. A giant painting of a green monkey was mounted behind them. A television was displayed in front of them. A picture of an irate monkey came onscreen. The robot stopped pounding his head and paid attention to the screen.
"Ooh, it's the Angry Monkey Show!" he said and stared at the picture for a couple of minutes. The alien became impatient.
"How long does this go on?" he asked, irritated.
"Thirty minutes. Now shhhhhhhh," commanded the robot. A knock on the door came.
"Gir!" yelled the alien. Gir jumped up and saluted, eyes flashing red.
"Yes sir!" Gir said in a deeper voice.
"Door!" the alien commanded as he put in contacts to make his eyes look human and put on a wig. Gir put on a zip up green dog costume, with a sewn on mouth with a felt tongue sticking out.
A human boy was at the door, with a camera in his hand. He had on a pair of night vision goggles, and his zig-zag hair pulled back.
"Dib!" shouted the alien, recognizing his arch-nemesis. He pointed a finger at him.
"Zim!" shouted back Dib. "I'm going to find proof you're an alien!"
"There is no proof!" shouted Zim. He started a slapping match with Gib.
The picture faded out again, to reveal a man in a full red and black jumpsuit in a room with a blind old woman.
"What do you suppose I do today, Blind Al?" asked the man. Blind Al looked mildly shocked.
"You've never asked me that, Wade!" she replied. Wade struck a pose.
"I don't really give a shit! Hyaaa!" he yelled and did a karate kick. He walked out the front door of his apartment and his phone went off.
"Hello, this is Deadpool, Merc with a Mouth, excluding the X-Men Origins Wolverine movie, how may I help?" he said in a low voice. Reed Richards was the Caller I.D., Wade noticed. "Reedy! How're you doing?"
"Fine myself. Look, I was building a ray that would make an enemy have bad ideas, and suddenly a flash appeared and the gun was hot, so I sat down to read until it was time to pick up Sue from her martial arts class. I was wondering if you would watch Franklin and Valeria while I was gone?”
“What about H.E.R.B.I.E.?”
“Well, the one that’s supposed to baby sit is…”
“Missing?”
“Yeah.”
“Probably needed in another story arc. What about Benjy?”
“Off with She-Hulk, Ant Man, and Medusa.”
“Rawr. She-Hulk. The Future Foundation?”
“All children by this point.”
“Power Pack?”
“Alex is in the Future Foundation, Julie graduated from Avengers Academy, I think, she might be still taking classes, Katy is… well, I don’t know, and I don’t know about Jack. Friday’s in the shop, and Kofi is back on Kymellia, and that’s it.”
“Okay, I’ve worked with Katy and Friday, I have a vague understanding of Kofi… but who the hell are Alex and Julie?”
“Zero-G and Lightspeed.”
“Okay, got Lightspeed… but…”
“Powerpax?”
“Ah! Powerpax!”
“Yes. Now, will you do it?”
“Do I get paid?”
“By the hour.”
“Make it half an hour. I charge five dollars per it.”
“Fine.”
“Do I get to shoot things?”
“If you’re lucky. I have to go now. You get over here.”
“Haulin’ ass! El eight are."
"Did you just..." *beep*
"Shifty elastic band."
The picture wavered to show a blue anteater with glasses and a pen protector, a green squirrel that had a lazy eye and was covered in candy, a green bear wearing army gear, and a deer wearing mime clothes in a library.
"Now this one I find most peculiar." said Twilight.
"Peculiar?" asked Rainbow.
"Strange. If you have a weak stomach, you have been warned. But you have to watch."
The mime began to sharpen a pencil very squeakily. The army bear walked up to him, and pulled out a machete. The mime looked very scared, but the bear sharpened his pencil with it. Frustrated, the army bear plopped down behind a desk. The squirrel and the anteater crept towards the door, and pushed it open. Much to their dismay, it set off a fire alarm. The bear pupils shrank and bulging veins popped from his head. He grabbed two sharp pencils and jumped on the ceiling.
The anteater was running around frantically. Still attached to the ceiling, the bear shoved the pencils thru the back of his head, impaling his eyes. The bear began to laugh insanely.
