Hazardous Environment

Chapter One
Point Inception

"Who are you?" Twilight asked.

A solid clatter of train car was especially loud in this otherwise complete silence.

"Where are we going?"

Nopony answered her again.

"What the hell is going on?!" she almost screamed in his blank white helmet with one glowing red eye. The armored stallion didn't even budge as she brought a hoof down on him.

"Ow..." she winced. Punching hard armor really hurt. But that was okay. Her training taught her to endure much worse. "You better start talking now, or I'll find the soft spot in that armor. Eventually."

"I have my orders. They don't include speaking to you. Shut up," he finally said. His voice was distorted by his mask. Probably a modulator or a vocoder. Must research more. Vinyl Scratch probably knows a lot about it. Will ask her later. Assuming I get out of this train, of course. Stop thinking like that.

"Yeah, yeah. Could you at least tell me who do you work for?" she almost begged.

"No. Shut up."

"Ugh! Fine! I'll find out myself, when I get the hell out of here!" She hit him in the chest. "You, sir, are impossible."

He just shrugged. "Shut up."

"Do you seriously think I was living with my brother and learned nothing from him? Oh, believe it, I can beat the words out of your mask. Do you know, who my brother is?"

He shrugged again and turned his attention towards a console on the wall. "Shut up."

She rose to her hindlegs and took a combat stance. "Last chance. Who are you? Where are we going? Who do you get your orders from?"

"Shut up."

"You asked for it."

She lunged towards him, drawing her left foreleg back for a quick hook, after which she... Hit the wall with her head. Hard.

"You annoy me. Try anything like that again and I will break all your legs. You're not gonna need them anyway," he said, dropping back to all four. She didn't even see him move.

"Ow..." After the initial shock passed, the back of her head started hurting badly, along with her ribcage, which the armored stallion had apparently hit. Her vision went a few shades darker for a moment. She attempted a minor healing magic, but an uncomfortable metallic device on her horn didn't let her, so it only ended in a violent fit of headache.

There's no use in a mistake you learn nothing from. So the unicorn decided to make the most of it and compose a little list of facts.

Fact 1: I've been kidnapped and am being transported to an unknown location on a train.

Fact 2: I can't use magic with this thing on my horn.

Fact 3: My captors recieve orders from someone else.

Fact 4: I could count four of them earlier, but there's only one guarding me at the moment.

Fact 5: Judging by what I've seen, he's superior to others, who have dark blue gear with two cyan eyes. My guard is clad in white armor with one red eye. Oh, and he's an asshole too.

Fact 6: Taking Facts 3 and 5 into consideration, the hostile party has army-like structure.

Fact 7: They can also fight. Really good. Almost too good for equines... Hm, this needs further research.

Fact 8: I'm not gonna need my legs. That implies something bad happening to me in near future.

Fact 9: All things considered, I'm screwed.

She felt a little more upset than five minutes ago. Unlike killing feral changelings, burning Poison Joke and dueling with Shining Armor's subordinates, this wasn't fun at all (although burning Poison Joke was a different kind of fun). But there was nothing she could do, so she decided to stay put and wait for an opportunity.

Forty minutes later, which Twilight thought were three hours, the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet, so the mare grew restless.

"Are we there yet?" she whined. "Just kill me and let's get this over with! Is that too much to ask?"

"Shut up." The soldier sighed. He's been working on a console all this time, so it must've been something important.

She crept towards it and took a closer look. The main color scheme was dark grey and cyan, the buttons and words were in an unknown language, and the console overall looked much more technologically advanced, than anything Equestria had. Even more advanced than--

CRASH!

An explosion derailed Twilight's trail of thought, along with the train she was a passenger of. It went down loudly and the mare was sent tumbling along with her guard. Even then her mind was racing to find the best use for this opportunity. Yay, finally!

Gravity had other plans.

BONK!

Ow...

