Episode 17: Rarity on the Daily Show

Ask anyone in the entertainment business and they will tell you, the old adage, “It’s not what you know; it’s who you know” is very much true. All the talent in the world and a brain overflowing with bright new ideas pale in comparison to having someone like Ted Turner or Bill Gates in your Rolodex.

As someone who spent his early years struggling as a comedian only to obtain his own show, Jon was in a position of seeing things from both sides of the looking glass.

On one hand he recalled how he had to network all up and down New York, shaking hands with total strangers and calling in favors to people whose names he couldn’t even pronounce just for a chance at getting his foot in the door.

And now that he was a world recognized name he got the chance to give back to the community by helping local talent in pursuing their preferred careers. Without Jon’s influence Steve Carell might’ve never made it in a film, Christian Schall would never have found a calling in voice acting, and Stephen Colbert would definitely never have gotten his own show after his years as a correspondent.

So when people first heard that Jon had the opportunity to traverse to an entire new world for his show, some of his colleagues and friends would wonder if it was difficult to start building contacts from the ground up all over again.

His response was always the same.

“You kidding me?” He would say. “I have Celestia, their god and leader on speed dial... I’ll be alright.”

All jokes aside Jon had to admit that he had it extremely easy; all he had to do was pick a name and away he went... With Celestia on his side he, for the most part, never had trouble conducting business within her world. That and most ponies would kill to get on his show, so very rarely did he need to know anyone other than her.

However in the past couple of months he did manage to do some old fashioned networking with ponies he had on his show. One of the most influential of which was without a doubt a certain pony he had not too long ago... who just happened to be Celestia’s right-hand gal.

Jon’s kids watched eagerly as their father paced back and forth in the living room of his house and tried his phone once more, only this time, instead of Celestia, Jon was trying to contact someone else... someone who was used to doing favors for him behind Celestia’s back.

“H-hello?” A tired voice said from Jon’s phone.

“Hey Twilight!” Jon answered as he pressed the now burning phone closer to his ear to hear her better. “It’s me! Your favorite human as far as I know.”

“J-Jon?” Twilight yawned. “Is that you?”

“The one and only!” Jon said in a over dramatic radio voice. “Hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“Oh um, yeah, no it’s alright; I needed to get up early today anyway.” She said as she rolled out of bed to quietly walk down stairs as to not wake anyone else up. “It’s nice hear from you again, especially since well... you know.”

Jon knew exactly what she meant; the last time they technically met it wasn’t the most pleasant of circumstances. With a quick cough Twilight seized the moment before things got silent.

“A-actually now that I think about it, it’s good that you called me!” She blurted.

“Oh really?” Jon rebutted.

“Absolutely; I could use your help with something. You see I’ve actually been asked to speak for symposium at the Canterlot School of Gifted Young Ponies.” Twilight explained. “I’ll be talking about magic and science and how the two can co-exist.”

“Oh well congratulations!” Jon said as he tapped his foot against the ground and glanced at his clock. “Sounds like... fun?”

“I’m really excited! But at the same time I’m a little bit nervous about my speech.” Twilight added as she paced back and forth in the living room of her tree house. “My friend Pinkie Pie suggested I open with a joke but... I’m not so sure.”

“I agree with this Pinkie Pie.” Jon said, unaware of how rare such a statement was. “Sometimes a little humor helps make the medicine go down... take it from someone who's actually a comedian.”

“But you see that’s just it!” Twilight urged. “For someone like you it’d be no problem but I don’t know the first thing about comedy... and well... I did come up with a joke but I don’t know if it’s any good.”

“Careful Twilight because from there it’s a slippery slope. Oh sure you’ll do one little joke here and there then before you know you’ll be selling ‘Knock knock’ jokes on street corners for cheap.” Jon jested, earning him not so much as a chuckle in return. “Okay but how bout this... how about you tell me the joke and I’ll let you know what needs improvement or what you can change to make it flow better?”

“You mean like a study group!” She asked with a level of enthusiasm one would expect from a child being offered a key to a chocolate factory.

“...Yes...” He mutter as he rubbed his aging eyes. “Like a study group.”

“Okay! Here I go!” She warned as she cleared her throat. “Why was metal in the marching band?”

“Uh, I don’t know... why?” He asked.

“Because it’s a good conductor!” She answered, leaving the answer to hang in the air a bit. She waited eagerly for Jon’s reaction. Since she couldn't see him she hoped  the joke was so good it left him speechless, but in actuality Jon didn’t say anything because he was too busy contemplating how, even though he was apart of his high school's chess club, even he was less nerdy than she was.

“That bad?” Twilight asked.

“That bad.” Jon answered.

“ARGH! You’ve got to help me Jon!” She blurted as she caught herself talking too loudly. “The crowds are going to eat me alive, and if I don’t do well on this then I’ll never get invited back, and if I never get invited back then Celestia will think I’m not a good speech writer and then she’ll never--”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down Twilight!” Jon urged as he made gestures with his hand on instinct. “Look I’ll help you I’ll just uh... okay here you said this is going to be at a school right?”

“Not just any school Jon! This is a University where only the brightest minds and most talented of Unicorns get accepted!” She answered.

“Alright well... then just say something like... like uh; ‘Hey, what’s the... what’s the difference between a college intern and a royal guard?’” He asked, waiting a crucial second for the set up to sink in. “‘One of them stands still and does nothing useful all day, and the other one gets paid to do the same thing.’”

Like before there was a silence from both parties, only this time stillness was broken by the sound of laughter coming from Twilight’s end. Her stiffened giggles were clear as she tried her best not to be too vocal.

“Glad you like it.” He added.

“Oh yes I do!” She answered. “But more importantly the ponies over at ECU will love it! Mind if I use this for my speech?”

“Oh it’d be my pleasure... I mean virtually anything is better than that conductor one of yours.” Jon jokingly chided.

“Yeah, Spike didn’t like it either... even after I explained it to him.” She said, “Speaking of which would you like me to wake him up for you? That is why you’re calling right? To talk to Spike?”

“Actually... I’m not calling for young Spike.” Jon revealed. “I’m actually here to talk to you.”

“M-Me?” Twilight asked. “You want to talk to me?”

“Of course I do!” He continued. “And well... put it this way... you know that joke I just gave you?”

“Yeeees?” She answered.

“Well in return I uh...I sorta need another favor.” He said.