I have never been so bored in my life. Why won't something happen? Sure everyone is going back to work and most people are working on good things in good time, but why must time be so damn cocky about its figure? I know it rules all of existence, so does everyone else, so why must it shove its big fat, glorious, all consuming ass in my face?

My music is getting overused and my brain is all but dead from countless attempts to entertain it-self. What's next, the power going out so I can't even use my computer?

...

Oh fuck off.

Screw this. Rainbow slinky, looks like it's just us. Now off to the unimaginable of hypothesis! Slinky, slinky, slinky, slinky, slinky,slinky,slinky,slinky...

^\/^\/^\/^

For many months, the second princess of Equestria, Luna, had been bored out of her mind. The royal duties she was tasked with only seemed to be repeats. Walk there, talk there, flash your flank there, it was all becoming rather clockwork; and after spending 1,000 years on the moon staring at one, she was not to fond of clocks. One day, she decided to consult her sister with the issue.

"Dearest sister," Luna said, grabbing her sister's attention from the book she was reading, "I am bored."

Celestia looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow. She was still waiting for another of her student's letters in her study, the fireplace burning one such letter that was impossible to read and was dismissed as a joke. Something about family...

The great princess sighed and put aside her book, knowing her sister would not give up this quest. "Well Luna, what could you do about that?"

"I do not know. That is why I have come to you. You always have some grand adventure planned for your student so surely it couldn't be so hard to think of something for your dear, loving, caring, most humble sister?" She added an attempt at the unforgiving puppy eyes look, which, for the sake of the readers, cannot be described how well she did it for it would cause heart attacks and cases of diabeetus.

Celestia sighed, as the guards standing by the door dropped (most likely dead), and tried to think of what could keep her sister out of trouble. It was then her pet phoenix swooped down from her perch and started to feast on the dead guards that an idea came to mind.

"Why don't you get a pet, it would help you learn responsibility and give you plenty to do. I'm sure that would be a good option?"

Luna's horn let out a ball of light similar to a tool used by another species. "Why of course! How could I have not thought of that? A pet is the perfect way to keep my mind off all these endless duties, thank you most kindly dear sister!"

The sun princess smiled at her sister's new goal in life, just as a scroll came through the fireplace. It seemed everyone was was going to have a good day.

"Ahh! It appears my students friend was successful in converting Discord. I suppose I should go get him. Care to join me sister?"

^\/^\/^\/^

"Say it."

"Oh, okay fine. Friendship is magic."

Celestia was quite pleased with this. Now it seemed all was fitting together perfectly. But, hang on. Where did Luna go? She was standing behind Celestia just a minute ago and now she was gone. This brought a worried look to the princesses face which she hid from the student and friends.

Luna had indeed been standing by her sister's side, until she got bored. Now she wandered around the quiet town of ponyville searching for anything that could qualify as a good pet. There wasn't much to look at except a few wild birds and bunnies hopping around, of which they were thousands. What the princess wanted was something different, something that nopony else ever had.

But as she wandered, she found herself to be getting nowhere. Then a brilliant idea came to the princesses head.

If I could alter the dream-sight spell, I could be able to locate all creatures within the area! Thus finding the perfect pet!

With a plan in mind, she began the tweaked spell. Soon she felt her reach spread through the minds of all ponies, birds, bunnies, and alien with her magic. Wait a minute, alien?

The princess focused on this strange presence and found it reach far beyond what should be possible, to find a rather strange creature, who was chanting: "Slinky, slinky, slinky."

Never before that she found a creature so strange and amazing. It had no fur, except for the light brown mess on its scalp, and it wore clothes. Luna found this strange as the legs were the only thing covered in the black cloth leaving the rest of it to the open air. In it's claw like appendage was a rainbow coloured slinky, which the creature seemed to be quite amused by.

It was decided, this was to be her new pet; something unlike anypony had ever seen, and seemingly intelligent enough to be taught a few tricks. Luna focused all her magic into putting a hole between her and the creature. Once that was done, her magic snaked through keeping the creature unaware of what was about to happen. Once she had her grip, Luna pulled and it came through easily, about 60 stories above the ground.

It looked down, and screamed, drawing the attention of all ponies and princesses in the area.

"Oops." said Luna.

