(This chapter contains graphically mature content. You've been warned.)

Number 36: Get a disposable camera and take pictures of everyone at your party. Check. So far, I have three pictures.

Number 44: Go for a walk through your city. You'd be surprised how much more interesting things are when you're intoxicated. Check. Except for the fact that it's not my city.

Number 19: Kiss your true love in a public place. Check, I suppose. Does a restroom count? Well, if not, then we've at least got the semi-wasted smooch in St. Herbal's park to put down.

Number 50: Make a prank phone call to someone you don't know from a payphone. Not check. Nopony had enough spare change.

Number 29: Throw a tray of assorted foodstuffs down a set of stairs, then, after scooping it up, put it back on the tray and tell your absent friend that nothing happened to it. Wait until he/she starts eating, then tell him/her what actually happened. Check. I may never forgive Pinkie Pie for that one.

Number 11: Get someone to video you dancing an impromptu victory dance. Check. Though, technically, I don't see the need for a victory dance when you've only tricked a vending machine into giving you a free soda.

Number 87: Hold a gift exchange using only toiletries. Check. The hotel didn't let us keep any of the little soaps or any of that stuff, though, so I made a note to bring backpack with me next time. And possibly some disguises.

"What? Wait, do I have a...is...did I get it?" says Pinkie, chopping her hooves through her mane.

"No, iss just...up--no, not...I saids up, Pinkie!" I try, to the best of my ability, to point out the massive splotch of ketchup in the party pony's cotton candy 'do. She's somehow managed to make it look even worse with all her frantic motions, even though she still hasn't gotten anywhere near the actual affected area. Tia seems to be having even less luck than I am, sending Pinkie so far off course that she's now checking her tail for ketchup, and the sight of this makes me chuckle madly. Whirling dervishes have nothing on her, I think. She looks just like Winona when she's chasing her tail...'cept Pinkie isn't a dog...and she doesn't belong to Applejack...'least, I think she doesn't... The two Budwhinnys I snuck from a cooler earlier tonight are definitely not helping my mental processes improve.

The Element of Laughter lets out an angry snort. "C'mon, guys! I can't....get it off me if you don't....tell me where it...is!" She stops to pick up a shiny serving tray, dumping the plate of hayfries off onto the table in the process, and attempts to use it's reflective surface like a mirror. Even this, however, does not seem to aid her, and Pinkie throws the servingware on the floor in a fit of rage.

"Hey, girls, calm down," says the mare at the counter. The other three patrons in the diner are starting to give our trio angry looks, and one of them, the trashy red pegasus sitting a few tables away from from us, has even gotten up and left the establishment. "You there, the tall one." The waitress motions to Princess Celestia, who puts a hoof on her chest in surprise. "Yeah, you. Can't you get your fillies to calm down, ma'am? It's just a little ketchup. It can be washed off."

Celestia blushes, as do I. Pinkie Pie Isn't here to blush, however, seeing as she ran off to the bathroom for some paper towels, but I'm sure she would be just as surprised as we were. "Um, no," says Tia, rubbing the back of her neck. "See, she's not my daughter. Annn she's obviously old enuff to be having foals of her own, don'tcha think?"

"'Sides," I slur, "that wouldd be incess."

"'Incess?'" The waitress frowns, confused. My drunken slurring must be getting in the way of my proper grammar.

"Oh, srrry, I meant incest. I'm kinna drunk drunk right now, an I slur when I'm drunk. It's nothing. Don't worry bout it. Just tell me when I says something you can't understand."

"Wh...I...ugh." The blue green earth pony gives a snort of impatience. "Just keep the noise down, okay? And make sure to pay for your meals before you leave, or else you'll find the cops hot on your hooves." She goes back to wiping down the marble countertop, but the stares from the other patrons remain trained on us.

"Greaaaat." I bend over and pick up the silver serving tray and put it back on the table. "Last thing we need is to be on the run from th' policers again. This time, Tiaa, you'd better let me pay them. I donn feel like going for anothr run right now."

