Coming To Terms With The Monster Within

Luna awoke with a smile, though it quickly faded as she tried to use her magic to levitate a book over from the shelf in the corner of her room. Both the clasp on her horn and the anti-magic veil punished her with an excruciating stab of pain that started at the tip of her horn and branched outwards to every part of her body, shocking her like electricity. She shrieked in pain momentarily, then groaned and rubbed her head in the place where her headache was particularly bad before glancing over to her desk and examining the clock that read 6:47 PM: just about an hour earlier than when she usually woke up.

The quiet jingle of a teleportation spell followed by the sound of a ceramic plate being dropped and the intoxicating smell of food roused Luna up from the rug and towards the source of deliciousness. Resting underneath the side of the plate was a note from her sister that read:

“Luna, I’d imagine that you’d need all of your strength for confronting Nightmare Moon, should she decide to actually show up. Eat up. I have contracted everypony who we can trust to get to work on a ‘cure’. Worry not; they will keep everything I tell them secret. I believe I have reinforced that in their minds enough. I will keep you updated.

~ Love, Celestia”

Hours passed by and not once did Nightmare make an appearance. Luna immensely was relieved, though she was still on guard. Maybe it was just a fluke – a misinterpretation of nothing more than primal fear – however, Luna did agreed with her sister: it was still a good thing to be cautious with matters that could put the entirety of Equestria at risk.

The night slowly passed by, giving the princess optimal time to read through her large collection of volumes. Luna ate her meals when they were teleported to her by the royal chefs, who were curious as to why Luna was locked in her room. They obediently obeyed Celestia and accepted whatever excuse it was that the princess had given them. Of course, Celestia managed to sneak in another slice of that heavenly cake alongside her sister’s dinner.

The Sun shone a ray on the cover of Luna’s book through the magic-reinforced window, a tacit sign from her sister that she should get some sleep soon. The cobalt blue mare trotted from her bedroom down the short hallway into her bathroom, which was tantamount to a luxury spa. The spoils of being royalty, Luna thought. Without her magic, the princess reluctantly reached over the large tub and turned the knob towards the left. Hot.

The thought of adding a hooful of bath salts to the steaming water crawled into the princess' head, a welcoming reminder of the luxury around her. Luna located the jar filled with purple beads and unceremoniously tossed in an ample amount. The smell of lavender and vanilla quickly filled the room, relaxing the stressed princess before she even stepped hoof into the tub. She took a moment to admire the steamy, flower-scented air before stepping into the tub. “Ah…” Luna sighed as she slowly slid down into the water. “Perfect.” The water was scalding, by normal standards, however to Luna it was just right. Naturally her body had developed a resistance to heat from spending a millennium on the frigid moon’s surface.

After many minutes of soaking in the heavenly, bubbling water, Luna located the clear bottle full of shampoo and attempted to squeeze out enough to clean her mane. This proved difficult without magic, but after many infuriating moments Luna had finally managed to fill her hoof with the thick liquid. Her hooves moved through her mane, covering it in bubbly suds. Another sigh escaped Luna’s lips as she sunk down and relaxed, closing her already half-lidded eyes, allowing the still-boiling water to reach all the way up to her neck.

“Quite a relaxing bath,” Luna’s muscles tightened as her eyes shot open. Blood rushed to her face, forming a bright crimson blush on her cheeks as her heart pumped away wildly in her chest. A large dark horn protruding from the water greeted her as Nightmare Moon slowly ascended from the mountain of bubbles. “You definitely deserve it after all I’ve put you through.” Luna held back a shriek as Nightmare slowly waded to the opposite side of the bath. A cobalt glow shrouded her black horn as she attempted to levitate the bottle of shampoo into her hoof, only to be zapped by the anti-magic ward. Unaffected by the current of magical energy, Luna snickered at Nightmare’s injury.

“Our sister is quite afraid of me, huh? She is wise to be.” She proudly closed her eyes and crossed her hooves behind her head.

“Indeed,” Luna raised her brow as she inspected Nightmare. “I see you are enjoying my bath, yes?”

“Oh, so sorry, Luna.” Nightmare sarcastically said as she raised her hoof to the brim of the tub.

“This is going to be a very long week.” Luna mumbled as she rubbed the temples of her head with the corner of her hoof, feeling the growing tension slowly form into a headache. Knowing Nightmare was as defenseless as she was without magic, Luna relaxed some, though she still kept her guard up.

“Would you pass me the soap, Luna?” Nightmare said while brushing a hoof through her starry mane.

“Why would I ever do anything for you?” Luna replied, glaring at Nightmare Moon.

“Why so bitter? I’ve only ever tried to help you, Luna. All those years ago? That was merely a… miscalculation. I never expected our sister to harness the power of the Elements of Harmony. Now I am only trying to do what you have grown too soft to. There are no hard feelings, and I wish we could perhaps one day even get along with one another.” Luna took a moment to process what the midnight-black mare had just said; she had the feeling that Nightmare wasn’t lying. “I know it’s not much, but I give you my word that I’m not lying; I reassure you I am telling the truth, like I had said before: I know when you lie, but you too know when I lie. Why waste time by lying? We only get so much of it. Even us immortals.”

