Episode 17: Rarity on the Daily Show

The fog on Jon Stewart’s glass faded away then reappeared in timed intervals with his breathing. Because of personal reasons (most of which were health related) Jon didn’t drink too much on his free time. Only on special occasions like award ceremonies, or getting together with family, the latter of which alcohol was a necessity, especially when dealing with the in-laws.

But on rare occasions when he was too stressed out from handling the day-to-day responsibilities of the Daily Show, Jon liked to come home and unwind with a glass of imported ale in one hand and the newspaper in the other. The last time this happened was the night before he was scheduled to interview President Obama, and before that was when he was trying to come up with the perfect penis joke for the show.

Today however Jon found himself sprawled on the living room couch with a tiny glass of scotch, pressed up against his lips while he breathed heavily into its content through his nose. In his other hand was his trusted cellphone which he idly fiddled with in between sips. He wasn’t playing any IOS game, browsing some news site, or even checking his twitter feed... what he was doing was trying to get ahold of his good friend and business partner, Celestia.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance” A voice from Jon’s phone said. “Unfortunately I am currently unavailable and am unsure as to when I can get back to you. If you would be so kind as to leave your name, number, and when it would be the most convenient for you, I promise I will return your call in a timely manner.”

Jon had patience for a lot of things, but having to wait like this just to talk to Celestia was steadily making him angry. Make no mistake, he wasn’t some self centered prima donna who expected everyone to be at his beck and call at the slightest whim, least of all someone of royalty. But in his dealings with Celestia, never had he ever been neglected like this. Tonight was the first time he had ever heard this message, but he had tried calling her so many times that at this point he could recite her voice mail by memory.

The reason he so desperately wanted to talk to his friend wasn’t business related; the last thing on his mind was who to have on his show. The reason he wanted, no, the reason he needed to speak with her royal highness was because he wanted to check up on his good friend, The great and powerful Trixie, who was still being held at emergency room of Canterlot Castle.

Having both his phone and a glassware in each hand respectfully he had to fight off a powerful urge to throw one across the room in anger; before this could happen however he stopped to take a deep breath to try and calm himself down. What really got him hitting the bottle was the knowledge on Celestia’s part that Jon would always call, everyday, around this time asking if Trixie was okay. So for her to not pick up now only meant one thing... she was ignoring him.

“Urrrrgh.” Jon mumbled to himself angrily.

At this point Jon didn’t care about work, interviews, time slots, or ratings... all he wanted was to find out if his friend was alright. Taking a quick swig of his elixir, Jon once again pressed the call button on his phone... though doing so was practically the textbook definition of insanity.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance...”

“Ruuagh!” Jon roared as he chucked his phone at the easy chair just opposite of him. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like this one bit. Celestia was hiding something from him, he just knew it. While there was a chance that she was just tied up at the moment, or perhaps she simply turned in for the day, there was this unshakable feeling that whatever was keeping her away had something to do with his Unicorn member of the family.

The more he thought about it the more worried he became, a feeling that was shared by other, more human, members of the Stewart household.

“Daddy? Are you mad?” A voice asked from behind the sofa. Even though he recognized the voice Jon still felt compelled to look over his shoulder to see who was addressing him. It was none other than his own daughter, Maggie. There she stood hand in hand with her brother Nathan as if they were getting ready to cross the street together. Turns out they had been spying on their father for quite some time now; something which would have been easier to detect had he not been drinking.

“Oh hey kids!” Jon fumbled as he quickly hid his glass of alcohol and adjusted himself in his seat so he'd be on his knees. “Shouldn’t you two be up stairs playing or something?”

The two small children didn’t answer. Instead they just looked up at their father with wide eyes and worried faces.

“Are you mad, Daddy? She repeated. With a deep sigh he returned to the sitting position he previously held.

“C’mere kids.” Jon said as he motioned for them to join him on the couch. In no time at all both kids were now sitting next to their dad. “Sometimes... sometimes when daddy has had a rough day he get’s a little upset about some things... but don’t worry because I’m not mad at you two, or mommy. I’m just... I’m just tired from work.”