^\/^\/^\/^

I thought I could trust slinky. He had always been there for me through thick and thin. From where I stole him from an art class in school to now, and then he betrayed me by dumping me crap knows how high in the air without a shirt on, then wrapping around my arms and legs leaving me tied.

Thanks you bastard.

You're welcome. Now where's my fifty dollars and apology for bouncing me all over the place for the past year?

Wait, you can fucking talk?

Of course I can talk! I always though you were just deaf or incredibly stupid, but now you've proved me wrong. So can I have my fifty dollars to pay the bet I made with headphone?

Bet? What fucking bet? And shouldn't we be more concerned about the fact we are falling to our deaths?

Well technically it's your death. I'm plastic. Suck it bitch!

Oh, okay. Now where was I? "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Will you stop that? I get enough spring-aches around you with your usual nonsense.

"Buuuuuuut IIIIIIII'm Falllllllling!"

Well there's no need to scream about it. It's not like I'm in danger.

This is possibly the worst time to be battling with my sanity. If I ever get out of this, I swear never to talk to myself or slinky again.

I would love that!

Shut it. Now time to... oh hey. I've stopped falling. Now I'm floating, in what looks like gold glitter, oh god, please don't tell me I've just been rescued by pixies claiming to be vampires.

I turn around to find that in fact I had not rescued by pixies, but to find something some of the world calms to be just as stupid. I'm seeing ponies. Ponies that I know and love. Ponies who were now staring at a certain chaotic villain with death glares.

"Don't look at me," said Discord, "I didn't do it."

"Then who did?" asked the all knowing and powerful Celestia.

The question was answer by the best thing to come in blue since the sky. "Sister! Sister! I finally found a pet!" cried Luna as she galloped up to the princess of the sun.

"This thing?" Celestia asked. "Are you sure about that? It's looks a bit strange."

I would love to put in my own input, but mister plastic rainbow had lodged himself in my mouth, thus making any noise I made complete nonsense.

Oh cheer up. If you say anything they might realize how annoying you are and just kill you.

I liked you better when I could use you a weapon on my dad and you wouldn't complain.

Your attempt to be funny and hurtful was bad and you should feel bad.

I am never leaving you in front of the screen while I am on the internet ever again.

While I was in crazy town with the dick-spring, the conversation below had advanced without me.

"Oh very well Luna. You may keep the creature as long as you take full responsibility for it and work with Twilight to discover everything you can about it."

Luna hopped on the spot with glee before realizing she had an audience and composing herself. "Thank you very kindly dear sister. I will not let you down. I promise."

Celestia nodded towards Discord and Twilight as they both boarded the chariot. Luna and Celestia followed after, with me following through the air. With everyone aboard the pegasi pulled the chariot off towards the grand city of Canterlot.

Wow, you knows all the names of these places? Nerd!

I really don't feel like talking to you right now, so I'm going to ignore everything you say.

^\/^\/^\/^

Once we arrived in Canterlot, there was already a large crowd of ponies waiting for us on the palace gardens. Guards were standing to attention while clearing a path towards the entrance of the castle, keeping back the crowd. Whether it was for the princesses, Discord, or me I can't be sure. Luckily for me Discord seemed to be getting far more attention than me, which was fine.

"Now then, Discord you are to come with me, I have a task for you," said Celestia.

"Oh deary me, I am overjoyed to feel needed," spoke Discord in a very sarcastic tone.

Celestia ignored him and spoke to Luna and Twilight. "You two can take the creature and figure out all you can about him. And I mean everything. I would like a report on my desk by sun rise."

"Certainly princess."

"Of course sister."

Satisfied everyone knew their place, Celestia gives me a curious look, then turns and leaves with Discord following. I felt myself fall just a tiny bit before resuming floating, a new aura of deep blue replacing the gold.

^\/^\/^\/^

"Right, you ready to a list of everything we have learnt thus far, princess?" asked Twilight, paper and quill at the ready.

"Of course. The being appears to be an ape like creature. Hands and feet have been identified to show it walks on two legs. No fur with the skin being very pale, possibly due to living in caves underground but eyes show to dilute just like ours erasing that possibility. Eye colour is blue. Hair is light brown, though longer stands show it was a lighter shade at some point. He is male, and seems to get an erection from simple touch." Luna stated as she read through the various notes collected. "Was that last one really necessary?"

