What You Wish For 3: The Book of Earth Pony

For all those who don't read my blog, two things: A) Read it! B) This is the last What You Wish For book written in this chapter by chapter format. The next one and so and and so forth shall be written fully before being uploaded. Once this book is complete, I shall finish off The Blue Blurs and The Ultimate Crossover before I begin with WYWF4.

The caves beneath Ponyville were wet and dark, the air heavy with fear of the earthlings attacking. It had been a day since the initial invasion, and casualties have been on the rise. Celestia had exhausted herself into a depression as she watched more and more heroic stallions lose their lives, galloping out of the caves never to return. Luna had begun to accept imminent death; it was only a matter of time before the soldiers would make the swift movement into the cavern to finish off the remaining survivors. Lyra and Bon-Bon were nowhere to be found; their ship had taken off the night before and hasn’t returned since. Speculations were that they had been ambushed on that night and were killed.

Kyle walked amongst the ponies, his scarred face scaring off the younger foals and rustling the jimmies of their parents. He was doing his best to keep the children quiet while their fathers lost their lives in battle; it took a lot of patience on his behalf. As he knelt down to talk to a set of twins, a small yellow filly galloped towards him with her bow bouncing in her hair as she called out, “Kyle, the princess wants to see y’all.”

Kyle slowly turned his gaze towards the small pony; her eyes were telling him that something was up. He slowly got to his feet as he rumbled, “Alright.” Kyle slowly began to walk towards the princesses’ area of the cavern, the explosions above causing dirt to fall from above. Kyle slowly stepped forward towards the regal sisters as he said, “You had something to tell me.”

Luna looked over to her sister; the two had no need to talk for they could see in each other’s eyes that they had come to an agreement on a plan. Luna looked up towards the towering human as she whispered, “We wanted to talk to you privately so nopony else could hear the plan. Our sister and us have finally decided on our next move.”

Kyle got onto his bottom and sat in front of the sisters as he whispered back, “Whatever it is, I shall do my best.”

Luna took in a shaky breath before turning her gaze towards the cowering civillians, her heart was heavy with grief and her mind was cluttered with lost hope. She continued to stare at the civillians as she said in a depressed tone, “Celestia and I are going to ascend to the ground, we shall discuss a peace treaty. We have accepted our deaths and shall sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our beloved Equestria.”

Kyle shook his head as he got to his feet, he never expected one of the royal sisters to openly accept death like that. Kyle pushed back his emotions as he said, “There’s no way I will let you two do that, it’s not like you to surrender and give your own lives.”

Celestia raised her head as she said mournfully, “It’s also not like us to let so many young colts and stallions die for a lost cause. We have already made our decision and we are sticking to it.”

Kyle shook his head as he raised his voice, “You are not going to do that, I can’t let you. I will fight them off or die trying.” Suddenly, Kyle could feel his body collapsing on him. It seemed as though his strength had just left his body, it oozed out of his orifices in the form of purple smoke. Kyle collapsed onto the ground, ponies rushed towards him to see what was going on. Kyle groaned in pain as his body began to shrink, his muscles dissipating and returning to a human size. As the purple aura that once represented his strength poured out of his eyes, nose, and mouth, a voice familiar to the sisters and Kyle hissed through his mouth, “Disobey me, I shall punish thee. I gave you your powers and I am taking them back, traitor.” With that, the smoke finished pouring out and flew away. Kyle was left on the floor, his body back to original proportions and his powers gone. Kyle slowly got to his knees as he groaned, “What happened to me?”

Luna pointed a shaking hoof at his arms as she said, “Thy powers have been stripped of thy body. We did not know that you had been working for ShadowThunder.”

Kyle shook his head as he got to his feet, his pants were the only things that could still fit him. He felt over his weak body he originally had as he said with anger, “I used to work for her, but once I realized the human army had been brainwashed into an evil state I realized that I was fighting for the wrong side.”

Luna got to her hooves as she whispered, “Soon, there will be only one remaining side to this battle. Come sister, let us go.” With that, Luna and Celestia made their ways out of the cave.

