Thoughts of Mercy

Thoughts of Mercy

Time Doesn't Always Heal

It's almost been a year since Glittershy left the world and all of us. It's chilly December, and Christmas is in a few weeks. More than a foot of snow has fallen this winter. It covers the trees, buildings, and ground. Sparkling, colorful lights are hung up on arches, doorways, columns - anywhere that's near an electric outlet. Nativity scenes are set up in shop windows. In general Cloudsdale looked like a winter wonderland.

Ponies are cheerful, especially foals who can't wait for Christmas break to start and for school to end. Even Scarlet Silver is a tiny bit nicer than usual. I'm almost willing to give her a second chance and let her be in my good books again. "Almost" is the key word there. Rainbow Dash's family is feeling very charitable lately, and giving my mother and I little holiday gifts and such. Even though I'm surronded by many joyful and vivid ponies, I'm still sad and grieving over Glittershy.

Some ponies say that time heals wounds, but time doesn't always heal. My wounds may not be fresh and dripping with blood, but they're still sore and haven't completely healed. They're infectected, because the injuries haven't been properly cared for. I haven't gotten any treatment at all. Ponies haven't noticed I've changed. Wel, I guess that's part of my fault. I haven't really told anyone that I'm still grieving over Glittershy's suicide, because I don't want to seem selfish. I don't want to seem like I'm expecting pity, so I don't focus on my problems - I focus on other's.

This method of coping sort of helps. I can forget about my own problems this way. It also makes me feel good to know that I'm making someone else's day better. Even though it's selfish, I can't help but wonder why ponies that I help don't notice that I'm not my usual at-least-somewhat-cheerful self. I didn't do tasks with as much joy. I just wasn't myself anymore. I wonder what it would take for other ponies to notice that I was different? Suicide?

I hope not.

I wish things weren't this way.

~~~***~~~

"How do you find the volume of a regular pyramid, Fluttershy?"

Upon hearing my name, I jolt out of my daydream of fun with Glittershy. "Uh, pi times radius squared?"

Miss Draner sighs at my answer. "Miss Fluttershy, please pay attention during class. Now, does anyone know the volume of a regular pyramid?" Scarlet Silver and her cronies giggle at my small reprimand. The villian herself whispers to her friends something about me being such an idiot.

Miss Draner continues with her geometry lesson, the most boring of all math. She rambles on and on about volume of different figures. It's so uninteresting that I, once again, falll into a daydream. This time, it's about taking care of animals of all forms - bunnies, lizards, and bears. And, once again, I hear my name. "Fluttershy, what is the formula for finding the volume of a rectangular prism?" Fortunately this time, I'm able to answer correctly.

"It is length times width times height." Miss Drane seems disappointed to not catch me off-guard, but she accepts my answer anyway.

After almost an eternity of trying to pay attention, the bell rings and it's time for lunch. As always, I sit with Rainbow Dash. She's made some new friends, who all ignore me even though I try to be nice. I can tell these so-called "friends" only like Dashie because of how good she is at flying, and they probably would I know that's mean to think, but I can't help it. I truly believe this.

Scarlet Silver saunters up to my table and says, "Hey, Fluttershy, how's it going, math genius?" Some of Rainbow Dash and Scarlet Silver's wannabes snicker and giggle, purposely making it just loud enough for ponies surronding us can hear, but not loud enough so that the lunch supervisors can hear. I mumble, "Please go away, if that's okay with you."

The bully feigns surprise and innocence and replies, "Sorry, didn't catch that. What did you say?"

I repeat my wishes. "Please go away, if that's okay with you!" Everyone, except for Rainbow Dash, all attempt to cover their giggles, but purposely let them escape. I wish that I could disappear. This is just plain mortifying. So, I snatch up my lunch tray and with the last of my dignity, stomp off to an empty corner of the lunchroom with tears in my eyes. I can't help but remember that this is the second time I've done something like that.

~~~***~~~

Thorn of a Rose Chapter 4: Time Doesn't Always Heal Draft

Did my diary entries always begin like this? "It's a dark and stormy night." It seems like it, though it is true. Today is especially dark and stormy. All is calm inside, and all is clamor outside. Rain is destroying the landscape. I hope the animals outside are okay. I'm sure not.

The saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is pure junk. Whoever said obviously has learned nothing about life or is just plain lying. I think the latter is more likely. Another saying that isn't always true is "time heals all wounds." For me, that's especially untrue.

Some things leave a scar forever.