The group of us, consisting of Cadence, Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, the girls without Twilight, my clone, the lads, and me, were making final preparations in the hall of the wedding. It was dull buisness for me, so I idly slung my AWP over my shoulder and let my eyes wander from window to window. I had this weird itch to smash them all, but I didn't know why, so I ignored it. I scratched my head and trotted casually out of the hall. Before I left, I leaned in.
"Just going for a wander, be back in a few minutes." I explained. Rarity nodded, before turning back to her conversation as I left the room. As soon as I turned around, though, I was almost knocked over by Twilight as she cantered in looking determined. Frowning as she didn't even stop to apologise, I dusted myself off and followed after her. I returned to find her shouting at Cadence, over something about her being evil.
"How could you say that?!" Cadence cried, running out in a flood of tears. Shining said something to Twilight angrily, before running after her. The girls, guys, even Inferno, and Princesses left without saying a word to her.
"Did I miss something...?" I trailed off. Instead of an answer, my clone stopped, before delivering a bitch slap. It didn't hurt, but it was funny. "Come at me, bro." I laughed, turning and slapping him in return. As we both left Twilight to her angry thoughts, my clone and I repeatedly slapped each other, because it was funny. Of course, it was all fun and games until Celestia delivered a SHIT POWERFUL slap that threw me down the hall, before I embedded myself into a nearby wall.
"I win." she called after me. "And here's your knife you dropped!" I heard magic charging, and in the blink of an eye my knife was fired right in front of my snout. I don't know what happened after that, but I think I fainted because I almost died. Yeah. That probably happened.

Later, after I had got up and received an apology flower vase from Celly, I followed Luna to the labs as I promised her after she preened my wings in a sexual manner. It was a shiny place. Quite a few white walls dominated the facility, and behind glass walls were test subjects testing experimental devices for protection, recreation, and other purposes. She led me through a few corridors to an office.

