I returned to my stand with a spring in my step, just to make sure the ponies remained cheerful. Placing my Beats around my neck once more, and flicking on the background beat, I pressed the transmit button on the microphone. "I'm back, everypony! Hope you're all having a great day so far, because we're really gonna be cranking up the tunes to make sure your first day back is as great as those you'll be having after this! Here we go with some Ghosts!" I began playing Ghosts by Deadmau5, and stood behind my deck bobbing my head to the music as I performed small actions like getting a fresh coffee, noting down things I could entertain the crowds with later in the day, and such small things like that. I was really enjoying being a radio host for the day, and it was well worth me looking for a job back in Equestria as a radio operator.

In the distance however, I saw something bad. A small cloud of smoke was forming into a figure, that stared back with green eyes and a spiky grin. He seemed to be looking over the Crystal Ponies, glaring, almost, before turning back to the shield. It took one bash, he cracked it, and masses more of his dark power seeped in. I kept my eyes off of it, and focussed; Twilight would find the heart, and it would all be fine and dandy. As the song played in the distance, I slipped behind my tent and looked over to the guys, before mouthing, 'he's getting through' to them. They all swallowed hard, but returned their smiles as they dealt with confused crystal ponies. Rainbow, meanwhile, was keeping them from the crystal heart, so they didn't realise it was actually a really shit replica I made in about five minutes using an Equalizer.

Thunder, listen. You have to keep Sombra from the heart. The moment he gets it, he has the capabilities to enslave the kingdom, everything inside, and even your friends and the elements. No matter how much it destroys a public image, you'll need to be prepared to unleash the Christian inside you.

Y-Yeah, I'm rea-

CRRCK

I'll bloody mangle 'im, Shiela. Don't worry, I'm gonna carve him a new cakehole.

CRRICKK

But of course, you gorgeous lady.

Mmm, charming. Let's hope you make it back in one piece, hmm?

CRRCK

Of course, that is implying that Sombra makes it back to his cave. Also implying that I wouldn't make it home since I don't have two spirits of insanity and death inside me.

Well. Don't get cocky. That's Christian's job.

CRRCK

Bloody right, Lulu. When Thunder gets back, we'll make sure he ravages yo-

CRRICK

Ohhh, my neck...gah...

To be honest, I think we may have to get you a neck massage once Sombra's down and out.

I can help with that!

Alright then, cheers, Cadence...gahhh...

The moment I stopped the conversation, I was suddenly thrown 20 metres down the street, before violently hitting the crystal road. I felt myself hit against something solid, and the last thing I can remember seeing was Sombra slowly approaching the city as ponies fled in panic.

About 5 minutes later, I woke up to the sound of screaming. My wings were beeping almost confusedly as they tried to right themselves, and I finally managed to hear their usual chirp of alertness through the muffled sounds. I rolled over, and looked at the floor. I had bled on the crystals, and it was actually hard to notice on the red road, so it wouldn't be worrying the ponies. Yes, a fucking demon had returned, but at least they know DJ Storm is safe. Staggered to all four hooves and looked up. Towering above everything was Sombra, hungrily looking upon his Empire of hard ponies and probably hunting for the heart as well. Then, I looked over to the room balcony I had slept in. It was somewhere he wouldn't see me sneaking into, so why not get some...things?

Ensuring he was preoccupied, I began to climb up the side of a nearby street lamp, before parkouring my way to the next ledge. It took several wing bursts, but I made it undetected to my room. Inside was my suitcase, containing my shit-slappin' gear; hat, boots, and Flip, as well as some extra ammo. Finally, there was my last Cigar, I had been saving it for when shit went so fucked up that it was shit. I contemplated bringing my trusty Dhoenix, but then I realised I had an Ambassador with a nearly fucking endless ammo supply, and I could pull weapons from literally out of my arse. Shrugging, I removed my casual clothing, but kept the shades, and put on my other clothing. Then, I reached behind me, pulled out a bloodied pickaxe, and went onto the balcony with what I can remember as the most fucking psychotic grin I had ever done. Then, I jumped off the balcony, landed near my radio-deck using my wings, and then looked it over. The speakers still seemed ready to play a few more songs.

