Fear Through the Eyes of Madness

I awoke slowly.

I twisted my head to see the small clock, quickly glancing at the time before rolling back and groaning.

Laying there for what seemed like an eternity, I finally decided I had had enough, and slowly clambered off of my mattress and onto the hard, wooden floor. My front hooves stretched out in front of me, and my rump raised itself into the air, and three very distinct 'pops' were heard. Without even thinking about it, I repeated the process, but changing which limbs did what, letting my back legs stretch out and my weight support itself on my front legs. I yawned and looked around as if my surroundings were new.

They weren't, of course. Just horribly filthy. I really should clean this place up, but I already know how this mess is organized, and cleaning it would ruin everything. I take a step forward, but searing pain instantly floods my being, and I reel backwards, landing on my bed once again. I look over myself, frantically searching for the source of my immense discomfort, and find several small shards of glass embedded into my front-right hoof.

"Damn", I mutter under my breath, beginning the process of carefully removing the shards with my mouth, careful not to cause any more damage.

Minutes more of careful extraction, and I'm finally ready to try leaving once more. I stand myself back up from the bed, walking forward, trying my hardest to remember where the glass was hidden under all the filth of my room.

I finally reach the door, taking a look back at the disgusting room, sticking my tongue out at it, knowing that I conquered the room, and that means I've almost conquered yet another day.

I walk down the hallway, taking the left towards the stairs, and contemplate the rest of the day.

"What to do?"

I reach the bottom of the staircase, and take a right into the kitchen. I walk just a few feet inside the small room, and then I stop.

It took me a moment to realize what my brain had registered in mere seconds, and when I located it, my whole demeanor changed. I take a few steps forward, stating intently at a spot on the fridge. This is no regular spot, though. Not one you can simply clean off with a wipe. No, this is a spot that no matter what you do, where you go, it will always follow you. This is a spot with memories contained inside of it.

A lone picture sits on my refrigerator door. This is the spot. I get close to the photograph, and quickly pluck it off the white door with my teeth, rush over to the small dining table, and release it from my mouth, watching it slowly descend onto the green table.

I stare at it, remembering everything about that horrible day. The woman that was pictured went by the name of "Miss Court". She was a very pretty Earth Pony, with a cherry-red mane, and an all-white coat, with her cutie-mark being that of a closed book. The trip had started off wonderfully, but quickly took a turn for the worse...

***

It was our one-year anniversary, and I had taken her to Las Pegasus. Not the most romantic place to take a girl, especially one like her, but it was all I could afford.

We went and saw the sights, as tourists normally would. After a couple of hours, she decided it was time to head back to the hotel, and I, not being a total idiot, knew better than to argue with her, especially when, throughout the entire day, she had been giving trying to expose herself to me, so I had a pretty good idea of what was coming when we got back to the room.

Sure enough, we get back, and she tells me to cover my eyes. I do, now almost certain of what was going to happen. After a moment, she allowed me to open them back up, and the sight that laid before me was incredible.

There Miss Court was, lying on her back on the bed, hind legs spread, exposing her marehood, and it was all for me. The head that rested on my shoulders was not the only one enjoying the sight, and I quickly felt a swelling sensation between my own hind legs.

She tempted me closer with a forehoof, and I silently obeyed her wordless command. As I reached her, she sat herself up on her haunches and pulled me in for a kiss. She slowly reclined, our lips still connected, forcing me to crawl on top of her, or risk breaking the connection.

The night was full of passion, and by the end, both of us were exhausted.

We slept in the next morning, Miss waking before myself.

I heard a loud click come from my side, and I pulled my hooves closer to me, expecting Miss Court to be pulled in closer too, but she did not. I opened my eyes, confirming that she wasn't on the bed. I silenced myself, trying to listen for any sound coming from the bathroom, but alas, there was none. My heart began to race. Where could she be? What could she be doing? What if she's hurt?

Questions continued to race through my mind, and I began to quickly scan the room, stopping moments after starting, my eyes spotting a little card. Curious, I got up and inspected it.

Nothing special, just a white card. However, what was most interesting was on the inside. I flip it over, holding one side down with one hoof, and the other with my other. Scrawled on the top side was a note, and it read:

My love,

Last night was wonderful, more than I could have ever imagined! After telling you this great news, it is with a heavy heart that I must now deliver bad news. I have found another, and we are currently residing at his house. Thank you for everything, and I hope this doesn't ruin anything between us!

Anger, the likes of which I had never felt before, welled up inside of me. How could she do something as intimate as have sex with me, thank me for it, tell me she's run away with another man, and then hope we could still be friends?!

