The Tale of Armor: The City by the Water

Seven years after the Ponyville Massacre…

The crowd cheered as Armor was flung against the cage bars like a ragdoll. They’d come to see blood, and if that blood came from a mare stupid enough to fight a stallion three times her size, so be it. Hell, even Armor would have liked seeing someone die by their own stupidity. She had no intention of dying though.

Before the fight, the crowd had sized up the contenders and concluded that Armor was going to die. As far as Armor could tell, she was the only one who thought she’d win. No matter. She wasn’t here for them; she was here for the money…and to fight.

“Had enough, little filly?” the walking pile of steroids taunted. Honestly, it was a wonder this earth pony could move. His bicep alone was as thick as Armor’s head and punching him was like hitting a brick wall.

Armor feigned weakness and dropped her head onto the blood encrusted floor. “Oh no,” she sighed, raising a hoof to her forehead like a damsel in distress, “whatever will I do, against such tiny balls.”

Here’s a quick tip when fighting someone on steroids: Never insult their genitalia, unless you’re in front of something solid.

In a rage, the earth pony charged at her, just as Armor wanted. At the last second, she somersaulted to her feet, letting her friend smash headfirst into the bars. The crowd cringed and Armor laughed as he crumpled to the floor. “Are those even balls?” she teased, bobbing and weaving around the square arena, “because it looks like you super glued two raisins behind a peanut.”

A couple mares in the crowd laughed along with her. Hey, if she could be funny and kick ass, more power to her. Needless to say, most of the stallions cheered as the big guy got up. His face was flustered from the taunts, and from the look in his eyes, he wanted Armor dead.

Bob and weave girl, bob and wea-

Her freakishly large opponent was able to deliver one good punch to her face making her see stars. He walked around, waiting for her to regain her balance. Armor sure was lucky she’d pissed him off enough for him to draw this out. Once she managed to stand straight again, he bucked her against the cage, hard. Armor was no doctor, but it felt like she’d cracked a rib.

The mares cheered as Armor struggled to her feet. “Do you have a death wish?” he laughed. “Stay down.”

“I’ve been told I don’t know when to quit,” she grinned and spat blood at his hooves. “Ladies first.”

Armor had a plan; granted it was a terrible plan. She had a higher chance of being squished against the bars than of pulling this off, but hey, Armor liked high risk. And with so much money on the line, she’d rather die than surrender. “C’mon fuck-nugget,” she said, spitting again, “scared?”

The mares facehoofed and every stallion in the room burst into laughter. “Your funeral,” he sighed, preparing to charge. Armor did the same.The crowd roared in excitement as the two fighters charged at each other. Eyes widened at the thought of Armor being squished like a bug. Their sadistic euphoria lasted mere seconds, however.

Each step felt like a sledgehammer was bashing Armor in the chest, but she did her best to ignore it. If she hesitated, even for a moment, she’d be leaving this place in a body bag. She held the thought of money in her head as she slid under Roids’ forehoof. The hoof was about to crush Armor’s skull when she bucked the stallion in the groin with all her might. For a moment, the stallion went cross-eyed and then crumpled to the floor with a resounding thud. “Who’s the little filly now?” she mocked as she struggled to her feet.

Armor spun around, smiling at the shocked faces surrounding the cage. After a long silence, someone finally opened the rusty cage door and Armor limped out. “Is someone going to give me my money?” Armor panted, trying to mask her pain.

“She cheated,” someone shouted. Instantly the crowd was against her again. Even the mares were yelling at her.

“No way she could’ve beaten Body Builder,” another said, “not without magic.”

“I would never cheat!” Armor argued, but the crowd was too loud to hear. Hitting a pony in the groin was one thing, but she would never use magic to win a hoof fight. These idiots were just bitter because she’d be getting their money.

“Throw her out!”

“Break her horn!”

“Give her to the guards!”

“Enough,” a voice bellowed, silencing everyone. Mares and stallions slunk aside to let the speaker through. For such a commanding voice, the earth pony who held it was surprisingly slim. His well trimmed white mane, clean yellow fur, and fancy leather saddlebag were stark contrasts to the dirty and greasy ponies that filled the room. Armor gawked as he walked proudly to her side and boomed, “Give this mare the money she deserves!”

