Applejack opened her eyes, and immediately realized that something was wrong. First off, the ceiling above wherever it was she was lying was most definitely not the ceiling of her bedroom. Second, her body felt weird. In fact, it felt like she did not even have a body. She had a sort of sense of awareness that she was laying on something made of fabric, but she couldn't quite feel it. None of her limbs seemed to be where they were supposed to be. It wasn't that her arms and legs wouldn't move, it was like they weren't there at all.

She turned her attention back to the ceiling. Definitely not anywhere in Sweet Apple Acres. It was far too fancy for that. Carousel Boutique. It must be. Only Rarity would have such an outrageously fancy ceiling.

"Hey, anybody there?" She called. No answer. She tried to wiggle herself. She moved, somehow, despite the fact that she obviously didn't have arms or legs. She still had her eyes. That was something. Her mouth was still there as well. And she had some means of locomotion. "What the hell is goin' on here?"

She heard some rustling from the next room. She craned her... whatever she now had in place of a neck and brought the door into her range of vision. Almost immediately, Rarity stumbled through it. Both of her hands were pressed to her head, and her normally exquisite hair was disheveled in a rather un-Rarity-like manner. If she hadn't been concerned about her inability to move outside of a few wiggles, she would have noted that she actually preferred that hairstyle to Rarity's usual coiffure. That, and Applejack was distracted by the fact that Rarity inexplicably wasn't wearing anything other than a camisole and socks. Of course, even down below, Rarity had taken the time to groom herself.

"Rarity, what in tarnation is goin' on here!?"

"Uggghhhh!" Rarity blinked a few times and searched around for the source of the voice. "Applejack, must you yell like that? I have a rather awful headache."

"I got a right to yell! There's somethin' pretty dang wrong with me, and I have no clue what it is or how I ended up here!"

"Oh, there you are!" Applejack watched as Rarity bumbled towards her, and plopped her bare ass down next to her. The springy movement told Applejack that they seemed to be on a bed. "Do you not remember the events of last night?" Rarity continued.

"I remember invitin' y'all out to the farm for a cider tastin'. After that everythin' gets a mite bit hazy. What the hell happened? Why can't I move?"

"Because you're a pair of panties, dear."

"A what?"

"A pair of panties. You know, the undergarment?"

"What in the blue blazes are you talkin' about!?"

"Fine, allow me to show you." Rarity reached towards Applejack, her hands appearing utterly enormous. She felt Rarity's fingers take hold of her... something, and was lifted up. Despite her lack of lungs, she gasped as Rarity held her in front of a mirror. She was, indeed, a pair of orange cloth panties. The only vaguely human characteristics she maintained were her eyes and mouth, which appeared to be somehow embroidered on, just below the waistband.

"But...but how!?"

Rarity turned the panties around so Applejack could look at her. "Twilight's magic."

"Why would Twilight turn me into a pair of panties?"

"Drunken bet from Rainbow Dash. You had just fallen asleep. She wanted to use a marker to draw... certain body parts on your forehead, but Twilight wouldn't let her. Somehow they got to talking about underwear, and Rainbow Dash convinced Twilight to turn you into a pair."

"Dammit, this had better not be permanent."

"I'm pretty sure Twilight said that it would wear off rather quickly."

"It had better! I'd kinda rather not be a pair of panties for the rest of my life. How'd I end up here anyway?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Maybe someone put you in my purse. Again, I don't really remember much of what happened."

"So what do I do now?"

Rarity shrugged. "I guess you just make due until the magic wears off."

"This is such bullshit. Wait, what are you doin'?" The room had suddenly started to jerk and spin, listing crazily. She stabilized and realized a moment too late what was going on. "Are you putting me on!?"

"Well, I needed a pair of panties-"

"Find another pair then!" Applejack could tell that she was around Rarity's ankles. "Why aren't you wearin' any panties, anyway?

There was a long moment of silence. Applejack guessed that it was silence of the awkward variety. "Rarity? You didn't go and run through town naked or anythin' did you?"

"Heavens no!" Rarity barked. "Nothing so crass. If you must know, I was sleeping rather... deeply last night. As I'm sure you know, cider has a tendency to go right through you, and I imbibed a rather large quantity of it."

"So you wet the bed?"

"Not exactly. I woke up with mere seconds to spare. I managed to get out of bed. I did not, I regret to say, make it to the bathroom."

"So you did piss yourself?"

"To put it in the crudest possible terms, yes." She began to slide Applejack up her legs.

"What are you doin'!?"

"Like I said, I don't have any other panties. You'll live."

Applejack groaned as she slid into place. The first thing she noticed was that Rarity had an impossibly smooth ass. The second things she noticed was a rather weird tickle. "This is so weird. I can feel your pubes on my... well, I'm not sure what I'm feelin' 'em on, but they're there."

Rarity just snorted as she wiggled her hips, settling herself into the panties.

"Seriously, they're like ridiculously soft. I thought crotch hair was always kinda scratchy."

"Just because some of us neglect to groom our nether regions doesn't mean we all do. You ought to know I put more stock in myself than that."

"What, you mean you go and shampoo your pubes with half a dozen shampoos like you do with the rest of your hair? I bet you style it, too. Do you put a bunch of little curlers in there before you go to bed? That can't be comfortable."

"I am not even going to dignify that with a response."

"I don't know why you'd go to the trouble," Applejack continued. "Everybody knows you guard your cooter tighter than the royal treasury. The only time that thing ever gets any air is when you take a bath. You don't exactly go flashin' it everywhere after a few drinks."

