The Tale of Armor: The Slums on the Hill

Note to self: Don’t shop at that Sweet Dreams.

Sweet Dreams was a monumental bakery chain from Canterlot. The stores were famous for their fantastic cakes as well as their exuberant staffs of bakers and cashiers. The only problem was that a customer would occasionally get a cashier with a motor mouth. Armor always had a good sense for fake niceness, so it was always fun to talk with the genuine ones. Their conversation, however, had gone on for thirty minutes and now she was behind schedule. But at least she had a cake, and it was a beauty.

As Armor walked out of the store, she kept one eye on the streets and another on the sugary masterpiece in her magical grip. It was two layers of chocolate spongy goodness covered in chocolate pink and purple frosting and sprinkles- glorious, pointless sprinkles. Armor stared at the cake through its protective plastic dome and smiled proudly. This thing wasn’t cheap but, thanks to the fight club, she had plenty of coin left over.

She took her eye off the street for one second too long and bumped into a stallion, momentarily dropping all her belongings. Her heart raced as she grabbed the cake just before it the ground.

Too close.

These streets were far too dangerous to be carrying a cake. Armor gave a slight grin as she came up with a solution. She’d always wanted an excuse to take a ferry. Since Numie was riddled with waterways, they were a relaxing way to move about the city, but Armor and Dusk were penny pinchers (today being an exception) so they never got to ride them. But with a cake this magnificent, it’d be crazy to walk through the streets.

“Well,” she smiled, “if I have to.” She trotted up to a pegasus leaning against the post his boat was tied to and gave a beaming smile. Despite being punched in the face, she was having a great day.

The guy had a red coat, orange mane, and the most adorable blue eyes Armor had ever seen. “Can I help you?”

“I need to get to the Grand Canal.” With a nod, he helped her into the boat and flew to the front. Once the boat was untied, he braced his hooves against the wood and stretched his wings. It was slow, but at least she could relax.

Numie was divided into a northern and southern district, divided by a large canal down the middle. Only the rich were able to afford the beautiful south side, and all the poor had to live up north. The north was frequently called a slum, which it was, but it only made each visit to the southern side that much more special. Sadly, ponies couldn’t just pop between sides willy-nilly. There was a small area along the canal where ponies could teleport, and if they tried to teleport to or from anywhere else, they’d get a splitting headache.

Armor leaned over the side of the boat and dipped her hoof in the cold water. Her face was bruised and bloodied, but, to Armor, they made her look cool. She saw them as victory scars, or something like that, and smiled proudly at her reflection. “Are those books from ‘Nothing but Books’?” The stallion asked as he flapped his right wing to steer left.

“Yeah,” she sighed contentedly and traced the rooftops with her eyes. “How’d you know?”

“My sister insisted on buying a case of that wrapping paper, and I think you might be the first to use it.” Armor wasn’t sure whether to find that sad or funny.

“I hope I made her day.”

The pegasus spread out both wings to slow down, narrowly avoiding another boat. There were probably a lot of collisions on the water. “Not that hard to do actually. Morning Glory’s always been a glass half full kind of mare, although sometimes she can be a little annoying.” He flapped his wings and the boat accelerated on.

“I like her.”

“Try living with her and her crazy ideas. One night, I was asleep upstairs, and she made a T.V. that caught on fire if you walked in front of it. I don’t know how she did it, but she almost burnt the store down.” Dusk had crazy projects like those too. On his first attempt to build a magic powered radio, the thing overloaded and blew out one of the walls of their home.

“When you say you were sleeping upstairs…do you live in a library?” Despite the soreness, she couldn’t help but laugh.

“Eeyup,” he nodded. “It was our mother’s until she passed away, and Morning decided to carry on the legacy. I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear about that. Ask me another question.”

Armor breathed a sigh of relief and thought of a question. Conversations about dead relatives were always incredibly uncomfortable, especially since she could never bring herself to talk about hers. “What’s your dad do?”

Please don’t be grieving.

“He’s a city guard.” The pegasus jumped to the other end of the boat and beat his wings feverishly. Armor gripped the cake as the boat came to an abrupt halt, stopping just in time to avoid crashing into a group of pegasi that whizzed by. “I hate it when they do that,” he mumbled. It wasn’t illegal for pegasi to fly in the waterways, but the annoying teenagers that would race each other were a serious hazard. “Sorry about that.” He jumped back to the front and eased the boat forward.

“Is it always this deadly or are we just really unlucky?”

“About fifty-fifty,” he said as the boat passed a yellow pillar. Armor could see the dumpy buildings on the northern side of town and stood up. That wasn’t a very smart move, and she almost fell onto the cake as the boat dragged to a stop by a dock. “Grand Canal, and we didn’t die.”