Celestia sits back down, raising her front hooves in a gesture of pacification. "Got it, got it. Juss make sure you've got enough bits." She uses her magic to lift her cherry soda to her lips, sucking noisily on the curlicue straw and almost creating a temporary spacial vacuum.

A colt comes up behind Celestia and taps her on the the shoulder. "Excuse me, miss. Do I know you? You look kinda familiar."

After her initial moment of shock, Tia nods. "Yeah. 'm Princess Celestia. You know, ruler of Equestria, riser of the sun evry morning. Everypony knows me."

The stallion breaks out in a fit of laughter. "Yeah, right. You don't look anything like her. You're far too fat to be our princess."

"WHAT?!" Celestia nearly inhales her soda straw, and she spends a few moments choking on the remnants of cherry coke lodged in her airpipe. Once she finally recovers, the sun goddess turns around to give her accuser a stern glare, though with the tears in her eyes she only looks pitiful. "I am the Princess! And I'm defin...especially not fat!! Twili," she says, motioning to me, "hand me my crown." Nodding, I reach into my saddlebags and pass her her royal adornments, and she quickly slaps them on. I have to admit, I have never seen a sexier mare in my life, and the sight of her wearing her regalia once again starts to make my heart beat faster.

"Hmm..." He raises a hoof to his chin, pondering. "Well..."

"Yes, yes?"

"Well...if you're trying to impersonate the Princess, then you're doing pretty good. But you could stand to lose a few pounds." And with that charming remark, he turns around and wanders back over to his barstool, leaving both me and Tia slackjawed beyond belief.

"Guys! Guys! I did it! Look!" Pinkie Pie comes barreling out of the bathroom, springing around like a rubber ball on steroids, and leaps over to our table. "Lookie lookie! I got it out of my hair!" She points to the spot where the ketchup originally was, and, sure enough, it's all gone. "I can't believe I missed it for, like, the first hundred times."

"Yeah, Pinkie," I say, halfheartedly, "Good job."

I don't have it in me to tell her that she's still got soap in her mane.

Number 6: Play "Truth or Dare" with your friends. Check. It was actually rather fun. On the downside, however, I now have a reputation with a Chineighs couple as being a stalker, a pervert, and, oddly, a lover of celery.

Number 57: Perform a science experiment using Mentos and Coke. Errr...check? I only saw the word "experiment" when I first read it, and Pinkie pointed it out just as Tia and I started cuddling. Well, anyways, we eventually got the Mentos thing done.

Number 62: Sing a song or two on a karaoke machine. Check. We sang Animal by Fluorescent Conifers, So What by Fuschia, and, Pinkie's personal favorite, Equestria Girls. Or...wait...maybe it was I Like Big Plots and I Cannot Lie...

Number 17: Watch a scary movie. Check. We are now permanently banned from the premises of the Nightmare Flix Theater due to "excessive screaming."

Number 104: Pitch a tent in the wilderness and spend time eating s'mores and talking with your friends. Not check. REMINDER: Never let Pinkie Pie near a box of matches again. Ever. Again.

Number 95: DARE! Drink a Chimera Energy Drink and chase it down with a bottle of hot sauce. Check. Now I know what the inside of an emergency room looks like.

It's sometime after ten'o'clock. Celestia and I are sitting outside the abandoned train station, watching the raindrops casually roll off the metal overhang above us and into a large, glassy pool on the concrete. I've got Turning 21 open on my lap, skimming through the crisp white pages in search of our next activity, while Tia, only a few hooves away from me, is eating from a Chineighs Takeout carton. I can't account for Pinkie Pie right now, seeing as I last saw her pegging a colt in a brothel over half an hour ago, but we told her to meet us here when she was finished, so I'm expecting her to appear out of nowhere at any moment.

"It's a beautiful night, isnn it, Twilight?" says Celestia, in between bites of rice and dumplings.

