Friday Night Authors Die By The Keyboard

One day in Equestria, Dominic was being trolled. This pissed him off quite a bit. But Adam had a full cup of green tea, a portable extended keyboard and a laptop connected to the mains; it was sort of like an 'Electronic Centipede'. The keyboard was connected to the laptop, the laptop was connected to the mains; and there was a creepy Englishman keeping them all connected. Adam had had enough of learning why he needs blend modes and decided that now would be a good time to write; so he did.

Zenos was (I can type upside down) trotting down the stony pathway towards Cloudsdale. Why was he walking to a city in the sky you ask? Well, 'cus Zenos is tank; as Miles would put it. And because he was so tank he grew wings and flew up to the floating city of which a surton rainbow maned pegasus named Rainbow Dash called home.

If you asked him why he was going to see Rainbow Dash he would say 'Who the fuck are you?' and then fly off. If you asked the author of this fic/novel/book/masterpiece/tale he would say 'Who the fuck are you? It's a surprise!' and then fly off; 'cus he grew wings. And if you asked Ranboy Dish why he was going to see her, she would say

“Why the buck are you here?” asked Rainbow, looking at the now alicorn OC (eat it up Celestia). Zenos pushed his way passed her and into her home. “Because I’m writing a fic and I can't think of anything to write.” complained the tank pony, slumping down onto a fluffy cloud sofa. “But Zen, u l33t, y no think?” asked Scootaloo, being the dodo she was.

“Bitch you is real ho material, you cheating on me, Dom, Scootaloo and Luna; y u no work for me?” questioned Zenos, acting like a choulo. “'Cus Zen, I’ve already got a sugar daddy. Now get your black ass outta' my house, I was going down on this little squirt to make her give me a little squirt.” replied Dash, smirking at her poetic use of grammar.

“Oh no you isn't ho, ah' came here for a reason!” and with that Zenos picked up the mildly horny Scootaloo and pushed her though the cloud floor.

Meanwhile, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were at their shitty little club house. Currently, they were trying to earn their cutie marks by letting Twilight rebirth them; messy.

“Twilight, I don't see how this will get us our cutie marks? What do you think Apple Bloom.” said Sweaty Balls, as she turned to look at her friend/lover.

“America America Ham Apples Apples Apples America tree 34 ham clit angioplasty Breyburn jizz America peanut butter gun licence.” said Yapple Boob, walking up to Twilight.”

“I guess so, but what if-”

“AMERICA!”

“Fine”

Apple Bloom then shoved her foreleg up Twilight's pussy, well; she thought it was her pussy.

“Aahhhh, you little whore!” shouted Twilight as her rectum was penetrated by a hoof.

“Whoops” said Apple Tit as she pulled her shit covered hoof out of Twilight's ass. Her ass was now bleeding and it hurt. Sweetie Belle pushed her filly friend out of the way and stood in front of Twig Light.

“This is how it's done you dumb horse fucker.” said what's her mane as she stuffed her head into the purple cunt in front of her. Twilight screamed in pleasure as he vag lips engulfed the filly. The white bitch was pulled in by a force she didn't know existed; dumb bitch. And was soon entirely eaten by Twilight's mystical cock sock.

Twilight came.

She came so hard that she pushed me into the white house.

“Mr. President, we have an emergency!” shouted the... glasses guy.

“What is it?” questioned Toby.

“There's been a sighting of a black and cyan and white and that kind of lighter black and-”

“Calm down Renaults. What are you talking about?”

“The pony sir. The unicorn! We've seen it!” shouted Renaults

The black dude sat there, a dumb expression on his black face. The white dude stood there, a white guy expression on his white face.

“You mean a real unicorn? Is he dangerous?”

“Yes sir, very”

“Does he give amazing blow jobs?”

“Yes, and also... Wait, what? I, I wouldn't know sir. He's a pony, what are you thinking?”

“Sorry, I’m just a bit distracted at the moment. Can he cast magic?

“Yes Mr. President, we saw him making alterations to the Constitution of America. We now have the right to, as he put it, fuck ourselves.” said Renaults.

“Cool”

“Mr. President this isn't the time for jokes, lives are at stake!”

“Fine, one more question.”

“Fire away sir”

“Does he have a bushy tail that he likes being pulled?”

“No he fuckin' well doesn't!” shouted Zenos, as he popped his head up from behind the presidential desk, a bit of pre cum on his cheek.

“oi, I was enjoying that” said kunta kentie

“Well then don't try and pull mah' tail nigga!” said Zen.

“Mr President, the unicorn!” screamed Renaults, a distraught look on his face, no cum though.

“Mr President, the human!” screamed Zenos, a comical look on his face, and a bit of cum.

Barack hurled a drum at the glasses guy. It hit him over the head and he died.

“Well that was fun, but I gotta' go; bye.” said Zenos, charging up his magic.

“Oh no you don't boi!” shouted the president, throwing a drum at the pony.

Zenos teleported away, narrowly missing the drum of death flying towards him.

Scootaloo was still falling; she had been falling for quite some time; well, for as long as it took you to read up to here. Her attempts at slowing her descent were in vain as her wings were too small to keep her in flight. So she fell and fell, and with some luck (taps of my keyboard) she landed in a small cottage.

