Wilted Flower

Chapter 1:
High-class Hopes

The pressure in my head was like a steel bench vise, the knob slowly being tightened as I winced in pain. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the bedroom ceiling, fighting back the urge to simply flip over my pillow and go back to sleep. The generous hangover from too much of Granny Smith's famous hard apple cider was unbearable, as the room was currently taking a trip on an infinite merry-go-round. The Apple family had a record harvest this year, and in celebration, Pinkie Pie had to throw one of her famous parties. I'll never drink again ran through my mind as I heard the clopping sound of hoofsteps approaching my room, echoing in my ears like gunshots.

"Good morning, Jason. Are you going to get up soon?” Twilight asked cheerfully as she poked her head in. “We have quite a busy day ahead of us.”

“Hmmmph,” I managed to grumble. “Just ten more minutes, for goodness sake. Why don't you have Spike help you?”

“He's helping Rarity with a major crisis—most likely playing pin-cushion again, no doubt.” she giggled. “Besides, you're the only human here, and Princess Celestia said I should study your behavior!”

Fantastic, because I can’t even remember how I got here in the first place...

“Great, the 'guinea pig' routine. Have you no sympathy for letting this poor human sleep off a hangover?” I whined.

“You told me you could hold your liquor! Even Rainbow Dash drank you under the table, and she's a lightweight!”

“Well, you ponies probably have quite a tolerance for that hard cider, but I’m not used to drinking apple flavored kerosene.”

“Kerosene?” she mouthed the word quizzically. “What's that?”

“It's... you know... that liquid which makes things burn, and... never mind. Is there coffee on?” I asked with anticipation.

“Of course; extra strong, just how you like it!”

Thank heavens for that parallel similarity. Coffee:1 Hangover:0

“You're too good to me,” I said with a sigh as I sat up, looking at the healing scars on my body. "I’m truly grateful for your trust, that you took me into your home and helped me get on my feet again. I can't thank you enough.”

“Well, I would do it for anybody! And letting me study you should be thanks enough, I think!” she beamed with enthusiasm. “And remember, it was Fluttershy who first found you in the Everfree Forest. If she hadn't come along and found you, I think the timberwolves or the manticore would have gotten you for sure.”

“Amen to that. She truly does embody the Element of Kindness. And I must say, the doctors here are very skilled—it's almost as though I wasn't wounded at all.” I said, rubbing the healed gash on my arm.

"Doctor Hooves and Nurse Redheart are truly exceptional," she chimed. "They were worried they wouldn't be able to help you, but after studying you more, they realized you're not unlike a pony."

"I still feel bad for freaking out and breaking all that equipment, though. I need to find a way to pay for the damages—not to mention their kindness for actually healing me," I said, rubbing my hands across my head, hoping to massage my headache away.

"I'm sure they understood. I can't imagine how it must have felt to wake up in such a strange place—not knowing what was going to happen. But I think once everyone gets used to you being around more, that they'll warm up to you. Princess Celestia didn't seem to think you're a threat, so that's a start!" she beamed, cracking a contagious smile.

"I'm thankful for that, at least," I said, sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the large bed. "I'd hate to incur the wrath of a powerful goddess."

I slowly eased my way out of bed, my head lightly spinning. Rubbing my eyes and stretching my limbs as far as I could, I left my bed's warm embrace, only to have my bare feet hit the cold wooden floor of Twilight's home. I lightly gasped at the sudden drop in temperature, immediately stuffing my feet into the rudimentary slippers Rarity had fashioned for me, after donning the soiled and torn flight suit that I had been wearing when I first arrived. Time for a new wardrobe, I thought to myself. I'd have to see Rarity sometime.

I made my way downstairs—Twilight eagerly humming as she followed behind. I unceremoniously dropped myself on a cushion next to the kitchen table after grabbing the biggest cup I could find to pour my coffee into.

“So what's on the agenda for today?” I inquired with a bit of hesitation as I blew into my cup to cool my hangover helper.

“Upper-class social interaction!” she beamed. “I want to study how a human interacts with high-class ponies! Princess Celestia suggested it!”

“Fantastic,” I deadpanned as I took a large gulp of coffee. “talking to arrogant, stuck-up people—er—ponies, is just what I was looking forward to today. While we're at it, how about a root canal with no anesthetic,” I added sarcastically. “or better yet, push me down a big flight of stairs.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. “It's not that bad, my brother married a princess, and he does just fine!”

“Yeah, well he's Captain of the Royal Guard. He has to be around uptight ponies all the time,” I reasoned. "why can't we try those tree climbing tests again?" I asked, stopping myself, remembering what had happened the last time, and the near concussion that followed. "Although on second thought, after falling from your library that one time, I think I'd much rather have some social interaction."

