Of Ponies and Muffins

Chapter 19: In which Crimson Flame becomes an Alicorn

        Alex’s morning was not a fun one, especially since Cameron had learned to manipulate the weather rather well in recent days and had been having fun with rainclouds. The only thing comparable to how wet he had been the last few days is what happens when Ryan Gosling walks into a room filled with girls (yeah, I went there. What you gonna do about it?) He rolled out of bed. Well, at least showering won’t be a problem this morning. “Why the hell did you move a raincloud into the house? You know you’re going to have to clean this up, right?”

        Cameron rolled his eyes. “I know, but I am bored and I feel like making you suffer a little bit for everything you have done recently.” He put his hoof to his chin for a second. “And also Brian threatened to make whooping noises until I did it, and considering he can’t get tired that was pretty much a one way ticket to the asylum. Trust me, being insane is fun and all but I don’t want to have the crap beaten out of my by the equestrian equivalent to batman.”

        “Fair enough. So, what are you going to do today? You get paid pretty much every day because of Brian and his reinvention of the taco, so what do you even do? I have a job that sucks up most of my time, whereas you just sort of sit there.”

        Cameron blushed. “I don’t do anything that you would find interesting. And definitely not anything related to movement.” He paused for a second, then proceeded to face hoof. “Why the hell did I just give you a hint?”

        “Holy crap, you actually doing something physical other than running away from awkward situations?” Alex inquired. Cameron looked around, attempting to find a way out of this. Alex smiled and then used his magic to shut the windows and the doors. “You are going to tell me exactly what the hell you do, or else I frame you for arson.”

        Cameron sighed. “Fine, I’ll tell you.” He stood there poking the floorboards with his hoof. “I’ve taken up interpretive dance.”

        Alex snickered for a moment, then broke into an all out laugh. After a minute he calmed down. “You? Dance? As a pony? Dude, that's freaking hilarious. I can’t wait to tell Rar-” He was cut short by Cameron jamming his hoof into Alex’s mouth.

        “So help me if you say a single word of this, I will tell Pinkie you are in love with her. Then I will set up an elaborate trap that locks you two in a single room with nothing but a candle and a box of chocolate.” He paused for a moment. “And I will make sure you can’t teleport out of there.”

        Alex stepped away so that Cameron's hoof fell out of his mouth. It was clear that he was not messing around this time. Suddenly, I have this overwhelming sense of fear. “Fine by me, if it does come to that, can you put rat poison in the chocolate? I want to die on a chocolate filled stomach and get away from dealing with Pinkie. I think she stalks me from time to time.”

        Alex blinked for a moment. “When the hell did I say that?”

        Cameron thought for a moment, recalling exactly what had happened. “You had a bit too much cider and he started acting all... Well, not yourself. You kind of just went around from girl to girl doing that. It was actually quite embarrassing to watch, and I was ashamed to know you.” Cameron sighed and then resumed his short story. “Evidently she took you seriously.”

        Alex paced back and forth around the room, a blank look on his face. After a moment he turned towards Cameron and began to twitch his left eye, followed by convulsions and foaming at the mouth. He was promptly smacked across the face so he was brought back to his senses. “This is bad on so many levels, not even the konami code would give me a chance.”

        “Yeah, well its not my problem. Anyway, when you are heading back from work today can you pick up a book from the library? It’s called exploiting idiotic unicorns for profit and lulz. It just got back from the last guy who had it and i’ve been waiting forever for it. I will wake you with lightning tomorrow if you say no.”

        “Fine, I’ll do it. Being struck by lightning once is enough for one lifetime.” Alex replied, recalling an unfortunate experience back home regarding the subject. He opened the door, throwing on his saddlebags. “I’m off, don’t burn the house down while I’m away.”

        Cameron waved his hoof. “No promises, Al.”

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Alex walked out of the boutique, having just gotten done with his shift at the boutique and was on his way back to the house (or as he called it, the anti Rarity fortress of awesome) when he realized that he still needed to grab something. He sighed and then scowled. Why the hell do I have to pick up Camerons books for him? It’s not like he has anything better to do. He started walking onwards to the library. Well, at least the walking is good for me.

        After his short, brisk walk Alex arrived at the humble little library that was staffed by Twilight and Spike, who Alex was not exactly on the best terms with as of right now. The reason for the gap between them was over Rarity, who Spike had a crush on and was jealous of Alex being her personal assistant. Alex was fully aware that Spike was just being petty about this whole thing, hell he would probably pay Spike to date her since Alex almost always had to hear her complain about her love life.

