My Little True Korea: Kim Jong Un is better than magic
Prologue...or should I say PROLOGUEPIC!?
All was well in Pyongyang, the capital of the freest country in the world, True Korea. Birds were shining, the Sun was singing, and everyone was as happy as could be.
Kim Jong Un looked over his country with pride, "My people have done well. They have truly built an empire fit for a leader"
One of his advisers raised his hand.
The left toenail of God turned to him, "Yes, you may speak, David Tennant"
David Tennant cleared his throat meekly, "Pardon my interruption, sir, but didn't you say that you were the one who built your own empire? I think you deserve more credit than they do for bringing us into our golden age of-"
"Did I ever tell you that you could think? Guards, remove him from the room and send him to the labor camps" the sexy stallion of a man said with as much wisdom as a thousand sloths.
"I deserve every bit of punishment I will receive and it was an honor to be in your presence, sir!" David Tennant wept as he was dragged out of the room.
Suddenly, a soldier ran into the room, "Sir! I have news about the Americans!"
The man of the hour (and, coincidentally, every other hour in the history of history) stared at him, "Is it about...the unicorn remains we found?"
The soldier nodded, "Yes sir, and it appears the Americans have found some as well! They are at the border asking for a meeting"
He closed his squinty eyes (as best he could, anyway) solemnly, "I see. Very well, let them know that I will be there shortly, but I wish to approach the issue diplomatically. I am strongly opposed to violence"
"Um...roger, sir" the soldier stammered uneasily as he saluted.
"Hm?" the original Mario brother raised an eyebrow, "What troubles you, good citizen?"
The soldier swallowed hard, "Er, didn't you threaten to nuke False Korea last week if they didn't send us food to deal with the famine, sir?"
"...I have no idea what you're talking about" Kim Possible Un frowned.
And with that, KJ1 threw a smoke bomb on the ground and was gone in a flash (by which I mean everybody in the room was executed to give the allusion that he had disappeared into thin air).
Later at the conference that very same year
"...and then I told my constituents that the wealth would 'trickle down'!" a politician laughed as the whole compartment roared with laughter.
The room grew silent as the Real Slim Shady entered. Some politicians openly wept at seeing him in his battle armor (aka stark naked) for the first time. Others immediately strapped their ties to the lights hanging overhead and committed suicide right there out of shame for not following him all along.
Clearing his throat awkwardly, the great leader took a seat, "Now, I believe we are here to talk about the unicorn bones we found? Where is president Obama?"
He heard a voice from across the room, "Please..."
"Call me the dark lord. Yeehaw!" he cackled as he took out two pistols and began shooting them in the air.
"Ahem, Mr. Obama," the voice of reason in a world of silent insanity spoke, "I would like for the two of us to cooperate for the good of all people, whether they be True Koreans or other True Koreans. Please, tell me everything you know of the unicorn remains that you have acquired"
The dark lord Obama laughed, causing a thousand stillbirths around the globe, "Well, for starters, I lied about the unicorn remains. I just needed to get you here to get you out of the way for my future plans for the domination of True Korea! Hot diggity dog, pardner!"
"Mr. Obama, sir, with all due respect, you know that I am bulletproof. You have no weapons that can harm me" Kim Jong Un said, slightly embarrassed for his friend.
Obama grinned, causing all deodorant within a five mile radius to fail instantly, "Oh yes, I know that. Besides, we can't send any snipers to True Korea because, if we do, they won't want to come back. No, I have different plans for you, pillsbury dough boy! If I can't kill you, I'll just have to move you somewhere else...MUAHAHAHAHAAAAA"
Without another word, Obama-lama-ding-dong pulled out a dark purple crystal and threw it at the dragon of the north. A glowing, rainbow portal enveloped him and he immediately reached out his oak arms to try to pull himself free. Unfortunately, not even the great leader's strength could pull him ferdr3343rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm
Sorry, the old author lied and had to be dealt with.
The merciful leader could have easily pulled himself free, but chose not to because such a show of strength would surely have melted the eyeballs of every person in the room. Even to his enemies he is merciful. Praise be to the great leader.
And with that, the great leader was gone. The politicians in the room begged the sith lord Obama to let him back, but the Team Rocket executive only laughed.
He smirked, "...all in good time..."