"Yeah...it is..." I try to tear my my vision away from the beautiful downpour before me, knowing that I need to get back to my book and find something fun to do before I make up my mind to head home, but I just can't. Aside from the Princess's dazzling alabaster flanks, this is literally the most beautiful thing I have seen in a while. It reminds me of home, of Ponyville, of the simplicity and elegance of our little backwards town, and it's tugging on my heartstrings in the most aggravating way. But come tomorrow morning, I think, things are all gonna get complicated again. I mean, I'm in a relationship with Princess freaking Celestia, for goodness sakes. How much more complicated could it get? Are we going to get married? Will I live in Canterlot? Will I become an alicorn? What will my friends think? There are so many unanswered questions to think about right now, it's making my brain hurt.

Tia glances down at my book. "So, you're looking for something dumb to do?"

I'm instantly snapped out of my reverie. "What? Oh, yeah. But I just can't seem to finn anything that interests me." I focus my attention back on Turning 21: A Guide to the Beginning of the Rest of Your Life , trying to block out all of my thoughts that pertain either to the rain, Tia, or anything else. Let's see...running through a field of flowers...flowers really aren't my thing...video-documenting your activities...don't need any incriminating evidence, so no... "What about getting a celebrity's autograph? I think Hoofstein...Horshoepin...somepony's in town tonight."

Celestia scoots closer to me, setting down her Chineighs food. "Actually, naow that I think about it, Twili--"

"Ooh, or maybe we couldd try parachuting! I'vv always wanted to try parachuting. They say iss like flying..."

"No, Twilight, I'd rather--"

"Nah, we really cannn do that in this rain..."

"There is one thing we can do, Twi--"

"Maybe we could go splashing in some pudddles? They're a little bit toooo wet, though..."

"I knoww something else that'll be wet, Tw--"

"But, thenn again, I'm out inn the rain a lot whenn I'm in Ponyville..."

"TWILIGHT!"

"GAH" The full force of Celestia's voice knocks me over, sending Turning 21 tumbling out of my hooves and onto the concrete. Thankfully I didn't fall very far, otherwise I would be suffering from more than a bruised arm and a sore leg at the moment, but still, I was kind of annoyed at Tia. I turn towards her, frowning. "What'd you do that for?" I ask.

The alicorn rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment. "Sorry. You were really startin' to get absorbed in your book there..." She lets out a chuckle, then wraps her hoof around my shoulders. "What I was trying to telll you was that I was wondering if, well, if you wanted to...um..." Her voice drops to a whisper, and she blushes. "...continue what we did innn the park..."

"Oh..." My blushing muscles pull double overtime. "R-right here?" The thought of doing it here, in public, in plain sight of anypony who could come wandering by, makes my pulse quicken. Everypony and anypony would be able to see us getting it on, and I would be getting a front row seat to the action. Then again, says a small part of my brain, they probably won't be able to see anything through this torrential downpour, but I couldn't really care less right now. "Sure...but only iffff you're okay with it, Tia."

"'Course I am, my little lovebird." She plants a quick smooch on my cheek, but her lips linger on my face and slowly, gradually move down to mine. It's not long before were going at wholeheartedly, with my tongue exploring every inch of her supple, capacious, mouth, and I realize that this is it. I reach up and wrap my hooves around the princess's back, trying to press my body closer to hers in this awkward sitting position, and I succeed in getting our lips intertwined even more. My lavender skin is starting to burn bright red, and if this goes on for much longer, I think I might just have to do it outside in the rain.

She pulls me down to the cool concrete, then. Her wings are at full mast once again, though the POMF is barely audible over the pitter patter of the rain outside. We shift around until I'm laying on my back, staring up at the deliciously curvaceous entity known as Princess Celestia, and I can feel one of Tia's hooves gently nudging my private place. I choke out a gasp, something along the lines of dear Luna, and grab for the exquisite white feathers protruding from the sun goddess's back, hoping to stimulate her to orgasm. There's no way that we can 69 each-other, what with our massive size difference, but between me stroking Tia's wings and Tia stroking my sex, I think we can manage.

"Ohhhh godsssss, Twilight," coos Celestia, shivering madly against my ministrations. The only thing that keeps me from replying in kind is having occupied my mouth elsewhere; namely, on Tia's chestfur, licking and suckling and biting it gently, trying to take in all I can of my wonderful marefriend. She gives a small shriek every time I nibble on her, a wonderful, musical sound that makes me quiver all the harder, and her redoubled efforts on my pussy are making me whimper and groan as though I were possessed.

