Batmare and the foal wonder!

“Muahahahahahaaaaa…” The unusually high voice almost seemed to be giggling. “You’re about to get…. ICED!”

At this terrible pun, the Pegasus burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter, causing puffs of supercooled air to fall out of the fishbowl he had placed on his head.

After unleashing a primal scream, the mare he was threatening stopped for a moment. “That was such an awful joke, please take what you want, just don’t tell another one!”

“Aww, such a cold reception for Mr. Cool! Why not give me a chance, perhaps you’ll warm up to my-“

“Please just shut up!”

“Well, if that’s how you’re going to be, it looks like I have no choice! I’ll give you a blast of my ultra-cold Nitrous-oxide!”

“You’re thinking of liquid Nitrogen, I think…” the mare corrected.

“Don’t you tell me what to breathe! I know what I’m talking about!” He waved a hoof along the hose that led from his ‘helmet’ to a rolling cooler with a large aluminum tank in it. Upon closer inspection, the cooler also contained dry ice.

“Ah,” said the mare “that’s a pretty bad joke, too, you know?”

“We’ll just see about that, my friend…” The self-proclaimed Mr. Cool pulled the hose out of his helmet and pointed it menacingly at his victim. The ominous hissing noise filled the narrow alleyway as Mr. Cool inched closer.

“So, um, now what?” the mare inquired as Mr. Cool proceeded to poke her in the face with the hose.

“You have to breathe it.” Stated Mr. Cool.

“I’d really rather not…”

The two were suddenly interrupted by a crazed screaming comet colliding into Mr. Cool, sending him crashing into the wall. Cracks ran down his helmet in a spiderweb pattern and the hose lay hissing on the ground.

“Well done foal wonder, a better surprise attack I could not have performed!”

“Th-thanks Batmawe,” a dazed Pipsqueak stuttered in appreciation.

“Batmare, I should have known! Only you can bring the heat to Mr. Cool!”

Batmare glanced at the unfortunate victim. “By Celestia’s beard, has he been doing this the whole time?”

“Yes!” the mare cried. “Please make him stop!”

“Your pugnacious puns have pained the populace long enough, Mr. Cool!”

“Sweet Celestia, not you, too!” cried the mare, before fainting from such an onslaught of verbal abuse.

“You know what, Batmare? I think you’re right, it’s about time I chilled out!” At the word ‘out’, Mr. Cool overturned his cooler and a great cloud of steam rose from the rapidly evaporating dry ice.

Quickly leaping into action, Batmare propelled herself forward through the steam cloud, only to find Mr. Cool waiting on the other side with a disquieting grin frozen to his face.

“HA! You didn’t think the great Mr. Cool would get cold hooves just because Batmare showed up, did you?”

Batmare giggled a bit at the pun, it was a little funny, but just a little.

“That dry ice was laced with Nitrous oxide! You’re in hot water now, you’ve fallen straight into my trap!”

Batmare burst out laughing, this Mr. Cool really was an amusing fellow, maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Holy Noble gasses, Batmare is inert!” Proclaimed Pipsqueak, with an apologetic look to the unconscious mare. Careful to avoid the vexing vapor, Pipsqueak climbed up a nearby fire escape and aimed his only weapon.

With a sharp report, the grappling hook fired and latched securely onto Batmares’ horn. Pipsqueak then clamped the gun to a railing and pressed the retracting button.

Batmares’ giggling fit continued in tandem with Mr. Cools as they faced off. Suddenly she raised her head, or rather her head was raised for her.

“Ha,ha…what the… hehehehe, I feel funny…” she said as she lost her hoofing and began to swing like a pendulum, slowly rising.

“Woah, Batmare can fly… BWahahahaha, I already knew that, you have to be…. Cold… to trick…um… Haaaahaahahahahahahaaa!” Between the chemicals and Batmare swinging helplessly by her horn, Mr. Cool couldn’t contain himself, he began to roll on the ground he was laughing so hard.

As her altitude increased, so did her awareness. Batmare surveyed the scene below, watching as Mr. Cool laughed himself into unconsciousness.

“Well played, old chum, well played.”

“Anything for you, Batmare.”

“Say, Pip old chum, would you mind doing me a favor?”

“Sure thing!”

“Be a dear and unhook me.”

“Ah.. oh, yes, of course, right away!” Pip scrambled to free his Idol.

Later that day, as Princess Luna lounged in her favorite bean-bag chair, she read the headlines of the premier newspaper ‘Equestria Daily’. Apparently, a mysterious ‘Batmare’ had rescued a citizen from almost certain death by punning, and put a wanted dental supply thief behind bars. The foal wonder would certainly like to see how they had made the papers in their first outing.

“Pipsqueak, oh Pipsqueak!” Luna called to no avail. “Now where could my old chum have gotten to?”

As she made her way to Pip’s bedchambers (a milk crate with a pillow in it at the foot of her bed) Luna felt a growing sense of unease.  It was quiet, too quiet. As she stepped into the room, she noticed a note on Pips bed.

“Dear Luna,

I know Pipsqueak works with the insufferable Batmare, and I know he lives with you. So you tell the Batmare to meet me in the Everfree forest at midnight if he ever wishes to see his ‘old chum’ again!

Candidly yours,

The Great Poison Joke”

Luna sighed with relief, “Whew, it looks like my plan worked, for a second I thought somepony knew I was Batmare!”