Episode 17: Rarity on the Daily Show

Jon was never one to actually realize how well liked and popular he really was; he may have been world famous, but on paper it seemed like he was hardly that successful. A standup comedian from New Jersey who was stuck hosting a show on TV and whose most notable venture outside the realm of political satire was one failed movie.

Truth be told he had a lot of influence on people of all ages, not just in America but in countries all over the world, as well as worlds he didn’t know existed. And while he wasn’t the type to be approached for an autograph while on the streets (though to be fair that was because no one could recognize him without his makeup or suit) he did have fans. But what Jon failed to realize was that here in Ponyville, Lyra wasn’t the only pony eager to meet him.

There was a slight strain in Jon’s back as he struggled to hold onto the three fillies that had jumped into his arms, like a child greeting a parent coming home from work. He only vaguely recognize two of them but there was no mistaking the southern drawl that was Appleboom’s voice.

“It’s real nice to see ya again!” She yelled loud enough for Jon to recoil in surprise. “I missed ya  so much!”

“Yeah... I missed you too, sweety.” Jon struggled to continue supporting the three star-eyes children.

“Did’ja bring me anything from New York.” She continued, oblivious to Jon’s awkward balancing act.

“Uh yeah sure I did.” He grunted as he arched his back to relieve some stress. “I got you a bagel from the corner of Broadway and Columbus.”

“That’s great!” She blurted as she turned to her smiling friends. “Me and the girls were actually just talking about trying to get our Cutie marks in--”

“Uh, Sweetheart?” Jon interrupted, his face now showing signs of strain. “Do you mind if I put you girls down now... I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“Oh, of course!” She sputtered as Jon quickly, but gently placed the three fillies on the ground. By correctly lowing himself by bending his knees Jon made it so his back was no longer aching but instead now is legs; this was evident by a look on his face of great displeasure.

“Hey, you okay, dude?” An orange Pegasus with purple hair said.

“Yeah, I should be fine.” Jon answered as he arched his back. “I’m just... I’m just tired.”

“QUICK! Let’s find him something to sit down on!” The light colored Unicorn who first saw Jon exclaimed.

Before Jon could reply, all three fillies scattered to all corners of the room trying to find something that was large enough for Jon to sit in. In their desperate struggle to find a seat worthy enough for a comedian they recklessly, almost unknowingly, caused great destruction to the many articles of clothing in the room.

One of the fillies was a pegasus who took to running on the ground, though she did so with such speed that Jon just saw orange blurs. She would run underneath low hanging dress after another, occasionally getting tangled in one causing the entire display of racked clothing to tumble over.

The one Unicorn with purple and pink in her hair tried to move a nearby coffee table towards Jon. Unfortunately she only managed to move one side which caused a cup of tea to spill over on a pile of concept art.

And last but not least Applebloom, being the innovated filly that she was, instead opted to make her own seat for Jon in the form of a pile of clothing large enough to act as a pseudo-nest. It almost looked like it would work but one fabric of clothing she yanked was still attached to a sewing machine, which promptly tumbled down and shattering into pieces.

None of the three helpful fillies were making much progress.

“Girls please!” Jon begged. “Be careful, you’ll hurt yourself!” But they didn’t listen. This, as well as what was to come, would show Jon just how laser focused these three were when they had their mind set on something. Before Jon was able to negotiate further a voice boomed from behind.

“HEY GIRLS, CHECK IT OUT!” Yelled the orange Pegasus, causing everyone to regroup. “Think this will work?”

Jon was almost terrified to see what she was referring to; though his curiosity was greater. The purple maned pony was motioning to a large black suitcase so large it could probably fit the entire trio of friends, but also small enough to act as a seat for Jon. In terms of size it was perfect

The only problem was, and what the three of them seemed to not understand, was that the case in question was also acting as support for a work bench that had lost two of it’s legs.

“Come on, you two slowpokes!” The tiny Pegasus roared. “Help me move this thing.” Following her order all three girls grabbed a section of the suitcase and began to either push, or pull it towards Jon direction; scraping the ground and leaving marks in the process.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I don’t think that’s a good Id--”Jon tried to say before being cut off by the sound of the table collapsing, bringing with it an avalanche of tools and kitchen ware which shattered on the ground.

