Patricidium

The silence was killing him. At least, that’s what it felt like inside his young head. He of course knew what death was, but he never fully understood just where it came from. And right now, as little Lightning slowly poked the food on his plate, he was sure that this is where it came from. Silence.

The heavier it became, the closer death crept in on them. For some reason, he felt a shiver down his back, and concentrated on poking a few peas with his fork. He didn’t want to look up and see his mother’s tired eyes, or his father’s indifferent face. He thought that if he looked at them through this pressing silence... Perhaps death would take them.

Finally, his fork pierced through one of the peas without making a single sound, then followed by a loud clank as the fork hit the plate. Nopony around the table looked up. Both his parents focused on their own food as well, not wanting to speak. Lightning was sure it was his fault they argued so much.

He probably did something wrong that angered them. Maybe the fact that he was alive.

The fork pierced another pea. Once he felt he had enough, Lightning brought the fork up to his mouth and bit down on the green little… things. Didn’t know what he should call them, except peas. He hated the taste of them. Mainly because they never tasted anything at all. Like chewing on nothing but a thin layer of rubber, with nothing but air inside.

The pony that looked at these objects and decided that yes, it is food must’ve been a complete idiot.

Fed up with the lack of taste and substance, Lightning continued to poke the peas across the plate. Maybe the silence had taken away his appetite as well.

“Stop it.” His father’s voice broke the pressing silence, and Lightning almost felt his ears throb from the sudden sound. It sounded so foreign to him right now, that he for a moment thought it was only in his head. Sounds and voices had no place in this room.

“Did you hear me? Stop it.” His father raised his voice at him. “Eat. Don’t play.”

Lightning ignored it. Didn’t want to eat, wasn’t hungry and he didn’t want to obey his father. Didn’t even want to look at him. He was only 12 years old, but he already knew about pain and suffering. All too well. It came at night, once his mother had gone asleep. It crept into his room, held him, and comforted him under a guise of false love.

Then the pain came, entering his body slowly. A feeling the young unicorn would never forget.

And he still wasn’t hungry, at least not for anymore peas.

“Did you hear me?” His father began to sound angry.

“Don’t yell at him..” His mother’s voice whispered across the table.

“I’m not yelling, I’m raising him. Something you should try.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“That your son is a spoiled little brat.”

Lightning tried to shut down his ears. Tried to imagine cotton in them, so that he wouldn’t hear his parents arguing again. It was his fault that they did so, as always. He tried to focus on his food again, swallowing bite after bite and doing his best to only think about this automatic routine. Poke, bite, chew, swallow.

As Lightning was about to take his final bite and empty the plate, the thing he knew would happen happened. In the corner of his eye, he could see a fast movement, followed by a sound that sent a sudden jolt through his body. His mother gasped in pain as her husband’s hoof slapped her across the face.

Instantly, the young unicorns lip started wobbling.

“Lightning.. go to your room..” His mother whispered. He didn’t move an inch, too afraid to leave and too afraid to say no.

“Do as your mother says.” A cold voice demanded. Instantly, Lightning obeyed it, and still without looked at his parents, he left the table, feeling ashamed and scared.

As he left the kitchen and entered the living room, he could hear their raised voices once again. Despite the distance between the kitchen and his room, he would still hear them arguing. When he passed the fireplace, he looked up at their old family photo. It was old and grey, but the smiles in it was as colorful as always.

His parents smiled brightly at him from the small window, and between them sat a little baby unicorn with unkempt mane and miniature horn. The moment the picture was snapped, he’d been playing around with his mother’s hoof. Even though he didn’t remember doing it since he was so small at the time, the picture sure didn’t lie.

They both looked so happy in that picture, truly happy. But now they seemed to hate each other, because of him. Maybe if he never had been born, they would still be happy.

Lightning closed the door to his bedroom behind him, yet he could still hear them across the house. The unicorn didn’t bother to lock the door anymore. That creeping pain would find a way inside anyway, and if it was locked it would only get more agitated. And that meant even more suffering. Best to just let it happen.

He felt tears well up in his eyes as he looked around his colorful room to find anything to focus on and try to drown their voices. His wet eyes stopped at a poster above his bed. On it, several ponies with wings soaring across the skies, all of them depicted in gray and gold, with the blue sky behind them. Even though Lightning didn’t know that the real name for such a pony was a Pegasus, he still adored The Wonderbolts.

But a picture alone wasn’t enough to forget the argument in the kitchen. He threw himself on the bed, tried to bury his face in the pillow. It didn’t help, and all it did was soak up his tears. He flipped around on his back, and looked to his left. On the other side of his room, next to the door, stood a bookcase.

It was filled with all manner of books, ranging from adventure too educational literature. Early in his life, the unicorn had discovered his love for reading and writing, and he constantly wanted to have more books. That’s even how he got his name. Lightning Quill, since nopony else could keep up with his fast movements with the quill and parchment.

His teacher always praised him for it, and used to say that he was the embodied evidence that the pen was indeed mightier than the sword. Lightning had no idea what that meant though. Still, she was the only pony to praise him, and he sucked it all up like a sponge. And then he got home from school and got pressed further down in the mud that is shame.