The squirrel started for the door, but the bear knocked him out with a book. When the squirrel came to, his hand was in a pencil sharpener. The bear began to turn the handle, and the squirrel was ground up into meat and blood, leaving only a stray hand.
The bear walked up to the mime deer and took a piece of paper. He cut the deer’s eye with it, then began to cut him to pieces with more paper.
A nervous red porcupine with dandruff walked up to the desk with a book. The still insane bear stamped it with the squirrel’s leftover hand. The porcupine screamed and fainted.
Rainbow Dash threw up off to the side. Spike began to clean it up, accompanied with many rassum frassums.
“Sorry. But watch. No more violence for now!” promised Twilight.
“F-f-fine…” Rainbow decided and looked up. The characters stood in their positions, as if frozen, then regenerated and left. Now all that inhabited the library was an orange monkey that had on a robe with four red dots on his forehead and a panda with a baby. “Woah.”
“It would seem everypony here is… invincible. I watched this world for a while now. They die in various ways. Impossible ways. For instance, a pink chipmunk put on a wet sweater in the sunlight. The sun shrank it and popped her head off. Or a bear dad had his bear son stuck in a sink, so he pulled it out with his truck, taking the wall with him. The wall followed his truck down the street and splatted that red porcupine you saw a bit ago,” went on Twilight. Rainbow felt nauseous.
“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked. Twilight ignored her.
“They each have ironically cute names. That anteater was Sniffles. That squirrel was Nutty. There’s a yellow bunny named Cuddles, and that chipmunk I mentioned earlier is named Giggles. That porcupine’s name is Flaky, see, because of the dandruff. I know this because I can access all the information about each dimension.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” repeated Rainbow.
“You will be visiting these worlds.”
“What?! NO!”
“I was worried you would be too scared. All right. I’ll send myself.”
“No, no! I’m not s-scared…”
“Then you’ll do it?”
“Well… what if I die in the animal world?”
“You won’t. I will be sending you in a different way. You can interact with them, just not physically.”
“Alright… Alright…”
“In each dimension, you should collect two inhabitants.”
“Why?”
“I… can’t tell you now. Oh, take these!”
Twilight threw her three metal pieces with a meshed tips on each.
“What are they?”
“They are magically enchanted. You stick this end in your ear, and into this end. I can talk to you, you can talk to me. The other two are for the two inhabitants you pick up. You ready?”
“Yes.”
“Very well. You will be going to this world now,” Twilight pointed to the animal world. Rainbow gulped. “According to my readings, it is named Happy Tree Friends.”
“What was that about irony?”
(cue theme )
Rainbow Dash and Flaky in: Dimension Jumping
Rainbow Dash felt a prick of minor pain, and passed out. Not due to the pain, but a minor side effect of the spell used to send her astral form to the dimension. When she awoke, she was outside a building. It was daytime. A red porcupine walked by. Rainbow Dash flew up to her and began to talk.
“Flaky, right? Well, I need you to come with me,” she demanded. Flaky gave her an odd look, and shrank away. “You’re worse than Fluttershy! C’mon, just talk to me!” Flaky ran away, leaving bits of square dandruff in her wake.
“I forgot to mention. Flaky is really scared of everything,” informed Twilight. “Also, they don’t speak Equestrian. Try listening in to their language.”
“Alright…” decided Rainbow hesitantly. A yellow rabbit walked by with a pink chipmunk. Rainbow Dash recognized the two as Cuddles and Giggles.
“Wa wab wub wa ma, ma wa sal sa, wa va nana!” said Cuddles.
“Fa ra dub wab wa a nub wub!” laughed Giggles.
“Now try talking,” suggested Twilight.
“Fa wa dasa?” asked Rainbow. She looked down at her muzzle and screamed. “Wahh ae ara!”
“Aaf fao ea?” asked Cuddles. Rainbow Dash could understand them! He had asked if she was alright!
“Yeah, just… getting used to the new language. Could… are you Cuddles?” Rainbow asked Cuddles.
“The one and only!” he responded. Rainbow sighed with relief.