Smirking, I started flicking through the list to find what I wanted. A large number of ponies were still in the street, and they were no longer crystalline; They needed motivation. I selected the song, pressed play, and the sound of Driving With the Top Down, a part of the Iron Man soundtrack I had stolen from a CD, began playing through the speakers quite loudly. The Crystal Ponies looked sad, then noticed me, what I was wearing, and the fact that I was carrying a pickaxe.

"OI!" I called down the microphone to get Sombra's attention. He looked down at me and growled. I could already see the girls and guys facehoofing near the fake heart. "Implying that I'm dead, you rock-pushing bastard!" He snarled, and then everybody was forced to run as he forced more crystals out of the ground near where I was stood. Unfortunately for him, they headed in his direction, and that was all I needed to see. I leapt up onto a crystal shard, and began galloping towards him with pickaxe in my mouth. This guy, despite having less screen-time than Discord and less chapters than him, had fucked me around too much, and he looked like a really shit OC. Ignoring my hypocritical anger, I waited until I was above him, then leapt down and pulled another pickaxe from nowhere. Up above, I knew Spike had fallen with the heart, and that only gave me a few seconds to slap this guy's shit. The moment I got in front of him, I swiped with my pickaxes, then chucked them at him. As if by chance, both managed to nail him in the chest and get stuck. He struggled at them, roared, and then fell to the ground. I swear to god, if it was that easy I wouldn't have bothered to do that shit, I thought as I flew down after him. The road smashed as he hit the rocky street, visible shattering all over the place as ponies crowded around to look at the once powerful guy. I landed, and all of the ponies looked like they were about to cheer, until the obvious happened.

CRRCK

"Hmhmhmhmhmmm," I chuckled evilly, kneeling beside him and pulling out two Bushwackas. I could see the guys and girls smirking slightly as what looked like their freak sides taking over slightly. "It's like Christmas Mornin'." Then I think somebody died violently. It might have been Sombra.

Yeah.

Probably him.

"Oh dear Christ, what the fuck is this shit?" I murmured. Now I was made out of Crystal after a huge white shockwave. All the others were as well, and some of the girls looked...nice. Then I noticed Rainbow Dash, Inferno, Sky, and Fluttershy, flapping their heavy crystal wings and flying with ease. "OK, what the fuck you guys?" They looked at me blankly.

"What's the matter, Thunder?" Rainbow sighed.

"Well, physics!" I replied frustratedly as we began to leave the Empire. "You're made of rocks, and therefore should not be able to fly! Look at you guys, you're bloody...Bumblebee'ing that shit! How are you even fucking flying?!" They refused to answer, though I saw Twilight now intently looking at the pegasi.

Well, you did it. You horribly mutilated the pony equivalent of Saddam Hussein in front of those he enslaved, then had his horn rammed in your shoulder, then you made that into an ornamental knife and gave it to Fluttershy.

FLUTTERSHY.

Yeah. Because, she could, uh, y'know...fucking...erm...shank a bitch with it. That's, like, what she does. Shanks bitches when nopony's looking.

Needless to say, I'm relatively unimpressed by your performance.

What, too violent?

No. Not violent enough. What Sombra did may not compare to what Nightmare Moon attempted to do, but he still enslaved these innocent ponies, tried to destroy what they stood for, and killed those who stood against him. To be honest, you shouldn't have taken the knives from his eyeballs. He was one of the cruellest, most vicious leaders in known history.

Like George Bush?

Like George Bu-wait, wha-?

Well done, Thunder! Be sure to tell the girls and your friends that they're welcome back any time!

Oh, why thank you, Cadence. The moment I get home, I'll get a massage. It won't compare to the way you described that one I could have got here, but it'll probably snap my back into place.

Thunder, who's this dead stallion on the balcony?