Armor flipped a silver coin to him and picked up her belongings. “Excellent job, keep the change.”

“Whoa, silver? Thanks.”

“Yeah, I am pretty awesome.” Armor jumped out of the boat and concentrated on the northern docks, but nothing happened. She held her breath and scrunched her face, but still nothing happened. “Dammit,” she panted.

“I don’t get it. We passed the pillar so you should be able to cross.”

“It must be the painkillers I took, or maybe I bumped my head a little too hard.” Armor lifted her things into the air and walked off. There was a bridge to the east that earth ponies used, but the detour would make her late regardless.

“Excuse me,” the pegasus called, “where are you going?”

“Bridge,” she answered, slightly confused by the question. Where else was she supposed to go?

“I have boat, you know,” he said and waved his forehoof around.

“You’d take me?” This guy had guts. It wasn’t often you’d see a southerner head north, mainly because they were afraid of being mugged.

“It’s my job, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to be the reason Morning Glory’s brother got shanked.”

“For a pretty mare like you, I’m willing to risk it.” Odd. Armor had been called gutsy, cocky, insane, paranoid, butch, stupid, but never pretty. And as far as she could tell, he was being honest. It didn’t make her blush, but she couldn’t help but smile.

“Alright,” she shrugged and hopped back in. “Could you make it quick? I’d rather not be late.”

With a wink, he braced himself against the front and flapped his wings madly. The boat was moving so fast, it was like it had a motor propelling it forward. Armor clung to the side and gripped the cake as the wind whistled past her ears. She threw her hooves into the air and shouted, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” at the top of her lungs. The pegasus took a quick look back at her and laughed at the wild-eyed excitement plastered on her face.

“Having fun?”

“This is fucking awesome!” At least it was, until a wave rippled into the canal. If you’re going to let go of a boat moving at breakneck speed, the water better be smooth. If it isn’t, you may wind up like Armor and get launched into the air. If so, you better be able to swim.

The unicorn flailed about, trying desperately to afloat as the boat sped away. She tried to teleport to safety, but her damn horn still wouldn’t work. “Hey,” she shouted, only to get a mouthful of saltwater. Before she could call again, her head sunk below the water, and she slowly descended into the dark depths.

Her lungs were straining when she felt an arm wrap around her and pull her to the surface. She gasped as the pegasus pulled her up and gripped the edge of the boat. Armor pushed his foreleg off of her and climbed back in. “Are you okay?” he asked, easily hoisting himself into the boat. Armor hadn’t noticed before, but he was quite toned, and it was hard not to look as the water dripped down his body.

She coughed up some water and waved him off. “Almost died, but I’m good.” Why she hadn’t learned to swim, yet lived by an ocean, was a mystery to her.

“I’ll take it slow to be safe-”

“Pfft, full throttle!” Danger made things fun, plus she was late. She’d get home soon or die trying. Her driver sighed and flapped his wings, getting her to the slums in record time.

Armor jumped onto the dock and shook herself dry. The pegasus followed behind with her bag in his mouth. Once he’d dropped it at her feet, he smiled at her with crystal blue eyes that made Armor’s legs weak. “Are you doing anything tomorrow?” he asked.

Other than go to the fight club, she had absolutely nothing to do, but she still took a few seconds to answer. At last, she squeaked, “N-no I’m free tomorrow.” She could kick a pony three times her size in the testicles, but she was powerless against this cute stallion. “What,” she cleared her throat and tried to sound composed, “what did you have in mind?”

“Hmm, I’m not quite sure yet, but I’ll have something by tomorrow.” Armor nodded stupidly. “Would twelve be fine? It’s my break then.” Again, she nodded stupidly. “Great,” I’ll be here to pick you up at twelve.” Armor’s head bobbing was interrupted as a shady trio of earth ponies walked by and glared at them. “I can walk you home, if you like.”

“Pfft, I’m a mare,” she answered suavely and nudged him in the chest- his incredibly firm chest. “That doesn’t mean I’m helpless.”

“I’m just trying to be polite.”

“Trust me, I’ll be fine.” Armor gestured to his front and said, “Just be sure to bring all of this tomorrow.” That sounded much cooler in her head. Even the pegasus seemed to find it weird. “My name’s Shining Armor, but I prefer Armor.”

“Dew Drop.” Armor could barely suppress her laughter. The guy was nice, cute, strong, and had one of the dumbest names she’d ever heard. “I know how it sounds, but my parents wanted a morning theme when they named us.”

Before Armor could say something, a bell tower on the south side chimed five times, jarring her from Dew’s hypnotic stare. “Oh crap five o’clock.” Armor grabbed the cake and her bag and ran off. “See you later,” she shouted back.

