The Wonderous Misadventures of Doctor Whooves

The Doctor trotted outside of the TARDIS into the warm, bright morning. In fact, the morning was too bright. He brought a hoof up to cover his eyes from the near-blinding light of the unnamed princess' Sun. Once his eyes adjusted to the shining light, he was able to see that every apple visible in the miles of orchards shone brilliantly in the early sun. In fact, it almost seemed like that every one had the same window pane-like reflection on them. Well, what more could you expect from a world filled with technicolor pastel ponies? No matter, as business was afoot for the Time Lord.

In case Applejack, as he learned she was named, or one of the farmhands discovered the TARDIS, he'd cloaked it. Besides, he figured not many ponies had business to do behind the barn...unless...nope don't think that oh God!

Moving on from that thought that he'd rather not have again, The Doctor found himself on the path back to Ponyville. Once more, the thoughts from last night came to him. Were there still Time Lords in "Equestria"? Could they be disguised as ponies? The princesses? Hell, they could probably even be the ponies that originally captured him. Another thing was Princess Luna's near-fascination with him. Was being a Time Lord really that special? Well, of course it was. He was the last surviving one (as far as anypony knows), he's immortal, he has advanced technology, and he has a machine that can travel through space and time! But it didn't quite make sense since the one interested in him was immortal, royalty, and an alicorn, too.

The Doctor was so lost in deep thought that he didn't notice the joyful squeals and screams approaching rapidly from behind. Suddenly, a "Hey, look out mister!" was heard before he went tumbling to the ground in a heap. Still dazed from whatever impacted him, he sat up with his forehooves and looked for whatever hit him. That wasn't supposed to be possible, but he was gonna let it slide. The stallion spotted three small fillies similarly lying on the ground, but they were tangled up in a mess of hooves and manes. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't adorable in the slightest. To the right of the pony pile was a scooter and three helmets, presumably theirs.

The Time Lord got to his hooves and said, "Oh my, I'm terribly sorry. Are you alright?" After brushing some dust off his sides, he moved over to help them. Upon closer examination, one was a unicorn, one was a pegasus, and one was a regular pony.

The pegasus got up with a bound before her colleagues and said, "Yeah, we're fine. Sorry for hitting ya, we're kinda in a rush." The other two joined her in standing and began to put their helmets back on.

"Oh?" The Doctor pursued, "What's so important?"

The unicorn who was now getting on the scooter behind the pegasus explained to him, "We're trying to get our cutie marks in time travelling!" The Doctor raised an eyebrow at that statement.

The regular pony continued where her friend left off, "Thar's rumors that a time traveller's in town! We're gon' try to do it ahrselves!" She seemed practically ready to explode with excitement. The Time Lord pondered whether or not he should tell them who he was, but he figured it was better for them not to get any ideas.

He chuckled lightly, pretending he had no idea what they were talking about, and told them, "Well that sounds pretty ridiculous to me, but good luck girls. I'll see you around." He began to trot off when one of their voices halted him in his tracks.

"Wait a second, what's your cutie mark mean?" Shit!

Hmm...what was a good explanation for an hourglass cutie mark. Time. Clocks. Time travelling. Oh damn it all to hell! The Doctor thought quickly and came up with quite possibly the most bullshit excuse in the history of excuses, "I'm-I'm a uh...mattress...and quills salesman! Yup! I run a store of quills and mattresses for a living..." He cringed at how bad that sounded.

Well now he was officially screwed, the little foals were going to constantly pester him with questions and this was going to be a terrible day and slow everythin-"But what about the hourglass?" What? Did they honestly just fall for that? No time to think, have to capitalize on their stupidity!

"Oh-I uh ran out of hourglass stock a week ago, and there was a fire, at the...uh...hourglass factory. So I have no hourglasses for a while and it's temporarily only mattresses and quills!"

So.

Fucking.

Legit.

"Oh! Okay! Good luck with your store mister!" The fillies zoomed off once again down the road with little-to-no explanation or logic. Whatever, he'd take it. Once more he made his way down the road, but with Ponyville visible on the horizon. It wasn't too long now, but he wondered where Derpy worked. It'd probably present a bit of a problem locating her, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.

OPTIONAL PUN LINE, OPTIONAL PUN LINE: After all, he had plenty of time. END OPTIONAL PUN LINE, END OPTIONAL PUN LINE.

As he arrived at Ponyville, he was somewhat relieved to see there weren't many ponies out this early in the morning. There were just some vendors setting up shop in town center and early risers walking around. He turned a corner out of the marketplace and lo and be-motherfucking-hold, there stood a store for mattresses and quills. Who would even buy those two things together? Equestria seemed to make less and less sense with every step he took. The doors to the post office next door to said nonsensical shop burst open, and out came a grey pegasus fitted in a mailman's (mailpony's?) outfit. Wait a second, that was Derpy Hooves!