        It was an almost constant problem with her, and Alex had once accidentally stumbled unto a shrine she had built that had pictures of all the ponies she had fantasized about. As one could imagine Alex had a few nightmares after seeing who exactly was on there, namely because there were several pictures of Cameron up there. He shuddered recalling this memory. Yeah, best not to think about that.

        He arrived at the library to find it surprisingly noisy inside, which was beyond bizarre since as far as Alex was concerned, the only pony that Alex knew read anything from there was Cameron. With this in mind he went into the library preparing for whatever came along. He stood in front of the entrance to the library, feeling somewhat hesitant. Why am I so nervous? I’m just getting a book for Cameron, what could possibly go wrong with this?

        He slowly opened up the door, when he saw the three figures in the library he felt his jaw drop. Oh sweet... “Celestia? Why are you here at this hour?” He was amazed, Twilight and Spike being here, that made sense. But Celestia? He knew that Twilight was her apprentice but that was bizarre that she would be here without her repertoire of guards.

        The Princess of the day turned towards Alex, looking him over for a moment. “You’re the one that defeated Luna, correct?”

        Alex blinked for a moment. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, had to do that to win my freedom from her and to keep my honor intact. Also, she is seriously annoying in the dream world. Don’t banish me to the moon, please.”

        “I won’t, and I’m here to see something that Twilight has been working on for a while for myself. Twilight, would you mind if he stayed? I’m sure he had his own reasons for being here.” Celestia asked inquiringly.

        Alex looked forward. “Anyway, i’m here to pick up a book for Shadow. By the way, what is it your showing her?”

        Twilight turned towards Alex. “You remember the ‘incident’ regarding Shadow and Brian? Its related to that.”

        Alex stared at her, a cold hard look in his eyes. “We agreed to NEVER talk about that, and if you talk about me and Shadow and our ‘situation’. I will find you, and I will kill you.”

        Twilight rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, its not that. The whole series of events made me wonder about items being able to swap positions in space. As you know, it’s hard enough to teleport from one place to another, and even harder to teleport something else. I made a spell that swaps positions between two spots without using a lot of energy, but sadly there is a sort of magic cooldown on the object that makes it almost impossible to move again.”

        Alex looked. “Cool, it seems like something useful to me. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. So, what are you making switch positions?”

        Twilight beamed confidently. “I’m going to work up slowly, first start with two inorganic things. Those books over there, then I’ll try apples, which are an organic matter but lack sentience. Then i’m doing Celestia and myself.”

        “Cool. Hey Twilight, can I have the book first in case you turn into a pile of ash from an freak accident with this spell?”

        Twilight scowled at Alex. “I’m not going to turn into a pile of ash, and heres the book.” She grabbed the book with her magic and flung it at Alex full force. He managed to catch it mid air because he had to deal with this constantly from Rarity, although she usually flung scissors or sewing needles at him. He had come to accept this as a sort of magic training that he was sure would one day come in handy. That and he was tired of putting on bandages after work every day.

        “Yeah yeah. Lets just get this started with.” Twilight walked over to the starting position, with the two pedestals that had the books laying on them. She took up a stance and readied herself. Something clicked in Alex’s head. Wait, were on one side of the pedestals and she’s on the other. Her magic charged up more and she began to focus. Oh man, the only thing standing between us and one of the most powerful unicorns ever is a freaking book! He began to take a step back, realizing the danger he was in. Why in the name of everything adorable must I have this luck?

        Twilight finished preparing her magic.. “Alright let me just focus on the books and-” As was the norm with Twilights demonstrations, nothing went right. The door to the library opened up with a lot of force.

        “CRIMSON, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!” Yelled Cameron, annoyed by Alex not showing up on time with the book he had been waiting for. The bolt of magic was fired, and there was a blinding light. It was chaos for a brief moment and then the light faded away. Both of the books had switched positions.

        Twilight gave a sigh of relief. “Well, the books switched place. Looks like everything went fine! And here I was afraid of a repeat of the Brian incident.” Celestia and Alex kept standing in place, staring forward and not moving at all. “Um, Celestia, are you okay?”

        Alex looked at Twilight. “Of course I’m fine, Twilight. Although I feel a little short.”

        Celestia looked at Twilight as well. “Yeah, and I feel taller. Thats wierd, I don’t remember being able to see the top of that book case. Hey, why does my voice sound higher?” Celestia’s eyes snapped open. “Wait. When the hell did I get wings?” She turned towards Alex, and just stared. Alex did likewise. Celestia spoke up first. “Oh please don’t tell me what is happening is what I think is happening.”

        Alex spoke up. “I think it is happening. And this is not good.” He turned towards Twilight. “Twilight. Which one of us is Princess Celestia?”