Normally Armor would peak around every corner, just to be sure she didn’t get jumped, but she was out of time. There was absolutely no way she’d be late today. Everything else she’d wanted to do like clean the house and go to the bank would have to wait. On second thought, those sounded boring anyway. Hurray for tardiness!

Armor slowed to a trot and stopped on the front step. She took a calming breath and unlocked the front door of her house. Actually, calling it a house was pretty generous. It was more of a shack with a kitchen and enough room for one mattress. They didn’t even have a bathroom. There were three outhouses and two showers out back that the entire street shared and, on one occasion, fought over. Yup, this crap-shack was an embarrassment to live in, but it was all they could afford, and at least it kept them warm. Actually it was freezing, but at least it kept them dry, except during the winter…usually…this place sucked.

After she dropped her belongings on the kitchen countertop and curtsied at a drawing of the Goddess Lika she kept by her side of the mattress. Most of the Gods were depicted as hairless bipeds called humans, and Lika, goddess of honor and power, was revered as the most beautiful. She smiled at the black-haired woman and clicked on her magic powered radio.

There was a lot of static, but it occasionally provided some good music. This time, however, there was something else.

“-one hundred thirty-seven killed with at least three hundred wounded in the attack. Manehatten officials and Peacekeeper agents are scrambling to gain control of the situation, but this catastrophe shows no sign of getting better any time soon. Peacekeepers are ordering an evacuation of all citizens within a five mile radius of the blast zone until they give the all clear. At this time it’s uncertain who’s responsible for this heinous act, but many are speculating this is the work of, ‘The Children-’”

Armor shut the radio off as she heard the doorknob turn. Her brother walked in and she immediately began singing, “Happy birthday to you-”

“Oh no,” Dusk groaned over her.

“-Happy birthday to you.” Her brother sighed and walked to the counter as she sang on, “happy birthday dear Dusk Shine. Happy birthday to you.”

Worry spread across his face as he saw the bruises and scrapes covering Armor’s body. “Armor, what happened?”

She waved her brother off and tossed him his presents. “Don’t worry about it. Some assholes tried to jump me, but I fucked ‘em up so bad they went running off crying.” Dusk didn’t know she made her money at a fight club, and she aimed to keep it that way. He’d fought tooth and nail to get her a job, but the place she worked at closed down two weeks ago. It was best not have him worry about it. “Now open your presents so we eat this cake.”

Dusk floated the largest present into the air and shook it. “It isn’t healthy to eat sweets before dinner.” Armor rolled her eyes but let him drone on. “The sudden fluctuation in blood glucose levels can make you groggy, sick, and if you aren’t careful, diabetic.”

“Geeze Dusk, it’s one night. You aren’t gonna’ get sick. And if we feel like crap after, we can go get something else to eat, but right now I want cake.” She smiled and flicked another book at him. “So shut up and open your presents.”

“Bossy, bossy, bossy, bossy, bossy,” he teased and tore open one of his gifts. “Kingdom of the Stars.”

“The mare at the bookstore told me it was written by a physicist, and I know you like science, so it seemed like a good choice for you.” The quizzical look he was giving the cover was making her nervous. “You’ve read it huh?”

Dusk was silent for a time and gave an uneasy grunt. “Mom bought me this for my birthday too,” he sniveled and rubbed his eye. Armor rushed to his side and held him close before he could cry. “Thank you.” It hurt as he nuzzled her chest, but she sucked it up and kissed his forehead. Dusk and their mother had always shared a special bond, and Armor could tell her present had upset him, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

“Do you want to open your other presents?” A spasm of pain shot through her chest as Dusk shook his head no, but she refused to let her brother go. “Do you want some cake?” He nodded into her fur and she floated two plates out of the cupboard and found two forks. Using her magic, she sliced two large pieces and set them on the counter. “Dusk?”

“Yes Armor?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m not feeding you though.” Dusk smiled up at her and wiped his tears away. He stood up to kiss her on the cheek and carried his plate to the mattress. “You remember when dad tried making dinner on your birthday and set the kitchen on fire?”

Her brother nodded as he took a bite of cake. It must have been delicious because his eyes widened as soon as it touched his tongue. “Mom was so mad,” Dusk chuckled. Their dad was notorious for being one of the worst cooks in Ponyville; but he’d always tried proving other ponies wrong, even after he set his mane on fire cooking shish kebabs. The stallion could set fire to anything, and by the first month of their marriage his wife had already taken out a life insurance policy on him.

“And yet it was probably the best thing he ever made.” Armor plopped down next to him and tossed a chunk of cake into her mouth. Forget what she said about Sweet Dreams, she would go to that place until the day she died. It was the most deliciously sweet thing she’d ever tasted, hell even the rainbow sprinkles had a sugary taste to them. She smiled at her brother to see if he was enjoying it as much as she was, but he was staring wistfully at the cover of his new book. “Okay that’s it,” she said and dropped his other presents on top of him, “I spent money on these, and I want you to open them.”

