The Wonderous Misadventures of Doctor Whooves

The Doctor and Derpy gingerly stepped out of the TARDIS. "I still don't understand how it works, though," the pegasus said while looking around.

"It's as simple as it sounds," The Doctor began while popping a few joints. "It appears over there, and reappears over here."

"But there's no way! It has to be more complicated than that."

"Well, I suppose it could appear over here and then reappear there..." The Doctor said appearing to be in deep thought.

Derpy only groaned in frustration. The finer aspects of Time Lord technology still did not break through to her. This was made clear when she almost caused the universe to collapse in upon itself with a few presses of buttons. He needed to keep an eye on her, it appeared. The possible things that could go wrong were probably too large to count, but that was the fun of adventure!

As the pair trotted through the cobblestone streets of wherever-they-were, the place seemed like it had just been through an apocalypse. Buildings were being reconstructed, streets repaved, but even with these efforts occasional holes in the road and empty lots filled with rubble remained. One vast structure seemed unharmed in the distance, though. It looked like a castle, or a complex of castles, and stood far above any others that challenged it. Luna did say that the Princesses were immortal, but have they been around this long? Well, time to find out.

The Doctor asked Derpy, "Hey, you want to go see that castle thingy over there?"

"Canterlot Castle!?" the pegasus asked him loudly, as if she was offended. "A-are you sure? We can get in trouble, I mean we don't even look like nobles!"

"Derpy, I'm a Time Lord," The Doctor began while changing course towards the Canterlot Castle, as she said. "I'm sure that counts for something." Okay, that probably wasn't the best excuse he'd ever made but he really wanted to see that castle.

Amazingly, Derpy bought it. "Oh yeah! We've got nothing to worry about!" It was better not to question the good things in life. As they made their way though Canterlot, The Doctor noticed the buildings' condition improved with proximity to the castle. Perhaps the castle was so important that the closer anything was to it the more valuable it was. That was preposterous, though, maybe they just started the cleanup and rebuilding effort at the center of the city. Yeah, that was probably it.

Several ponies stared at the stallion and Derpy as they traversed the streets. Was it because of her eyes? That just wasn't okay. Sure it was presumably very long ago, but prejudices like that were plain uncalled for. The inhabitants of Equestria all seemed so cheerful, nice, and downright friendly. Yet there seemed to be hate and depression filling the watching eyes of those glaring at the two. What was even more bothering was the fact the looks maintained as long as possible, some even turning their necks back to continue shooting their dirty looks at them.

The Doctor said to Derpy as they rounded a corner, "Alright, the castle should be down this road a ways and then-"

"Halt!" The Time Lord was cut off as a gruff voice shouted at them from behind. Before he could say anything, four cuffs were shackled around his hooves using telekinesis. The supposed source of the voice flew down in front of him and jabbed him in the chest with a hoof. "You're coming with us," the mystery pegasus wearing golden armor bearing a symbol of the Sun said.

"Oy, what'd I do?"

The Doctor's question went unanswered as a previously unnoticed unicorn, also donned in the same attire, asked his colleague, "Do we take the mare?"

"Sure, she's connected with him. We'll bring 'em both."

"Hey, don't take her! She didn't do anything!" The Doctor half-pleaded half-ordered them.

"Be quiet. You're being taken to Grand Mage Starswirl," the unicorn told him as Derpy was fitted with similar restraints.

The cross-eyed mare voiced her complaints with a, "Hey!" The protest did not yield any sympathy or release from the two. Well. Fuck my life.

The four ponies trotted down the vast, marble-floored hallway. Stained glass windows lined the walls with their various colors modifying the light that came through them. While The Doctor and Derpy were able to keep up with their captors, that was the end of their abilities. The shackles were the perfect tightness where they could walk without being restrained, but couldn't run. He had a sinking feeling a spell was behind that. Suddenly, the soldiers accompanying them stopped, and prodded them forward with their spears. "This is Grand Mage Starswirl the Bearded's office," the unicorn said while pointing towards a humongous door. The Bearded...single best last name I've ever heard despite the circumstances.

As the two walked off, he could hear a fading and worrying conversation, "I wonder what the Grand Mage has in mind for them that has him so obsessed..."

"Well whatever it is Celestia have mercy on their souls..."

"Sins of our fathers, huh?"

"Heh. Yeah."

This is not good. Not good at all. No, no calm yourself. You've saved entire universes with sticks of celery. You have a kickass bowtie courtesy of a hyperactive pink pony. A grand mage? Child's play. But...one that seems to be obsessed with me. The Doctor thought as they stepped through the door.