The statement elicited a groan from Luna. Silent minutes passed by as Nightmare lounged in the now lukewarm water. Luna cleansed her mane of the soap while watching Nightmare hum a tune as she ran her hooves through her thick, starry mane. Had she not damned her to a life of isolation, Luna would’ve thought that it was cute.

Without a word, Luna hopped out of the tub, leaving Nightmare Moon alone in the luxury bath to do as she pleased. The dark blue alicorn grasped a towel from the rack in her jaw and tossed it in the air in hopes of it landing in her mane. It defiantly landed on the floor to her side. After many minutes of struggling, Luna had managed to get very little of her body dry. “Would you like some help, Luna?” The aforementioned mare turned around to see Nightmare Moon with a towel clenched between her teeth.

Luna motioned for Nightmare to follow her and trotted down the short hallway to her bedroom. She sat down on her bed, reluctantly beckoning the larger mare over to her side. Nightmare trotted over to the generously sized bed and gently brought the towel above Luna’s head. I am going insane. Here I am, laying on my bed while my supposedly dead imaginary enemy is helping me dry my mane. Ugh!

Nightmare lightly gritted her teeth as she ignored the thought that she heard. Once finished, she tossed the soaked towel to the side of the room with a twist of her neck. Nightmare rested her head against one of the many large pillows and breathed a deep sigh of contentment. “What do you think you’re doing? This is my bed.”

“But – I… fine.” Nightmare Moon pouted in hopes of convincing Luna to let her share the bed. It was unsuccessful. Nightmare rolled off of the bed and laid down on the rug: a hardly suitable place to sleep for a pony of her status. “Goodnight, Luna.” The sound of quiet, nearly silent, snoring filled her ancient ears. Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes as she crossed her hooves, trying to get somewhat comfortable enough to fall asleep on the cold floor.

…

Celestia awoke with a start when a frantic knock on the door roused her away from the comfort of her bed. She shuffled her hooves over to the door. Her golden magic glowed around the knob as it slowly opened. “Hello, Princess.” The pony before her bowed his head down. “I have a few questions for you. Do you mind if I come in?”

“Of course not.” Celestia recognized him as one of the ponies from the meeting. The princess motioned with her neck for the guard to leave and moved out of the way to allow the significantly smaller, beige unicorn into her chambers. The guard bowed and closed the door with his magic as he wordlessly trotted away. The princess and unicorn each sat on chairs on opposite sides of a small coffee table where a small kettle of warm tea and two cups had been placed.

“Allow me to re-introduce myself, as it has been quite a while since we have last chatted. I am Ink Blot, but please refrain from calling me that, as I am much more partial to the nickname Inky. Now then, Princess Celestia –”

“Simply Celestia, if you will, Inky. This is unofficial and we are within my personal quarters. My title shall remain unspoken.”

“Certainly. Now then…”

…

After many questions asked by both parties, and a few cups of tea, the beige unicorn walked out with his battered looking clipboard floating around him encompassed in his bright blue aura. He thanked Celestia for her time, and in turn she thanked him before assigning a guard to escort him out of the castle. Still half-asleep, the white alicorn wrote her sister a brief letter detailing what Inky had told her and placed it on her desk. Celestia trotted into bathroom to take a quick shower and then ate breakfast at the small table in the middle of the parlor before leaving her chambers for the throne room, where she would go about her tedious daily duties.

Time is nothing in the eyes of an immortal, but boredom is a very real thing. It was the bane of Celestia, but eventually it was time to return to her chambers and raise the moon. As Celestia walked down the empty halls the thought of checking on her sister crossed her mind. Luna’s chambers weren’t too far of a walk from her own. Celestia placed her ear against the large door, listening for any sounds. Not a single noise could be heard over the ever-present hum of the magical enchantment on the door.

Against her better judgment, Celestia closed her eyes and primed a spell she hadn’t used in many, many years. It was a rather advanced one for most ponies, and few of them even knew of its existence. Celestia was not ‘most ponies’.

In a matter of seconds she let out a deep breath and mumbled a few quiet incantations necessary for the spell. The soft hum of magic echoed down the corridors, though nopony was there to hear it. Princess Celestia opened her eyes and looked down at her own ethereal hooves, smiling at her success in performing the ancient spell. The solar princess looked back to her idle body, amethyst eyes closed and polychromatic mane still flowing in a non-extant wind, much unlike the halcyonic golden one she currently had.

Anxious as ever, the apparitional alicorn stepped through the dark door with ease, the absence of the sound of her ever-present hoofshoes being a nice change. The sight of Luna’s bedroom door open ajar struck Celestia as peculiar, so she quickly began making her way towards it, knowing full well that in her magical form she was incapable of making any sort of sound or being seen, so long as she maintained constant focus on the spell. Her ghostly hoof phased through the door as she attempted to push it open. She rolled her eyes at her mistake. A quick step through the door, and Celestia noticed the small dark blob poking its head up from the sheets, which were slowly rising and falling with each breath that the blur took.