“Good! You may not believe me…” she began.
“He believes anything…” Giggles assured, annoyed.
“Look, Lumpy had me really convinced with that TV!” Cuddles argued.
“…but, I’m from a different world,” finished Rainbow, not pleased with her final product.
“As in aliens? You sure look weird, on all fours,” asked Giggles.
“No, different dimension. Ain’t that right, Twilight?” corrected Rainbow. The communication device crackled.
“Well, if he doesn’t believe you…” came Twilight’s voice.
“And you need me ?” asked Cuddles, excitedly.
“You, and a certain ‘Flaky’…” decided Rainbow Dash. Her knack for determination had her sights set on Flaky.
“Flaky’ll be rough. We should get started,” decided Cuddles while nodding. “Come with us. You know me, I’m Cuddles, this is my girlfriend, Giggles, and you are?”
“Rainbow Dash. You can call me Rainbow,” responded Rainbow Dash. She began to fly next to them.
“Wow. You have wings?” asks Cuddles. Rainbow nods.
“Does everybody have wings were you come from?” asks Giggles. Rainbow looks confused.
“Everybod y? Never heard that one before. Well, um… some have horns, too, and some with no extra parts.”
“For instance, I’m a unicorn, so I have a horn,” clarified Twilight. Giggles nodded. An orange bear walked by. He had a tool belt on, but no arms.
“’Sup! Haven’t seen you around, horse… thing… You new?” he asked. “I’m Handy.”
Rainbow had to stop herself from laughing. “I’m… *snigger* Rainbow Dash.”
Handy made a desperate attempt at a wave. He grew frustrated and made a face, grumbling “Damnit”.
“Ignore him. Ah. We’re here,” said Giggles. A tree with windows and a door stood in front of them. “Welcome to my humble abode. Now don’t go inside. I’m turning in for the night.”
“Really? It looks daylight!” argued Rainbow as Giggles walked in her house.
“Well… you know, the thing might happen,” she said quietly and peaked her head out the door.
“What does she mean?” asked Rainbow.
“She means when they all die horrible deaths,” responded Twilight plainly.
“Yeah. That,” said Giggles. A blue Palawan flying squirrel flew past at such high speeds, Giggle’s entire house was uprooted, leaving behind only her head with a spine hanging out the bottom. A door flew down and cut her head in half. Rainbow Dash threw up, again, and she and Cuddles ran in the opposite direction.
“So, *pant* we shoud *pant* get to Flaky?” asked Cuddles. Rainbow began to fly.
“You’re slow!” Rainbow pointed out. “And winded easily.” She pulled back and came to a trot. “I think we’re safe from the super-hero squirrel.”
“That’s Splendid. Super-klutz is more like it. He’s killed Giggles ten times over,” grumbled Cuddles. Rainbow made a face.
“So, where can we find Flaky?” she asked.
“Well, she’s usually cowering in her house. Or taking some class on how to stay safe. Good luck to her, it’s taught by Splendid,” Cuddles began counting on his fingers.
“Well… We should check her house. We just saw Splendid,” reasoned Twilight. Cuddles cupped a hand over the bottom of his giant ears.
“Could you turn that up? I can barely hear him!” he squinted.
“That’s a her, and it’s so loud it’s hurting my ears. Sorry,” Rainbow explained. Cuddles squinted.
“Sorry, lady.”
“S’alright. Crappy sound quality.”
“Alright, here we are!”
“Flaky’s house?”
“What’d she say?”
“She said Flaky’s house,” responded Rainbow.
“Oh yes, that’s… here!” he said and pointed to a regular house. He went up and knocked on the door. “It’s me. Cuddles. And I have a friend.”
“Give him the ear device,” whispered Twilight. Cuddles turned around.
“What’s she saying now?” he asked. Rainbow held out the transmitter in her hoof.
“To give you this. You put it your ear,” she said. He nodded and stuck it in the bottom of his ear.
“Testing. Do you read?” came Twilight over the line. Cuddles nodded.
“Got it. Okay, you are obviously a woman. I feel bad,” he said and shook his head.