If some of the parallels in this world held true to Earth, I thought,the affluent—human or pony—were usually arrogant pricks who would walk over you just to get their next big break.

I looked into Twilight's big purple eyes, and couldn't let a pony like her down. She was the reason Princess Celestia even allowed me to stay here in Ponyville, let alone Equestria. If not for her, I might have been banished to the Everfree Forest.

I let out a long, bated breath. “I'll give it a shot, but I’m not promising you I'll enjoy it.”

Her eyes lit up and she smiled from ear to ear “Yes! I'll get everything ready, and then we can head out to Canterlot!”

“You're not teleporting us, are you?” I asked with immediate concern, mindful of the last time she had teleported us, resulting in my vomiting for hours, a pounding headache, and agonizingly painful cramps—quite similar to the effects of Granny Smith's Hard Cider...

“After what happened the first time?” She asked with concern, as if reading my mind. “We'll take a Pegasus taxi instead.”

Fantastic, I thought. Because flying in an open carriage is so much safer! After Twilight had gotten her necessary supplies and obligatory books, I downed the last of my coffee, put on my worn combat boots, and headed out to test fate once again.

***

It was a short walk to the nearest taxi station, where a yellow Pegasus mare with a snowy-white mane stood waiting for customers. Her cutie mark resembled long, wispy clouds being strewn across the sky.

“Welcome to Sky's-The-Limit taxi service, Ponyville branch. My name is Slipstream, how can I help you?” She asked in a cheerful and polite voice.

“We'd like a non-stop flight to Canterlot, please.” Twilight asked.

'Non-stop flight?' I thought. 'No, I prefer my flight to stop. Preferably at an airport. It's those sudden corn field stops that seem to interrupt the flow of my day.'

“That'll be 20 bits, please,” Slipstream said, shaking me out of my comedic musings as we walked to the taxi. I reached into my pouch, and produced the proper amount, handing it over with a nervous look on my face.

“First time flying?” She asked me as we climbed aboard and took our seats.

“No, just the first time I've gotten into an open carriage that I could fall to my death from at any time, being pulled by a flying pony,” I replied, with no hint of assurance in my voice at all.

“There's nothing to worry about, I'll make sure we arrive safe and sound,” she stated with certainty. “our safety record is second to none! But considering that we're the only air taxi business around...”

My heart dropped to my toes, and my skin went pale as I was filled with worry.

“He'll be fine—won't you?” Twilight asked as she looked at me with a encouraging look.

“Oh sure,” I replied with my best poker face.

I have a feeling I’m going to vomit by the end of the day anyways, so let's just get this over with.

Slipstream set herself in the harness, checked the surrounding sky, and with a short leap and flap of her wings, we were airborne. And I was screaming like a little girl.

***

Flying was always my dream. That's why I joined the Army, worked through the ranks, and eventually went to Warrant Officer Flight Training. All of the training they'd drilled in my head was useless to me in an open cart I had no control over, and with seats that I wasn't strapped into. Not to mention the Pegasus pony Slipstream, pulling aforementioned cart through the sky, while also playing tour guide. I was helpless, and Twilight noticed it in my expression and white-knuckled grip on the front of the cart.

"Are you sure you're doing okay? You don't look so good!" She said with concern.

"Actually, now that you mention it," I rasped. "it's terrible. I'm used to being able to make my aircraft do what I want it to, having total control over it at all times."

I hadn't noticed the possible sexual suggestion until our Pegasus pilot spoke up.

"Sounds pretty kinky!" Slipstream said as she looked back at me with a sly grin and a barely perceptible wink, before turning around to watch where we were going.

My eyes went wide with surprise, and again my heart dropped, this time my jaw following suit. I couldn't believe she had just said that! Various sexual thoughts flew through my mind, making it hard for me to think straight. I shook my head to clear the mental fog out.

"Uh. Not really," I retorted quickly. "it's kind of finicky, and requires a lot of high-maintenance." I added jokingly, to break through the invisible wall of tension.

"Ooh! Just like my cousin Fleur!" Slipstream beamed. "She's a model, and lives in Canterlot with her rich snooty boyfriend, Fancy-something-or-other. I've never been a fan of upper-class society, though." She emphasized the last part, as if she could read my mind too.

"Hey!" she added, "If you run into her, tell her Slipstream says hello! I haven't seen her in ages!"

"I will." I nodded, as our talkative pilot mare banked and descended towards the city of Canterlot.

