After a rather anti-productive day with Luna, I managed to tell her about most of the world. It wasn’t the most exciting thing I have ever done, but the reactions to our technology and food usage was fun to behold.

“er, Squishy, what’s a windmill?”

“Well, it’s a big device that takes the wind and turns it into energy.”

“Ooh, what do you do with the energy?”

“Well, we power televisions, computers, lights, all that good stuff.”

“Ooh, what’s a television?”

This is getting repetitive. “A television is a box that broadcasts shows, kind of like a radio. Peopl-, er, ‘Squishies’, sit down and watch it all day long.”

“But, isn’t that unhealthy and lazy?”

A fucking lot. “Not really, but squishies tend to get very, erm... chubby.”

Is Luna... laughing? The obesity rate on Earth is funny? Well, hehe, I guess so, but it’s killed more people than Aids!

Hehe, Aids...

“Okay then,” she says, “what’s a compu-”

And then the castle erupts in a loud shake.

^V^V^V^

Best... fucking... pony... ever!

Holy fucking shitballs, is this how ponies party?

Dick-waffle was riding wild with Gummy at a DJ-P0N3 party based in the Canterlot pimp club, the biggest around; also located right next to the castle (At Celestia’s request). Earlier, Pinkie Pie was asked to set up the party for her, and accepted with an army of alligator/pony hybrid offspring armed with cannons.

Dubstep fills the castle, begrudgingly ruining the nearby ‘formal get-together’, causing Blue Blood to go blue in the face with rage. Neon lights flash on and off, creating a surreal feeling of bouncing in a room of lights. Oh, wait, that’s exactly what it is.

Woah, the fucker who created the rave party-! Whoever it was, deserves four terms as President of the United fucking States! It’s not like their current politics are doing much anyway...

^\/^\/^\/^

Meanwhile, two humans sat in a room watching NBA basketball. One of them, however, has a particularly different interest at hand... writing a clopfic behind his non-brony friend’s back.

“He’s going for the shoot, he’s going for th-”

“Best sex scene EVER!” The brony shouts, flipping his chips all over the floor.

His NBA friend turns to the brony.

“...the fuck are you talking about?”

He blushes. “I, uh... nothing, hehe.”

“Lemme see what you’re looking at...”

“Ah, hell no!”

“Yes!”

“No!”

“YES!”

“N-”

Suddenly, a blue aura surrounds the clop-driven human. In the next instant, he and his laptop disappear.

^V^V^V^

“Ooh, Twilight, I never knew you could use you horn like-”

And then he reappears right between Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, who were currently caressing each other’s soft bodies with their tongues. The private sensation ends when they notice they weren’t licking each other any longer, and look at the funny creature.

“...um... ‘sup.”

They stare, devoid of emotion.

“Would it hurt to ask if... gah, fuck it, can I join?”

^V^V^V^

“Oh dear me, did I cast a spell?” Luna asks, surveying the room. Everything seemed to be just like before.

“That sounded like bloody annoying Dubstep... a party? Oh, can we go? And possibly take me with you?” I ask, trying to look adorable.

Luna seemed to pick up the hint and unlocked the cage. I stood from the cage and stretched, extremely thankful for some room finally.

“Ahh! That’s a hell lot better.”

She seems to be staring at my arms. “Fingers are weird.” She points out.

“Oh, well, they are a hell of a lot more useful than hands.”

She still stared, strangely interested.

“We don’t have magic, what’d you expect?”

I shrugged. “Huh... well, let us go find this ‘dubstep’ you talk about.”

Luna and I stroll down the expansive corridors, getting even closer to the pounding wubs.

“Hey, it sounds like it’s coming from in here!” Luna points out, nodding her head at the white door with the picture of the sun on it.

“I didn’t think my sister approved of such ravenous music..!” She exclaims, putting a hoof to the door to open it.

^V^V^V^

Two ponies. Fucking me hard. Right now. How could I, just a simple clopfic writer, end up actually being in one!

This is going to be the best story on FimFiction ever.

Oh, right, the two mares licking my body. Back to that...

“Oh, squishy..!”

Why are they calling me that?

“You’re so... SQUISHY.” The erotic princess screams.

Wow, kinky.

“Ohh, Squishy, I’m going to-”

Wait, did the door just open?

…

What the-

^V^V^V^

Oh my god, this isn’t dubstep!

“Sister, what are you doing with Twilight?” Luna asks curiously, like a little child. The princess stopped, at turned around to face the door. Twilight did the same. Out of their wet nethers rose another human.

...wait, a human? There is a human, having sex with Twilight and Celestia, and they were okay with it? Damn it, this is why I need a social life.

“Sister, is that..!” She said, looking at the messy figure with confusion and slight arousal in her voice. His face was covered in Celestia knows what (and she really does, too, since it came from her), and he attempted to smile.

“Uh, hehe... sup...”

Some of the ick on his face dripped into his mouth...

Lucky son of a bitch.

“Luna, what are you doing in here?” Twilight calls out, breaking the awkwardness.

“Well, we were looking for that strange music-”

“-dubstep, Luna.” I correct her.

“-er, yeah, dubstep.”

Everybody/pony stared at each other for the longest time. Finally, the other guy spoke.

“Well then, what are you waiting for?”

“Yeah, Luna, let’s, erm, go. That way. Away from here. That away.” I agree.

“Good idea, Squishy...” she approves. She and I step out the door, shuddering. From behind me, a loud high-pitched scream pierces the hallway, followed by another one.

“My sister can be weird sometimes...”

“Luna, everybody here is weird. For example, I‘m surrounded by talking ponies who seem to fuck everything but me.”

“Excuse me, Squishy?”

Oops. “Uh, nothing, let’s go find that party.”

^V^V^V^

“Who’s ready to drop the bass?!” Yelled a slightly high DJ before throwing a Cello into the crowd, gaining an angered and terrified “VINYL!” from a mare in the crowd.

The crowd of colorful ponies and colts, dotted by neon lights, cheer.

Fuck yeah, best DJ ever!

The pony throws a vinyl on the player, and spins it.

“This isn’t even house!”

Spin it, DJ!

And then the crowd goes apeshit again.

“Are you enjoying yourself, slinky?” The posh voice asks from a surprisingly close distance. The rainbow toy, springing to the beat by the bar at the back of the venue, turns its attention to the familiar alligator, bouncing to the beat on a pink balloon.

Hell yeah, I’m enjoying myself! I’m so glad I haven’t seen that asshole human in a long-ass time!

“Your excessive use of profanity intrigues me... it suits you.”

Hey, thanks bro. You know, you’re not that much of a jabroni as I thought..!

“I’m sorry, but what is a ‘jabro-”

Suddenly the record scratches to a halt and the crowd slowly stops cheering.

Aww, what the fuck, where’d the party go?

...

And NOW he shows up, as soon as I finally get a hang of this place!

^V^V^V^

Why are they all staring at me and Luna?

Oh, damn, is that Dickwaffle?

Fuck off, you party-ruining prick!

Yeah, that’s Dick-waffle.

Fuck you, you pony-fucking pervert.

{Actually, that’s the other guy.}

Other... guy...?

At least I’m not the only one... wait, I’m still standing here with a sea of eyes staring at me..

“Uh... drop the bass..?”

Luckily, the DJ just shrugs and flips another vinyl on.

{These ponies know how to rock their shit.}

I know, right!?

Author's Note

DISCLAIMER: My co-author wrote all of the sexy senses, actually most of this chapter, so if we get sued for this one, blame it on him.

That happened. And blame my co-writer for it.