I told you to go right

For about the next four days, we went from town to city and city to town finding as many stallions as possible for the cause. Every one or two stops, we commandeered another train, and it was pretty much always a clan train. Apparently these vehicles were simply duplicated from one 'host' train using magic. Must have been one hell of a Basmo Bip Brondo that Merasmus did to make this many fucking trains. Anyway, once we'd just gotten to a jungle, we realised something.

We'd been heading completely the wrong way.

So it was a few hours until our best unicorns were able to gather the energy to flip the entire bloody train (no big deal or anything, Jesus Christ), all 80 carriages and 5 engines, all the way around to face back the way we came. Thunderlane and I darted ahead to switch the signals to the way we needed them to go, and returned with surprising news. While Thunderlane went back to the regular carriages, I went to the first engine, the one I'd been spending a fair bit of time in. "Gents," I began, "Do any of you know a Mr. 'Viral Cough'?" I was responded to with shrugs and murmuring as Engineer and Demoman fiddled with the controls to get the vehicle moving.

"Hell if I know." Faith replied. "Why? You see someone out there?"

"Eh, kinda." I said as I sat down for a drink. "While we were going about, Thunderlane wanted to go ahead and flip the signal, and that it'd be best if we sat in a supply building for a while. It was completely abandoned, yeah, but as I was lookin' out over the horizon to see what there was, besides a flat expanse as it got progressively darker, I saw...this...ugh...um..."

"Stallion?" Inferno asked.

"He sounded like one. I could see Thunderlane fiddling with the switches to get them moving, but like not even a few feet away from him was this black stallion, black hair, and a metallic bird mask and one of those creepy Spanish Inquisition hats but in black. The eyes were glowing green, and there was this green...lantern beside him. Thunderlane didn't even notice, and the guy even said 'Hallo, Thunder, I am Viral Cough!' in this weird echo-y voice. Then, I blinked, and he was gone. It's like he's something I uncovered but never knew about, he knows my name and stuff. It's creepy."

"Hmm..." Demoman thought for a moment. He comes up with some absolutely genius statements when he's sober, and that was one of those times. "Well, I suppose he could've come from that wee graveyard outside o' Ponyville. Ye said all kinds o' nasty spirits were buried there, what if somepony else followed ye there? We know about feckin' Blueballs and his lot, but maybe some other wee nursemaid followed ye?" We all considered this.

"You might have a point there, pardner." Engie said, still firing up the engine in this train segment. It would be physically impossible for this one train engine to pull all 80 carriages, so we had a radio set up to inform the other drivers when to fire up their engines to move, stop, and slow down, or speed up. Engie, who hadn't changed to a pony name and still went by Dell Conagher, was occasionally looking back at us to speak. "If he causes trouble, ah reckon it won't take much t' kill the fella. How big was he? Movin' speed? Any kinda armour on the fella?"

"None that I could see." I replied. "All he had was that metal mask with the green eyes, the hat I mentioned, and the lantern, if that constitutes armour of any kind." I paused, looking at Everypony else as we all thought. "Ah, who am I kidding, Engie's probably right. I guess we could shoot him if he has a go at us. Plus, Faith can simply run away with her literally amazing parlour skills-"

"Yeah, literally." she mocked with a smile.

"-Bush could probably shoot him when he's a mile away-"

"Heard that, you wanker!" he called through the door to his room that wasn't even a few doors from the controls of the train. The actual train engine had a set of rooms with bunk beds we were using, and I was bunking with Bush, Rogue, and Dok. I'd be kept up for hours as they discussed their adventures back in the Badlands. "Sleep with one eye open, mate, or I'll throw you out the train, wait for us to be a mile away, then shoot ya!"

"-Engie can run him over in the train or build one of his signature contraptions-

"Aw, shucks." he grinned, before speaking into the radio to let us know it's time to move, and shifting the throttle. The train lurched forward, and cheers erupted from cabins behind.

"-Dok could Übercharge one of us for massive damage-"

"I told you, Thunder, I'm not going to Übercharge you again after that night of drinking! That was most of the Winter Crates destroyed!" he called through, almost angry.

"-Demo could place some bombs down-"

"Aye." he grinned, reclining over the back of his chair with a bottle of root beer*.

"-Rogue could plow a knife into his back and pretty much make him a vegetable-"

"Of course." he nodded, flicking a cigarette out of the window.

"-and Inferno, Ebony and I could easily do some evil spirit shit and kill him." I finished. Ebony looked quizzically at me. As the train began to clack over the rails, I sighed. "OK." I began. "You remember Nightmare Moon, right?"

He nodded. "We got rid of her."

"No, turns out we didn't." I replied. "She lived in my head for a YEAR, and apparently generated some of my best plans from inside there and put them in my head. So, she can follow me around wherever, and even has the power to come out of my body as a misty figure. Then, we visited a graveyard full of TF2 Freaks, and we ended up awakening them and allowing them inside our heads." As if on cue, my neck clicked. "Good Lord!" I suddenly cried with Rogue's voice. I turned hazelly-brown, and a fedora appeared on my head. "Nightmare really knows how to ravage a man of high-tastes, even when not physically! You're a lucky fellow, Thunder!" My neck clicked again, I grew a few feet, and turned into ~~a worse OC than I already am~~ a black alicorn with red tinted hooves, and bloody sunglasses. "Yeah."

Engineer and Demo panicked, and recoiled at my form as I looked over. "Oi! I know you two, don't I? And that Bush bloke, and Dok, and...ROGUE!" Christian began to yell, pulling out a pair of Bushwackas. "You left me for dead back on Earth! I 'ad t' kill all of ya for revenge, and then fucking Rogue came up and almost killed me! Ain't that right, Gentle?!" My neck clicked, but I didn't change colour. Instead, my voice changed.

"Of course, now I remember. I was with you that whole time, and I saved you from Rogue' actions."

CRRCK

"Christ, guys, calm your tits. They're here now, they're not trying to kill you, and I think you survived that stuff. Let it go."

CRRCK

"Apologies. Things got out of hoof."

"Yeah. Sorry, mates."

"Good. Now, I think it'd be best if we kept alert. That Viral Cough guy could be anywhere, if I wasn't seeing things." We all agreed, and went to go do whatever we planned to do for a few days as we went at a moderate speed towards Griffonia. However, just as I turned to look out the window, I saw a green lantern moving past the train and disappear. I shook my head. "God, I hope that isn't him." I whispered.