“Ow, my head.” Said Scootaloo as she landed on her flank, she didn’t die ‘cus I said so.

The interior of the house was cosy, with a burning fire and a small table on top of which was a plate of… chicken!

‘This monster has killed an innocent chicken, and it planned to EAT it’ thought Scootaloo to herself as she cowered away from the disgusting sight.

“Hello Scootaloo” said a voice from behind the filly.

She turned in fright to see her assailant. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light she discovered who’s home she had landed in. She was terrified. The house was owned by Dominic ‘Blue Square’ Cassidy (only savvy Yanks will know what that means). She had seen his name in the papers, she was scared shitless. Murder, rape, molestation, countertop surgery, torcher and worst of all, midgetisom!

“Please, no! Don’t hurt me, I didn’t see anything!” pleaded Scootapoo, tears welling in her eyes.

“Oh, well that’s a lie” said Dom, talking dauntingly quietly. “I’ve been expecting you.”

“H- how did you know I- I would be h- here?” asked Scootaloo.

“Adam said you’d be in the fic on Friday. And I except fillies as pay for the website thing.” Replied Dom.

“W- what are you going t- t- to do to m- me?”

“Oh lots of things, I’ve watched you reading newspapers of me, you’ve seen my accomplishments. And now, you’re going to become my greatest creation.” Said Dominic, standing up from his seat.

“No! No, please!” screamed Scootaloo, backing up to get away from the human. “You’re- You’re s- so… Short! You’re like 4 foot 7”.”

“Ah, but my dear, soon you will be short as well.” Smirked Dom, walking towards the grimacing filly.

Scootaloo blacked out because of the pastry she ate earlier at Rainbow’s house. Bitch was planning to rape her herself. Zenos saw the whole ordeal through the window. He turned to see Pinkie Pie looking through as well. He turned again to see… Zenos. Zenos stared at Zenos, this was weird.

He continued looking at Zenos, trying to compute the fact that he was staring at his reflection in the window. Zenos’s horn started to glow, Zenos’s did the same. In a split second Zenos and Zenos disintegrated into a cloud of chlorine. They both started attacking each other by smogging their opponent. Pinkie passed out from the poisonous gas; a butcher’s knife lie next to her front hoof.

Somewhere in the French Alps America. 11/09/04

“I don’t see how this is going to work?” said Flash Flood, looking over to Zenos who was now in four places at once.

“Trust me Flood. That twat owes me a lot of sulphur.” Replied Zenos

“But how does putting him at the top of America’s most wanted get him back?”

“Because, I WANT MAH’ SULPHUR!”

“Fine fine, I’ve got the remote ready. You all sorted?”

“Nearly, just a few more crystals and I’ll be set.”

“The Pentagon’s set, got our guys out yesterday. Now hurry the buck up.”

“Removing buildings from existence requires a bit more than a hex Flood. And besides, am’ done.”

Just then a Boeing 747 flew overhead.

“Here we go!” shouted Zenos.

Dominic finished tying the fallen filly to his pack-a-way surgery deck. Scootaloo awoke, her four hoofs bound to the white table. She saw Ramona from The Real Housewives of Orange Country dead on the floor; at least Dominic wasn’t entirely bad. Her eyes then saw a shadow move across the room. This was fucking scary.

“Hello again Scootaloo.” said Dominic James Cassidy, emerging from the darkness. “Me and Lord Satan are pleased that you are awake. We were beginning to fear that you would never arise, and that would have… consequences. We have so much planed for you little one.”

“W- w- what a- are you talking about?” whimpered Scootaloo.

“Why, the festivities of course.”

Just then, Jimmie Savil walked up beside Dominic. Shortly followed by Microsoft Sam, David Beckham, Lois Hamilton, John Kennedy, Philip ‘Pip’ Pirip, Anonymous 7 and Mr Anderson. They all stood together, looking at the filly tied down to the table.

“When are we going to start?” questioned Jimmie.

“Indeed when, I’ve left the copter going?” agreed Sam

“And I’ve gotta’ be at the Playboy mansion in an hour.” complained David.

“The track when David’s off.” said Lois.

*Bang*

“Gentlemen, stop your quims. I am sure that our host shall start momentarily.” motioned Pip, tipping his hat to Dominic.

“HE BETER FUKCIN’ START SOON OR ILL KILL AL U FAGS!!!!?!” shouted 7.

“Where the hell am I?” blurted Neo.

“Boys boys, we’re beginning right now. Just keep her alive and no finishing inside, use the bucket; got it? I need it good and full for later.” announced Dominic, calming everyone/pedo/dead guy/gentleman/cat down.

“Got it” chimed everyone/pedo… you get the idea. Apart from 7, who shouted “YEAH *meow*!?!?!”

And with that, they went at Scootaloo.

“Nnnnooooooo!!” screamed the filly, so loud it caused a scene change.

“Get the fuck down!” shouted Zenos, pushing Flood out of the way.

“What the buck was that?!” yelled Flood.

Both ponies got to their hoofs.

“It looked like a massive two!” replied Zenos

“Why the buck is a massive two trying to kill us?!”

“You know when you asked where we were!”

“Yeah?!”

“I think we’re in a computer screen, and it’s the end of the first chapter!”

“That would explain the toolbar!”