Kyle chased after them as he shouted, “Let me come with you, I can’t let you pass heroically without a witness.” Kyle then made his way around the hill, his small legs were barely supporting him with his new lightweight body. He watched from the corner of his eye as the sisters flew over the top of the cavern towards the large plume of smoke, they landed at the top and waited for Kyle to approach them. As he ran towards them he said to himself, “This can’t be happening, they’re going to sacrifice themselves only to die in vain. There has to be something I can do to help them.” As his mind raced, he looked down at his body and had a brilliant idea. He thought over the consequences and other options yet this seemed the best to him at the time. Kyle ran up to the sisters as he said with a bit of a grin on his face, “Girls, I have an idea.”

Celestia kept her head low in sorrow as she said, “What would that be?”

Kyle raised a hand as to say, “Excuse me for what I’m about to do.” He then proceeded to wrap his hands on his face, his nails digging into the infected and rotting skin on his face. Kyle felt very little pain as he gently pulled a large chunk of his cheek off of his face and onto the ground, exposing the inner muscle and bones. Kyle swore under his breath as he continued to pull off his skin from his face.

Luna and Celestia watched in horror as Kyle threw the rotting chunks of flesh onto the grass, exposing the bright pink and fresh skin beneath.

The pain was almost unbearable to Kyle by now, he had even torn pieces of the good half off of his face and had thrown them amongst the pile at his feet. Kyle looked at his hands to see they were covered in bright red blood, his face felt like it had been soaked in acid as he struggled to say, “Do you even recognize me?”

Celestia couldn’t bear to look at him as she said with shut eyes, “I guess not, what is your problem?”

Kyle wiped the blood from his eyes as he said, “Take me on your back to the soldiers I’m going to get on the inside of the hospital while you two wait to speak to the leader.”

Celestia jolted her rump away from Kyle as she said, “You must’ve eaten some bad apples, that’s a horrible idea. Getting my hide dirty is the thing a princess wants the least, especially if its stained with blood.”

Kyle looked over at Luna to see her say with rolling eyes, “I’ll give you a ride, as long as you promise to never do this again.”

Kyle nodded as he climbed onto her back and said, “You can count on me, now let’s head on over.” Luna began to canter as Kyle lay on her back, his head bouncing as his body began to slip. He quickly regained his balance as he whispered, “Try not to drop me, otherwise they will kill you.”

Luna hushed him; she then turned her head towards the destroyed Ponyville. Bodies were everywhere, mostly ponies but a few were people. The two princesses were on the verge of tears as they rounded the corner to see a small group of soldiers at a fire. The smell of the fire was horrid and reeked of death, the soldiers didn’t seem to care though. Celestia approached them with clenched teeth, she was resisting the urge to push them into the fire as she called out, “Soldiers, we have one of your men.”

The men turned around as one of them said in a Boston accent, “Hey, she’s got a soldier.”

Another one of the soldiers turned his head as he murmured to him, “Aren’t they the princess horses or something?”

Celestia approached them cautiously as she said, “We are willing to make a trade. This man here is still alive, and we are not afraid to take drastic measures to talk to your leader.”

One of the other soldiers had a bit of an Italian accent as he said, “What exactly are we talkin’ about?”

Luna kept her nose from the fire as she said, “We are willing to make a peace treaty.” Luna watched in horror as one of the soldiers turned around to add a bit more material to the fire, it turned out that it was the corpse of a stallion they had recently lost. His face was warped with holes and stained red as it was tossed into the fire amongst the rest of the burning ponies. Luna began to hold back tears of deadly rage as she watched the man act like nothing happened. He cleared his throat as he said, “So hand us back the soldier, and you will get to talk to our commander. That’s the best we can do cause we are the Ponyland outpost, the master in command is a ways away.”

Celestia motioned her head at her sister as she said, “Then so be it. Luna, give them their soldier.”

Luna gulped; she slowly trotted towards the soldiers with Kyle on her back. She could hear them thinking of all the horrible things they would do to the ponies later on, she heard something about a concentration camp and slavery. She was violently tackled to the ground and Kyle was removed from her back, she watched as her sister had the same done to her. The two were violently dragged along onto a vehicle that took a short drive to a large silver dome. Soldiers were scattered all over the place, they all had human weapons in their hands and were pointing towards the princesses. She watched as they entered an air conditioned building, quickly stopping and the room was suddenly flooded with soldiers.