“But it wasn’t a fair fight. You saw what she did to Body Builder,” who was still lying in the center of the cage.

“I did see, and so did all of you. Not once did her horn glow-”

“She could’ve masked it-”

“DO NOT INTERRUPT!” he boomed louder than ever. The stallion shifted his gaze around the room and continued. “If you had any objections to a unicorn fighting, then you should have said so BEFORE the match. You all knew the terms and conditions and you placed your bets regardless. Do not try to back out now, or we’ll let the Peacekeepers settle this dispute.”

After a long silence, a small sac of coins was thrown at Armor’s feet. It was too painful to bend down or use magic, but thankfully the earth pony was kind enough to pick it up for her. Despite the gesture, Armor quickly snatched the sac away, glaring at him suspiciously. “Thanks,” she said, gripping the bag of money tightly.

“You’re quite welcome,” he smiled, walking her to the exit. The stallion pushed the large metal door open and the two stepped out onto the cobblestone streets of Numie. Ponies of all types were bustling to and fro through the Venetian labyrinth of stone and metal. “Places like these should be shut down,” he sighed, looking up at the faded sign that read “Fight Club”.

“I like ‘em.” Armor tried to walk away but her chest was throbbing in pain. She hissed as a spasm shot through her front and she fell against the wall.

“May I take a look?”

“No you may not,” Armor said and tried to walk again. No use; it was agonizing.

“Please, I have some medical training. It’ll only take a moment of your time.”

“Fine,” she groaned. Another spasm shot through her as a hoof pushed on her chest. She did her best to stay calm as he touched her, which was another thing she didn’t like ponies doing. “Anything broken?”

“No, but there is a fair amount of bruising. I would have at least expected a hematoma.” He chuckled, “you’re much tougher than you look.” The stallion looked down the street and chewed his right cheek. “I believe I saw an apothecary on my way here. Perhaps they’ll have a potion for you.”

“Hey, it’s not like I’m going anywhere,” Armor shrugged. The mystery pony gave a quick bow and dashed down the street and out of sight. Armor had other errands to run, and whoever this stallion was, Armor didn’t like him; even then, she was stuck by this wall, forced to watch life move on around her.

Damn, life was boring!

What was less than ten minutes felt like hours. The only highlight was when a bloodstained pony came galloping through the streets with a Peacekeeper behind him. The guy was frantically knocking over any pony in his way to slow down his pursuer. A rather pointless move, as Armor knew, since a Peacekeeper would sooner die then lose a criminal. Yes she’d met some bad Peacekeepers, but for the most part Armor thought they were badass.

Armor cheered as an armored pegasus swooped down and pinned the stallion to the ground. He reared his head trying to escape, but was quickly subdued with a punch to the face. Even from the wall she could hear the pony’s jaw break with a satisfying crunch. “Nice takedown guys,” Armor called.

The pegasus gave her a quick nod and a smile as they dragged the criminal away. Armor wanted to watch them go, but she felt someone nudge her. Her mystery friend had returned with a large flask between his teeth. Taking it with her magic, she uncorked the top and shuddered at the smell. “I know it smells terrible,” he sighed, “but it’ll reduce the pain and swelling.” Armor took a drink and gagged. It tasted worse than it smelled, which was certainly an impressive feat.

“It better,” she said, trying not to throw up. Her mouth tasted like rotten meat blended with a used diaper, but at least she wasn’t sore. She pushed herself up and gave an uneasy belch, which must have smelled bad because it made the earth pony cringe. “What do I owe you?” she asked, eager to get on with her day.

“Nothing but a moment of your time,” he chuckled. Time was something Armor didn’t have much of so it was hard to see what was so funny.

“Fine,” she shrugged and walked down the street, “I’m a little busy though.”

“In that case, I’ll try to make this quick,” he said politely. “My name is Lemon Wedge. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Shining Armor.”

“Just call me Armor.” Was she going the right way? One of the downsides of Numie was that almost every building on the south side looked the same. It was lots of gray and white bricks frequently interrupted by waterways.