DAMN YOU, COLOUR THIEF. He's annoying. Kick him into a hole.

That sounds fun.

Wow, Cadence, you've changed a lot since you first entered my mind.

Learned from the best, if not the most insane.

I think insane fits the bill, better.

Celly!

Hello, Thunder. Since you're the closest link I have, say well done to Twilight and Spike for me. Oh, and you wouldn't happen to know about freaks, would you?

I'm a bearer of about three, so you could say that. What's up?

It began developing this morning. Blueblood came back from a cemetery, that same one you visited, but a few hours after you went in. Then, he's recently began to start threatening guards, telling them he's in charge and nothing could stop him. We have two in the infirmary, and we know something is very, VERY wrong.

Hmm...has he been behaving differently? As in, any incredibly unusual traits?

Well, I've noticed that he's began to start placing unusual orders. A vest jacket like yours, a slouch, and, most concerningly, two Zurkhan Kukri knives. Either you broke him, or a freak entered him. I'd hope you know which one.

Two kukris, you say...? Interesting choice...anything else he's been doing?

If I may answer this?

Go ahead, Moony.

Thank you. Well, I have seen him entering the lab containing your car, Thunder. He spends hours in there at a time, then leaves with papers, but no papers seem to be missing when the scientists check. He also snuck into Dok's warehouse, but he was unable to figure out what was taken. So, vehicles and weapons. Sounds...normal.

Hmmph. I can't think of any freaks like that. Did anypony go with him?

Only his friend Iron Helmet.

Did he return different?

Not that I've noticed. He did bring a stainless steel pot home with him, and at least once I've seen him wearing it as a hat whilst he stares ahead blankly.

Well, I recognise that idea; the Intelligent Heavy. Not so intelligent, or dangerous, but that pot causes nightmares when worn. That's about all I've got for him, though.

Wow, this is actually pretty interesting. You know what? We should continue this investigation when you're next up here, Thunder. That way, you can see what he does for yourself.

Good idea, Lulu. Anybody else up for a spot of detective work whilst I'm next in Canterlot?

If it's at night, sure, I'm up for it. I can see if Doktor would be interested, seeing as how he's...well, a Doctor.

Well, actually, I lost my Medical License when I stole somebody's skeleton.

Dok? You can come in here, too?

Oh, ja, ja. This is like an open call, Frau Thunder. Anypony who knows about it can access your head, and it's like an open party.

Well, that's actually...going to end up inducing headaches. But anyway, are you interested in a bit of detective work on Blueblood when I'm next in Canterlot?

Well, if I have no patients, then Ja. If I do, then Nein, I'm afraid. Find anypony you can just in case Ich can't join you.

Alright, good. So we have Lulu, Celestia, possibly Dok, Nightmare, me...

And me.

...how the fuck did you get in here, you're fucking dea-?

It's me, Thunder. Octavia. You know, the British mare that you are literally best friends with?

...sure, why the hell not?

Not forgetting me!

Hey, Colly! How did you two even find this?

Listened to your psychotic ramblings. Interestingly, they sometimes linked to me, Colgate, and several other mares. Care to enlighten?

No.

Please?

No.

I'll do my seductive face if you don't...~

That won't work.

What is this conversation even turning into?

4chan.

YOLO: You Obviously Love Octavia. That's my new favourite Thunder quote. I shall spread it around town.

Implying Octavia is not one of the best musicians in Ponyville

> Implying she's not adorable because she's English

Implying I'm not slightly blushing because of this

Implying Thunder isn't halfway back to Canterlot because he goes into auto-pilot during these conversations.

I want to cum inside Jack T Herbert.

NO. BAD COLGATE. BAD.

Well, anyway. This is somewhere I like. Calm, 'wub' free, and it's with Thunder: one of my obvious admirers.

CRRCK

A pleasure, madam. My name is GentleSpy.

Jesus Christ, I am in tears at this ridiculous conversation.

Author's Note

Thunder thread simulator 0.4v.