A green aura manifested around one of the books in the bookcase, and he hovered it across the room and picked it up in his hooves.

Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone, the cover read. It sure wasn’t his favorite book; in fact, he’d always thought the whole series of books… stupid. But right now he’d read anything, just to numb his mind. Quietly, as if he was doing something wrong, he crawled in under his blankets with the book, and let his horn illuminate the first page.

At times like these, Lightning wished hid father could have been an alcoholic. If he did drink, he could blame the violence on that instead, and then it would probably be easier to accept. A drunken asshole that abused his wife. That somehow sounded more… normal.

But he didn’t drink at all. He always said that ponies that did drink should have their balls cut off and then be hanged. Again, if he was a drunk, such talk could have been explainable. Instead, he did these things and said those words completely sober, aware of his actions. It was his choice, and he could change his ways any time. But he didn’t.

Both he and his mother were terrified of this stallion, but there was nothing they could do against him. Once, his mother had taken him away from his father, traveling across the land for weeks and months, always on the run from his presence. But he found them. He always did. Due to the fact that he in his youth had been captain of the royal guard in Canterlot, he had connections, contacts, friends in high places.

Even in their hometown of Manehatten, that kind of status was noted. Whenever they ran away, he put on a perfect show as the worried husband who just wants to find his wife and son at any cost. He missed them so much, of course, and wouldn’t be able to live without them… oh no, we’ll help you find them, don’t worry.

And when he found them, it didn’t end well. Lightning had never been more afraid in his entire life, certain that his mother would be dead before morning. He tried to stop his father. Tried to jump on his back and hold him down, prevent him from hurting her anymore. That only resulted in more pain for both of them, and Lightning never opposed his father again.

Lightning tried his best to cover his ears with his pillow and focus on the text, but there was no use.

Whatever he did, nothing could drown the sound of his mother crying out in pain as her husband continued to hurt her.

Breaking down in frantic tears, he prayed to Celestia and Luna that the invading pain would not come to him tonight.

Late at night, it did come. Lightning was awoken by the sound of his door opening, the darkness in the doorway not making any attempt to be quiet or to not wake the child from his sleep. It didn’t care; it just wanted its momentary rush of dominance.

Lightning kept his eyes closed and pretended to be asleep, but it didn’t matter, the darkness didn’t care if he was awake or not, it would subject him to the suffering and pain anyway. And there was no point in screaming for help or telling anypony. The darkness had been clear about that: resistance would only bring him more pain. And if he told anypony, it would kill both him and his mother.

The little unicorn had his back towards the room and couldn’t see the darkness and suffering approach, but he felt it as it sat down on the edge of the bed. It was heavy, and the bedframe creaked. Nothing more happened for a while, but Lightning knew that this was only a façade, the calm before the storm. Any minute now, the darkness would reach out and touch him.

Gently, a hoof stroke across the back of his head, and Lightning shivered at its touch.

“You awake, buddy?” His father whispered through the shadows. Always the same thing, pretending to care, for some reason. During these nightly visits, his father was a completely different stallion. Kind, caring and friendly, not at all the way he was during the day. But Lightning understood that it was just to get him more relaxed.

“Listen, I-uh..” His father whispered. “You know why I and mom argue, right? That’s... just the way things are supposed to be. We’re still friends, right?”

Lightning had no choice but to nod at his questions.

“Come on, sit on my lap. We need to have a little talk..”

And there it was. The beginning of the pain, masked behind a veil of fatherly love. But it was everything but love. It had to be hate, Lightning couldn’t understand what else it could be. Nopony could ever do something like that to a loved one.

With no other choice, the unicorn got up and did as he was told. His father held him tenderly, and if it wasn’t for the fate waiting for him, it could have looked like a rather touching moment. Lightning closed his eyes as tears welled up in them, and pressed his face against his father’s shoulder.

The stallion supposed to be his father moved slightly, and then the pain griped Lightning. His father hushed and patted his back.

“Shh.. don’t worry son.” He whispered.

Lightning cried even more, wanted to scream in agony and terror as he felt his body burn.

“No, please.. It-it hurts..” He sobbed into his father’s shoulder.

“Pain is a good thing, is it not?” His father whispered back to him.

Lightning wanted to die. Every time this happened, he wanted to die. The pain was too much; it felt like his entire body was split open down the middle. And the pain of knowing that there was no way out of this. His mother knew what her husband did to their son, knew about the shame and suffering he brought upon him. Knew that he ruined the young unicorns life forever.

But she was too afraid to do anything.

“I.. Yes, sir..”

“Good boy..”

Lightning let his body go limp as his father abused him in this manner; there was no point in resisting. If he just let him get on with it, perhaps it would be over faster. He tried to think about anything that would make him happy, but failed. The burning knife that was his father, going deeper into his body, was too powerful, too painful.

The little unicorn wished he could do to his father the same thing he said should be done to drunks. No more balls, no more pain. At least, that’s what he hoped for.