The two gazed around the room of Starswirl the Bearded. Bookshelf upon bookshelf lined the walls, and where there wasn't a bookshelf an impressive looking paintjob of stars and galaxies draped the walls. It would all be very stunning if the lower portion wasn't total chaos. Papers, mostly crumbled up and discarded, covered the floor like a minefield. Various scribblings and mathematical equations could be seen on each. From the looks of it, he'd been trying for days to figure something out. A look at the far edge of the office revealed a desk and chalkboard in front of another stained glass window, this one primarily blue and white. Behind the desk, with a messy mane and disheveled appearance overall, was a light blue unicorn stallion working furiously on said chalkboard. More math sentences and writing filled the chalkboard, and from the green halves of wood in the corner, he was becoming frustrated and impatient with whatever he was working on.

The deranged-looking Grand Mage became aware of their presence and quickly turned his head to look at them. There was anticipation and excitement plastered on his face. Starswirl caught eye of Derpy first, and the eager expression faded. But when he saw the stallion next to her, or his cutie mark in particular, the look of a child on Christmas returned tenfold. "Aha! I thought they were lying when they told me they found a Time Lord," Starswirl said to them. The insane-looking grin on his face unnerved both of those across the room from him. Two twitches came from his head as he trotted across the room slowly towards them. They instinctively stepped back.

The Doctor's and Derpy's haunches hit the wall. Shit, was all he could think as the potentially mentally unstable unicorn approached them. His steps were erratic, his hooves landing in different locations and directions with progress. "Come now...I'm not going to...hurt you..." Starswirl almost whispered in a soothing voice. It wasn't the calming tone of a mother, but more the sweet lullaby of a madpony. The dome shape of the office only caused his hoofsteps to echo eerily until fading. Before the Time Lord knew it, the mage was directly in front of him.

Starswirl craned his head around to survey The Doctor's flank. The once subtle toothless smile expanded into a vast grin once more. The unicorn reached out a hoof and, poked The Doctor directly in his hourglass cutie mark. The sudden action earned a yelp from him. "Hah! It's not a dye or tattoo, you really are a Time Lord..." The bearded pony turned around 180 degrees and summoned a paper and quill from his desk. The Doctor looked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of what he was writing. Prepare Room 108. Procedure A-1337.

Oh...shit... "Derpy," The Doctor whispered to the grey pegasus beside him. She turned her head and looked at him, obviously scared as much as he was. "On the count of three, I want you to run out that door."

"But, what about-"

"I'll make sure you get out safe. Just run, and I'll catch up with you eventually. If you don't encounter any problems, wait outside the TARDIS. You remember where we left it, right?"

"Yeah," she lied. Her memory was not exactly the greatest, and now was the perfect time for it to show its colors.

"Excellent. Now, one..."

"So! Mr. Time Lord! I'm very excited about our plans!"

"Two..." The Doctor whispered once more.

"We get to learn alllll about things!" Starswirl turned back to look at the two. The crazy look on his face was more present then ever.

"Three!" The Doctor shouted. He bucked the large door behind him and it swung open, Derpy flying out through it. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver from behind his bowtie and pointed it at Starswirl.

The unicorn only chuckled and told him, "I couldn't care less about your little friend. The guards will catch her anyway.  What I do care about...is you..." Starswirl was undoubtedly mentally unwell. He took a step in his direction once again, the step seeming to echo twice as loud as before. The Doctor stood unfazed, standing in the same three-legged stance and holding the device out with one hoof at the Grand Mage.

Starswirl's head twitched again, but this time his head stood in the same location, like he was studying him. He probably was. "My my...what an interesting toy you have there...will you let me...play...with it?" The pauses between each group of words he spoke didn't aide The Doctor's nerve, but he didn't move.

Another terribly loud step.

And another.

This was becoming really slow and painful.

"Why do you seem to resist? We'd have tons of fun if you just come with me!" Starswirl cackled maniacally.

The Doctor spoke, "Look, Mister the Bearded, or whatever you go by. I'm sure you're a lovely chap, even though I've never even met nor heard of you until thirty minutes ago. What I can tell for sure, is that this isn't you at all. You're not okay. You've become ob-obsessed with whatever it is around here! You've outcasted the rest of the world I bet! You're locked in this office, studying nonstop something that has clearly driven you insane! Listen to me! You! Are! Not! Like! This!" His attempts to halt Starswirl yielded no results.

"Stop it for God's sake! If you're interested in me, I'm sure you know what this can do! Do not make me use any of its functions!" The Grand Mage took another step toward him. He was less then five feet away from him now.

"That's it!" The Doctor yelled as he charged a blast that would merely discombobulate him. Then, he could escape and rendezvous with Derpy and get the hell out of wherever they were. The sonic screwdriver glowed and then, it was stabbed out of his hoof. He looked behind him in horror to see an earth pony guard standing, his screwdriver impaled on the sharp metal blade of a spear. Behind him two pegasi held Derpy's forehooves in theirs.  "What have you done!?" He yelled at him after gazing in horror at the long weapon which held his incredibly valuable gadget.

Starswirl sighed, and almost scolded him like a teacher would a student, "You didn't play nice."

The Doctor felt a warm sensation envelop him, and then his vision faded to black. "Doctor!" was all he heard before all feeling in his body went numb.

He collapsed.