Celestia and Luna were tugged by the wings and hooves towards a small black room where they were violently thrown in, the door slamming shut on them as a man said with a snort, “You’ll have to wait a bit, if that man is dead then so are you.”

Silence filled the room, a good solid three and a half seconds went by before Luna turned to her sister as she murmured, “We cannot believe Alex, a noble and heroic human, comes from the same planet… from the same SPECIES as these monsters.”

Celestia kept her head low as she responded, “Contain your anger sister, for Kyle has a plan for us both. What I am more worried about is where your daughter and son-in-law are at the moment.”

Luna quickly hushed Celestia as she whispered, “Nopony must know of my child, not even Cadence must know her mother had her through unmarried adultery.”

Celestia shook her head with disapproval as she said, “I cannot believe that it even happened, it must have been awkward for you to have had her while on the moon.”

Luna silently giggled as she said, “While I was overrun with madness, I believed that a child was a burden. And since I could not return myself to Canterlot with her, I decided that surprizing you with her would be good enough.”

Celestia smiled lightly as she giggled, “The mood swings caused by your pregnancy would explain why you turned into Nightmare Moon.”

Luna giggled a bit as well as she responded, “Yeah, just don’t tell anypony that I turned evil because I was lacking deep fried ice cream smothered with chocolate. It makes more sense if I turned evil because of jealousy.”

Celestia began to laugh a bit louder as she said with a smile, “You know, I’m glad we are having this talk. It’s keeping my mind off of the worst possible outcomes. Oh my goodness we didn’t even answer the question earlier.”

Luna cuddled up to her sister as she said with a sigh, “Candence and Shining Armor have been escorted to outside of Equestria, Hasbrite is a big planet and they could be anywhere.”

The sudden clanging of metal startled the sisters, a soldier stood at the entrance with cuffs as he said, “Alright girls, you’re lucky he’s alive. Come with me.” With that, the soldier cuffed the girls’ wings and hooves before dragging them out of the room.

*****

The commander stood at the large window that showed the dome, soldiers were lining trucks and training in the yard. The commander turned to the sisters whom were sitting in chairs, he took a puff from his cigarette as he said, “So… you two wanted to see me?”

Celestia nodded her head as she said, “Yes, we wanted to discuss a form of peace treaty.”

The commander shook his head as he said, “No can do, one of your own killed our master commander chief guy a few years back which gives us full rights to invade your country.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow as she said with a curious look, “That’s sort of odd, wouldn’t you need to make a form of ultimatum with the ‘enemy country’ before attacking them?”

The commander took another puff from his cigarette before he said with a mocking smirk on his face, “Look girls, we just invaded your country and claim it our own. Soon you’ll have to convert to Catholic or be evicted from your home; after all we deserve all the mineral deposits here.”

Luna’s anger suddenly burst out of her as she shouted, “How is that fair? This is our land how could this possibly belong to you?”

The commander began to lean over his desk to get a closer look at Luna, his nose pressed against hers as he said, “It’s fair because I’m American. It just works like that. We may have not known of this universe’s existence until ten years ago but it has been ours all along.”

Luna slouched back in her seat as she mumbled to herself, “Kiss my shiny blue flank.”

Celestia gave her sister a stern look before calmly saying, “Look, we would like to at least discuss a bit of fair game.”

*****

Kyle’s eyes slowly opened up, he was on a table in a hospital with doctors looking down upon him. One of the doctors said calmly, “Welcome back… we reconstructed your face as best as possible sir.”

Kyle watched as one of the doctors went to reach for a mirror, he was beginning to get excited to see his new face all beautiful and everything. As the doctor handed it to him, he quickly turned the mirror towards his face only to see disappointment. Kyle shouted at the top of his lungs, “OH COME ON!” Staring back at him was the charred face he once bore, infected and everything.

One of the doctors took the mirror away as he said, “It took us a while to get the chunks of skin infected so it would look like your face again.”