Doktor Schadenfreude

"Dr Schadenfreude is in charge of substitute limbs." Luna explained. "Does surgeries in a few minutes, painlessly, and converses with patients to keep them amused." I thought over who that reminded me of. "Don't worry: he knows what he's doing." As we knocked, I could see a look in Luna's eyes that said 'I hope.'
"Hallo!" called a cheerful Germane voice. "Come in, frauleins!" We obliged, stepping into less of an office, more of a surgery room. In the centre of the dark room, there was a bed, stained with blood. All around lay items that wouldn't be out of place in a robot lab, and connected to the ceiling, there was a large machine, incredibly familiar at that. Speed-Repair. Speed...fast...quick...repair...mend...fi-aw, shit.
"Princess!" smiled a cheerful stallion. He had circular rimmed glasses, and a cream tank top, underneath with a shirt. On his hooves, there was blood, and he had white fur and a black mane. With his red cross cutie mark, I could see a HUGE resemblance to a much loved German doctor. "It is good to see you again! 1000 years has done you no damage, hmm?" He moved forward, issuing her a friendly hug.
"Hello, Doktor." she smiled, returning the gesture. "The same could be said for you! Still as young looking as I remember you a thousand years ago!" WUT.
"You know each other?" I asked in shock. The pair nodded.
"Yes, we were best friends. Probably still are. Doktor is one in a million: an immortal earth-pony. Last time I saw him, it was before I was corrupted, having a problem with my horn looked at." Luna explained.
"I think we both know how that turned out." Doktor chuckled. "Anyway, now that reunions are done, how can I help you, Lulu?" Luna smiled, and picked me up with magic. My wing was spread out, and put in front of Doktor. He narrowed his eyes and adjusted his glasses, before reaching out with both hooves, pulling the hole wider and examining the wound. It hurt slightly, but I ignored it.
"Well, Dok, we were up in the mountains, when Terramorphous attacked us. One of the rocks he can throw went straight through Thunder's wing, and he refuses conventional surgery in public hospitals." Luna replied. "Think you can help?"
"Ja!" he laughed, cheerfully picking me up onto his back, dumping me on the surgery bed, and not even bothering to strap me down. Luna was doing that with magic, and giving a reassuring smile. The Me-erm, Doktor adjusted his glasses, and turned on the heal beam. It was ridiculously underwhelming in feeling, but thankfully I couldn't feel my internal organs. "It's good to know you still trust the good Doktor. None of these underpaid 'nurses' and whatnot." I felt something being pulled on my back, and I looked. He had sawn off both of my wings, dumped them in a bucket, and was now holding my heart. He looked at me as he rolled me onto my back. "So, how did you come into this world?" I blinked. He knew?
"Ho-how did you know?" I asked.
"Because I know a human when I see one. Oh, can you hold this for a moment?" Doktor placed my heart in my hooves as he used both hooves to pull out something. "Anyway, I came during the...1950s, I believe. When I arrived here, I decided to go get a job using my existing expertise, but without equipment, I was slightly doomed. But, I noticed later that things...dropped. Like my old television, a few recording devices, and this." He patted the machine emitting the red beam. "It gave me fame, for a few years. Then, ponies realised I was immortal, and all was not good. So I hid for a few years, performing acts of surgical precision like this, until I was given a job offer here. Could I have the heart back now, please?" I gave him the organ, and he 'augmented' it.
"So, how'd you survive this long and look so young?" I asked.
"I have no idea." he replied. "This is how I looked when I arrived. I assume we don't age here, so that's good. What year was it back home when you arrived?"
"2013." I replied. "My friends and I went for a walk in a forest, and somehow ended up here. Some tech we brought with us is now publicly available, like guns. So, after a few adventures, things went serious. I toughened the hell up, that's for sure. At one point, I practically cried when I got kicked in the head, but now I reply with my gun. Ahh, how I've messed up Equestria." Doktor was silent. Before speaking.
"So, not many ponies know this, Lulu is one of them, but I had a pretty good job back home, ja." Doktor put my heart back in place, before marching to a cupboard, and pulling out possibly the greatest thing I'd ever seen in my entire life: a Syringe Gun. "BLU Team Medic, supporting class for the entire 9 of the team. I remember how it was in the heat of battle; rockets were flying, sand exploded everywhere, I fought well! Ja, those were the proudest days of my life!" Doktor stopped posing, before sighing. "The team was disbanded. After the robots attacked, BLU team was just...gone. They dumped money on us, and told us not to talk. I never saw the other members again, and I most likely never will."
So...that's the ending to TF2? BLU team disbands? Just...that's it? Depressing. Never played much as Medic. I think the only hats I had for him was an Otarynogolist's Mirror that I crafted with a Doe Boy, and a Bill's hat. He didn't see much action...what if I tell him about TF2?
Don't even.
Aww, come on. It might make his day to know that years after his team was disbanded, people played as him in a game and enjoyed it.
You know the theories of space and time?
Aw, dammit, not those shitey laws again. I get it, I'll keep quiet.
"...well, anyway, that's your heart prepared for the wings." Doktor nodded, smiling at his work. He placed his hooves on his hips, which left red stains upon the clean top. Before I could ask why I needed the heart thing, my chest burst open. Looking back up at me, and cooing curiously, was a small white dove. "Archimedes! No!" Medi-DOKTOR said frustratedly as the live version of my desk mascot* flew away. Luna was now stifling laughs. "He does this EVERY time. I don't think I've had one patient who left without having Archimedes in their chest once!"
"What about Luna?" I asked.
"Yes, he seemed to like me." she giggled as a small flock of doves landed on her head. I thought about how amazing it would be if there was a picture of Luna with Archimedes on her head, and smirked. I received a sudden tap.
"Was ist das?" Doktor asked. He raised a hoof, and in that hoof was a small rectangle, covered in cartoonish blood. I could make out some buttons on the bottom. I let my jaw drop.
"Let me see that." I said quickly, grabbing the device. If it was what I thought it was...shit.
It was.
It was my old phone.
"Thunder, what is it?" Luna asked, trotting over as I wiped down the screen. I carefully pressed the on button with my hoof, and after a few seconds my ever beloved wallpaper came up, a Pyro burning shit to the floor. I unlocked it carefully, and checked the home screen.
'1266 unread messages, 1774 missed calls'
"This is a phone?" Luna asked. "You carried this all the time? You could have used this so many times!"
"It was in my ass, I don't think I'd have said 'hold on, I'm getting a call, let me just pull this out of my arse', would I?" I laughed. "But yeah, this is a phone. Wanna reverse engineer it?" I asked Luna. "You go tell the lab-boys, I'll finish my surgery."

A lot had happened during the surgery. The others, minus Twilight, came to visit me while Medic rewired my nerves to my new wings, and the lads were pretty excited to meet the Medic.
"So, you keep the patient awake during surgery?" Fire asked.
"Ja." replied Doktor cheerfully. He had moved onto my second wing, after 4 hours of stitching one in. "It keeps them amused, plus I have someone to talk to! Just like back in Drogentote! Was that in the game you talk about?"
"Yep, as a fan-made map." Inferno nodded. "You were Fire's favourite class, and he had a lot of hats for you."
"My favourite class was Sniper." I added in. "Übercharging Sniper was the worst idea anybody had, especially when I played him."
"Not my finest moment." Doktor chuckled. So the conversation went on like this for hours: we finally met Fire's hero. And by the end of the night, I looked up to Medic because of what he'd been through.

Author's Note

*Archimedes plushie. Check it out in the Valve store, it's adorable.