This is the best party ever! The drinks are heavy, the music is heavy, the colors are heavy..! Ponies and colts and alligator-thingies dancing and raving and head-bobbing and drinking and grooving and... the way this music hits my ears, it’s like an audible sugar rush!

My head is spinning, this is insane!

…

Ohhh, things are really blurry... the ground’s moving like the sea...

...there’s colours everywhere...

...and the floor’s getting closer...

^V^V^V^

Huh..? Wuzzat noise..?

...I feel so warm and snuggly...

...and naked..? What is this taste in my mouth?

I don’t remember my blanket being white with a sun on it...

Fuck it, this is getting creepy, I’m getting up.

“Where are you going..?”

Wait a second...

“Hey, don’t go anywhere, we’re not done with you yet...”

Oh, right. Well, I really have to go to the bathroom, but I know I shouldn’t get up.

“Uh, Princess, c-can I go to the bathroom first?”

Why is she looking at me like that.

“The bathroom is right here.”

Yup, I’m staying here.

::Several Hours Later::

^V^V^V^

{Ohh, my head...}

Hey, jabroni, wake up. [/size=10]

{What the fuck does that even mean..?}

Doesn’t matter. Get up-! [/size=11]

The room I was in felt familiar, but didn’t feel quite the same...

{Oh, wait a second, it’s Luna’s room.}

No shit, sunshine...

{It’s night-time outside, dumbass.}

You don’t say?

{Gah, shut up.}

Luna wasn’t here, so I assumed she was off finishing raising the moon. The cage I was in had some new improvements... it wasn’t a cage anymore, it was a spring-filled mattress on the floor!

{Oh, awesome..!}

Whoop-de-fucking-do, you have a bed.

{Hey, just be lucky I don’t shove you in the bed as a spring.}

At least I’m being shoved in plac-

The door swings open, with a happy Luna bouncing through.

“Hi there, Squishy!”

“Hello, Luna.” I reply.

“You like your new bed?” She asks, curious.

“Yeah, thanks!” You reply.

Suck-up.

“Well, good! I got it with you in mind, seeing as how newspaper and a cage just doesn’t fit a walking, talking dance machine like you!” She laughs, poking my belly.

Hehe, belly...

“Well, it’s time for some rest, don’t you think?” She asks, climbing in her bed.

{Well, I did just wake up from a nap... wow, just what the fuck happened all day? Last time I checked, it was noon!}

Kid, you really don’t want to know.

{Agreed.}

“Well, I did just wake up... would you allow me to walk around Canterlot for a bit?”

{Uhoh, she’s giving me a look...}

…

“Why yes, but don’t stay up too late, and try not to get killed.”

{Sweet.}

^V^V^V^

Celestia opens her wing, revealing a still-naked person in a deep sleep. She nudges him, slowly bringing him to.

“-Mmm..?” He groans, stretching out on the bed fit for five Celestia’s. Twilight was long-gone, but he know she’d probably be back tomorrow.

“You’ve been sleeping all day, love... should we continue?”

{Being a newly non-virgin is hard... hey, where’s my laptop? I need to write all this down, pronto.}

“Hey, did you happen to see a little white box-looking thing when I got here? I need it right now.”

The royal princess looks at him funny. “Well, no, I didn’t.”

“Can I go look for it?”

The princess thought for a minute, thinking this creature could read minds and was going to try to escape her future plans, but she shrugged the thought; only magic can do that..!

“Go ahead, but be back before morning, okay?” She gives a sly wink.

“Oh yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

^V^V^V^

Both Squishes departed the rooms, bent on separate tasks.

{Where the fuck is my laptop... oh, maybe it’s over here..?}

{Where does this door lead to? Oh, wait, they’re having sex. Nevermind... oh, where does this door lead to?}

Unbeknownst to them, a minty green mare scrambled across the castle, searching for them.

“Humans, humans... where are the humans..?” She mumbled to herself. It seemed too real, to actually own such a piece of technology never seen before. She knew how to read English writing, as it’s been her guilty pleasure for nearly a decade now. What she previously lie her eyes on was a miracle to behold; a surreal depiction of a fellow Ponyville member performing intercourse with a human! The words seemed to float on a flat surface, and beneath the glowing words, sat a bunch of letters and a small pad that seemed to move a little arrow when you moved your hoof on it.

Kinky, but magical nonetheless.

“Humans, humans, humans, where are they...”