Kyle jolted upright as he said with anger, “Why the hell didn’t you make my face pretty? You guys are paid to fix us, not half ass it.”

The doctor’s eyes narrowed as he said, “Look buddy, first of all: We don’t get paid at all. Secondly: It was really hard work getting the infections into that face, you should thank us.”

“THANK YOU?!”

“You’re welcome!”

Kyle began to shout in anger, he jumped off the bed and began to storm out of the rooms when one of the doctors shouted, “Hey hold up Kyle!”

Kyle froze in place, he realized that he was bucked and that they recognized him as the traitor. He watched as the doctor approached him with an assault rifle in his hand and say, “You forgot your gun. Happy hunting!”

Kyle stood there with a blank look on his face, he stared at the gun for a good few minutes before walking out of the room while whispering, “Good these people are so dumb they deserve to die.”

*****

Celestia and the commander had been arguing for a good while over fair game. Celestia shouted demands out of frustration at the commander, “Give us a week to train our soldiers to fight.”

“No, it won’t be fair!”

“Your soldiers are waiting at the cave entrance to shoot the next pony to exit, that’s unfair.”

“No it isn’t it makes sure that we win.”

Celestia looked frantically around the room, she looked for something to tempt the commander when something caught her eyes. She looked towards what appeared to be a painting of a man with many ribbons across his chest; he looked into the distance as his little white beard and mustache swayed in the wind. Celestia looked at the painting as she asked, “Who’s that a painting of?”

The commander gave a shrug as he said, “I think the price tag said something like Colonel Sanders or something, it just seemed cool to have hung in a military office.”

Celestia began to levitate a marker found on the desk towards the painting as she said, “Give us a few weeks to train our military or I will draw something inappropriate on the man’s face.”

The commander’s eyes widened with shock, he dropped to his knees and pleaded, “No, anything but that! That painting is awesome, please don’t ruin it!”

Celestia smirked as she said with an evil laugh, “I really like the painting, it would be a shame to see a funny speech bubble indicating that his intelligence level does not meet the quota be written beside his mouth in black permanent marker.”

The commander tried his best to pull the marker away, but her magic was strong enough to lift him off the ground. The commander dropped to the ground onto his knees as he said with his hands clasped together, “Have mercy, I’ll let you train your army as long as you leave the painting alone!”

Celestia dropped the marker as she said with a victorious smile, “There. Glad we can come to an agreement.” Celestia got up from her chair as she said to her sister, “Come now, Luna, let us find Ky”

Suddenly, the wall beside them exploded. The loud explosion hurt their heads as painful ringing could be heard, the shockwave throwing them off balance. Debris flew across the room and knocked the commander unconscious, throwing dust everywhere and blocking the sisters’ vision. When the dust settled, the hole in the wall opened up to Kyle poking his head out of one of the metal tortoises with a long cannon at the end of it. Kyle shouted loudly over the blaring alarms, “Get in the tank!”

The two sisters hurried as fast as they could into the tank, Luna jumped in first followed by Celestia. As Celestia settled herself in she said, “Hold on could you do one thing for me?”

Kyle nodded his head and watched as Celestia pointed towards the painting as she snorted, “I really hate that painting.”

Kyle smiled as he said, “Alrighty then!” Another sudden explosion consumed the rest of the building, for sure destroying the painting. Kyle began to back out as he said, “Stupid idiots gave me a tank.” He then began to mock their voices as he said with a fake smile, “Hey dude we just met, take the tank if you want to! Its not like we don’t know your rank or anything.”

Luna looked at Kyle’s face as she said, “I guess that explains why they didn’t fix your diseases on your face.”

Kyle nodded his head, “Yep.” He then turned the cannon around to see behind the tank, he looked at the screen to see soldiers running for other tanks to chase after him despite the fact that these tanks weren’t travelling any faster than a walking speed. Kyle turned the cannon around once more to fire another shell at the gate, obliterating it in a second.

The tank slowly made its way out of the dome followed by three other tanks, one man who was standing atop of one shouted while swinging a sword, “Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!”

Kyle began to worry as he said, “Oh crap, their gaining on us.”