"Well, Celestia did say she wanted to know Everything."

I was not proud of this. They had me stripped naked on a metal bench with magic holding me in place, leaving me able to breath but nothing else except look around. At least they had got the slinky untied from my body, but he could somehow still talk to me.

Didn't think you would get rid of me that easily did you? I'm here to stay mate, and you and I are going to have so much fun. By the way, what the fuck is with your erec-

And moving on. Luna and Twilight had now left the room, possibly thanking of new ways and places to poke me. Unfortunately the magic grip had not lessened, leaving me unable to escape. I could still plot a plan though.

The room was simple and terribly boring. White marble walls with benches in the corners, a trolly sat beside the metal table I was on that had a number of poking tools and my, actually, the dick-waffle slinky.

You keep trying to insult and you keep failing. And don't you have insults that don't have anything to do with dicks, or are you just that obsessed?

^\/^\/^\/^

Outside of the room, princess Luna and Twilight were looking over the notes.

"We still need to find out what he is. It's not going to be easy just taking guesses, and none of my books have anything that gets anywhere near resembling him." noted Twilight, throwing yet another book on the floor.

"If there is not yet a documented illustration of him, they maybe we could make our own." Twilight nodded in agreement. "So first of all would be the name. What should we call him? I was thinking of squishy. Or maybe baldy, but that makes him sound old. Did we even get an age?"

Twilight flicked through some more notes. "Umm, yes we did. The tests show he is fifteen years and six months of age. From the samples we got around the penis it showed he was in the latest levels of puberty. This should mean the lifespan could last from thirty-five to forty-five years of age, if it doesn't fall ill or lose an arm or two."

They stood there looking through the one-way glass at the creature, who seemed to be staring intensely at the rainbow slinky that came with it.

"Perhaps we should see how it behaves while not under restraints," Luna suggested. With a nod from Twilight the magic holding the creature down faded away.

They watched as the creature rose into a sitting position. He looked around before getting off the metal and searching around. He found the garments he was wearing beforehand and put them back on. First some undergarments that were white and looked like shorts, then the pants that were black with two white lines going up either side.

"Seems to prefer having clothes on," noted Twilight. "Possible sign of civility."

The creature wandered around studying the room after that, his eyes swaying over the all walls and settling on the door. He then looked over at the trolly, or more specifically, the rainbow coloured slinky.

"Why does he keep looking at the slinky?" asked Twilight to no one.

After a few minutes of staring he picks it up and puts it in his pocket. Before either of the mares figured what he was doing, or could even react, the creature walked right up to the door and opened it. He stepped out into the hallway and looked around before spotting the mares.

"G'day."

^\/^\/^\/^

With no real plan or thought into what I was going to do, I now find myself with the two mares who experimented on me and poked my privates for two hours. Even still, I can't help but stand here grinning like the biggest idiot on Earth, or now in Equestria, at the thought of now meeting these two brilliant minds.

Well they were brilliant, now they stood in one place moving their mouths like fish after I talked. I think I broke them.

Told you it was better to keep your mouth shut.

Well I'm not dead am I? Now Luna is powering up her horn while still keeping the same look, this can't be good. Luna then blasts me down the entire hall and through a wall. I don't even know how I'm still thinking right now.

"Oh sweet Celestia! I am so sorry," Luna cries as she gallops to my aid.

I would like to know what happens after this but brain says it's nap time.

^\/^\/^\/^

...maybe this could be a way to kill you from here. I mean, I can reach into your brain, and with you knocked out for the past three days I could-

Huh? Where, ow. Pain. Pain in every possible painful way.

What? You're awake? Aww, way to kill my fun. Oh well, at least your in pain.

The room I find myself in is a hospital room but with all lights out. Everything sparkles in the moonlight that comes in through a window and gives me just enough light to describe it. The walls are tiled, typical, the floor is white marble and the bed I find myself in is also white. There doesn't seem to be any colour in the whole place, except for Dick-waffle, who sat on the bedside table.

You still calling me that? Fine then. Just remember 'karma's rule' that you go on about so much.