“Armor-”

“Less talking more unwrapping.” Armor rubbed her brother’s mane and pleaded, “Please. I spent a lot of money on these, and I want to know if you like them.” Her brother sighed and picked up a present. The two laughed at the cover of a muscular earth pony cradling a swooning pegasus in his forelegs. Morning Glory had given her a romance novel. What was she thinking?

“Um?”

“I didn’t even notice that one.” Armor was on her side trying to suppress her laughter. The book itself wasn’t that funny, but the thought of Dusk reading a romance novel was fucking hilarious. Dusk Shine and romance stories went together about as well as cheese and ice cream. The farthest she’d ever seen him read one was halfway before he tore it to pieces.

“I’ll try it, but I make no guarantees,” he said and picked up the next present. In addition to the romance novel, Dusk received the first book in a fantasy series, a murder mystery, and a tragedy. He’d read all three before, and he hadn’t liked any of them.

“Well the mare gave me a credit for five more books, so the next time we have some free time, I can take you there and let you pick ‘em out.” Armor cut herself a third slice of cake and continued, “I think you’ll like it there. They’ve got books stacked literally to the ceiling, and Morning Glory’s one of the friendliest ponies I’ve met in Numie.” She paused to stuff more cake into her mouth.

“Can we go tomorrow?”

Crumbs spewed out of her mouth as she said, “Sorry, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Armor grinned, showing off the chocolate staining her teeth, and chortled, “Because I have a date.” Her brother choked on a piece of cake and stared at her in amazement. Every time he gave such a confused look, she couldn’t help but laugh at him. It was like bringing a giant to his knees.

“I don’t believe it.”

“And you think you can get a mare, Casanova?” She threw a small piece of cake at him and nudged him in the side. “The last time you had a date was…oh that’s right, my baby brother’s never had a girlfriend.”

“I’m just surprised,” he retorted and threw a bit of cake back at her, only to have her catch it in her mouth. “What’s he like?”

Hot, sexy, adorable, “He’s alright. I met him after the bookstore and we talked on the way home.”

“The way you hesitated tells me you like him.” Dusk jolted as Armor grabbed his hooves and squeezed tightly.

“Oh my Gods he’s the cutest guy I’ve ever seen,” she squealed in delight. “He’s a pegasus and spends all day steering a boat, so he’s all muscled and,” she started poking Dusk in the side to demonstrate his squishiness, “he doesn’t have that. He’s like spun steel or something.”

Seeing Armor this ecstatic over a stallion was a little unsettling. She’d never expressed any interest in dating or stallions, and for years Dusk suspected she liked mares. Nonetheless, it was nice to see her so enthusiastic about something other than fighting or Peacekeepers. “And here you are stuffing yourself with cake,” he joked. “You’re going to be a wreck tomorrow.”

Armor gave him another chocolaty grin and took another bite. “Okay genius, what do you recommend?”

“Stop eating the cake, for one. It’s supposed to be mine anyway.” His sister set her plate down and puffed her lower lip out to pout. Maybe it was the sugar that was making her so happy. “I know a few cheap restaurants by the teleportation zone. Would you like to get a salad or some pasta?”

Armor burped in acknowledgement and stood up. She shook her sac of coins at him and swung the door open. “Some pasta actually sounds pretty damn good right now. And I think I’ll die if I have any more cake.” Dusk put the cake back under its plastic cover and trotted out the door, taking Kingdom of the Stars with him.

That night, the two ate four silver coins’ worth of food and barely made it home without passing out. Armor flopped onto her side of the bed and groaned uneasily. Food was always Armor’s weakness, and a bag of money at her favorite restaurant was a recipe for disaster. Luckily, she hadn’t thrown up yet, and she’d brought back some leftover breadsticks. When she tried to bite into another breadstick though, Dusk snatched them away and stuffed them in the refrigerator. If she could move without exploding, she would have objected, but the most she could muster was a tomato and chocolate flavored belch.

“Thank you Armor,” Dusk said as he cracked open his book, “this was fun.”

“You know me,” she yawned, “Queen of Fun.” Armor tried to chuckle, but it felt too risky. “Dusk?”

“Hm?”

After several pants, she asked, “Could you read to me?”

“It’s, ‘Would you read to me,’” he corrected, “and I’d be happy to.” Armor smiled as he started from the beginning. Some ponies read to fall asleep, others listen to music, but Armor preferred to listen to her brother. It didn’t matter what he was talking about as long as she could hear him. She felt safe hearing his voice, and for reasons she neither understood nor questioned, he kept the nightmares at bay.

Thankfully, tonight was no exception.