Whether or not they believed him or saw through his attempt to make them less worried was open for debate. For a brief moment there was a silence followed by Nathan walking across the living room to retrieve Jon’s tossed phone like a faithful dog.

Jon watched as his son slowly he walked back to the sofa, hopped back in his previous spot, and placed the phone in between the two of them. While this was happening Maggie was busily hugging a pillow with both her arms and legs. When no one said anything Jon grabbed his phone, and in one swipe of his fingers was once again back at his home screen. In the time that he had thrown it a few contacts had tried to get in touch with him; none of them were Celestia.

“I miss Trixie.” Nathan said, in a tone that caused Jon to flinch as if he had just received a mean right hook.

“Me too.” Maggie added, delivering the left hook. “When will she be back, Daddy?”

Jon was now in an uncomfortable position that no parent enjoyed being in; having to tell their children that they didn’t have an answer to their question.

“I... I don’t know.” Jon said after a depressed sigh. “Your Aunt Trixie is... still sick.”

Ever since Queen Chrysalis’ attack on the Daily Show, Jon had been regularly protecting his kids from the harsh realities of life. He knew they were too young to comprehend fully what happened so by spoon feeding them the sugar coated version of what transpired he was, he hoped, doing the right thing.

To them there was no attack, or severe injuries to anyone they loved. As far as they knew Trixie had simply fallen ill and had to go back to Equestria because she needed proper care from medical professionals. And while this explanation was understandable at first, her absence from their world for so long was slowly making them skeptical.

“Is she feeling better?” Maggie asked, prompting Jon to look at his phone rather than into her sad eyes.

“I hope so.” Jon fiddled with his phone as he caught a reflection of himself in it’s shiny surface. It was at this point that he wished they would drop the subject, but he knew his kids. They were just getting started

“Can we go see her!?” Nathan begged with Maggie close behind in agreement.

Again Jon’s phone slipped through his fingers, only this time instead of throwing it across the room he lost the feeling in his hands causing it to fall to the ground. Even though he hadn’t seen Trixie in some time, the image of her strapped to a hospital bed with all manner of machines connected to her was still fresh in his mind; it was a god awful sight. He couldn’t stand seeing her like that; so he could only imagine what effects it would have on his kids.

“I uh... I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Jon grunted as he leaned forward to retrieve it his phone. “Right now the best thing for her is to get some rest... besides even if I wanted to, I couldn't.”

“Why?” Both kids asked in unison.

“Well... for some reason my good friend Celestia seems to be ignoring me.” Jon answered with a slightly annoyed tone.

To demonstrate he pressed a series of buttons which caused the silent room to be flooded with the noise of his phone struggling to make the connection between worlds. Jon was hoping to be proven wrong here; as the phone rang he gently held his son close to him and scratched the top of his head as he begged to a god he only sometimes believed in that Celestia would pick up.

Unfortunately having his kids present in the room wasn’t the lucky boost he was hoping for; after a few seconds had passed a familiar message found its way to the surface.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance...”

“See what I mean?” A defeated Jon sighed as he placed his phone to the side. “And without her... I can’t even go to Equestria.”

Were it not for the presence of his two children Jon would have probably finished off his drink then retired to his bed for the night without a word to anyone. But as it so happens it was those very same children who inspired him to do something besides mope around feeling sorry for himself; unlike their father they weren’t so quick to give up it seems.

“But Daddy you’ve gone to the horsey world without Celestia before!” Maggie challenged.

“That’s right!” Her brother added, before grabbing Jon’s cell phone and placing it back in his hand. “Can’t you find another way to go there like last time!?”

Jon was moments away from once again disappointing his kids by revealing that their idea was flawed. Among other reasons, this idea wouldn’t work because the last time he snuck his way into Equestria he did so through Trixie, and even then doing so almost got him killed. However before he could say anything to that effect something occurred to him. Something both simple yet brilliantly devious.

While it’s true Trixie wasn’t present and Celestia wasn’t returning his calls there was something Jon had seriously overlooked... those two weren’t the only Unicorns he knew.