The alabaster alicorn cranes her neck over, positioning her muzzle at the tip of my horn. By the time I realize what she's doing, it's too late for me to protest, and her tongue is already flicking across the highly sensitive surface of my horn, flitting in and out of the miniscule grooves like a moth on steroids. "Nuuh....ughhhh, Tia..." She opens her mouth and slowly, torturously slides the entire length of my horn inside, going up and down on it like she's giving a blowjob to a stallion. I pull one of my hooves away from her wings, biting down on it to stifle my guttural scream of pleasure, and try to not come right then and there.

Suddenly, without warning, the Princess draws back. "I'm...going to...go...down on you...Twilight...okay?" She scoots off of me, and I instantly miss the blissful feel of her burning flesh pressing against mine. Trailing her tongue down my stomach, she quickly arrives at the junction of my legs, and, after a moment's hesitation, starts giving me oral. She smothers my poor little vagina with her muzzle, slipping in and out of my purplish folds, slurping at my love button, sweeping her tongue across my inner walls. It feels like my head is about to explode. My moaning's become almost constant, and in hopes of keeping this pleasure going on forever, my hooves have become intertwined in Celestia's tricolor mane, holding in her place.

It's too much for me, I realize. I can't hold it back anymore. "Ah...ah, fuck, fuck, Tia...I'm gonna...ahhhhhhhhhh!" My climax hits me with tremendous force, making my vision go black, my breathing shallow, and making everything in the world except for Celestia become unimportant. Small, bright fireworks dart around my brain for a minute or two, leaving a pleasant tingling behind wherever they go off. I am in heaven. I have died and gone to heaven, floating along through the puffy white clouds of ecstasy and burning brighter the sun could ever hope to burn.

When I finally return to the land of the living, a dull unimportant place, Tia is staring up at me, smiling. And that makes it all worthwhile. "Did you...enjoy that?" she pants, her voice huskily grinding against my ears.

"Yeah..." She's too far away for me to kiss her, which I want to do something terribly, so I use my magic to grab her by the horn and drag her forward. Our lips meet once more, and I can taste my own love juices on her tongue, sending a shiver down my spine and out through my rear hooves. I need to repay her for what she's just done. I break contact with the alabaster alicorn, moving my muzzle to her ear. "Let me...service you...now, Princess..." I pant.

"Oh...Twili...I couldn't--"

"No, I inciss..." I drag myself out from under her, nipping gently at her forehooves as I go, and roll over on my stomach. Celestia does the same, pushing her head up against a green metal trashcan and spreading her elegant white legs. The moment I catch a sight of her beautiful, glorious wetness, her musky, arousing scent drifting up to my nostrils, that's it. My self control withers away instantly, and I dive right in.

"Gyahhh...ohh, Twilight..." The Princess bucks into my muzzle, but it doesn't bother me too much. I had expected her sex to taste like something along the lines of marshmallows, whipped cream, or really anything sugary sweet, but I couldn't have been more wrong. She tastes just like any other piece of flesh tastes--coppery, slightly tangy--and that somehow makes her juicy insides that much more tasty. I nibble gently on her outer lips, flickering my tongue across her open slit, and start slurping at her inner walls. I want to put my whole muzzle inside her, using it like a humongous dildo to bring her to the best orgasm of her her life, but I don't think I would be able to get it back out again.

Celestia's moans ring loudly in my ears, and I can tell that she's almost there. I realize that I have to do something spectacular, something memorable, something that would make this absolutely mind blowing for her; and suddenly I notice that she has a clitoral piercing, a small, silver ring that looks like it would be very fun to play with. It's too small for me to hook my tongue through, sadly, so I bite down on her permanent piece of jewelry instead, tugging backwards with all my might and sending her past the point of no return.