I now notice that I am naked again, this time with my pants also sitting on the table, next to a lamp. What is with this place and being naked?

I reached over and flicked on the light, shielding my eyes while they adjusted. The light was enough to see a clock on the wall.

"Two thirty, how long have I been out for?" I asked myself.

You don't pay much attention. If you did you would of noticed my statement, after the threat to kill you, that you had been out for three days.

The slinky sat there, and I stared at it trying to decided if it was lying from it's expression.

How hard did you it your head? I'm plastic, I don't even have a face. How the hell are you gonna tell if I'm lying?

Well played. If I was going to get answers then laying here wasn't going get me any. I get out of the hospital bed and dressed before checking on the door. It seemed to be unguarded from the other side, but it didn't lead to the hospital. Instead was the same corridor I was in before, with red curtains hanging from the walls and yellow and blue stripped carpet. Everything else was marble.

The hole I had made with my head was no longer visible, due to magic no doubt, but another thing that struck me was the lack of another door that should lead to the room I was experimented on. The only doorway in the corridor was the one I was standing in, which made no sense. Ahh, this is Equestria. Why am I even trying?

Ahem, you're not gonna leave me behind, right?

Looking back at Dick-waffle, I thought of the most polite and sensible thing to say at this time. "You're a spring. Fucking bounce." And with that I left him there while I turned left down the hall, his voice getting more quiet as I walked.

That doesn't even make sense! Trust me you're gonna be screwed over by those guys without me.Get back here right now!Fine! Go get horned in the asswhile I stay here nice and say.You still owe me fifty dollars so don't die!

^\/^\/^\/^

Well this is just great. I come with him all this way, through all these hard times, just for him to leave me sitting here. Not to mention he won't give me fifty dollars. After all I've done for him! I tried to help him give up on the worthless dream of being an author, I make sure headphone kept on his good side and not throw all that static in his ear; hell, I even put up with him when he sleep walked and tried to flush me down the toilet! But leaving me like this is just...

Hang on, who are those two in the corridor?

^\/^\/^\/^

"Now what princess? Do we just follow him and see where he goes?" asked the ever questionable Twilight.

"Yes, if we can see what his plan is, then we might be able to understand him better," replied Luna, stretching her wings as she did so, "And is this spandex really necessary?"

"Of course princess," said Twilight, turning to face the second ruler with her back facing the room. "This way if he turns around, he won't see us."

"Seems logical I suppose. Very well."

^\/^\/^\/^

Hmm, come on pony girl, swish that tail. There's a good girl...

Wait, the hell am I doing? Oh. I've spent to much time with that boy. The things that go through his head.

Swish. Hmm...

^\/^\/^\/^

I'm rather surprised at the lack of guards. I haven't seen any since that day we landed here, even then they were only on the gardens. What in this place could be more important than an alien wandering around unattended?

I mean it's not like the world is ending or something just as... oh my. This must be the second floor because I can see though a window near the bottom of the wall into what looks like a nursing area. And there are all the guards, and there is Celestia, and there is also Cadence and Shining Armor.

And Cadence is giving birth...

I think the world just got revenge for me breaking the minds of Luna and Twilight.

^\/^\/^\/^

I'm sure I look like a mirror image of Twilight Sparkle and princess Luna from three days ago. Standing here, looking through a window at the gift of birth, and surprised that the guards haven't run me down from the noise of my jaw hitting the ground. I understand there are hundreds of fics about Shining and the princess of love knocking each other up, but for it have actually happened? And a baby to be made from it? The people back home ain't going to believe this stuff!

I'm having a ball believing it myself, and I'm watching the damn thing! Live! It really makes some people wonder how the universe has it's beautiful moments that can's be rui-

"First he gets married without telling me, now he's having a baby!?"

Never mind. What's that noise? Oh that's me. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Where did you come from?!" I yelled at the spandex wearing Unicorn and Alicorn.

"You can talk! I knew it!" yelled the over excited princess of the moon, before dragging me into a horse hug. Yes, I just made that up.

Twilight ignored this new revelation and instead gave a battle cry that could scare the hell out of hell, then went jumping through the window. "Classy." I choked to no one.

Most of the guards form a circle around the unicorns probable landing spot, but I know that she's just gonna teleport. No, wait, she just landed in the middle of them with a giant magic shock wave. She is PISSED. Even her spandex is now a melted puddle on the floor.

