Episode 17: Rarity on the Daily Show

When Jon first came to Equestria he felt a lot of conflicting emotions about having been sent to a new world filled with talking animals. He felt fearful over being in a world that he knew very little about, he felt happy about having a new segment for his beloved show, he also felt extremely out of place and not just in the obvious sense of him being a human among ponies.

But if he had to sum up his experience so far he would probably say his time in Equestria was “captivating.” He felt a sense of wonder and excitement like nothing he’d ever felt before when he first learned of an entire world outside of his own with equal parts eagerness and astonishment. That same sense came back when he examined the local establishment that he decided to duck into while running away from Lyra.

“Whoa.” He said under his breath as he walked further into this quaint little boutique. All around him Jon was surrounded by clothing and attires the like of which he’d never seen before. Out of all the pieces that could be seen most of them were dresses, dresses that would fit a pony and not much else.

These articles of clothing weren’t so much on display but rather were out in the open in no particular order or reason like someone was taking inventory. Some were in boxes or in a pile in the corner while others were neatly folded on tables or properly hanged in one of those moving display racks.

In addition to numerous types of apparels their styles wavered from retro to modern, making this boutique look more like a museum for ladies wear rather than a store, which is definitely the kind of place Jon’s wife would have dragged him to go see back when they first dated.

Speaking of which which Tracey always had a thing for sewing, she did so occasionally on the side which later rubbed off on Jon. He may not have known how to thread a needle but Jon Stewart was always fascinated with the art of tailoring and clothing design.

Even though time was of the essence he couldn't help but admire such creative works. The amount of variety on display rivaled that of the Daily Show’s wardrobe room where they have costumes for any skit that needed to be played out, so for Jon this was definitely something he had an interest in. But as impressive as they were Jon wasn’t in Equestria for sight-seeing; he needed to be somewhere and it wasn’t here.

Confidently Jon strolled to the door and, with one last lingering look, placed his hand on the door fully ready to walk through it when he saw something that made him fall to the ground like he lost all the bones in his legs. Lyra was still out there.

“Dammit.” Jon thought. Having given up on going down street corner after street corner Lyra now took to patrolling the town square on the assumption that Jon would have to go by here at sometime. But what really got Jon shaking in his suit was that Lyra was now peeking into store window after store window looking for him.

She eventually peered through the door window of the establishment he currently occupied like the raptor scene from Jurassic Park only to proceed to the next one. Jon was safe for now. The sound of her walking to the parlor next door caused him to get back up.

“Well,” he said to himself as he brushed the dust of his sleeve. “Guess I’m stuck here for a bit.” Carefully, as to not make any noise, Jon walked further in the vacant store. There were so many dresses and such strewn about that Jon had to watch his step or else he’d step on one with his dirty shoes. But at least the many attires provided a sort of camouflage in case Lyra peaked in again.

As he did so he looked at different designs all around him as his brain filled in the blanks as to what they were made for, as well as the possibilities they could provide for a skit or two on his show; he could totally see John Oliver wearing that ornate wig while doing a monologue about congress. Although different, about the only thing similar with most of the clothing on display was the liberal use of colored gems which were woven into the tapestry.

Much like the clothing themselves the entire store was a decorative oasis of fine fabrics and custom wares. The walls were a light shade of purple which matched the many tables and show room curtains that were placed strategically for either work related business or general usage. Standing mirrors were in an abundance which reflected the the stylish patterns that were painted on either any given surface or textured ornament. None of these could be seen by Jon with the many clothes scattered about.

Reaching forward he grabbed the sleeve of a protruding walking jacket and rubbed the fabric between his fingers; he was no expert, but it felt very high priced, and like a magpie in a room filled with disco balls, his attention was once again torn away by what looked like museum pieces on the far end of the room.

Propped up against the wall were six dresses, each with their own unique design and each encased in a glass box. The way they were on display closely resembled the Iron Man movies were Tony Stark had his different power suits lined up ready to go when needed. But to say the designs were unique would be like saying the sun is kinda bright.

Each dress was being worn by a pony shaped mannequin and was fashioned in a way that suggested whoever wore them had a similar personality to go along with it. One dress has streaks of rainbows in it while another one had candy corn decals sewn into its skirt; one even came complete with a cowboy hat. Something about them seemed extremely familiar.

“Who makes all of these?” Jon vocally thought to himself. To investigate he knelt down to one knee to read a brass label at the bottom of the display, they were on each case and read in an overly fancy font:

“Replicas of Gala dresses. Rarity Originals”

“Rarity... huh, that rings a bell.” He said, as he got back up. It was then that Jon recalled seeing and hearing that name during his business with Equestrian Interviews. “Wait... one pony made all these?”

Turning around, Jon grabbed a random dress and began to thumb through layer after layer till he found what he was looking for; a tag attached on the inside of the collar. On it there was basic instruction on how to properly take care and wash it but towards the bottom was the same fancy font which read: “Rarity Originals.”

Going to another end of the room Jon tired to see if there was evidence of anyone else who worked on these complex designs. But everywhere he looked he saw the same slogan on tags, receipts, signs, and even a certificate of authenticity.

“Rarity Originals”

“Huh.” He thought as he stroked his chin. “Whoever this Rarity is, she must be very important.”