Even though none of damaged items belonged to Jon, nor did he know how half of them even worked, he still felt a twang of pain at seeing the once elegant, if cluttered, room of clothing now reduced to ruins. The destructive powers of these three fillies was so great that it rivaled that of Jon’s own children.

At this point Jon was surprised they didn’t get their Cutie marks in demolition. When he looked down he saw the three children looking up at him with bright eyes and welcoming smiles. Jon didn’t know whether to thank them or scold them for their irresponsible behavior but with the three of them sporting such proud looks on their face for their good deed, he decided to just go with it.

“Thanks.” He sighed as he slowly sat down. Jon adjusted his suit as leaned forward to placed his elbows on his knees “Applebloom sweetie, aren’t you going to introduce me to your little friends?”

“Oh right!” She gasped as she leapt to one side and threw her hooves out in a demonstrative pose. “Johnny, these are my two bestest friends in all of Equestria! This here is Scootaloo!”

“What’s up?” The corresponding pony said, as she wiped her nose with her hoof. It looks like she was on the verge of beating a cold.

“Not much, sport.” Jon answered. “Also are you the same Scootaloo that sends me those letters about Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” She answered proudly. “Wow I can’t believe you remem--

“I see... please stop.” He interrupted in a blunt tone. “I’ll re-interview her when the time is right.” The young Pegasus' red nose not matched her blushing faced at her friends tired to not giggle to loudly at her.

“Ahem! Now then... as I was saying...” Applebloom continued as held back a laugh and motioned to the light grey Unicorn. “That was Scootaloo... and I reckon you’ve already met Sweetie Belle.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Stewart.” She chimed.

“Likewise, honey. But please call me Jon... or Johnny; whichever you prefer.” He said as he leaned back to get a good view of his three helpers. “So... Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle huh? Well any friend of Applebloom’s is a friend of mine... thank you girls for the seat.”

“You're welcome!” All three of them said at once.

“You can always count on The Cutie Mark crusaders to get the job done!” Applebloom cheerfully added.

“The Cutie what nows?” Jon pondered aloud, which caused all three fillies to stand up and take notice with shocked expressions.

“Wait a minute!” Scootaloo explained. “You’ve never heard of us before!?”

“Should I have?” Jon asked.

“Of course you should!” Sweetie Belle answered. “Let’s show em girls!”

And with that all three friends jumped into the nearest pile of clothing only to quickly jump back out with matching capes in their backs like they were Clark Kent emerging from a phone booth.

“Oh Lord, what have I gotten myself into?” Jon thought as the three raced to get back in formation.

“We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Applebloom proudly announced to all who could hear her. “Our purpose in life is to do whatever it takes to find that thing that makes us unique and special so that we may finally get our very own CUTIE MARKS!”

Looking briefly to the side Jon noticed for the first time that the three of them were indeed without cutie marks, making them “blank flanks.”

“Aw isn’t that cute,” Jon commented. “So how do you do that? Do you like... make pretend till something happens or what?”

“Hey! We’re not babies!” Sweetie Belle corrected. “We don’t just play around; what we do is serious business!”

“The frilly capes tell me otherwise.” Jon teased, as he crossed one leg over another and echoed a hefty laugh. “I got to say Appleboom, it is nice seeing my favorite filly again.”

Hearing this made the young Earthpony giggle and blush slightly while the other two looked on with jealous eyes.

“I can’t even remember the last time we met,” He said, setting himself up for a quick joke. “Oh that’s right, I remember now! It was when I teleported in the middle of your class and stole your teacher.”

For a second it looked as if Applebloom was about to comment on that, but before she would her two friends literally jumped in to add to the conversation.

“We were there!” Sweetie Belle announced.

“We totally were!” Scootaloo added with a sniffle. “We all go to the same school! Me and Sweetie Belle always thought Appleboom was lying about knowing you but now we for sure believe her.”

“HEY!” Appleboom blurted, but not before a roaring laughter at her expense by her three friends.