A soft cough from the side of the bed made Celestia’s airy brow rise in stunned confusion. Clearly it wasn’t Luna who had made the noise, as she was on top of her bed, snoring lightly. Celestia lifted her golden hoof and began walking towards the source of the sound. What she saw made her heart pound in her throat – or it would have if she were capable of having a heart in that form. Instead, a feeling of lightheadedness dizzied her, nearly causing her to momentarily lose focus on the magical connection between her body and soul. On the floor next to Luna’s bed was a large jet-black mare, exactly the same size as Celestia. Her starry mane moved about as she rolled onto her back.

“Celestia,” She murmured in her sleep. “I… never meant to hurt you.” Nightmare Moon rolled back over onto her belly, completely unaware of what she had just admitted.

“Princess?” Celestia’s amethyst eyes shot open as her weakened concentration on the spell finally broke, sending what was essentially her soul back into her body. Her breathing was short and broken as if she had just done something strenuous, making the guard’s brow furrow in worry. “Are you well, princess?”

“I am fine, just… very tired.” Celestia excused herself and slowly began trotting down the dark halls towards her bedroom. The guard simply shrugged and turned to continue on his lonely way through the castle.

...

The cacophony of wood hitting metal made Celestia’s ears ring as she slammed the door of her room shut with a mighty kick, and then locked it using her golden magic. After uneventfully raising the moon for the third time in nearly an entire year, the princess of the Sun and day collapsed on her large mattress. “At least Luna’s safe.” she said to herself, trying desperately to believe it.

”Celestia… I never meant to hurt you.” The almost-apology echoed in her mind as she tried to make sense of it. Tears soaked her alabaster white coat as she rolled around in frustration, many minutes later finally coming to the realization that Nightmare Moon was completely honest. Her entire being had been devoted to bringing about eternal night – to break the unfair balance Celestia and Luna were supposed to be guarding, and to make up for the night’s debt. Nightmare Moon was a bringer of equilibrium, not anarchy.

Night and Day: each polar opposites meant never to intervene with one another and still expected to exist in harmony together. Nightmare Moon’s only wish was to help Luna, though she never expected Celestia to go to such lengths to keep her subjects ‘safe’. Luna wholeheartedly trusted Nightmare Moon because she had nopony else to turn to. With a few of Nightmare Moon’s persuasive words, the princess gave her body to the thoughtform of a mare, convincing Luna that she would give her what she deserved. Admiration. Love. Strength. Nightmare Moon failed. In doing so, she became a monster, allowing herself to take in power and become blinded by it. She ruined what slim chance Luna had for atonement in one fell swoop by finally putting her hoof down and refusing to lower the moon.

Nightmare Moon failed in her quest of redemption and, while she was weak, lost her physical body to Luna, who took over rightful control. Without being able to fulfill her only purpose, Nightmare Moon hid in the back of Luna’s mind and waited for an opportunity to strike. In her moment of emotional weakness, Nightmare saw it as the perfect moment, which allowed her to escape from Luna’s mind and come into reality.

For the first time in many centuries, Celestia truly felt empty: numb to all the sadness of her millennia old decision, which still haunted her. Enough time could heal anything, though seemingly not enough had passed. Celestia wanted nothing but to apologize to Nightmare Moon, but she knew that she wouldn’t accept it. That was to be expected. Her tears soaked deep into the soft velvet pillows as she used her magic to bring the thick comforter over her head, seeking from it what its name implied. She got nothing of the sort from the cotton filled piece of thick fabric.

Celestia’s emotions further toyed with her; everything from pure sorrow to unadulterated rage tormented her mind as she rolled around her sweat-clad sheets. They were tossed to the floor as she hopped to her hooves and walked outside to her balcony to get some much needed fresh air.

The night’s essence, crisp wind and patient, silent wisdom eased her nerves as it whispered soothing nothings into her ears to calm her anxiety. Her lungs felt frozen as she exhaled a breath that she held deep inside to keep from screaming, floating upwards into the sky as a large cloud of condensation, taking with it some of the bottled up emotions and unspoken words from the princess.

The dark city underneath her appeared to be void of life as her amethyst eyes scanned the distance. Every good little filly and colt was asleep, resting comfortably in their beds with pleasant dreams playing out in their minds. Celestia envied their innocence. She envied their ignorance. She envied their mortality. Immortality is a curse. Knowledge is paralyzing. Experience is a plight. Celestia was an all-knowing, wise, immortal demi-goddess. She defied all physical barriers, and yet she was alive and perfectly well. Well physically anyways. Mentally, she was a mess.

She took a final deep breath and let it out, watching it float up into the black sky before the princess returned to her chambers. The contrast from cool air to comforting warmth coaxed a sigh out of the princess of the Sun. After teleporting the letter that she had written the morning prior, Celestia returned to her bed, finally able to put aside her thoughts and attempt to get some sleep.

By now Luna probably would have woken up and done whatever it was she had been doing to keep herself entertained, Celestia thought. She found solace in the fact that, from the looks of it, her sister was safe. With that thought held tightly in her proverbial hooves, she drifted off into sleep.