The Wonderous Misadventures of Doctor Whooves

"Ah...bloody hell..." The Doctor grumbled under his breath as his senses started to return to him. His head throbbed like nothing he'd ever felt before, and that was coming from a man who'd died roughly 20 times. He tried to bring a forehoof up to rub his aching head, but found that he wasn't able to do so. Oh God, did they chop my arm off! Doctor Whooves' panicked and somewhat-irrational thought caused him to start struggling, which led him to discover he was tied to a tree. He looked down and saw that his midsection was tied to one of many apple trees in the vicinity. Right, I was in a farm of some sort last night... he thought.

Whooves struggled some more against the wood, making an apple fall right on top of his head. He cried out in further agony, "Ow!" and grimaced some more. He opened his eyes and was met with vibrant sunlight, adding further discomfort. Well this is just dandy.

"I think he's awake..."

"What's that...shy?"

"I-I...ink he's comin...to." Well, it sounds like some people are having a conversation. Wonder who that "he" is. Oh. Wait.

"I'll kick his flank! Lemme at him!" Shit.

"Nah hold on Rainbow! Let's give tha stallion ah chance to explain 'imself." Thank you country bumpkin.

The Doctor finally opened his eyes fully and was met with an interesting sight to say the least. Six technicolor ponies stood before him. The one farthest to the left and cowering in fear whilst hiding behind her pink mane was yellow and had...wings? He blinked his eyes twice and confirmed she did indeed have wings that were tucked neatly at her side. Apparently, there were horses and pegasi in this odd world. The one next to her was pink and hopping up and down excitedly with a grin on her face that looked like it'd tear the skin on her face clean off. It probably wasn't too healthy for her. Next to the hyper one was an orange horse that appeared to be the one with the odd accent from earlier based off her Stetson hat. How were there even Stetson hats here? Eh, makes about as much sense as everything else. Doctor Whooves thought to himself. In the center of the formation was a lavender pony with a horn. Correction: there were horses, pegasi, and unicorns. Interesting. She had a dark mane with a bright streak down the middle and was looking at him quizzically. On her left was another pegasus, albeit hovering in the air, this one cyan like the sky and with a prismatic mane and tail that held the colors of the rainbow. That one was probably "Rainbow". The last of the ponies was an ivory unicorn with a curly violet mane. Even though he'd only been a pony since last night, she looked strikingly beautiful.

Then The Doctor realized he was staring.

Whooves asked with a puzzled look on his face, "Oh-uh, uh, who exactly are you?"

"Well waht were y'all doin' on Sweet Apple Acres!?" the Southern-sounding pony asked him. She just screamed apples. She even had a tattoo of three apples on her thigh. He saw the center unicorn shoot her a disapproving glare and the orange horse backed away a little.

Her calm exposition returned once she turned back to him and said, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most faithful student. Although, may I ask what you're doing here on Applejack's property?" Right...that orange one's name is Applejack. I bet she's the one that knocked me out...

He tried to explain as best as he could with his headache, courtesy of Apples and Apple Accessories over here, "I crashed here I believe after a little emergency. Although, I'd appreciate it if I could see my TARDIS." That request was met with blank stares. "Ya know...the blue box that was in the dirt?" The clarification caused a chorus of "Oooooooooohs..." from his captors.

The blue one rubbed the back of her neck and chuckled nervously, "Well...we didn't really know what do with it, so we took it into town and it's being looked at or somethin'."

One thought in his mind.OH.

FUCKING.

SHIT.

He spoke lowly at first, almost a whisper, "You," then his eye twitched and he practically exploded, "You what!?" [insert u wot m8 joke here] All of the ponies flinched back at his outburst. The yellow pegasus was practically pulling an ostrich and trying to dig her head into the dirt at this point. The Doctor was pretty sure he saw the white unicorn swoon and faint.

The once hyperactive pony stopped her bouncing and adopted a less happy, but maintained a semi-cheerful expression nonetheless, "What's wrong, mister?"

"We've gotta get that TARDIS now!" Doctor Whooves replied as he started to squirm against his bonds.

"Nah wait just ah minute here, y'all ain't goin' nowhere!" Apples and Apple Accessories yelled back at him.