        Twilight just stared and then pointed at the Alicorn in the room. “Her, Crimson. What kind of silly question is that?”

        Celestia shook her head. “Actually Twilight, you failed that question. I’m Crimson.”

        Cameron spoke up. “Wait, so If you’re Crimson inside of Celestia. Then that means that Celestia is inside...” He turned towards Alex’s body. “Oh you have got to be freaking kidding me.”

Chapter 20: THE PRINCESS DEMANDS MORE CHOCOLATE (AKA In which Cameron bitch smacks Celestia)

        “Alright, lets go over this one more time. I burst in the door and screwed up Twilight concentration on a switching spell, it affected the books fine but it switched the minds of Celestia and Crimson.” He paused for a moment. “Wait, so does that mean that Crimson is the ruler of all equestria now or does that mean that Crimson’s body is ruler? Holy bacon this is confusing.”

        Twilight turned towards Cameron. “Also, because of the nature of the spell, I can’t switch them back for about a day. So they are going to be in those bodies for a while. And what is bacon?”

        Alex (In Celestia’s body) slammed his hoof on the table. “I have to be stuck in a chicks body for over the next few hours? This is terrible!” He lifted his hoof again. “Right, sorry, about that, twice the size that I am normally. The only upside to this is I’m in the ruler of all Equestria’s body. And she’s an alicorn.” Alex gave a small grin then sent out a bolt of energy at the table, leaving a scorch mark, leaving a perfect replica of his usual face burned into the table. “Sweet me thats awesome.”

        Celestia (In Alex’s body) laid her head on the table. “So this is what it feels like to be a commoner. And about as flimsy as a wet paper bag. Crimson, do you even use magic to lift?”

        Alex gave his body a glare. “Okay, do realize I have the power to jail you for technically insulting me and that hurt, Celestia. That really really hurt me. No comment on being a guy? ”

        Celestia looked up at Alex. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

        Cameron looked up. “Okay! Enough information about Celestia’s past that I really don’t want to know about for now! We need to decide how to handle this situation. So that means that Crimson can not leave the library no matter the...” He paused for a moment. “Crimson already left, didn’t he?” He glanced over to where he was a moment ago, not a single trace. “For being the largest equestrian anyone of us know, he’s a stealthy bastard.”

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        Alex trotted down the street, with various heads of ponies turning towards him because of his new body. This feels so awesome to be a king... Okay, rather a princess in this case but seriously, Celestia is in charge of all of equestria. How is she not considered a queen? He pondered where to go next. Okay, so I still have her voice so I can use that along with her body to pretty much do whatever I want. He mulled over his potential options for entertainment that night. Rarity’s is closed, so I can’t manipulate her into making something ridiculous. Not much to do at the house, and I think Celestia showing up there would cause a bit too much commotion for my taste. What about Sugarcube corner? He thought for a moment more. I wonder if Celestia has a tab. He smiled to himself, his mind made up. Well, if she doesn't have one now, she’ll have one in less than an hour.

        He continued onwards to the store, stopping at the entrance to the candy and sweet filled building. Time to binge on sugar and bloat Celestia like a friggin balloon on steroids.

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        Cameron flew about the town, searching for any trace of Alex so that they would not have to deal with a potential cataclysm from him going insane via power abuse of Celestia’s body. He had checked almost everywhere, before it occurred to him that Alex may have gone to Sugarcube corner for something to eat, since he couldn’t find him at the house and the boutique was closed for the night. This might just be worse than when you got out, Brian.

“Well, you could be right about that. And another thing I would like to say is that I have noticed that so much chaos happens around us that I wonder if we are just a singularity of the stuff. Like, everythings fine until we walk into a room and then the next thing you know we have flipped all the tables and Alex is being molested by a chicken in the corner.” Said Brian, giving a rather specific example of what happens around them.

Not even going to ask how you managed to come up with that. He went silent for about a minute as he flew over the darkening town. Hey, what do you think would happen if Pinkie learned that Alex was in Celestia’s body? Do you think she would freak out from that idea or what?

“Cameron, remember you’re asking about Pinkie here. For all we know she would break out into a song and dance routine and somehow revert him back to normal in the process. She breaks physics whenever she feels like it. I don’t think its possible to predict her.”

Yeah, you’re probably right about that. He stood in front of the entrance to Sugarcube corner. I mean, what are the chances that there is going to be an actual problem that he’s caused in the past 10 minutes? He reached out and opened the door, only to get hit by a rather loud voice.

        “BRING ME MORE CHOCOLATE, MORTALS!”