I tried to contain the fury within myself, but I simply could not. I reared up on my hind legs, something I rarely did, and shot my front-left leg through the air, striking the wall in front of me, leaving a dent and tearing the wallpaper.

"Fuck you, you stupid bitch!", I yelled with all my might, not caring who heard.

I gripped the chair in front of the work desk with my teeth, and swung my head violently to the right, causing the glass from the window to shatter and fall to the ground, much like the chair was doing as it dropped from the third story of the Mare-iot Hotel.

I searched for something else to destroy, and bellowed out, "I don’t need this shit, you stupid, fucking whore!"

I tried my best to calm myself down, slipping the note into my saddlebag as I walked out of the partially destroyed room, hurriedly making my way to the lobby and out the front door, and then continuing to walk until I was far away, trying my best to forget about that room and all the horrible memories it now with held within itself.

Days later, I arrived back in Ponyville, eyes puffy and red, with two very noticeable lines coming down from the corners of my eyes, revealing the path that my tears had traveled down my face. I went into my room, laid myself down, and tried to sleep.

When I awoke from my slumber, I realized that my saddlebag hadn't even made its way off of my body. I slipped it off and looked at what it held inside.

I found the note, and rage swelled up inside of me again, but I was able to control it, and I saw that there was more to the note down below. I moved my hoof to the side and stared, her smiling face staring back at me. The picture was taken while we were out observing the sights. It felt like a punch in the gut, that note coupled with that picture.

The same question I asked myself days before returned, but now wondering why she would then attach such a happy picture to a note that basically said, 'Fuck you, thanks for the sex!’ I couldn't wrap my head around any of it, so I ripped the note in half, keeping the picture of her face, and tossing the actual note portion into the trash, hoping I'd never have to see it again.

***

The memories of those few days still hurt as I stood there in front of the fridge, continuing to stare at her face, and having her stare back, almost as if we were in a never-ending staring contest. Eventually, she won, and I shook my head, releasing myself from the trance I was in, and continued my morning.

I opened the fridge, trying my hardest to make a selection from what little I had. Why did it always seem that whenever I'm hungry, nothing seems appealing? I brush the thought away, grabbing a carrot and some lettuce from the bottom shelf, the amount of time they'd spent trapped in my fridge extremely obvious as the cold vegetables chilled my teeth when I picked them up. I walked back to the table, dropping the food down over the Picture of Miss Court.

I took no time in preparing the orange and green food, deciding that if nopony else was around, nopony would care about the state of my breakfast. I balanced the carrot on my hoof and very carefully took a bite. There was a loud crunch as a chunk of the food broke off in my mouth. I chewed slowly, still wondering how to spend the day. An idea popped into my head, and I swallowed the mush, walking away from the table and my meal.

I quickly headed up the stairs, turning right down the hall, and making it to the door of my room. I slowly push it open, once again greeted by the filth, and walk to my desk. I sit down in the chair, the cold metal sending shivers up my spine as it greeted the warm flesh of my haunches. I pulled back the handle on the front of the desk, opening a small storage space, and marveling at the book that rested in the center of it. It was nothing special to look at, as it was just a black, leather-bound journal, something akin to what the schoolfillies and colts would use for their studies. This is what made it special, though. Since it was such an unassuming little thing, nopony would dare look at it if they were to find it, but that would be an impossibility for many reasons, the largest one being that I never allow other ponies into my house.

I grasp the journal a hoof on each side, carefully lifting it up out of the drawer, and finally placing it down on to the desk itself. I slammed the drawer shut and began to search for something to write with.

I found my pen, the black shell almost making it invisible in the dark. I quickly pulled it over to myself, opening the journal to where I left off with my other hoof. I read the last few sentences I had written, and I tried to get myself prepared to write more of this story just like the last time.

We flash forward from an enjoyable night on the town, to the end of an argument the next day.

"Wait!", she calls out to him as he leaves. He reluctantly turns back to her.

"What do you want now, Amber?", he asks, annoyance obvious in his voice. She looks at him, desperately trying to find words.

She gives up, hanging her head, looking down at the floor.

"Nothing. I'm sorry. You can go."

He says nothing and turns away, using his magic to close the door behind himself as he leaves. A single tear rolled down Amber's cheek as she stood in silence. She wanted so desperately to tell him how she felt, but the words always escaped her.

She didn't want to live her life knowing that she had feelings for him. But would never know if he had feelings for her. She needed closure, and began to formulate another plan in her head.

I nodded as I finished reading my most recent work, picking up the pen in my mouth and leaning over the journal, preparing to continue the tale. The pen touched down on the page, and the beginnings of a word were written.

This was going to be fun.