"Yes! Yes I am! Because if you don't want all the ponies in that town to die, you're gonna get me out of here and I'm gonna try as I can to stop the engines from phasing so it won't overload and destroy this entire bloody town! Now for God's sake help me!" He resorted to trying to gnaw through the top layer of rope, but it was hopeless.

That rainbow pegasus flew right into his face and interrogated him, "Why should we believe you, huh!? What if you're just gonna try to kill us or something if we let you go? You tried to rob Sweet Apple Acres for Celestia's sake!" she repeatedly jabbed her forehoof into his muzzle on the last sentence.

"Gah! This is bloody hopeless!" He spotted his Sonic Screwdriver on the ground near his left hindhoof. With some skillful kicking and one horribly failed attempt, The Doctor was able to kick it into his mouth.

"Just what the hay do you think you're doing!?" questioned Rainbow.

Nope! Not putting up with your bullshit right now! he thought to himself as he continued to struggle with the Sonic Screwdriver in his mouth. Tongues were nowhere near as effective as fingers or hooves even. Miraculously, he turned it on and it fired right down the rope and into the ground, very nearly taking out his, um, you know. Doctor Whooves sprung up before they could say anything and immediately took off.

"Oh no ya don't, get back here!" The Doctor felt himself get tackled to the ground as that dastardly pegasus took him down. This was starting to get extremely frustrating for him. Once more, he writhed and tried to escape the grip of the hooves bearing down on his.

"Grr...why is it so hard to see I'm not trying to hurt any of you here!" the Time Lord shouted at the mare on top of him.

"Liar!"

"Prove it!" Just as she opened her mouth to speak again a light purple aura surrounded the both of them and they were separated into mid-air, and dropped when it disappeared, landing with an "Oof!"

"Enough of this! Okay, I don't care what you say about the whole 'phasing engines' thing, you're gonna tell us who you are and what you were doing right now!"

The Doctor let out an aggravated grunt, but spoke to them, "My name is The Doctor. I am the last of my kind, the Time Lords. Last night, I regenerated into this form and crashed my police box slash time machine, the TARDIS, into Sweet Apple Acres apparently. I ventured out looking for food, clothing, civilization, anything, but instead other circumstances came up. That TARDIS is a new model, so the engines are phasing and building up a lot of energy. If too much of it builds up and releases, guess what? Boom! A huge explosion, everybody or pony dies. So, if I don't get to it as soon as possible, your city or town or colony or whatever here, goes bye-bye. Questions? No? Good. Now, I'll be on my way." With his small speech out of the way, he began to gallop away.

"Ponyville's the other way!" cried out the white unicorn.

"I knew that!" The Doctor said trying to maintain at least a shard of dignity and stormed past them. I probably should've asked for directions before charging off dramatically in hindsight.

A million thoughts ran through The Doctor's head as he approached Ponyville. Oh no, what if I'm too late? What if somehow the civilians found their way inside and have travelled ages into the future? What if it's taken all of the town with it into the past? What if someone just plain broke it? Oh this isn't good. Not at all. Unbeknownst to him, he was being trailed from afar by those ponies from earlier, both intrigued and worried. They too were paranoid about the damage that this thing could have caused based off of his frantic descriptions.

Mercifully, the first buildings of Ponyville came into view from the dirt path he was on. His gallop slowed to a jog as he looked around for any activity. The place looked deserted! Almost nopony was out and about, not even owners of some scattered stands. Then the brown stallion realized that there was a faint commotion coming from the center of the town. "Oh of course, they bring the weird box thingy to the center of town and put on public display. I swear if they've done anything to it..." he said to nopony in particular before galloping off once more towards Town Square.

Surely enough, his suspicions were confirmed. It seemed the entire town had gathered in the area to take a look at the TARDIS. The still dirt-covered police box rested on a stage with an elderly-looking mare standing on her rear hooves and speaking into a microphone on a podium next to it. The Doctor tried to listen.

"Everypony! Calm down! We have the most intelligent ponies in Ponyville working on the case, and soon, the Princess will be here!" the old pony tried to calm down the ravaging crowd.

HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS WRONG WITH THIS SITUATION.

I. They have the "most intelligent ponies in Ponyville" working on the situation yet not the Princess' own bloody student.