“Armor it is then,” he nodded as they walked across a small stone bridge. “I’ve been searching for capable ponies to help me with a mission. After seeing you take on that stallion, I knew you’d fit right in.”

“Are you expecting a fight or something?” she asked. She was confident she was heading in the right direction.

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that, but I prefer to be over prepared than under.”

Armor eyeballed every sign she saw, hoping she’d find the right one soon. Every minute spent searching was another minute wasted. “What’s in it for me?”

“Three thousand gold coins,” he said casually. Armor’s ears pricked up and she stopped, confused. He couldn’t possibly have said three thousand. That kind of money would buy her a house in Canterlot.

“Honestly, what’s my cut?”

“Three thousand gold coins,” he smiled. Now Armor was annoyed.

“If you’re going to waste my time, I want you to leave right now.”

Lemon Wedge gave another hearty chuckle and sighed. “I will be on my way, but what I said is true. In exchange for your assistance, I will give you three thousand gold coins. If you happen to change your mind, please be at the Dragonhide Bar by the docks this Friday at ten pm.” He gave a polite bow and disappeared into the crowds. Once she was sure he’d gone, she turned back to the store signs.

“Ah,” she said as she spotted the sign that read “Nothing but Books”. With a smile, she made her way through the crowd, accidently shoving over a kid and groping a mare (who promptly slapped the stallion behind her), and entered the store. A little bell jingled as the door opened, and a perky red and orange unicorn looked up from behind the counter.

“Hello,” she greeted in a high, cheerful voice, “can I help you find anything?”

Stacks of books reaching to the ceiling were strewn everywhere. Armor glanced at a large pile of romantic novels by the door and walked to the counter, trying not to nock anything over. “I’m not sure where to start,” said Armor as she passed a stack of comic books. “Not a big reader actually.”

“Ahhh,” the mare winked, “someone else huh? Well what do they like?”

“He goes through so many books, I can’t keep track. Hell,” Armor grinned, leaning close, “he’s even read physics textbooks for fun.”

“Really?” she giggled adorably. “He sounds pretty smart.” The mare rested her chin on her forehooves and swished her tail back and forth. Armor didn’t consider herself a matchmaker, but it might be fun to bring Dusk here sometime just to see him squirm. A cute, friendly bookworm like this mare would probably give him an aneurism. “Do you know if he likes sci-fi? I know a lot of good sci-fi.”

“Ehhh,” Armor shrugged, “he’s a stickler for details, so anything that goes against fact would turn him off.”

The mare glanced at a stack behind her and floated a large paperback book onto the counter. “Kingdom of the Stars was written by a physicist so this would be your best bet.”

“Awesome,” Armor nodded, pouring her coins onto the counter. “How much is it?”

“You’ll have more than enough,” said the mare as she admired the silver. “This friend of yours reads a lot?” When Armor nodded, she grinned and disappeared into a backroom. She came back with four more books and dropped them on the counter. “These are a few of my favorites. Plus, they’re all different genres, so there’s a higher chance that he’ll like at least one.”

“I don’t know,” she said hesitantly.

“Tell you what. Because I like you, I’ll give you all of them for three silver coins and I’ll give you five free books next time.” Since she was paying with silver, the mare’s offer was probably a rip-off, but Armor liked her and was in a hurry.

“Gift wrap ‘em and you’ve got a deal.”

The mare banged the counter and laughed as she floated up a roll of sparkling red wrapping paper. “I knew this stuff would come in handy.” She obviously didn’t get to use it much, and by the time she was done crinkling and taping, she was fairly flustered. “There,” she panted and put the books into a paper bag. “I hate to sound rude but,” she leaned in close, “what happened to your face?”

“You should see the other guy,” chuckled Armor. She left the mare four coins and carried her belongings to the door. “Oh,” Armor turned back to the unicorn as she ogled the coins, “do you know where I could get a cake around here?”

The unicorn broke her gaze from the coins and pointed to her left. “Head that way for three blocks and you’ll find a Sweet Dreams.”

Armor tossed her another coin and walked out the door. She’d definitely bring Dusk next time.