“H-he-hello?” asked Flaky as she peaked her head around the door. She saw Rainbow Dash and rushed back into the house with a loud “AACK!”
“Flaky!” whined Cuddles and sighed. “Get out here.”
“Wh-what do you want?” she asked.
“Your help,” said Rainbow, trying to be caring. “C’mon, please, we need you.”
Flaky laughed nervously. “Yeah right, that’s what Flippy said!”
“That’s that military bear we saw earlier,” said Twilight.
“She really does! Us dying makes her throw up, I hardly think…” Cuddles shook his head and peaked his head inside
“You get nauseous too?” Flaky asked and opened the door all the way.
“Flaky, I’m Rainbow Dash,” greeted Rainbow and stuck out her hoof. “Shake it.”
Flaky did and said. “What do you want my help with?”
Rainbow handed her the transmitter. “Twilight’ll tell you. Put this in your ear, like Cuddles.”
“Splendid says…” Flaky began.
“Splendid is an idiot! You have to hear this,” demanded Cuddles.
“I-if you insist…” said Flaky and stuck the transmitter in her ear. Cuddles nodded. “I’m in.”
A sizzling came over the transmitter.
“Alright. Hi, my name’s Twilight, I will be your leader, per se. I’ve been watching yours and many other worlds for many a week now. Our mission? To explore each to assemble a team against an upcoming evil I fear may be our fault. Er… my fault. Any questions?” Twilight explained.
“Er, yeah… What upcoming evil?” asked Cuddles.
“All I can tell you now is that it’s a villain from each of our worlds, coming together to, well, take over each other’s mutual dimensions.”
“Wh-what? Um- er, I heard about get-getting back… Is it dangerous?” asked Flaky.
“Naw!” assured Rainbow. A flash of light filled the trio’s vision, and they awoke in Twilight’s library.
Rainbow Dash and Flaky in: Dimension Jumping
Welcome to Ponyville, Part 1: Flakyshy
“Hello, Cuddles, hello, Flaky, welcome to Equestria,” greeted Twilight. Cuddles rubbed his head.
“Ma sa wa awed sa wa?” he asked.
“Do I still talk like that?” asked Rainbow. Twilight shook her head.
“Let me get that for you!” Twilight said, and her horn began to glow. The two devices in the animal’s ears glowed and made a crackling noise. “Now try.”
“I said: ‘My head hurts, bad’. You must be the voice in my head!” he looked down at his mouth, surprised. “What the fuck?!”
“You are speaking Equestrian. Out of all of the universes I have examined, yours and one other don’t speak Equestrian. One other is inhabited by a bipedal that goes by both ‘Nikolai’ and ‘Nikorai’. It is very odd. He speaks in a stranger language that the others seem to understand, and they speak Equestrian as well. Quite the oddity. I’ve only picked up one constant phrase: ‘Я пьян, как всегда!’” explained Twilight, not recognizing Cuddles’ vulgarity.
“Any familiar phrases from us?” he asked.
“Only one. That would be: ‘Auf deutsch heilig ficken!’”
“No one has ever said that,” argued Cuddles.
“Out of all of the universes I have examined, yours and two others don’t speak Equestrian,” Twilight corrected herself. “Only one familiar phrase, and that’s ‘Mama mowee.’”
“That… would be ‘I want it.’” said Cuddles
“Hmm…”
“Don’t worry. What about Flaky?” asked Rainbow. “She is still asleep!”
“I’ll get her,” moaned Cuddles and prodded her. “Wakey, wakey, saoespa!”
“What’s say-oh-ee-spa?” asked Twilight. She was taking notes.
“Sleepy head…” responded Cuddles and squinted.
“But it’s Saturday…” mumbled Flaky and shifted.
“It’s Monday. Now get up,” said Cuddles gently and tried to help her to her feet. “C’mon!”
“Mmm… ram sah… GAH!” Flaky sat up abruptly and broke into a heavy sweat. She looked over at the two ponies and miraculously clung to a rafter. “WH-WHO ARE YOU??? WH- oh…”
Rainbow Dash gave her a look. “Get down from there.”