"...So then its head explodes! Just like that, I and she are totally, you know, in this green crap or something..." She paused to take a swig from her beer bottle. "And then she says: 'Twilight! The point of this lesson was to dispatch it nicely and painlessly!' And I'm all like: 'Well, are you hurt? No? Me neither! So that was a success, right?' But then..." She gulped down more beer. "Then she says the dumbest thing I've ever heard from a Princess. 'Feral changelings can feel.' Can you believe it?"

The Royal Guards roared with laughter.

"I mean really, they're insects! What the hell, Luna!?" She looked at a changeling reading a quantum physics book in the corner. "No offense, Screechy, I know you can feel."

"This one doubts it, but thank you anyway," he rasped, giving her the warmest look possible with his deep glowing cyan eyes. "This one does not consider itself bonded with feral hive dwellers either."

"Hey, Screechy!" one of the Guards shouted. "Are you hiding those porn mags behind physics again?"

"No."

"He totally is!" Another one laughed.

"This one does not feel good about what it's about to say..." After a green flash there was a Royal Guard reading a quantum physics book. "Fuck you, Skipper! At least I don't like dicks up my butt, like you do!"

Another burst of laughter. Skipper's face went red, but he was giggling too.

"TWILIGHT!" came a very angry Royal Canterlot Shout from the barrack's doorway. A mad pink alicorn was standing there, puffing steam from her nostrils. "Can't I leave you alone for a day?! What is it, drinking again? Where's Skyla?!"

"I left her with Celistia..." Twilight answered.

"You WHAT!?"

"She was happy to spend time with her, I swear! She needed a day off!"

"And you only needed an excuse to get wasted again! Someday, Shining Armor is going to die by my hooves for giving you a whiskey bottle that one time!"

"What?! I'm not even drunk!.. Yet."

"That's it, you and your dumb brother are in serious trouble!" Twilight felt a violent magical tug at her ear. In a few seconds she slid out of the barrack with as much pain as possible.

"But Ca-a-ade-e-ence!" she whined all the way towards the exit.

"Butts are for sitting! You're grounded for life, effective immediately!" Princess snapped and turned towards the Guards, who were staring with their mouths open. "And you, gentlemen, forgive me for interrupting your totally-not-breaking-any-rules party. Enjoy your ten proof lemonade." She smiled and closed the door.

An uneasy silence shrouded the room.

"Were we just drinking... With Cap's sister?"

"She's probably dead."

"No, she's not. Keep looking."

"What's with the Combine?"

"Fire at will. Loot every corpse. Leave the crates if you can't open them, we haven't come for them."

Twilight's head was probably crushed and thoroughly mashed. On a second thought, that would have lead to death. That sounds cliche, but dead ponies don't feel pain. Probably just a concussion, but a severe one. Add a few broken bones. No, wait, probably not...

"There you are!" She heard a voice above her and felt several pairs of hooves digging her out of train car parts. "Holy shit, we need a medpack! Busted skull!"

A-ha! I knew it! Ow, ow, ow-ow-ow! The voice was oddly familiar. Twilight struggled to remember, who it belonged to, but ow, ow, ow, my head hurts so much!

"The Combine!"

"He's dead, Derpy. Search him."

There was a brief sound of rustling. "No, nothing."

Derpy? This must mean...

OOOWWW!

"Medpack applied." Through my hoof! Oh, damn it, why does it hurt so... Wait, it doesn't.

"Twi, you dead?" She felt a gentle slap across the face. "Wake up, we gotta run!" The slapping became stronger. "Rise and fucking shine or Luna will spank you!"

"I'd like that right now... Ow," Twilight finally managed an answer. The fog in her head was slowly cleaning up so she carefully opened one eye. Streaks of rainbow hair hung from above her.

"Rainbow... Rainbow Dash?" she gasped weakly.

"Surprised? Must've forgotten us girls, huh?" Dash struck a pose. "But here I come to rescue you from a train that I have crashed so heroically." She went down to the ground. "Well, in fact, I did almost nothing beside shouting orders. Props go to the folks here."

"Humble Rainbow Dash... Am I really alive?" Twilight smiled and opened her second eye.