"Just having a sense of modesty does not make me a prude! If was a prude would I be wearin' you right now?"

"I have no clue, cause I think you still got a bit of alcohol in your system. If you weren't hungover you'd freak out at the prospect of me touchin' your pussy, even if I was a pair of panties."

"Pish posh! Of course I'd let you touch it! In fact, when you turn human again, I promise I'll let you play with it! Just go right ahead and stick your hand in!"

"Okay, now I'm pretty sure that you ain't even hungover, you're still drunk."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, for one you still reek of alcohol, and if you weren't you wouldn't even joke about lettin' me stick anythin' up your crotch. Hell, I remember when we went to the beach and you almost had a nervous breakdown because one of your nipples slipped out."

"Fine, so I'm not happy about putting my private parts on display! What's it to you!?"

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't be wearin' me now, because once the buzz wears off it's gonna be awkward as hell for both of us. Y'all don't really wanna keep wearin' me, do ya?" There was silence. "Do ya?"

Rarity belched in response.

"Dammit you really are still drunk, aren't you?"

"I... maybe have brought back a small keg of cider back with me. Hair of the dog, you know."

"Rarity, that doesn't work and you know it!"

"But the cider is so good!"

"Well, yeah, it oughtta be, but-- okay, no I'm not talkin' about that now. Why don't you take me off, and get some regular old non-talkin' panties?"

"But this is so much easier!" Rarity contorted herself so she could look at her ass, and by extension Applejack, in the mirror. "And I can keep an eye on you until you turn back to normal!"

"Unless you have eyeballs on your ass, I doubt it. And I'm quite sure you don't have eyeballs on your ass. You'd never stand for that."

"If they were particularly fashionable eyeballs, I might."

"This is dumb, Rarity. Just take me off and put on some other panties, and take me back to Twilight so she can turn me back to normal!"

"Why?"

Applejack groaned. "Because I ain't keep on bein' stuck on your ass all day!"

Rarity twisted back and scowled at her. "And what exactly is wrong with my ass?"

"There's nothin' wrong with it, I guess." Applejack grumbled. "It's just that well, it's an ass. You use it to poop. It ain't somethin' that you want to have your face plastered on."

"Just because I use it to defecate does not mean that I don't keep it every bit as sanitary as the rest of my body!"

"I don't care!" Applejack grumbled. "Your asshole is too damn close for comfort. Besides, I have no intention of gettin' myself smushed every time you sit down!"

"Smushed!" Rarity's voice was so indignant that Applejack immediately knew she had made a horrible error. "My bottom is not capable of smushing anything! Are you insinuating that my behind is unnecessarily large!?"

"No, not at all!"

"If that's true, why would you be afraid of me sitting down? That's what this is really about, isn't it? You're afraid that you're going to be crushed by my gigantic ass!" She began to sniff. Applejack braced for the worst. "It isn't fair! I work out when I can, but business is just so much work that I can't help but neglect it sometimes, and all it takes is one cupcake and suddenly it's like I have two balloons stuck to my hips!" She sniffed again, this time it was a good deal more like a snort. Her words began to wobble a bit. "I work so hard, and I'm still a complete lardass! It's so stupid! Pinkie does nothing but eat sugar all day, and even her butt is nicer than mine!" She threw herself on the sofa and wailed. "It's not fffaaaaaaaaaiiiiirrrr!"

"Oh fuck, I forgot that she's even more of a drama queen when she's drunk..," Applejack mumbled, her voice muffled by the couch cushions. "Rarity, your ass ain't fat and you know it."

"Yes it is!" She screeched. "No matter how I strive for the most callipygian figure, it only ends in failure! If my butt isn't the size of a pumpkin, it's pure bone! I strive and strive for a happy medium that I can never achieve. My whole life is a complete and utter failure!" Rarity rolled over and shoved her face into the cushions.

Applejack fervently wished that she had arms, if only so she could facepalm. She would never let Rarity touch booze ever again. Or at the very least she'd ensure that she wouldn't be the one who had to listen to her. Maybe she could make Pinkie put up with her for a while. "Rarity, there is nothing wrong with your behind. I am literally wrapped around it right now, and I guarantee you that it ain't fat or bony. I'm not gonna lie; your ass is pretty great. I'm not just sayin' it either. I've always thought you had a really cute butt. Like that one time when we went to that sauna and your towel fell off and I was all 'Damn, Rarity, you got an amazing behind'? I wasn't actually kidding."

"R-really?"

"Yeah. Your ass is fuckin' perfect. It's awesome. I wish I could use it as a pillow when I go to sleep. Now stop cryin'."

Rarity sighed, and sat up. "Ugh, you're right. I've been acting absurd. I'm always such a drama queen when I'm hungover." She began to massage her temples. "I feel like my brain is about to slide out of my ears."

"That ain't the only time," Applejack mumbled to herself. "Let's get some grub into you. Once you eat somethin' it'll take the edge off whatever hangover drunkness you got goin' on."

"Yes, a good meal would be quite welcome." Rarity stood, and took a few wobbly steps.

"So, are you gonna get another pair of panties now and take me off?"

"No need. You are quite comfortable, and you yourself just said that you quite enjoyed the feel of my bottom, so I believe you'll be quite content down there. Now then, what color sundress should I wear?"

Applejack groaned and resigned herself to her fate. "I like the blue one."

Author's Note

This is terrible. What was I even thinking? I should be able to write better than this.