“S-sorry… night terrors… and occasional ligyrophobia… and altophbia-a-AH-HAAA!!!” Flaky stuttered and fell. Rainbow caught her. “A-a-and basiphobia…”
“But we didn’t make a loud noise,” Twilight said, confused. Cuddles and Rainbow gave her an odd look. “Ligyrophobia is the fear of loud noises.”
“Oh, b-but you d-d-did! A loud ‘CRRAKAKSZZZCK’ from the headphones. Or… phone, I guess, there’s only one…”
“Headphone?”
“Yeah. Th-this thing.” Flaky tapped the transmitter. “It’s in your head, and it’s produces noise, so it’s a phone.”
“Wait…”
“Y-yes?”
“What kind of technology is this?”
“Well, what k-kind of battery d-do you use?”
“Battery? I’m a pacifist.”
“No… like… energy source…”
“Magic.”
“Magic? Th-there’s no su-such thing as magic !”
“Sure there is! I’m a talented magician myself!”
“AAAAH!”
“What?”
“I have wiccaphobia!”
“Celestia banish it! How many freaking phobias do you have?”
“152, but that’s beyond the point!”
“I’d say not!”
“Guys?” interrupted Rainbow Dash. “We need to move on.”
“Alright… now, I’ve decided over watching you that… well, I was counting on Sniffles and Russell…” began Twilight
“What? I thought you needed us!” protested Cuddles.
“I never said she did. I said I did,” corrected Rainbow. That was not exactly true, but she did like these two. “I decided for you two to be here with us!”
“Um…” Flaky said. “Will we have jobs?”
“Of course! I believe that Cuddles would be best here, and you go with Rainbow Dash!”
“WHAT?!”
“Yes. I believe you are best fit to go thru each dimensional portal!”
“I have technophobia, and athazagoraphobia…”
“Hey… I know that one, I have it. Don’t worry, Flaky, I won’t forget you!” whispered Rainbow. “But don’t tell anypony, I’m supposed to be fearless.”
“Okay…” said Flaky. “Won’t w-worry ab-about that… But…”
“You won’t be going fast!” assured Twilight. “We just need some certain things.”
“Okay… Fine, f-fine… I’ll do it!” decided Flaky and perked up.
“She prone to peer pressure. Decidophobia,” said Cuddles.
Flaky and Rainbow Dash were walking down an old trail to a cottage at the end of the woods. Flaky began to look very nervous.
“What’s wrong?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Hylophobia,” Flaky said slowly. “It only took one camping trip…”
“Fear of…” squinted Rainbow.
“Forests,” Flaky cowered.
“She does too!” assured Rainbow. “Don’t you worry. That forest… it is kind of… freaky. That’s the Everfree. The critters are uncared for… creepy crawlies everywhere… and the clouds move… ON THEIR OWN! ”
“Th-that’s no-not so bad… I got over my herpetophobia mon-months ago! And what’s so ba-bad about cl-clouds moving on the-their own?”
“You live in a sick, twisted world.”
“Te-tell me about it!”
Rainbow knocked on the door. A loud “eep” and some clanging was heard in the background. A white bunny opened the door, stomping it’s foot.
“Hey, Angel, can we talk to Fluttershy?” asked Rainbow. Angel Bunny rolled his eyes and dragged her to the door.
“Oh… Rainbow Dash, so nice to see you! I was worried about a stranger coming to my door…”
“Yeah, you’re afraid of strangers coming by your door. We heard. Now… Come with me, Twilight and I have something to tell you…”
“Oh! What a cute porcupine!” exclaimed Fluttershy and picked up Flaky. Flaky began to scream. “What’s wrong, little one?”
“Altophbia! Altophbia!” she screamed. Fluttershy nearly dropped her.
“Aah! You can talk!” Fluttershy screamed back. They both went into screaming fits. Angel Bunny slapped them both.
“Thank you. I… got carried away…” said Fluttershy and Flaky in unison.
“Alright… Guys? Let’s get the rest of the six…” suggested Rainbow.
“Alright,” Fluttershy and Flaky nodded.
(cue theme )