"Not for long. Now get your ass up and let's go!" Dash kicked her in the aching ribs, causing her to bolt up. "Me and Pinkie are going to kill you. Slowly."

"Can I go back to where I was headed?"

"No."

"Shit."

"Woah, you've gotten quite a tongue while you were away. Any more surprises?" Rainbow helped her up.

Twilight looked at the group. Rainbow Dash was something like a leader, with edgy metal harness around her wings and some sort of a camo combat vest on her. She also had scorched radio headphones around her neck and a heavy hoofgun boot around her right forehoof. The rest of the party Twilight didn't remember, except for Derpy Hooves, the Ponyville mailmare, dressed in a different, grey combat vest with bloodstains on it. She also had her wings restrained.

"Yeah, one more surprise. I think I can kick your ass senseless," the lavender mare said.

"Don't get too cocky, I have a gun."

"Okay... Oh, by the way, permission to freak out?"

"Denied. Don't panic or I'll shoot you."

"Gee, you're so kind."

"I ain't Fluttershy, the hell did you expect?"

"Some homegirl love? I don't know, a hug would be nice."

"I can hug you!" Derpy grinned ear to ear and immediately pulled Twilight into a bear embrace.

"Well... Thanks, Derpy!" Twilight smiled a little too, rubbing her ribcage.

"All right, homegirl lovers, now we should really move out. Twi, I'll explain the basic stuff when we get to Station Sixteen to catch a breath."

"Station Sixteen?"

"Well, more like a Shithole Sixteen, but whatever. Move it. All of you!" Dash looked at the squad. "The Combine are gonna be here any minute now. And they sure as hell are gonna be pissed!"

And she lead the way through the rubble. Wait, the rubble?!

Twilight's head began rotating furiously to let her eyes register all her surroundings. By the looks of it, she was crossing a war-torn land! Once cheerfully painted houses lay in ruins, debris formed two almost perfect walls from both sides of the group and the cloudy sky was pierced by a huge gleaming tower, rising from somewhere not so far away. It loomed over Twilight and she suddenly knew it wasn't an ordinary skyscraper, but rather something extremely terrifying.

"What are you slowing down for?! Let's see how much jogging you did back in Canterlot!" Rainbow Dash yelled, and Twilight quickened her pace.

"What the hell happened here?" Twilight asked shakily, catching up with the pegasus.

"If I told you now, you'd faint, so shut up and keep going!"

"Tired?" Dash plopped down on a mattress and laughed.

"A little," Twilight said and sat down beside her, panting quietly.

"Honestly," Dash looked at her with serious eyes. "I thought I'd have to carry you half the way. Was that some sort of your fancy books about running?"

"Both them and the Canterlot Military, I think. Though the training was a little more useful in that case."

"No shit?" the rainbow pony asked. "Military training? You?"

"No shit. Military training. Me."

"Why? Last I remember, you were a goody-four-horseshoes kinda girl. What has changed?"

"Everything, I suppose." Twilight said after a little pause. "It's been more than four years. Ponies change."

"Yeah, I know. It's just... Weird. Take Derpy Hooves. Do you know what she said after Ponyville was captured? 'I just don't know what went wrong!' Some ponies never change." Dash tore a flask from her vest and took a sip. "And then there's you. Who used to be an adorable little nerd and a sexy librarian I used to have a crush on..."

"Wait, what?"

"...And then she just goes away forever just to be kidnapped by the Combine and then kidnapped from them by us. And, whoa, she turns out to have some military training under her belt and she claims to be able to whoop my ass in a fight. My ass! Rainbow The Unbeaten Dash's ass! All that plus talking dirty and smelling like a heavy drinker." She snorted. "Your 'radical' level just went up and your rad-ness is now level two. Don't get too happy about it."

"I won't." The unicorn promised and diverted her attention to observing her surroundings.