Back in New York, whenever Jon went to some kind of convenience store or market he always ended up being approached by some 20 something employee asking if he needed help. At first he thought it was out of respect for his social status as an entertainer, it was only later did he realize that it was because they thought he might be some confused old man in need of assistance. And while that was insulting, bordering on true, Jon was really missing that right now.

Since his arrival in this cluttered establishment he hadn’t seen a single pony, which at this hour was to be expected. He almost gave up on ever asking for help till he heard some rustling coming from behind a gathering of hung dresses.

As if he was in a jungle comprised of lavish costumes Jon could see the furrowing and pushing aside of clothing as someone came closer and closer to him.

“Hello?” Jon called out to no avail.

Whatever was heading his way eventually stopped at the edge of the standing clothes as if whoever it might be was now staring at him like a tiger stalking it’s prey. Jon would have investigated to see who it was, but whoever it was beat him to it.

In one fast swoosh a creature leaped forth in front of him, but it instead of feral beast it was something much smaller. A cat.

“Ah good, someone’s here.” Jon said. Slowly he approached the creature, which was staring at him suspiciously, and extended a hand for a shake.

This wasn’t exactly what Jon was expecting but at the same time he was happy to at least have someone to help him. The creature in question was an extremely light grey Persian cat with a purple bow on her head and matching collar with diamonds. Jon doubted that she was Rarity but based on the way she was properly groomed she might’ve at least known her.

“Hello my name is Jon Stewart,” He said, motioning to her paw. “I’m the host of the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Do you think you can help me?”

At first the fancy feline just sniffed his outstretched hand, confused if he would offer her anything. When Jon didn’t do that she began to rub her face against his palm, purring desperately for more attention. This brought Jon to a stunning, yet obvious, realization.

“Okay, note to self.” Jon sighed, now feeling overwhelmingly stupid. “Cats in Equestria don’t talk either.”

Glad that no one was there to see him make a fool of himself Jon complied with the creature’s desires and began to pet it’s head.

“Don’t suppose you know who Rarity is Ms....Opalescence?” He looked at her nametag, only to get more purring in response. “Nah of course ya don’t. You’re just a prissy little kitty huh?”

Unfortunately for him Opal, much like all other cats, had very specific petting zones. For opal it was just her head, and maybe her stomach if she felt like it. But if anyone would go anywhere near her tail she would immediately retaliate, as Jon soon found out.

“OUCH!” Jon yelled after Opal bit his hand and tried to scratch his face. While he licked his newly created wound his attacker walked away with her head up high. “OKAY! Another note to self... cats are assholes in this world too!”

Because of a combination of apathy and a sore back, he just stood up and walked away while still tending to his wounds. Feeling that his was as good as things were going to get Jon made plans to leave and continue to the castle. He took a few steps towards the door when something got his attention; it was the sound of a gasp followed by something falling to the ground.

Quickly he spun around to see that across the room there was a flight of stairs that led to a higher level of the boutique. At the foot of the steps there stood someone new.

Jon was now staring into the surprised eyes of a tiny Unicorn. Based on her size Jon could tell she was just a little kid. She was roughly the same color as the cat that attacked him, but her mane was comprised of light pink and light purple streaks.

But her eyes... her eyes were a shade of green and even though Jon was across the room separated by endless waves of clothing he could easily see them because they were wide with astonishment. Like this was Christmas and she just caught him dressed as Santa.

No one said anything to anyone so Jon decided to make the first move.

“Uh... hi?” He said. “Do uh... do you live here?” The tiny filly said nothing but the way her mouth was moving it was clear she was trying to speak.

“G... g.... g-g... g...” She stuttered, as Jon made a motion with his hands to show he wasn’t dangerous. “g... g-g-g... g-g... g ...”

“Don’t be afraid.” Jon assured her. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just here to--”

“GIRLS!” The filly yelled as she ran upstairs. “GIRLS! COME HERE, LOOK WHAT I FOUND! GIIIIRLS!?”

Even though she was now all the way up upstairs Jon could still hear her yelling for whoever else was present. She was definitely someone used to yelling loudly judging by how far her voice carried. After some time had passed Jon could no longer hear anything though seeing how surprised she looked Jon assumed that the tiny thing was getting help from a parent or guardian.

Jon didn’t know weather to leave now or to stay to explain that he didn’t mean any harm by coming in to their establishment but after a few seconds had passed a decision was made on his behalf. The once quiet room now echoed with the sound of hoofbeats coming down the stairs; a sound that closely resembled a stampede.

Soon, and without any verbal warning, a trio of fillies bolted down the stairs, ran under the forest of costumes and launched themselves at Jon like they were being launched from a cannon. And even with a three to one disadvantage Jon was large enough, and the fillies small enough, that instead of tumbling back he simply caught them in his arms.

Jon staggered back, the wind slightly knocked out of him, and quickly looked down at the three pairs of eyes looking at him. Out of all the fillies he now currently had tucked into his stomach the one in the middle was the only one he recognized. She was also the first one to say anything.

“HIYA JOHNNY!” She said. “LONG TIME NO SEE.”

It took Jon less than a second to remember her name.

“Applebloom.” Jon smiled. “Nice to see you too.”