I told you to go right

It took 5 fucking hours for the pills to wear off.

5.

Fucking.

Hours.

For over 300 minutes I had to put up with have fucking Pinkie-Pie hair and a yellow bloody horn, and eventually sanding it down to a small lump meant that it disappeared faster. The hair, though, managed to get back to its navy-and-gold glory after said 5 hours, and then I stepped out of Luna's room proudly. By then, it was about 8:00 in the evening, I'd arranged with Octavia to meet her at a restaurant in Canterlot centre to begin investigations into Blueblood, and I didn't want to keep the adorable grey mare waiting. She did, however, say to wear my best clothes, so the obvious choice was to put on my jacket, hat, and boots. Which, of course, I did, and then flew down to the meeting point.

When I arrived, she really did catch my eye. Octavia was wearing a black turtleneck and suit jacket, the black fedora-with-cards hat she mentioned, and sunglasses. I also couldn't help but notice the bony hand holding the lantern that was following her around all the fucking time, and it made her look like the last thing I'd ever see ~~before she took me home, seduced me, then did some really weird but hot stuff~~. I landed beside her, and she looked at me.

"Those are genuinely your best clothes?" she sighed. "I saw you in your suit when you delivered those flowers..."

"Ah!" I said quickly, raising a hoof. "Be silent, my adorable English accomplice. We shall move to the palace now." Then, without listening to her irritated grumbling, I then began to move at a moderately fast pace to the palace. With Tavi in tow, I began to speak with my fellow helpers.

Right then, people, listen up. We need as much evidence against Blueblood as possible. If he's been gathering up resources, and acting threatening, then we need to stop him.

Of course, the moment he makes a move such as attempting to overthrow the throne or kill our beloved Thunder, then we can rip his throat out.

Yeah.

But of course, Miss Nightmare.

I know where he is, he just headed down to the labs. Dok, anything?

Ach, nein. Frau Blueblood is...patrolling. He seems to be waiting for a few scientists to finish up and go home, and it looks like they're feeling intimidated. And....ja, they're leaving.

What's he doing?

Nothing...wait. He's going to the door to the vehicle lab. He's inside. Ach, nein. I cannot see him.

It's alright, Dok, Thunder and I are on the case.

Try not to blow our cover, please. I know how you are, Thunder.

Don't come wide with me, Octavia has a lamp continuously floating near her well-rounded, perfect...flanks...AHEM, ERM, FUCK, LOST MY TRAIN OF TH-THOUGHT...

Pfft.

I thought you liked my bum?

Hmm, nah, I've caught him looking at mine a few times.

Thank Faust I can stay out of this.

Hmm, I can see where the praise comes from. I've been exercising a lot, so I'd hope my flanks are perfect as he claims.

Bitch please.

I fucking hate you all.

But you like our flanks? Yep, we need to show you something later.

All of you are like fucking Hitler in my hate list right now.

From what I can tell, you look up to-

SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU

Doktor, do you ever worry you might be going mad?

Hmm? Who's he talking to-?

Ha, well, no, it's not really something I WORRY about, I'm not up all night about it, Heh.

Redrum...REDRUM...!

...oh, Red rum! Ha, I just got that, very clever!

Oops, I just so happen to have stopped in front of Thunder's face. Oh no, he pressed his snout into my well-formed, delightful flanks!

Damn, so much female attention. I wish I could stay inbetween these freakin' pleasure pillows...

We all heard that.

SHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT-

I 'awoke' the next morning a lot more tired than usual. I don't really sleep, more...rest. But this morning, I awoke with four fluffy warm things pressed against me.

I immediately knew what happened that night, thought about how shit a character I was, and went back to sleep.

"YOU!" I heard somepony yell as I went through the main hall. I stopped, turned around, and received a punch to the face. It surprisingly hurt, considering who delivered it. Standing over me was none other than Prince Blueblood, but...different. He was wearing the same kind of jacket I wore, but less bloodied, my hat-type, and even worse, my boots. But I was wearing mine as well, and he looked like he copied my style. However, pinned to the side of his jacket was a visible pair of sheaths containing Kukris; the choice of weapon for marksmen.

"Jesus, you twat, the hell was that for?" I asked angrily, picking myself up as a crowd gathered. Again, I was met with a punch.

"Silence when you're being spoken to by a gentleMATE!" he yelled. I noticed the distinctive accent change, and it hit me who I was dealing with. The van, the knives, the jacket, then his Intelligent Heavy friend...Spyper. Should've seen this fucking coming... "Now that you've stopped being arrogant, and we have witnesses," Blueblood gestured to the actually pretty large crowd that had gathered, "I'm going to prove that I hold more power than you! Accompany me to the throne room, ALL of you, in 3 days' time, and I can show-" His neck cracked loudly. "-that I'm a dinkum Aussie, not some bloody cartoon!" I was recovering from the blow, but just in time to see him drawing his kukri. I didn't bother pulling my own one out, since I had an endless number, but still looked at him.

The blade went under my throat. "And to top it all off, you'll go into the courtyard, with both the cowardly princesses, and I'll kill all three of you at the same time." The crowd gasped. I raised a hoof.

"Actually, you only have two weapons, therefore it is impossible for you to kill all three of us at once. Plus, you're the biggest shit on the carpet I've ever seen, and you're a lazy cunt, so why do you even bother listening to Spyper? Just go the fuck back to bed." I sighed, standing up and ignoring the kukri pointed at me. Then, without warning, I grabbed his neck and slammed his head to mine. "And believe me," I snarled loudly so that only a few ponies near the front of the crowd could hear, "If you so much as fucking touch my Luna, I'm going to put my boot so far up your ass it'll be on the fucked-to-god news. You hear me, you little stuck up shit?"

Blueblood pushed away, glaring. Then, he...chuckled.

"GentleMATES?" he announced loudly, before teleporting himself away, leaving a shocked audience and myself. I looked to them.

"That...was the most anti-climatic and over-dramatic thing I've ever seen him do." The crowd dispersed, leaving me on my own.

Hear that, Celestia and Luna?

Ohhhh, yeah.

Like I heard you and the other three last night.

Speaking of which, that was the best night I've had n a long time.

Can I just say, Octavia, you really are fluffy. You're a good thing to have in the morning, besides coffee.

Or teeth-brushing.

Goddamn, almost forgot you were there, Colly.

I'm broadcasting this to Cadence. She's chuckling.

Oh! Hi, Cadence! If you had anything to do with last night, thanks! I'll be sure to DJ in the Empire again!