Shithole Sixteen wasn't such a bad place after all. It was a shack in canals' outskirts, where the soil was moist and the air was filled with the noise of water. There was even a campfire nearby, under a thin metallic roof. Inside the shack there was an unplugged TV set, a well-littered table, a couch, a bookshelf with no books and a few mattresses, one of which was occupied by the squad leader. Well, I had to stay in much less welcoming barracks, when I was up north... Hit the brakes, now.

"All right, I feel like I gotta fill you in. We'll be here for a little time, so might as well tell you something, right?" Dash offered her friend the flask. Despite Twilight's expectations, it was just warm water. "I'll be blunt. I believe Celestia's been keeping you in the dark all this time."

"I wouldn't say that..."

"She has. Trust me, she knows about all this crap. We get fresh shipments of Royal Guards every once in a while. Most of them get killed instantly, but some make it to the town and we put them to a good use. You can meet some familiar soldiers if you look carefully."

"But why?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe this shit started happening even before you left. Milky Way, you know, the famous Trottingham Milkmare, arrived two hours before the Combine to warn us, just a few months after you left. It was too late, though..."

"Who are they?" Twilight lay down on a dirty floor, relaxing all her aching muscles.

"Bad guys. We don't really know, who they are. Better ask some changeling. Frankly, I don't understand any of 'this one does bla-bla-bla' shit they're saying. Anyway, they have some history with the Combine, if I understand it correctly. See, the Combine decided to waltz in here and borrow our stuff. The problem is they think they're superior, so they don't ask nicely. Oh, and the second problem is that they consider ponies 'stuff' too." Dash shrugged. "Dunno, they try to assimilate everyone and keep them as soldiers, or something. That's how the Overwatch works."

"The Overwatch?"

"An Equestrian branch of Combine. Don't know the details, but I can tell you many things about tactics and such, been fighting them a lot, you see."

"That might be useful. Where did they come from? Another part of Equus or what?"

"No idea. If they'd been here all the time, why did we only hear from them now? But even that's more likely than if they were, like, aliens, or something," Dash said and shrugged again. "Maybe they are, I ain't been exactly researching them. Pinks probably have, though, pester her about it, if you dare. My job here is pretty simple, you know."

"And what do you do?"

"I shoot. A lot."

"I see. Will I get a gun sometime soon?"

"If you're a good little filly, who behaves herself and doesn't die in the first few hours, I might have a little something for you."

"Oh, har-har. Please, mom, don't give me the birds and the bees talk, okay?"

"Ow, baby, lookie who's got snarky! Remember the time when you'd giggle and suck it up?"

"Long since forgotten."

"Great." Dash smiled a little. "Oh, and about the birds and the bees... Well, you know where the babies come from, right?"

"Don't make me kick you."

"Right, so, this huge-ass tower there? It's called Citadel, by the way. So! This huge-ass tower has us under a huge-ass dome or something, where we can't reproduce."

"What?"

"Exactly!"

"But it's so..."

"Awesome, right?"

"Awe... What?!" Twilight snapped. "Dash, it's horrible! What kind of black magic is that?"

"No, it's really awesome! You can rut all you want and you won't get pregnant at all! I ain't even had my period in, like, a few years! This is fucking awesome, Twi!" Dash winked. "I know you think so!"

"D... D... Pff... Ah..." The unicorn couldn't find any words for a few seconds. Finally, she felt a spark of inspiration. "Fuck! You! You immoral dirty cunt-headed whorse!"

"Well thank you kindly! That's exactly what I wanted to hear!"

"Dash! It's horrible! The Combine aim to kill us as species! Believe me, I've studied history enough." Twilight spat. "And all you think about is easy sex!"

"No, I think about guns too!"

"Do you have any dignity left!?" She pushed the pegasus' armored chest.

"Do you!?" She pushed back, hard. "You probably had a thousand dicks when you've been in the army! What else have you done?"

What else have you done?

Twilight felt her heart sinking and her angered expression leaving her face.

What have you done?!

"I'm... I'm..." she whispered.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. Let's just drop it."

"But..." Dash was clearly surprised by this sudden change of disposition.

"Drop it."

"Well." Dash moved closer to the unicorn. "Now I see something's up."

