Twilight Gets Drawn In

Twilight found herself sitting in a chair, staring directly at a camera. "What is this for?" she asked.

"That's the confessional, Twilight, you're supposed to tell the audience something you're thinking about," Foxxy stated.

At the bottom of the screen there was a caption which read, "Twilight Sparkle, Magic-using Librarian, Age 22."

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to talk about," Twilight said somewhat quizzically.

"Just say something about your opinion of your current situation, Twilight!" Foxxy said impatiently.

"Okay. I think everypony in this house is too crazy, and I want to find my way back home to Ponyville!"

"I guess that'll work," Foxxy muttered. Twilight got out of the chair and Foxxy sat down in it.

"This purple pony is something else. I'll have to admit she's really cute and all, but I think she's gonna stir up more bad blood with Ling-ling. If nothing else, we can keep her around to do the dishes!"

"I heard that, Foxxy! I'm not going to do the dishes every time they need washing!"

"I was just kidding, Twilight! Can't you take a joke?"

"That had better be all it is!" Twilight shouted as she decided to talk to Princess Clara for awhile. She trotted to Clara's room to find her looking out her open window, a few birds having landed on the sill and chirping in song as Clara was singing to them.

"Princess, I didn't know you had such a way with birds! I have a friend back home who can do that as well!"

"Oh, hi, Twilight. I am quite talented in that aspect -- Nature's beauty is something to behold! Does your friend look something like you?"

"She's a light yellow pegasus, her name's Fluttershy. She trains birds to sing as well," Twilight said in admiration.

"You said earlier that I don't look like any princesses you've seen. Tell me, what do they look like?"

"The Princesses back home are what we call Alicorns -- they have a unicorn horn, like me, but they also have pegasus wings -- and they are also quite a bit taller and larger than me. Princesses Celestia and Luna are co-rulers of Equestria, the land I came from. Hopefully, I'll be able to get back there before too much longer. They're not going to believe what I tell them about THIS place! By the way, is there somewhere I can get ink and parchment so I can take notes and keep a journal? I need to be writing as much down as I can so I can have a written record of my travels."

"Your description of the princesses is quite interesting, Twilight. Ink and parchment? We use pen and paper to write things down here. My daddy, the King, is one to use ink and parchment, but he's quite far away from here."

"I would be interested in meeting your father! I've never seen a King before, at least not a human one. The last King I remember seeing was an evil one."

"What made him evil?"

"He tried to destroy the Crystal Kingdom."

"My daddy would NEVER do something that awful!"

"By the way, what's that little cage over there for?" Twilight pointed at a pet taxi with the name BLEH on it.

"Whenever my cousin Bleh comes over, that's where she sleeps."

"Isn't that a little small for her?"

"She doesn't mind -- at least, she's never complained to ME about it!"

"I hope you don't make ME sleep in there! I'm still looking for a bed for tonight, and I didn't see enough guest rooms."

"Have you checked with Blackie-boo?"

"Who, you mean Foxxy? Why do you call her that?"

"I've given everyone in the house a nickname so I can remember them more easily. Rat, Swine, Big Retard, Little Retard, Blackie-boo, Homo, Fatty Fatty Two by Four Can't get through the Kitchen Door..."

"Toot's not THAT big," Twilight mused. "She's a little chubby, but..."

"You should have seen her when she was at her biggest, Twilight. She lifted the entire refrigerator and emptied it into her gaping maw!"

"Speaking of food, I'm kind of hungry. When do we get to eat?"

"Well, I guess you could get yourself something right now if you wanted -- we generally don't have any preset time for our meals. Sometimes we get deliveries from the Meat Blimp."

"Meat Blimp?"

"They drop meat from it into our back yard. Oh look, here it comes now!"

Twilight looks out the open window overlooking the back yard. About 200 feet above the ground, a blimp flies over and drops various chunks of meat onto the ground. Spanky, Hero, and Xandir grab the meat and take it into the house. Twilight shudders in horror at the sight.

"Something wrong, Twilight?"

"We ponies don't eat meat, Princess. I can eat fruits, vegetables, grain products, bread, and sweets of just about every kind, but meat is forbidden!"

"I'm sure there's probably something for you in the fridge, then -- why not check it out?"

"I guess I'll do that, then. See you later, Princess Clara," Twilight stated as she trotted out of Clara's room. She made her way down the hallway to the kitchen and opened the fridge with her telekinesis. She looked around inside and didn't see anything she could eat. "Did somepony forget about my needs?" she asked no one.

"Twilight, close the fridge and re-open it," came a voice from a loudspeaker in the kitchen. She did this, and when she looked in the fridge again, there were all kinds of vegetables for her to choose from. Using her telekinesis, she selected lettuce, carrots, tomatoes, celery, and green bell pepper. She made herself an impromptu salad and put the food back in the fridge. While she was eating her food, Foxxy love went through the kitchen.

"You on a diet, Twi?" Foxxy asked, giggling a little.

"No, Foxxy, I can't eat meat -- so this is what I could find for right now. I'd like spaghetti, but the sauce will have to be meatless."

"Oh, okay, Twilight. You haven't seen a bag of Funyuns around here, have you?"

"What are Funyuns?"

"Those are snack chips shaped like onion rings, and they come in a big yellow bag."