*****

Eventually, like about a half hour later, Kyle’s tank had driven into an open field and he had lost his patience. Kyle stopped the tank and climbed out of the hole to watch the other tanks catch up to him, with popcorn in his hand. Once the three tanks had surrounded him, the soldiers got out of the tanks to surround him with guns in their hands. Kyle looked down at the sisters as he said, “They got out of their f*cking tanks, how stupid are these people?”

As one of the soldiers approached the tank, he pulled a sword from its sheath and began banging against the side of the tank. Kyle just sighed with exhaustion as the man walked back to his tank while saying, “Alright, now we can blast the” The man could not finish his sentence though, a hole had suddenly appeared below the man and a pair of furry arms pulled him under.

The other soldiers began to back up with fear as cracks in the ground began to circle around them, eventually causing the ground to collapse under them and drop them into deep holes.

Kyle watched in awe as the cracks began to make their way towards the dome to consume it as well. Kyle hopped out of the tank as he said aloud, “Alex? Was that devious plan yours?”

A loud voice was heard from the hold, “We haven’t heard that name in forever!”

Kyle looked (That was the 50,000th word woohoo!) down the hole as he said, “Who are you guys?”

Another voice, one much deeper, called out, “We are friends of Alex’s. He taught us all a valuable lesson many years ago.” The holes began to rumble, Kyle backed up as he saw what looked like a mutated dog’s head poke out of the hole. It slowly poppes out with a very human like body with clothes studded with diamonds, it’s arms very disproportionate to it’s legs.

Another mutated canine popped out as it said, “Yeah, we diamond dogs are allies with Alex… and you are not Alex…”

Kyle backed up as he said, “I may not be Alex, but I am a… good friend… of his. So if you are his ally, than you are mine as well.”

The leading diamond dog approached the tank as it said, “What kind of machine is this?”

Kyle banged his knuckles against the armor as he said, “It’s carbon 40 plating, hardest man-made object for a man with a budget.”

The leader hopped into the tank and looked through the hole, he quickly removed his head as he said, “You were protecting the princess pony?

Kyle nodded his head as he said, “Yeah, thanks again for saving us.”

One of the larger diamond dogs decided to jump into the conversation as he said, “We crush bad guys because they look for diamonds too.”

Celestia and Luna popped their heads from the tank as they said in synchronization, “And we want to crush the bad guys because they are killing ponies by the minute.”

The leader laughed silently, he looked over towards the dome as he said, “Not any more, look!”

Celestia, Luna, and Kyle looked towards the dome; a large cloud of dust began to rise as the dome itself began to slowly sink into the earth beneath it. The larger diamond dog approached Kyle as he said, “Bad guys no more.”

Kyle shook his head as he said with a serious look upon his face, “No… that was one small group of a very, very, very large armada. Consider yourselves lucky for having to deal with the dumbest of them also.”

The leader approached Kyle as he said in his hissing voice, “We shall take ponies somewhere safe, for good of Equestria.”

Kyle stuck out his hand as he said with a smile cracking over his skin, “For the good of Equestria.”

*****

As Kyle watched the diamond dogs calmly and peacefully herd the ponies into the large tunnel, he pulled out his notepad and wrote aloud:

Dearest Lyra Heartstrings,

You may have returned to an empty cave, for that is because the Diamond Dogs have brought us to an underground haven. The outpost of dumbass soldiers has been taken care of, so no need to worry or hurry. Just follow the cavern towards our sanctuary, remember to destroy the entrance behind you. I have marked the weak points on the cavern walls that will aid in the collapsing. If you have found Alex, please let him know that I will be under his command for the rest of this war. If Alex is not following you, please re write this letter for him giving him instructions on where to go.

Your friendly neighborhood,

Kyle Clyde.

Kyle tore off the piece of paper and taped it to the wall of the cavern, making sure it would stay in its visible place. Kyle then proceeded to walk down the tunnel with the princesses at his sides, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle trailing behind. Titty Sprinkles.

Okay, you may be wondering why I added Titty Sprinkles to the end of this chapter, its because my weird brain forced me to make this chapter an exact amount long. Now my story has 50,600 words in it instead of 50,598 words.