"How observant of you. Thanks," she grumbled under her breath. "Thank you very fucking much."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Hell no."

"Suit yourself. Ain't one-time offer anyway."

"Thanks... I guess."

"You're welcome... I guess."

There was a moment of silence between the two. Surprisinly enough, all the other ponies from Rainbow's party were so absorbed in themselves they haven't paid the two any attention. Or they seemed like they haven't while they've been hanging on their every word. Who knows?

"Could you please tell me one thing?" Twilight broke the not-really-silence.

"M-m?"

"Why do you hate me?"

"Well... Where do I start?"

"You're the Element of Loyalty. You've stuck for your friends. Always."

"You betrayed me. Everyone betrayed me, except AJ and Pinkie! But you..." Dash was heating up from inside as she spoke. "You, Twi, was the first. You went away like that and disappeared forever! When we've been fighting for our sorry asses, where have you been? Reading your precious books? Rutting in the barracks?.."

"Hey, Skipper?" Twilight asked, sipping a beer and carefully listening to The Flow of magic.

"Yes?" He asked, not turning his eyes from the North Border.

"What it's like, you know, having a dick in your butt?"

He chuckled. "Why?"

"Just curious. Wanted to try anal sometime," she answered and took another little sip.

"Who's the lucky colt?" He pouted. "Introduce us sometime, eh? Well, the first time you do it, it's gonna be really bad. I mean, a huge hot shaft in your tight asshole. Nasty!" He flinched. "But then it's all like..."

KA-BOOM!

Twilight's face was sprayed with warm blood. Half the boulder they've been standing on was blown up. So has been half the Skipper. Another half of him was still in the air, raining down on her and her surroundings. She fell to the ground. Many other explosions rang at the same time, deafening her.

Tick.

She couldn't see how the griffins fooled her. She had been listening to The Flow for many days. There is no way for them to hide from a talented sorceress.

And yet, there she was, sprawled on the hot rock, bleeding from numerous gashes and cuts she got after little stone fragments fired at her like a buckshot. That still was better than what happened to Skipper.

Tock.

She saw a shadow crawling towards her. It was a big griffin male with a grenade in his talons. Probably, he was going to finish what the first explosion didn't. Twilight couldn't remember any useful spells, though she learned plenty. She couldn't remember how to fire her rifle, though she still had it in her magical grasp.

Instead, she remembered many, many beers she and Skipper drank during their mission. She remembered his lively smiles and his masterful flirting with other stallions. She remembered her friend and brother in arms.

Tick.

And the spell she needed came to her itself.

Tock.

Every cell in griffin's body exploded.

Her vision was blurred. She could feel wasp stings in her eyes. Charcoal tears were streaming down her cheeks.

The boulder was way redder than it was supposed to be and so was Twilight. She had the blood of three on her coat. The only three colors she could see were black, white, and red.

Tick.

She committed taboo magic.

Tock.

And it felt damn good.

"...While we've been dying here! What can you say?" Dash pushed her with her chest. "'Oh, I'm so sorry, Dash, I've been chillin' in Canterlot while you've been captured and being tormented every fucking second! No hard feelings, okay?' Is that what you wanna say?"

"No," Twilight answered calmly. She was surprised by the flatness of her voice.

"Then what are you gonna say, huh?! What can you say, that will possibly redeem you in my eyes?!"

"Nothing. I admit it. I wish I've never left," the unicorn said monotonously. She felt tears in her eyes. Must not cry now!

"But why did you leave anyway?" Dash asked, calming herself down. She's so fickle. One second she's mad at me and now she's concerned about my motivations.

"I don't know. Sunbutt told me she really misses me. So I took Spike and went. Then I started drinking and went to army. The rest is..." She struggled to find a word. "A little personal."

Dash sat silent.

"Princess Celestia would know if anything happened to Equestria." She finally reasoned. "She probably tried to keep you away from harm. I just think she could've at least told you. Or us. Or maybe, I don't know, everyone else?"

"I'm starting to think you doubt Sunbutt."

"I do. Don't you?"