"Twily!" called Shining Armor, "What are you doing here? I thought-"

"You thought?" Twilight said simply and quietly, yet every noise stopped. Except Cadence of course. "What did you 'think', dear brother? I've been here for the last three days., and I haven't seen a single sigh of you. Then I find you here, with A Baby On The Way!?!"

"Be calm my student," spoke the wise words of Celestia, "There is a reasonable-"

"No There's Not! And I'm Gonna Show Him Why-"

"Twilight Sparkle!" Ow, I think I heard glass breaking. Or that could just be my own ear rape. Or Luna breaking one of my ribs from the hug of death. "Do not be so naive child! Think before you start things like this, and be reasonable and clam. Shining Armor and Cadence arrived only minutes ago, a guard is most likely still on his way to get you. Do not be so hasty to jump to conclusions."

Twilight finally calmed down enough to look around. We both noticed the carriage lying in the middle of the room, no doubt teleported here. We also noticed all the guards lodged in the wall. Nice.

"Oh," Twilight said slowly, "I guess I did get a bit ahead of myself. I'm sorry." She hung her head in shame, which was incredibly cute! Much cuter then a maddened death machine.

"Why are you up at this hour anyway?" asked Shining. Twilight simply turned her head to look at me and Luna.

Luna smiled and gave a little wave with her wing, while I just managed to squeeze out a noise that somewhat resembled: "Help me!"

Now the attention is back on me. Oh joy. Luckily Cadence started to gave one long scream that then made way to silence. Just before another noise took the air, the cries of a new-born.

This caught everyone ears and in a second, we now watched the new-born as Cadence gave it a teat to suck on.

"D'awwww." could be heard from all those with a view. Not me of course. Oh no I'm far to busy dealing with problems that start with C and end with 'ing'.

"Can't... breath... please... stop..." I cry.

"I know," said Shining Armor, "Doesn't it just take your breath away?"

Sometimes, I worry about these ponies.

^\/^\/^\/^

What the fuck was that? He's gone and gotten himself killed, hasn't he? Dumb bastard. Now I'm stuck here with nothing to do but piss around all day! Just great.

Hello? Who's this? You're not part of my family, they are all here with mum. Who are you?

...I'm your fucking god.

^\/^\/^\/^

As much as I had always dreamed of getting a hug from ponies, this was not what I had in mind. I was sitting before the cutest sight since filly Fluttershy, surround by my favorite cast of characters, and I couldn't enjoy a single moment due to lack of air.

We had been observing the little foal for a good five minutes now, it had not stopped feeding since then, and everyone, sorry, everypony was chatting away about the name. I don't know why, but that filly reminds me of something. Oh, yea, it's a girl. An Alicorn girl at that.

A pink coat that matched it's mothers, and a yellow and purple stripped mane. But two things really stand out for me. First of all, it has a star in each of it's eyes. I'm not saying a reflection or something, I mean a FUCKING STAR is in each of her eyes. Then the second thing which is stranger on a whole new level. It Was Born With A Fucking Crown On It's Head!

I'm dead serious. It even has speaks of blood on it! The fuck is up with ponies?

"I think I have a name," said Cadence, "Princess Skyla."

Everyone agreed with that. The little foal then stopped sucking on the teat, curled up to her mother and fell asleep. Another round of 'D'awwwww' was passed around.

I'm getting rather panicky here, slowly dying and all, but I don't think I'm going to be getting of here anything soon. I look up at meet Cadence's eyes, which are now full of confusion, concern, and curiosity.

"Quick question guys," she began, then pointing a hoof in my direction. "What is that?"

It's now that all the ponies in the room now look at me. Horns spark, wings flare, and hooves stomp. Fuck my shit and give it to a duck in a bucket, this is gonna hurt.

"Oh, this is my new pet!" Luna, I love yo- Wait, pet? What?

Author's Note

DISCLAIMER: I do not own, have sexual relations, or have kidnapped any of the things and thingys in this story. Execpt Dick-waffle the slinky. That damn bitch...

Thanks to JDLENL for proof-reading this chapter and clearing up all mistakes. He has his own story coming out soon so be sure to check that out.