II. The TARDIS is on public display and it appears the entire population of this place is taking a good look at it.

III. The "most intelligent ponies in Ponyville" don't know how to approach a damn door.

IV. The Princess herself is on her way here. I do not want to piss her off.

V. That TARDIS is still gonna explode.

WELL. SHIT.

The Doctor shook himself from his temporary mental stupor and approached the situation to the best of his abilities. "Step away from the TARDIS!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. The crowd/mob/entire city of Ponyville turned to look at him. Smoooooooth.

Despite the less-than-stellar attention-grabber, he maintained his serious expression and cleared his throat before speaking, "My name is The Doctor! That thing up there happens to be mine and if you don't let me take it where I need to it will explode and will cease most of your existences! That being said..." he began to trot towards the crowd, more determined than before to get to his time machine and prevent the potential massive casualty toll, until a large-looking tan unicorn stallion zipped in front of him and stood in his way.

"Just wait a minute here, buddy! No way that thing's yours! How do we know that you're not lying, and just wanna get your grimy hooves on it and sell it!" the stranger shouted at him. He too had a tattoo on his thigh, this one of some donuts. Come to think of it, looks like all of these ponies have these tattoos on their thigh. Plenty of room to speculate on evil there...

"Well donut boy maybe you should just step out of the way," The Doctor warned as he stepped to his side, only to have him step in synchronization and continue to block his path.

"Joe! Mr. Doctor! Stop arguing, there's a much more pressing crisis at the moment and we don't have time for this!" the mare atop the podium spoke once more into the microphone. The Doctor took one look at "Joe" apparently as he was called, the old pony, the TARDIS, and decided that this called for a Sonic Screwdriver! He pressed down on it somehow with his hoof and was atop the stage next to his unstable method of transportation. The crowd went silent in a heartbeat. You could hear a pin drop in the former commotion. In fact, he was pretty sure he did.

One of the "least most intelligent ponies in Ponyville" was the first to break the stunned quietness, questioning the Time Lord, "B-b-but you're not a unicorn, how'd y-you do that?" his jaw was still slightly agape and crooked after finishing his  expression of intrigue.

The Doctor sighed and chuckled while surveying for any damage and how to approach the situation inside. "It's basic Time Lord technology, good sir. This device has many functions, probably innumerable, and short-range teleportation happens to be a basic one. I'm glad it takes up so little energy, though. I used a bit of it," he paused to tap on the windows and sniff a bit, "to escape some bounds I was tied up in. Apparently my greeters don't know how to introduce themselves." Once more the collective silence set in and he circled it once more.

"Hmm! Well, depending on the distance on that moon of yours I'd say this'll be relatively simple. Speaking of which, do you have any idea about the distance or so of that satellite? I mean I can't just go flying blind, hehe." The Doctor said. He turned to look at the group once more, still staring at him in awe. He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, but shrugged it off and opened the door. A few ponies up front caught the look of the true inside of the behemoth, amusing the brown stallion with their fascination. No word on the satellite I see. Still shocked into a new vow of silence I assume. Oh well, a simple trip into space and back will suffice enough. Before he could step into his craft, he was practically trampled as everypony struggled to get a look inside.

"Whaddya think that thing does?"

"I bet I know what that is!"

"I-I've never seen anything like this!"

The Doctor wheezed as the weight of a majority of those peeking inside the TARDIS still rested upon him. He managed to pop out of the crowd and leap inside, ninja rolling until he closed the door and kept the now ravaging mob outside as best as he could. Still taking in massive amounts of breath with every gasp, he quickly buzzed around the room preparing the machine for travel into the outer atmosphere. It didn't help that the temperature wasn't exactly chilly and sweat matted his fur together while the engines continued to phase and grow more and more reckless. This needed to be taken care of, quick.

Mercifully, mercifully, no cliched misfires occurred and he was off into the cosmos. Looking outside was an, odd sight to say the least. The entire beautiful and majestic sky he'd taken in the night before had been replaced with pure blackness. Not a star was in sight, just the view of the Sun passing over the planet. It strangely resembled Earth, but with obvious geographical differences. Nonetheless, the clear, dark sky still held its unique form of beauty. Nothing special, it wasn't enough to keep him from returning inside to check up on things.

"Gee, it sure is a pretty neat 'Lardis' ya got here Mr. Doctor!"

WHAT.

THE.

SHIT.