***

Now, I've seen castles, and I've seen mountains, but nothing like Canterlot. The Royal Castle looks like any castle would: a drawbridge over a moat, large doors, tall towers with ornate spires—bearing an uncanny resemblance to the Orthodox Cathedrals in Russia—and lavish courtyards with gardens. But that's where the similarities ended. This city-castle was built not just on the mountain, but on the side of it, leaving portions hanging over nothing but air and a really long drop. My worries were compounding exponentially, and most decidedly not in my favor. A slight wave of relief came over me as our pilot landed us in a cobblestone courtyard just inside the main gate.

"Canterlot Station!" Slipstream announced as she turned to look at us, slipping out of her harness. "Please remember to remove all personal belongings you might have brought on board!" You have gotta be kidding me. An airline innuendo? I seriously need to start writing these damn similarities down... I thought to myself as I hopped off the carriage, chivalrously helping Twilight down by her hoof.

"Oh. T-Thank you," Twilight stuttered in surprise at my actions. "You're such a gentlecolt...err...man."

"No need to thank me Twi," I replied as I walked over towards our friendly pilot mare, pulling a few bits out of my pouch for a tip. "Here's a small token of my thanks, for a smooth and safe trip." I said, handing them to her.

"Oh, that's not necessary," Slipstream said with a surprised look "You should save your bits and treat your marefriend to a lavish dinner!" She whispered to me with a cheeky grin and a wink.

"Marefriend?" I asked with surprise "Uh...we're not...together" I stated nervously, covertly pointing back to Twilight, who was patiently waiting for me. Why in the world did she think I was dating a pony? I'm an alien in an unfamiliar land. That's the last thing I would think of if the roles were reversed.

"Well, then. If you're ever interested in a free nighttime tour of Equestria's more secluded sights, you know where to find me." She said with a wink and a smile, before turning to walk away. "See you later—stud."

"Did she... just... and...oh wow. I guess the word got out, then" She said with defeated certainty.

"Uh, Twi? What 'word' are you talking about?" I asked with sheer terror and nervousness as we started our trek through the streets of Canterlot, all the well-dressed ponies moving about in their daily business.

"Well," she said sheepishly "Some ponies were asking about what you are, and when I explained that you were essentially the pony equivalent of a 'stallion', on the account of your thing..." Of course, most men's minds at this point would be rocketing toward the sexual implications, as mine already was

I stopped dead in my tracks. "My WHAT!?" I bellowed with shock and a small bit of anger "When did you see my... thing?"

"I...well...peeked while you were asleep the other night. I couldn't resist, even though you told me all about your culture's nudity taboos, my curiosity got the better of me! I'm so, so, sorry!" She blubbered, almost in tears.

I briefly face-palmed. "Look, It's okay," I said, trying to console the Lavender mare about to have a nervous breakdown in front of all the aristocratic ponies. "I'm already over it. Water under the bridge. Next time, just ask me. But if I say no, it means no. Uh... to sate my own curiosity, just who did you tell?"

"Well, I think Fluttershy already had a pretty good idea about it when she first found you, with her experience with animals and all; I think the term she used was 'hairless monkey', but I like 'human' better..."

"Twi, you're digressing" I said flatly as we stared walking again.

"Oh, sorry." she apologized, blushing. "Well, I only told Rarity about it; because she was so determined about the challenge of making you a wardrobe—which led to her interest in your awkward form in terms of measurements. Leading me to mention a few things I probably shouldn't have, looking back on it now..."

Fantastic, I thought. Now Ponyville's resident fashionista and gossip magnet has enough ammo to make the paparazzi jealous. I can only hope she hasn't told anyone else about it. The thought made my stomach turn, but not from the fact that Twilight had snuck a peek—it was because I had to think about sex. In a world full of sapient multi-colored ponies, where I was the only human. Back on my Earth, I could go to jail for acting on such thoughts, but the thoughts were there nonetheless. Only time would tell which direction those thoughts would lead me in.

"Well, I just hope this situation doesn't backfire and cause any problems" I said with an air of hope in my voice.

"Most ponies are very tolerant when it comes to sensitive subjects." Twilight assured me, as we walked through a throng of ponies in tuxedos, top hats, and dresses crowded in front of what looked like a portable stage. On the stage was a light blue unicorn mare, wearing a purple cape and purple magicians hat, each decorated with colored stars. She had a look of determination in her eyes as she addressed the gathered ponies.

"Now, behold citizens of Canterlot, as The Great and Powerful Trixie performs her most amazing feat of magic yet! For this, I'll need a volunteer from my well-groomed crowd!"

"Oh no. Not her." Twilight said with concern and a hint of malice.