Celestia lets out something between a sob and primal scream, garbled far beyond pony comprehension. Her wings go straighter than a wooden board, straining against her back as they try to fly off on their own accord, and sparks explode from her lengthy horn, arcing up towards the heavens and burning a hole through the roof of the train station. Her love juices splash onto my face, temporarily blinding me and getting all over my horn and mane, and I let go of her clit ring, opening my mouth wide in hopes to catch some of the delicious nectar. By the time the fountain diminishes completely, going from a full force explosion to a slow trickle, I've had four swallows worth of yummy mare cum, and my tastebuds are begging me for more.

After a minute or two, Tia comes around. "Oh...godsss...Twilight..." she pants, tongue hanging out of her mouth. "Juss come here an kiss me." I crawl up onto her stomach, complying with her request, and our lips engulf each-other once again, almost as if they're trying to fuse into one. When we finally, reluctantly break contact, I realize just how lucky I am to be with Princess Celestia. I lay my head down on her fluffy white chest, closing my eyes and enjoying the rhythmic thump-thump of her heartbeat.

"You know what? says Celestia.

"Mmm...what?"

"We weren't even interrupted by Pinkie Pie."

I chuckle lightly, opening my eyes. "Yeah, at least not yet."

I shouldn't have said that.

Almost as if on cue, Pinkie Pie leaps out of the rain, her puffy mane plastered to her forehead, a bright smile stretched across her face. Her huge, palm tree sunglasses clash greatly with her dark black lingerie, and a fuzzy set of handcuffs is locked around her right hoof, the other half dragging uselessly on the ground. She takes a moment to look us over, seemingly unfazed by the obvious fact that the two of us just had sex, and giggles. "Glad to see you guys had as much fun as I did!"

I turn to Tia. "That can't be a coincidence."

She nods. "Must be voice activated."

Number 7: Go swimming in a giant swimming pool. Check. The owners of the swimming pool threatened to report us to the local authorities for breaking into their condo, however, so we only got to do two or three laps before we had to hightail it outta there.

Number 206: Give graffiti a try, but make sure not to put it somewhere that might get you thrown in jail. Check. I'm starting to question the motives of the ponies who wrote this book.

Number 81: Hold a drinking contest.

Number 45: Dress up in silly outfits and walk around. Check. Now I have yet another reason to never return to Manehattan again.

Number 157: Get a celebrity to give you his/her autograph. Check. Turns out that Fredrick Horshoepin was in town.

11:45. We're standing in line in Mr. Quickie's Go Mart, waiting to get up to the counter so we can pay for our bottle rocket building materials. The pony in front of us, a dark black colt called Taboo Markings--in case you're wondering how I know that, I saw him talking to somepony in his tattoo parlor earlier, and he used his full name--is buying a Tri-Wing Energy Drink, two boxes of oatmeal, and, if I'm not mistaken, a 6-pack of lace panties. When the cashier sees this last item, he gives a queer smirk, but scans it through anyways. "Whatever floats your boat, man."

Taboo blushes, an action I am all too familiar with. "For your information," he growls, pulling out his wallet, "these are for my girlfriend. She's a little short on bits this month."

The cashier nods, passing the bag of groceries back across the counter. "Suuure. Just make sure to lock the door behind you when you put these on." Taboo goes scarlet once again, then pushes his way out of the store, giving the cashier the phoenix on the way out. "Next customer, please."

Tia and I step up to that counter. "You know," she says, plopping the baking soda down, "I think that was the colt that Pinks was telling me about."

"Him? She knows him?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. He looks exactly like the one that Pinks said she was pegging a couple of hours earlier. 'Black, hard outer shell, gooey, sissy center.'"

I hold back a snicker. "Really? Thass how she described him?"

"Yup. 'Cept she said he had a bite mark on his flank, an I couldn't tell if he had one or not."

"Oh, it's definitely him," says the cashier, ringing up our ninety-nice cent bag of inflatable balloons. "Everypony on this street knows he's a sissy. Maragaret said she saw him with his mane in a ponytail, wearing pink frilly lingerie and a few other questionable things, walking around his apartment complex and calling himself 'Glaze.'" The earth pony shakes his head, lifting our bags off the rack and onto the counter. "Can't believe he still has a marefriend...anyhoo, thanks for stopping at Mr. Quickie's Go Mart."