"Now that you mention it, I did see Toot walk through here with a yellow bag -- I think she might have been headed back to her room."

Foxxy ran towards Toot's room and shouted, "Hey Toot! Them's FOXXY'S Funyuns, not YOURS!"

Spanky came into the kitchen looking for some food. He fixed himself a sandwich and went back to his room, but before he did, he asked Twilight about a possible tequila party.

"A tequila party? What's that?"

"Well, Twilight, that's where we drink shots of tequila to see who can stay sober the longest!"

"Oh, you're talking about alcohol? I generally don't drink, so I don't think I'll be joining in your party tonight."

"No, no, Twilight, you've got it all wrong! Tequila doesn't have any alcohol in it! You'll have fun!"

"Why does part of me think you're lying to me, Spanky? You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

"Who, me? No, no, no! Never! What makes you think I'd do that?"

"Well, okay, maybe I'll join in then."

"Okay, Twilight, seeya later!" Spanky chuckled and made his way back to the main room to watch TV.

Twilight finished eating and cleaned up behind herself, then made her way into the main room. The TV was on and Spanky, Clara, Foxxy, Toot, and Xandir were watching a program. Shortly the program ended, and Spanky spoke up.

"You know what I thought of that program?" Spanky asked, contempt dripping from his words. Without bothering to wait for an answer, he let out a fart that lasted for an entire minute, during which everyone remained silent. The flatulence stopped and stuttered for a few seconds before Spanky finally sat back down on the carpet. "That's what I thought of that program," he said contentedly.

"That was utterly disgusting," Twilight said as she wrinkled her nose. "Princess Luna would admonish you for your lack of manners."

"Well, she's not here, so she can't!" he laughed. "What are you going to do? Chide me for farting?"

"Don't tempt me to use my magic on you! I can give you a small electrical shock or a big one!"

"Ooh, you got a short fuse, don'tcha! I like my women with spunk! Show me what'cha got!"

"Are you serious? You want me to zap you?"

"If it ain't gonna kill me, go ahead! I wanna see what it feels like!"

Twilight lit her horn, allowing a small burst of electricity to flow from it into the pig's body.

"Ooh, that tingles! Very good, remind me to have you do that for me again some time!"

"Maybe I need to increase the voltage," she muttered.

"I'd say the pig deserved that," Clara chuckled.

Just then, the front door of the house was opened as Captain Hero showed up with a cart load of various alcoholic drinks. "Hey, we're going to start the tequila party early today!" Twilight spotted a sombrero atop his head as he wheeled the cart into the house and started distributing bottles to each of the house members.

"Jose Cuervo? Cabo Wabo? Don Julio? Patron?" Twilight asked as she read the bottles.

Foxxy held an empty shot glass in her right hand. "Here, Twi, let me show you how you do this." She poured the clear liquid from the Patron bottle into the glass, setting it down on the table. She sprinkled a little salt onto her left wrist and grabbed a slice of lime, setting it next to the shot glass. She then drained the shot very quickly, licked the salt on her wrist, then bit down on the lime slice. "Okay, Twi, your turn," she said, pouring another shot. "No, you gotta hold your left arm out like this," she said, grabbing hold of Twilight's left foreleg, sprinkling salt onto it. Twilight used her telekinesis to drain the liquid, quickly licked the salt, and using more telekinesis lifted a lime slice to her mouth, whereupon she bit down on it. She nearly gagged on the liquor, which seemed to burn its way down her throat, only to have the lime juice quell some of the burn.

"Spanky told me that stuff had no alcohol in it! Let me zap him again, this time with more power!" she exclaimed in disgust. The alcohol took effect rather quickly, though, making her feel somewhat light-headed. She decided on another shot as the buzzing feeling in her head felt kind of interesting. "Foxxy, pour me another shot, I would like to try that again."

"Sure thing, Twi, here ya go!" Foxxy grinned. Twilight drained the shot quickly, and then another very shortly after that. "You better pace yourself, girl, that stuff will mess you up if you're not careful!"

The party progressed further, with everyone dancing to the loud blaring music, Spanky walking around with a lampshade on his head, and the others cheering Toot onward as she took a bottle and started chugging it, only to fall over and bang her head against the corner of the coffee table, cutting a large gash which bled profusely.

"Oh no she did NOT!" Xandir giggled hysterically. Twilight was mortified by this, but in her drunken state just laughed along with everyone else. With the consumption of more alcohol, her inhibitions were released as her speech became increasingly slurred. Her housemates started engaging each other a little more intimately. Foxxy took this opportunity to indulge herself by giving Twilight a very passionate French kiss, sliding her tongue over Twilight's. Being so drunk, Twilight chose not to resist this affection and allowed it to happen.

"I can't believe you're kissing that pony!" Clara exclaimed. Foxxy ignored her, and Twilight seemed to be a little too happy to care much about it. Eventually, everyone passed out from the over-consumption.

Twilight awoke to find Foxxy wrapped around her body, hugging her fairly tightly. "Ugh, my head! What happened last night? Foxxy, get off of me!" She teleported out of Foxxy's grasp and made her way to one of the guest rooms. She got into the confessional and said to the camera, "I was totally VIOLATED!"

"Now you know how I felt," Princess Clara said, trying to stifle a giggle.