"Fuck yeah I do."

"Wait, what's up with that name?" Rainbow arched an eyebrow. "I've never heard anypony talk about her like that."

"Well, maybe the army taught me more than just shooting. Maybe I've met a veteran, who proved she's not as wonderful as she seems." Twilight stomped her hoof daringly. "Maybe I'm not her faithful student anymore!"

"Damn it, you're full of surprises." Rainbow took a glance at her watch. "Oh goodness, just look at the time! I hope you've had enough rest, because we're moving out!"

"Wait, one more question!" Twilight said. She wanted to ask it ever since the medpack penetrated her hoof and healed her busted skull.

"Yeah?"

"How did you even find me?"

"Oh, this. You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Rainbow Dash grinned for no apparent reason.

"Spill it!"

"The Network tipped us off."

"Who?"

"That's more than one question! Now get up, we're fleeing!" She kicked the unicorn in the ribs. Again. Ow.

"Alright, squad! Dismissed! We're going to visit Pinkie and I doubt you wanna come with us," Dash said to her group. Half dozen ponies saluted and disappeared. The only noise Twilight could hear was a loud metallic 'bash' and 'whoops, my bad!', both seemingly made by one particular clumsy mare.

"Why does nobody want to see Pinkie Pie?" Twilight asked, as Dash came up to a dirty door in the sewers.

"Because she's not the Pinkie Pie you remember anymore," Dash answered, fishing a set of keys from some pocket on her vest. "You'll see soon enough. Just no sudden movements, okay? Lately she's been kinda... Nervous." The door creaked open and Dash led Twilight inside. "Oh, and one more thing. Never mention Gummy. Never. I warned you." The two entered a dimly lit corridor and Dash shut the only way back.

"What about..."

"Dash, is that you?!" Came a high-pitched yell from the other end of the corridor.

"Ugh, yes!" She yelled back.

"Go away then! I don't want no visitors today!" Pinkie shouted again. There was a poorly hidden malice in her voice.

"We've got a special one today! You're gonna love it!" Dash motioned Twilight to follow her. They trotted the empty and narrow passage. Twilight noticed that some walls were covered in old bloodstains and felt uneasy.

"We're coming! Are you decent?"

Twilight heard a faint sound of rustling from behind the corner. The unicorn shot her companion a questioning look and she nodded ominously.

"Yeah, I think. Come on, I'm curious. Do I get to kill somepony again?"

"Uh, no."

"Shit! Then why the hell should I even bother?"

Dash and Twilight took the turn. Dash smirked. Twilight's jaw almost hit the floor.

There was some kind of a bunker, stuffed with everything, from weapons to changeling shells. Some lights were off, so Twilight couldn't really see everything that was there, nor could she determine the actual size. But there was Pinkie in some kind of coveralls. Her mane was down and there was an eye patch on her left eye. But the most unnerving part was hatred in her right one.

Just don't say you haven't seen that look before.

"Well?" Dash said proudly.

Pinkie smiled. "Dashie... Sweetheart... Could you please step away?" Dash didn't even think to ask why. Looks like Pinkie is really as bad as she says... Huh. "I want to do something for our old friend! I haven't seen her in a while, after all."

"Oh, hi, Pinkie!" Twilight chuckled. "Phew, I thought you were gonna paint me as some kind of a villain too... He-he..."

But Pinkie didn't respond. She trotted to a table beside her and took a huge cleaver in her hoof. "I haven't seen you in a while, Twilight." The angry smile never left her features. "Say, how about a hug?"

"What?"

"I said... HUG ME, BITCH!" The pink mare suddenly shouted and pounced Twilight, swiftly swinging her knife at her.

Yay, Twilight! Welcome to Ponyville! Everypony's so glad to see you!

Fuck my life...

Author's Note

And there you have it! The brand-new old chapter! Have you been waiting for it? I sure have!

Please, meet my editor, who helped me out with this chapter! Willow the Pegasus is the name!

It begins. Again. Please, feel free to give me your feedback in the comment section below!