Number 130: Hold a limbo contest. Check. Pinkie Pie somehow slid under a .25 inch bar, thereby winning the contest, probably breaking a limbo world record or two, and continuing to baffle and confuse the entirety of Equestria and all it's inhabitants.

Number 267: Take a group picture of everypony who attended your party. Check. Surprisingly, that one went off without a hitch.

Number 9: Play a game of "Duck, Duck, Goose." Check. There were also a couple of racoons, some pigeons, and and turtle who showed up, but we didn't let them play.

Number 23: Participate, or put on, a dance contest. Check. My right hoof is still sore from falling on it.

"Alright, less see...who to dial..." After realizing that I probably shouldn't call one of my friends, somepony who could recognize my voice, I use my magic to punch in a random set of numbers. There's a moment of ringing on the other end of the line, then I hear heavy breathing. "Hellllooo," I say, slurring slightly.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"I'm having some trouble hearing youu, sirrr. I thinn my phone quality might not be working."

"Well, what in Celestia's name do you want me to do about it?"

"Couldja say a few test phrases for me?"

There's a pause. "Alright. Then you'd better hang up."

"I'm a tote."

"'I'm a tote.'"

"Ulba."

"'Ulba.'"

"Twad."

"Oh, fuck me. I ain't falling for that shit again. You're gonna want me to say them all together, aren't you, and then you're gonna hang up on me when I say 'I'm a total butt wad,' aren't you?! ...Hello? H--"

Click.

Pinkie Pie and Celestia break out laughing.

Number 155: Make up your own activity/event and write it in the box next to this one. --> Sit on a park bench and drink a Budwhinny. Check. For bonus points, I even threw up a little bit.

Number 99: Invent a secret language to use with your close friends. Check. But I don't think I'll be using it again, seeing as it's too easy to confuse "pizza" with "dumb bucker."

Number 21: Make funny faces and capture them on camera. Check. Here's one of the pictures that we got:

It's raining again. I can see it out my window, coming down heavily on the train tracks in front of us, and it reminds me of mine and Tia's earlier fling on the other side of the city. (Different train station--this one's not old and decrepit like the one where me and my lover had sweet, blissful intercourse.) Just like last time, Turning 21 is open in my lap, but with many more items checked off than before. Princess Celestia is still sitting next to me, but now she's eating a bag of complimentary peanuts instead of some Chineighs food, and Pinkie Pie is stretched out in the seat to my right.

I don't know what me me decide to want to go home. I wasn't getting tired of checking off things in my activity book. I didn't have any reason to be home by tommorow morning. I didn't set somepony's house on fire with a stray "COMBO-BREAKER 2000" firework. Tia was with me, sticking by my side wherever I went. I had no need to go back to Ponyville to meet up with her. In fact, if I went home right now, mine and Tia's life would only get worse.

No, I really had no reason at all to go home.

But I wanted to do it anyways.

The train starts to take off, click-clacking gently as it starts its long journey back to Ponyville. As I look around, I realize that most of the passengers in this train car are either sleeping, listening to music on their iPonys, or reading a book, reminding me once again of just how late--or early--it is. "Hey, Tia," I say, nudging the alabaster alicorn. "What time's it?"

Pinkie Pie speaks up, eyes still closed. "12: 50."

"How do you know? You dinn even check a watch, or anything."

"Twili," says the Princess, putting a hoof on my shoulder. "It's juss Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Let her sleep."

"...Hmmph. Alright." I cross my hooves, leaning my head back against the window and closing my eyes. Pitter patter pitter patter click clack click clack pitter patter click patter pitter clack pitter patter click patter--the sounds all blur into one, overlaping and becoming white noise in the background. The words "pillow" and "nap" sound like commands descended directly for the stars themselves, I realize, and I can tell I'm falling asleep. I lean my head over on Celestia, nuzzling her neck gently with my muzzle, taking extra care not to poke her with my horn.

And I sleep.

Author's Note

If you got the joke about "it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do," then I'll give you a cookie.