^V^V^V^

{Gah, I’ll never find my damn laptop! As far as I know, some pony probably saw what I was writing and burned it to a smoldering crisp..!}

{And I was just stumbling on a breakthrough...}

He turned around the corner, the red jacket he threw on exposing his improperly-clothed body every other second.

{AND I forgot my gloves! This day couldn’t get worse... at least, I hope so. I hope I don’t have to go back home or anything, that’d be plain horrible! I just wanna stay here and-}

Suddenly, he and the minty pony bump into each other around a corner.

…

“HUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANHUMANHUMA-”

He puts a hand over Lyra’s mouth.

“Ssshhh, don’t wanna wake up the whole damn castl- wait, you know what I am?”

She nods.

“Huh, strange... hey, you have my laptop!” He exclaims, pointing at the computer, floating from Lyra’s magic. He takes it with the other hand and opens it, not un-covering Lyra’s frantic mouth.

“...oh, thank Go-, er, Celestia. You didn’t touch my clopfic..!”

Lyra pushes his hand away.

“What’s a ‘clopfic’? I never heard of that before, and I’ve been studying humans for years.” She asks, trying to contain her excitement.

He blushes. “Hehe, well, it’s like a short story that involves sex and ponies. Pretty cool, huh?”

Lyra stops to think. “Wait, so humans fantasize about ponies?” She asks.

“Yup!”

“Do they fantasize about me?”

“...uh, some do. Why do you ask?”

Lyra builds up the courage to ask, “Do YOU fantasize about me?”

{...did not see that one coming. Are all the ponies here just massive sex-driven sluts or something?}

“...sometimes.” He replies, smiling.

Lyra inches closer, and starts to break into a kiss.

Suddenly, a door opens behind them in mid-makeout.

^V^V^V^

“Oh, it’s you again.” I say, looking at the sly human bastard who’s trying to get it on with Lyra.

They stop, look at me, and the guy (or, well, teenager to be more precise) turns to you.

{Where’d his pants go..?}

“Oh, uh, hello there.” He replies, wearing only a jacket.

{Weird... I think I’ll just continue my walk.}

“Hey.” I reply, and then keep walking.

Don’t want to be a part of that... somewhat.

I keep walking, admiring the craftsmanship of the statues and columns.

Suddenly, lights flashed everywhere as the floor beneath the two humans and Lyra dropped for no good reason other than a horrible plot idea.

^V^V^V^

A loud rumble shakes the sisters awake.

“SQUISHY!” They simultaneously call out, leaping out of their beds and bolting out into the hallway. They both fly down the hole in the floor, flying down to scoop up the falling humans.

“Heeeelp meeee, dammmiit!!” Lyra screams, still falling. Luna dumps her pet in Celestia’ arms (“Oh, hello there sweetie...” She slowly says, grinning), and flies down to pick up the minty pony. Above them, the hole seals back up (again, for lack of plot), leaving the ponies and humans trapped in a cave deeper than the crystal caves underneath the reception hall, overlooking Canterlot.

The two sisters set down on the rocky bottom, releasing the humans and pony, only to look up and see the hole filling itself.

“What the bitch?” The almost naked one asks.

“WHAT STRANGE POWER DARES LOCK US IN A CAVE?” Luna exclaims, using her Royal Canterlot voice.

{Ow, my ears...}

Good thing I don’t have ears.

{Dick-waffle? Where’d you go, where are you?}

Trust me, kid, you don’t want to know until you’re 18.

{Fair enough.}

Molesti-, er, Celestia, lights up her horn to try and open up the hole again, but it doesn’t budge.

“Fuck!” She yells, stomping on the ground.

Luna looks at her sister funny. “What is this ‘‘fuck’ you refer to?”

The other guy starts to blush, alongside the princess.

{Ew.}

You said it.

“Sister, I can explain it along the way if you all just follow me.”

Luna turns around. “What about that way?”

“No no, I feel better going this way.”

{I’m going with Luna.}

I’m already with Luna, so I really don’t have a fucking say in the matter, now do I?

“I call dibs with her!” The other guy calls out, pointing at the rapist pony.

Lyra’s still just standing there alongside Luna. She’s probably going with us, but I don’t know...

Celestia beams, then looks back at you and Luna.

“We will split up. Luna and I have our own way of communicating without speaking, so we’ll know where the exit is over time, no?”

Author's Note

Right, short chapter. Sorry about that but now some good news! ...kinda...

You see, with the splitting up, we decided to write our own chapters as to what happens in the cave. I will write Squishy's tale, and DuBrony will write the pedo-mans tale.

This should be fun.