        “Aaaaand... He’s gone mad with power. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Now I have to drag an immortal asshole out of his element, and away from what is essentially a mountain of chocolate. Any ideas on your end Brian?”

 “None whatsoever. Oh, and you’re thinking out loud again.” Brian pointed out. “Anyways how are we even going to deal with getting him out of here? It’s not like he would listen to us since he quite literally became a god. On top of that how are we going to explain ‘taking Celestia back now, she’s just drunk off her flank”.

Alright, I think I know how I can handle this. Cameron proceeded to walk over the Cakes, who were cowering in a corner. “How long has this been going on for?”

        Mr. Cake was the first one to speak up. “About 5 minutes, she just stormed in here and was nice at first. Then she went crazy and started demanding more and more. Pinkie is the only one who is serving her. May Celestia have mercy on her sugar high soul.”

        Cameron face hoofed. “Kind of saw this coming. Also, that is terrible wording given this situation were in. Don’t worry, I think I know how to handle this situation, get Celestia to leave and have this mostly fixed in the next hour.” Cameron readied himself for the potential crapstorm that he would have to brave after doing this. And he hoped that he wouldn't get thrown into the Canterlot dungeons for this. He began walking towards Alex, then spoke. “Hey Celestia! I have something for you!”

        Alex turned towards Cameron, a wild look in his (well, technically Celestia's) eyes, which were darting around more than dragonfly on caffeine . He said nothing and just had a grin on his face.

        “It’s something really special I cooked up just for you!” He walked up to Alex. “You wanna know what it is? Its...” He readied himself. “A...” He aimed, readying himself for the attack. “Surprise!” To be completely honest, when Cameron smacked an immortal goddess alicorn across the face, everyone in the room was surprised, with the exception of Pinkie. The blow knocked Alex unconscious.

        Pinkie Pie walked over to Cameron, who stood over the unconscious body of Celestia. “So, you going to put Crimson back in the right body again?”

        Cameron turned towards Pinkie. “Okay, not even going to try and figure out how you could have possibly known that was him in there. Did he tell you or what?”

        Pinkie Pie just shrugged. “Only Crimson would go on that big of a chocolate binge. I think I know him well enough to make that connection.” Cameron was slightly thrown off on how she could have possibly noticed something like that when he had known him for multitudes longer. “Anyways, you need help dragging the body out of here? I know you pegasi are pretty flimsy at times.

Ow, that statement went straight into my pride. I think I need 20 gallons of ego stat. “Uh, seeing as how I could probably do this if it was a normal body, I would normally say no. But since its an Alicorn we have to drag out, sure thing.” He looked up, at least a dozen stunned ponies were staring directly at him. “If you don’t mind, we need to borrow this body for a while. So.... Yeah..... Later I guess.”

        Several minutes later Cameron and Pinkie were dragging Celestia through town. It dawned on Cameron that this series of events might cause a bit of a stir. “Hey Pinkie, how do you think the news that I just knocked out the ruler of all Equestria is going to be handled by everyone? No one except for you, me, Crimson, Celestia and Twilight know about this so I might become that colt who ‘beat the crap out of Celestia.”

        “No idea, most would probably hear that I helped you drag the body away and think nothing else about it. I mean, it’s strange if you did this by yourself, but add me into the equation and suddenly it seems somewhat normal.” Pinkie replied.

        Cameron sighed. “Okay... Damn, Celestia is heavy. She needs to lay off the cake.”

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        Celestia sneezed. “Thats funny, I think someone just called me fat.”

        Twilight looked at her questioningly. “What makes you say that?”

        Celestia just sat there. “I’m not sure, it’s just a feeling that I’m getting for some reason or another. Anyway, would you mind telling me who exactly this body belongs to? I know that he was the one that managed to beat my sister in... I guess combat would be the correct definition of what happened but aside from that I can’t seem to find any information on him until recently. In fact, the first mention I found of him was being jailed for breaking and entering. And that was at the castle.”

        Twilight hesitated. She knew that her head was on a pike if she said anything about their origins. Then it occurred to her that she was only allowed to talk with Crimson and Shadow about that. She could technically tell Celestia about it since she was inside of Crimson’s body. “Well, according to them they traveled between worlds somehow. From what I understand, if they were to get help from a powerful enough unicorn they could return whenever they feel like. We opened a portal back to their home at the gala and that’s where he got those things from. They were also turned into ponies in transit, so they aren't what they used to be. Thats everything I know about the situation.”

        Twilight shrugged. “I guess it has something to do with that song that he played. If I remember correctly it was called through the fire and flames, or something like that. His mark could allude to that.”