"Derpy!" The Doctor called out from behind her. He rushed over to her before she got flying, he didn't stand a chance when she was in the air. She seemed confused for a moment, until she noticed his distinguishable accent and turned around with a smile.

"Oh, hey there!" Derpy said. "Whatcha doing here?"

"I was just about to do some adventuring! Of course, adventuring can get very lonely...and it is difficult to run a TARDIS all by yourself..." The Doctor kicked at the ground and smiled sheepishly. It was almost as if he was asking her on a date.

"Well of course! But I have to do my mail route," Derpy said with a frown. That was no problem to him.

"That's not a problem at all! I promise, I can have you back in five minutes, just come with me!" the stallion practically begged her. The pleading eyes of his did it for her, as she nervously looked at the clock inside through the window and back to him. 5:25 A.M.

"Oh fine, let's go," the mailmare said like a mother who'd gave in to a child's incessant begging for a toy. The Doctor jumped with glee and they took off down the road. Even though it interrupted her route, and it was probably dangerous, Derpy fully looked forward to it. Perhaps it was pegasus instinct that went back to the early and ancient days of Equestria, where the fighting spirit and don't-quit attitude were always apparent. That was least on her agenda, as she was focused on keeping up with The Doctor and bobbing and weaving through the trees of Sweet Apple Acres. Derpy really had no idea why they were here instead of the TARDIS, but she went with it.

Needless to say, she was confused when the stallion stopped, gasping for breath, behind the barn exclaiming, "Here we are!" The Time Lord held a hoof out in the air and pointed towards thin air.

"Um...Doctor? Are you alright? There's nothing there," Derpy asked him, worry present in her voice. She feared that he might have gone off the deep end.

"Remember? The TARDIS comes with a chameleon circuit, which makes it blends into its surroundings so nopony can see it! Watch," he explained to her as he bopped the supposed open air to reveal a ripple effect and a piece of blue wood becoming visible. "Now for the full reveal!" He pulled out the sonic screwdriver from behind his bow tie and fired a beam of energy at the space occupied by the invisible time machine. The air itself seemed to melt away and lo and behold, there stood the TARDIS shining in the combination of morning dew and sunlight.

The Doctor walked over to it and opened the door as if nothing special happened, while Derpy stood slack-jawed at the sight in wonder. "Hey, are you coming or not?" The question snapped her out of her minor trance and she nodded, stepping inside the massive control room. It was still the same size but appeared to have undergone a makeover of sorts. Certain consoles were moved around, and it seemed the entire style of design had changed. Had The Doctor really done that in one day?

"Um...what exactly happened here?" Derpy said while taking a gander at the room which bore no resemblance to the one she was just in a day ago.

"What? It's not that messy, is it?" The Doctor said with a tad of disappointment. He too began to survey the area, sniffing various panels and items. He tapped a screen a couple of times and blew on it before looking back to his companion with a clueless look on his face.

"Wha-the entire room has changed!" the pegasus said motioning all about the vast expanse of gadgetry and catwalks.

"It doesn't look all that different to me," The Time Lord took another good look around before something clicked in his head. "Oh! Right, I left something out yesterday. She along with other TARDISes tend to randomly change the interior design at will. Keeps things fresh, looks nice, I like it." While the answer made little sense to Derpy, something else caught her ear. She?

"What do you mean 'she'?"

"I didn't tell you? Huh, well TARDISes are semi-sentient and are considered females."

"So you could...talk with it?"

The Doctor scoffed and said, "Not exactly. It listens, but it can't really reply. One thing that's for certain though is they can get really depressed when their owners die. They've been known to fly directly into stars or a time vortex." Derpy pretended to understand and just nodded. She figured it was best not to question The Doctor on these kinds of things. The stallion said in a baby talk voice and snuggled one of the panels, "But that won't ever happen to me will it?" It looked like he really was talking to the TARDIS. Derpy was starting to regret her decision ever so slightly.

"Right...okay, so where are we going?" the mare fluttered to the ground and asked him.

"Wherever or whenever you'd like, dear! We've got all the time in the world and every place in the world to go to!" The Doctor trotted around, pulling various levers and flicking switches, preparing for travel.

"Wow...um, I've always wanted to go to olden Equestria! That'd be cool," she said watching him work his magic on all components.

"As you wish!" He began the second-to-last step and went over to the digital dial for time selection. A pretty nifty customization of his if he did say so himself. In the time period display, he saw four options. One said "BE", the second one  "EE", another said "NM", and the last read "LR". The second option seemed like the most logical to him for no particular reason, so he summoned Derpy over. "I'll let you do the honors," he said and brought her over.

"I know you were probably told as a foal not to press the big red button. Interestingly enough, I don't care, so hit it and let's get on our way!" The Doctor said enthusiastically, assuming that negative stereotypes involving brightly colored large objects were universal. Without a second thought, a grey hoof was brought down upon the glowing dome, and the adventure began.

Next stop; 1263 E.E., Canterlot, Equestria.