Stepping off the train feeling slightly more cheerful, especially since I'd remembered the lyrics to the original Italian Job* theme song, I decided the first thing I'd do would be wander about town again, since I had money from the castle job. It added up to around 250,000 bits, so I was pretty fucking minted. I could even store ALL of it in my infinite chasms of pockets! Glorious! I smiled as I trotted off the platform and headed down the main street. It was mid-day, so the street was bustling with ponies I'd come to recognise over the course of about a year. I could already smell a musical number.

It was a smell that came quite often in Equestria. Music and Dance were energies that nopony could predict, and struck Everypony in a large area to suddenly know the exact lyrics, song-sheets, tunes, and choreography to ANY song the 'lead' pony sang. Thankfully, I was never in the affected area, except I was at one point the subject to one of Pinkie's ear-molestingly cheerful songs about how I was a 'grumpy lump' and I should give somepony a 'hoof bump'. I was planning to hoof bump her with great force in her stupid grinning face.

OK, she gave me a hug and I cowered, but that's beside the point. I had this absolutely AWFUL feeling that with this many ponies, and me being HAPPY, that I'd end up having to do a shit-ton of singing. But if I did end up singing on my first day back on the town, it'd be a hilariously overblown sing-song of Getta Bloomin' Move On. Just because I'm English like that. The moment I trotted past the musicians over by the central fountain, I heard the first 'ding' of the song, and a few ponies nearby gave me a look as though to say 'welcome back, have a musical number'. Then, one of them started playing the piano, and I think Everypony else I asked about it said they blacked out at the guitar. Though I can remember going 'ba-badap-baba-baba-bupbup' for a while.

And before you begin questioning my taste in music, I found myself suddenly wanting a fedora after listening to Hey Pachuco.

I don't question it at all. I just don't like dance parties, festivals, or going dancing in public.

Well, you defied all physics and expectations by somehow finding the energy to dance to Where Them Girls At...

Hmmph.

Is this a lover's quarrel? Can I fix it? Please? I'm bored.

Cadence, don't you EVER read public magazines, newspapers, or gossip magazines? Thunder and I split up.

Aww, was there an argument?

We...agreed our relationship wasn't 'loving' enough. We were pretty much friends with benefits.

Are you still friends with benefits? That's...kind of a relationship...if, aha, the 'mistress' and 'slave' thing counts...

Go home, Cadence, you're drunk.

Thunder, that musical number was AWESOME!

I know, right?

This is the self-preservatiooooon society! Go wash your German bands, your boat race too! Cop your Barnet fair, we gotta lot to do! Put on your dickie-dirt and your Peckham Ryyyyyye, 'cos time's soonhurryin' byyyyyyYYYYYY!

Oh good lord, what have I walked in on?

A triad of singing!

Gah, Thunder...

...no bib around yer Gregory Peck today, EH? Slide your plates of meat-

RIGHT ALONG THE SEAT!

This is the self preservation society!

Ach, dummkopfs..

Anyway, Thunder, you know Ebony?

Yes, of course.

Well, he wants to see you and the guys again, since he came so far and wanted to see where you were at.

Well, tell that wonderful bastard I'm good for it.

Colgate has changed the conversation picture.

Sweet Jesus...

Mein Führer...

Wait, Dok says what now?

What? The only males in this call don't enjoy being surrounded by mares?

Well, Dok doesn't speak to mares that much. He barely goes out in public, or outside in general.

And Thunder is generally a victim of a system where mares seduce his tiny frazzled mind into doing horrible things for no reason. For instance, if I do this...

Lulu has changed the conversation picture.

And nobody cares that Dok just said 'mein führe-' OH CHRIST, STOP IT.

Quick, somebody tell him to do something.

Thunder, you'll come round my house tonight, Colgate can come too. Then, you're going to be tied down, and we shall use you as we please.

-WARNING: SANITY CORE DEPLETING. EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY.-

It's...probably nothing. Thunder, later this month, I'll say 'massage'. And the moment I say that, you'll agree to anything I sa-

-WARNING: SANITY CORE CRITICAL. EVACUATE. REPEAT. SANITY CORE CRITICAL. EVACUATE. REPEAT. SANITY CO-

schztttt~

...let's get out. Now.

'fraid not, Shielas.

-BLAST DOORS SEALING.-

Thunder?

Ahhh, welcome to the party, Thundah!

Nah, 's just Marine Eyelander speakin'. Yer all stayin' here.

Thunder, what's happening?

What's happenin'? You didn't expect that I 'ad a limit? A tippin' point?

Thunder, you're scaring me. Stop, please.

Oh, you think I give a damn about 'ow you're bloody fee-

CRRCK

Ermm...what the hell just happened?

Thunder, I think something just snapped inside you. You've locked us in your mind.

-BLAST DOORS UNLOCKED-

There, sorted. Christian, Gentle, do you have anything to do with this?

I'm afraid not. Christian?

Nah. Though I'm thinkin' we mighta picked up another spirit in that graveyard. How he's kept so bloody silent is beyond me.

So...that wasn't Thunder?

I apologise, Miss Octavia, for such an inconvenient truth. Thunder is contaminated severely; if neither Christian nor myself can figure out which uninvited hitchhiker we have with us, the consequences may be disastrous.

Yeah. I 'ave a couple ideas, but none might make sense...

Hmm...allow us some time to think about this, and we shall return to you fine damsels with our conclusions.

OK, good. Thank you.

And why are you all going through all this trouble to help me?

Well, it's kind of...fun. We get to sort out your broken head, I get to look after you in a nurse costume, and you get seduced. I enjoy these things.

Just...enough. OK? Enough with the seduction, rape, taking advantage of my weakness to mares, all of it. Just stop. For a while. OK? I've broken up with Lulu, and you don't seem to care.

I care.

Thank you, Cadence. As usual, your input is appreciated.

<3

So...you don't like being seduced?

Not nearly as much as I used to. I find no enjoyment in it any more, just...nothing, I guess.

Herr Thunder, would you mind telling me when these problems started?

Well, I'm lying on a couch back in my house, so why not? Anyway, it all started when...

Dok, I owe you some Mann Co. Workshop items. I feel a lot better.

How did you get those?

I asked Pinkie. I had to pay her in hugs.

Hmm. I suppose that's...bad. But anyway, it was meine pleasure. I enjoy seeing what makes ponies tick.

Their Coronary Arteries.

I like those too.

Author's Note

* Go watch that shit right now. RIGHT FUCKING NOW, YOU UN-PATRIOTIC ENGLISHMAN.