        Celestia sat for a moment. “And what about the other one, Shadow Feather. I know that his cutie mark matches his name perfectly but I have been able to find less about him.”

        Twilight chuckled for a moment. “Well, if I remember correctly it’s because there’s more than one of him.”

        Celestia looked at her student quizzically. “What exactly do you mean, Twilight?” Over the course of the next half an hour, Twilight relayed the events regarding what happened to Cameron and the release of Brian incident. Starting with the initial split up and ending with banana flood in the boutique. “I applaud the use of the bananas in that situation. I think I’ll give my regards to Crimson once we’re back in the correct bodies.”

        Several minutes later, Twilight heard a knock at the door. She opened it up to find Cameron and Pinkie dragging the unconscious body of Celestia into the library. “What happened out there? And why is Celesti... Er, Crimson, unconscious?”

        Cameron gave her a blank look. “Don’t ask, it’s a short story and I really don’t feel like reciting it. Let’s just say that Crimson went a little power crazy and I had to subdue him. Oh, and Celestia? Just so you know I think I just made you lose so much credibility with the one hit K.O. I pulled off.”

        Celestia gave a regal sigh (which was bizarre coming out of Alex’s mouth). “Did you really have to be so rough with my body? I have to go back into that soon.”

        Cameron suddenly got a massive grin on his face. “So, when you go back into your body you will have to feel that pain from the hit?”

        Celestia looked at him. “In theory, yes. I would still feel that because It would be my body that experienced the damage rather than my mind. So any transfer back would keep the same physical damage that was done to it and I would still feel the pain from it.”

        Cameron’s grin seemed to double in length. “Thats what I thought.” He joyfully trotted up to Celestia. “This is for forcing me to work all that time at the castle and making me organize the gala.” He promptly smacked Celestia across the face. “There, now it won’t be so much of a shock going back into his body and feeling the pain and he will have to deal with pain.”

        Twilight looked at what had just happened. She realized that Celestia couldn’t do anything in this situation. He had taken down her body because she had gone crazy and was likely a threat to everypony around her, so his actions could be exempt. And he had hit Cameron’s body, which had almost no power legally. Whichever way you put it, Celestia couldn’t take any legal action unless she were to stay in Crimson’s body.

        “Now,” Cameron clapped his hooves together, “let’s get this party started. Twilight, could you ready the swapping spell? If I remember correctly the cooldown on the objects is already over so we should be able to take care of this without much trouble.”

        Twilight readied herself. “Alright, might as well get this over with.” She paused for a moment. “Am i the only one who is having a strange sense of deja vu with this?”

        Cameron replied simply. “Nope, and If Crimson was conscious he would likely agree. Just swap them back already, I don’t want to deal with a power crazed Crimson.”

        Twilight nodded. She began charging her magic and then cast the spell once more and swapped them back. After the spell took hold Alex’s body crumpled over and he had his tongue hanging out, then promptly started to drool. Celestia stood up back in her own body. “Well, now that that has been organized, lets get back to what we were doing and never mention this again. Oh, and Shadow?”

        Cameron was bored to death at this point and was just generally frustrated with the general series of events. “What?”

        Celestia gave a smile. “I know how you got here now.”

        Camerons eye twitched. “Twilight... You get a 30 second head start before I start to hunt you down.” He was going to call for Pinkie to release the hounds, but promptly realized that she had disappeared sometime during the second body swap. “Dang, there's a perfect joke gone. But in all honesty I will hunt you down for this, then you can tell me why you broke your promise to me.”

        Twilight did a cartoon worthy gulp as she realized that he was pissed off. When he caught up with her she would explain what she did, but she knew what ponies could be like when they were angry. She recalled an event where Rarity, who at times was the most level headed of the group went berserk when an magic accident had turned her green. The memory echoed through her head. “Rarity smash!” The destruction ponyville witnessed that day led to the creation of a group specifically for repairing the damages caused by any of the elements of harmony.

        She bolted out of the door. Alex started to get up from where he was lying. “Holy pony burgers, what happened? The last thing I remember was going into Sugarcube corner as Celestia then I just see a vision of chocolate, then pain.... And why does my face hurt?”

        Cameron glared daggers at him. “Go mad with power ever again and I will shank you. Now come minion, tonight we ride!” The two got going and chased after Twilight. Leaving Celestia to her own devices in the library.

She sighed to herself, from the exhausting series of events that had transpired around her in the last few hours. “I wonder how its possible that this town has not gone up in flames as of yet from those two running around. It’s a miracle for sure... I seem to be talking to myself again.” She thought for a moment more. “Perhaps I should send Shadow Feather a reward for his assistance in this matter.”

And thus started the ending to first act.