It's Hard Loving a Purple Pony

by Benger

Calm

The heat of a flame interrupted my dreamless sleep. Dropping from the green fireball, a scroll fell before me. It looked to be made of high quality parchment, rolled up and bound by a red ribbon tied in a bow. Against my better judgment, I pondered opening it until I recognized my marefriend’s perfume wafting from it.

It was promptly crumpled and stuffed under my mattress.

Or I would have if it let me. The scroll had other plans, wrestling from my grasp and levitating before me; it stretched and straightened the creases I had made moments before. As it unfurled I was bombarded by the fragrant smell of lilac and lavender, further strengthening my resolve not to read it. Instead I opted to stare at it absently, willing it to disappear while it hung before me, unwilling to leave until its job was properly completed. Our stalemate crept on for some minutes, eventually broken by the tips of the scroll curling in, as if it was attempting to furrow eyebrows in warning. Thinking of the scroll’s creator, I decided the punishment could be genuine, and reluctantly began reading.

I have a surprise for you. Please

come to the Library.

And I’m not angry, I know it

wasn’t you fault

I love you.

Your Marefriend,

Twilight Sparkle

I of course ignored her request, knowing I could never live down the embarrassment of what transpired three nights prior. The only thing she could do was break up with me. Turning over, I steeled my resolve, determined to return to my blissful slumber as if to say to the world “if she can’t speak to me, she can’t dump me.”

A second fireball proved my marefriend had other plans.

What are you doing? Don’t go

back to bed!

Come to the library at once.

This is the last time I ask nicely.

-Twilight

Thoroughly disturbed by my lack of privacy, I grudgingly rolled out of bed. Annoyance that my plan failed permeated my thoughts, but I was not all that surprised. In the back of my mind I always knew that staying in my house forever couldn't be a long term strategy to avoid Twilight. I guess now was as good a time as any to face life.

After a shower and a much needed change of clothing, I exited my front door for the first time since the “incident.” The light of a mid-morning spring day blinded me and as my eyes struggled to adjust, I could only imagine the scene that would unfold before me.

All of Ponyville would stop, shocked I dared to show my face. Then, after an unbearable moment of perfect silence, a single pony would let loose a snort, breaking the dam and letting loose a raucous tidal wave of laughter as all of Ponyville joined together to ridicule me in my failure as a man. At this point I would probably run back to my house, bolting the door behind me, never to be seen again. It wasn't the worst fate. Maybe I could lift the floorboards and grow potatoes. Then I would never leave and at least I wouldn't know I was the laughingstock of all of Ponyville.

I preemptively cringed as my vision un-blurred. Surprisingly, all that lay before me was Ponyville in its idyllic state, a normal mid-spring day. No uncomfortable silences shattered by the jeering of fillies and colts could be found. I didn't even draw any awkward glares, or at least no more than a six foot tall hairless ape normally do.

My fear was replaced with shock, only to be overtaken by wonder and confusion. I just couldn't understand how nopony could know. Gossip is practically Ponyville’s life-blood; probably the town's largest export after apples. A story like this would spread faster than a Parasprite infestation. Unless…

“Unless she didn't tell anypony.” I whispered to myself, letting the thought sink in. Letting my mind process the implications and my eyes widened with realization.

“Unless she didn't tell anypony!” I said louder, immediately bounding off towards the Library, attracting the attention I dreaded only moments before.

My running evolved into a sprint to see Twilight as I wound my way through Ponyville’s small streets. I grew more and more exited as the Library drew closer, until I rounded the last corner and its green leaves were in sight.

Something in my head clicked and I stopped dead in my tracks. It dawned on me; why didn't Twilight telling anypony? I had no clue what it meant. Maybe she was ashamed, embarrassed that she even dated me. For all I knew, I had disgraced Twilight, her family, and being the nobles they were, all of Equestria. Could it be that my surprise was the two Princesses, having decided that a disgrace such as me has no place in Equestria. Along with the courts, they might have tried me in absentee, and be here to carry out the final sentence: banishment from the universe. Where would they send me? What should I pack? What if I never see Twilight again? What if…

“Hi! How’ve you been?”

I was confused for a moment from the interruption. Apparently a small purple dragon broke my internal monologue. I took a deep breath, trying to reorient myself.

“I haven’t seen you around in a while” Spike continued. “You two are normally attached at the hip, but I guess I’m not surprised, Twilight’s been on another of her study binges.”

I knew those.

“Twilight said you were coming over, and wanted some alone time, so I’m off to play with the Crusaders. Anyhow, what have you been up to?”

I just stared at the dragon, half oblivious. I finally realized I was being asked a question.

“Oh you know, stuff” I replied dully.

“Ummm, ok.” the dragon said, seemingly put off by my response. “I guess I’ll see you later then”

I continued the last leg of my trek to the Library at a slower pace, no longer so sure of the outcome. Approaching the door, I knew the real reason I avoided her was shame. I could do so much, used my knowledge to build so many contraptions which helped thousands of ponies since I arrived, but couldn't do the simple job of pleasing my mare. And it wasn't even my fault. Other than the Princesses, the largest pony didn't even reach my neck, yet the stallions were where it counts, at least twice as big. All the stallions of Equestria are hung like a horse, and the mares are equally sized to fit.

I would like to say that I didn't know it until I attempted a home-run, but in the pit of my stomach I knew. I think I knew even before my first date with Twilight, it’s not hard to tell when nopony wears clothing. The fact is I never met anyone who was as perfect for me as she was, I didn't want anything to go wrong, and until three nights ago, it was perfect. I would change anything for her, so why is it that the one thing I can’t change, that is out of my control, is the one thing that needs to be different. I don’t think even Twilight biggest surprise can fix this.

Author's Note

This is the first thing I've written in a while, so criticism is appreciated. I plan for this story to have three parts, and just as a warning, their will be clop. I don't have a pre-reader because I know my previous ones IRL and would be too embarrassed to show this to them, so if any one wants the job, I am currently accepting applications.