"Something wrong?" I asked "You don't sound like you're too fond of her."

"I'm not. Not one bit," she replied, narrowing her eyes. "She's a self-centered, arrogant mare who thinks her magic is more powerful than any other unicorn."

"Is it?" I asked inquisitively, my curiosity piqued.

"Hardly!" Twilight almost shouted "I ran her out of Ponyville after her magic show took a turn for the worse; with the whole Ursa Minor incident."

"A bear?! You'll have to give me all the details later," I said excitedly. "Only if you want to, that is." I added kindly, out of respect for her feelings.

"I will," she replied "but first we need to find my brother. He'll be able to direct us to the more even-tempered rich ponies—to ease your apprehensions, so to speak."

"Thank you for your concern," I said with a sigh of relief "And maybe he can get me a job with the Royal Guard—I need military structure and cohesion. I'm tired of being a 'handyman'. " I added, realizing how cliche the last part sounded.

"Well I can ask, but I'm not sure what he'll think of a human. Plus the training is long and rigorous, but you seem like the type that can handle that sort of thing really well."

"Top of my class!" I boasted with a cheeky grin.

"Now you're starting to sound like Trixie!" she chided as we approached the main doors to Canterlot Castle.

It had been almost a month since I had first faced the large, ornate doors; since somehow being transported to Equestria after my helicopter had been attacked on a covert rescue mission; and asking Princess Celestia for sanctuary in her great kingdom, at Twilight's behest. The doors looked ominous and foreboding then, and still did as I looked upon them now. Two unicorn guards stood stoically on each side of the doors, faces expressionless, eying me with a piercing scrutiny that I could almost feel.

"Halt!" one unicorn bellowed "Nopony is to enter the castle without permission from the Royal Family!"

"I'm Twilight Sparkle, here to see my brother, Shining Armor." she touted.

"Oh, I'm sorry Miss Sparkle," The guard replied "I didn't recognize you. Your brother had to respond to an emergency and he won't be back for several hours."

"Oh, well...Not a problem!" she said cheerfully, turning to look at me with a bright smile. "We'll just have to do this with good old-fashioned leg work!" She added as we turned and began walking back towards Canterlot proper.

"Either way," I stated "I just want to get this over with, so we can get back to doing things that don't involve high-society."

"You're insatiable!" she retorted with a giggle.

"I'm also hungry." I stated emphatically, hearing and feeling my stomach rumbling like a freight train out of control.

"There's a small cafe just down the street." she suggested "I go there all the time when I come to visit Princess Celestia."

"As long as they serve food I can digest, I'm happy." I replied—remembering the time I unknowingly had a meal consisting of dried hay, and paid the ultimate sacrifice to the Porcelain Goddess all night.

"Oh, there's nothing to worry about, this cafe caters to all kinds of different palates!" she assured me with confidence as we approached the cafe in question.

***

As made our way inside the cafe, I noticed the stares the other ponies were giving me; having been too involved in conversation with Twilight before to even be cognizant of it. Most were eying me with confusion, but there were a few who looked at me with intense curiosity. As we made our way to a table, I heard a pair of mares whisper to each other as we walked by:

"Is that the 'human' Miss Rarity told you about? It's so tall! What are those things on its arms?" The first mare asked, with astounding interest.

"I do believe so! Miss Rarity told me that he's a 'man', almost akin to a stallion in every way, save for his hands and feet, much like a dragon's. She even mentioned something about making him a new wardrobe. I can only imagine how he'd look dressed up in a suit and tie." The second mare replied with thought

I tried my best to tune the comments out, but their dialogue had caught my utmost attention, and I inwardly cringed at the name they had dropped... 'Rarity and her gossip.' I thought 'Well, looks like she spared no expense in the detail of my appearance, much like she would with her elegant dresses.' I looked briefly at the mares, and gave them a friendly smile and wave, causing them to lightly blush, and divert their gazes. It seemed that Twilight hadn't heard what the mares had said, and I was grateful for that at the moment. I would need to re-address the "anatomy" situation with her later.

For some strange reason, their words hadn't set off my taboo meter, making me wonder if I was starting to accept the very extreme possibility of an inter-species romance; perhaps it was knowing that I was permanently stuck here, with no way back home.

Sigmund Freud would have a field day if he could see into my mind right now...

With my attention elsewhere, I hadn't noticed the light gray unicorn stallion walking in our direction, levitating a cup of coffee in front of him as he strutted with poise. As I turned my head, I walked clean into him, spilling his coffee all over his well-kempt mane and face.

I was about to get my first introduction to pony high society, and it was going to be a royal pain...