“Hey Mr. Stew... I mean Jon?” Sweetie Belle eagerly asked after the teasing had come to a stop. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, hun.” Jon answered.

"Okay thanks." Sweetie Belle said. Jon waited for her to ask her question but all she did was stare at Jon till he finally spoke.

"Um... you-- what did you want to ask me?" He asked.

"Oh that was it." Sweetie Belle revealed. "My question was 'can I ask you something.'"

A joke that terrible was something he'd expect from his own children which was just one reason he found it so humorous and adorable.

"Oh ho! Nice one." Jon chuckled. "I'll have to remember that one!"

"Thanks... but there actually was something I wanted to ask you." She said, prompting Jon to wave his hand for her to continue. "What are you doing here in Equestria?” This question was simple and to be expected, and yet it caught the famous comedian by surprise as well as reminded him of why he was here in the first place.

“Oh well I’m actually uh... I’m actually here on a secret mission.” He answered. He didn’t want anyone to know what his true intentions were so in a split second he came up with this story instead. A uncharacteristically rookie mistake on his part since it just make the children in the room more curious.

“Tell us, tell us, tell us!” The three of them demanded.

“Sorry girls, but it’s top secret.” Jon dug himself deeper. “If I told you then what would be the point?”

“But you gotta tell us!” Appleboom begged.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo added. “We gave you a seat so it’s the least you can do!”

“Whatever happened to good deeds for the sake of good deeds?” Jon asked.

“Pffft that’s for suckers!” Scootaloo chorded.

“Does your mission have something to do with the Carousel Boutique?” Sweetie Belle demanded to know. Using inference on the sophistication of the name Jon figured it was the name of the establishment he wandered into.

“Oh so that’s what this place is called.” Jon said. From here the girls wouldn’t drop the subject; though Jon knew how to handle this. He had kids of his own so he knew of a good way to change the tides; by changing the subject.

“So come on! Out with it!” Scootaloo demanded. “What are you doing here, buster!”

“You know I could ask you the same question, young lady!” Jon challenged. “From what I could gather this place belongs to someone called ‘Rarity’... how do I know you guys aren’t robbing the joint?”

“That’s not true!” Applebloom depended.

“Yeah sure. I bet you had this placed staked out for months!” He continued, with a forced look of disappointment. “I can see it now... you three spying on poor innocent Rarity through binoculars across the street in a parked van.”

“But I drive a scooter!” Scootaloo interjected.

“Trying to get your breaking and entering cutie marks, huh?” He teased.

“I would never do that to my sister!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Ooooh so you live here do ya?” Jon said. “Then that makes this an inside job! For shame Sweetie Belle... on your own sister!”

“But I’m innocent!” Sweetie Belle maintained, jumping up and down while Jon laughed at her pouting face.

“Oh honey I’m just pulling your leg.” Jon cooed. “So why does your sis have all her gear on display? Is she having a blowout sale or is she just taking inventory?”

“Oh we did this!” Scootaloo said in a rather proud tone. “We were trying to see if we could get our Cutie Marks in moving stuff around... but it didn’t work out so well.”

“Yeah, we got bored so we went upstairs to color.” Sweetie Belle added.

“You three... were trying to get your Cutie Marks in furniture removal?” Jon surmised. “Wow... you girls really shoot for the stars don’t ya.”

The three may’ve been good at teasing, but Jon was an expert. Though now having known that this establishment belonged to her older sister, Jon slowly did a glance from the door to the staircase. He did so to admire the absolute mess that was before him at the hands of the three fillies and came to the conclusion that he did not want to stick around to see Rarity’s reaction.

“Well... this has been all rather nice. Getting to know you all and catching up on old times.” Jon said as he slowly lifted himself up. “But like the US military in Iraq I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“Awwwww you're leavin’ already!?” Applebloom complained. “But ya’ll just got here!”

“Sorry sweetheart but I have to.” He said. “If I don’t leave now I’ll never--”

The sound of a chirpy tune cut through the air silencing Jon and earning him the immediate attention of everyone present. The sound was coming from his breast pocket and made him tense up in fear.

It was his cellphone.