Episode 17: Rarity on the Daily Show

With Jon and the three fillies clear across the room from where the entrance was they could not see who it was that had entered the facility. Though based on the voice and frantic rate of speech, those who had already met her knew it was Rarity.

Rather than coming out from hiding, the four intruders stayed back and waited as the voice got louder and louder. The three girls coward in front of Jon who stood tall, curious to see this pony who was getting closer.

“What happened to my boutique!? Why is my entire clothing line for the next season out of storage!? Oh for the love of-- this will take me forever to clean up!” The voice shrilled, her tone not angry, but rather a mixture of anxiety and panic. “Oh my goodness, I have a very important client coming over to take a look at my inventory and they’re all over the floor! AH! My favorite sewing machine it’s completely... did somepony wipe their nose on my new silk fabric!?”

All eyes, including Jon’s, went to Scootaloo.

“What!?” She sniffled. “I didn’t do it!”

“Who said that? Is somepony there?” The voice continued, now heading more towards their direction. “Sweetie Belle, I am in no mood for your little games! If I find out that you and your friends did this then I swear by my all that is fabulous I’ll--”

Even though the three fillies were in front of Jon, his towering figure meant that the eyes of the distressed pony went straight to him. Jon now found himself in a uncertain but very familiar situation.

There he stood across the way from a white unicorn with well maintained purple hair, staring at him with gapped mouth, though unlike with Lyra Jon didn’t feel the need to run and hide... unbeknownst to him however, in terms of gusto this new pony was just as eager to meet him. Though in this unexpected turn of events all she could do was stare, unable to move. The way her mouth tried to move made it look like she was talking but no words came out. Seeing that her sister was unable to speak Sweetie Belle decided to step forward with an introduction.

“Uh... Rarity?” Sweetie Belle said. “I would like you to meet my friend... this is Jo--”

“Jon Stewart.” Rarity interrupted. “You’re sixteen Emmy award winning, New York resident, published author, Jon Stewart.” Again there was now only silence.

Since it was clear that no four legged individual present in the room knew where to go from here, Jon took it upon himself to carry things home.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Rarity.” He said while walking towards her. “Though I must say, you seem to have me at a disadvantage; you seem to know an awful lot about me but I barely know anything about you.”

For someone like Jon whose status in the world meant he’s attended many social gatherings, he knew when to spot someone of upper class backgrounds. Everything about Rarity screamed a socialite; the way she walked, the way she expressed herself, her mid-atlantic accent, even the dresses she had out in the open looked exactly the same as some of the ensembles he saw back when he took his wife on a dinner date at Canterlot.

There was no mistaking it, this pony was indeed an aristocrat. So in accordance with their social constructs Jon greeted her in a way most revered among their class; as gently as he could Jon lifted Rarity’s hoof and give it a quick peck as a show of respect.

“G....g-g-g-g...GIRLS, WHAT IS THE FAMOUS JON STEWART DOING IN MY HOUSE!?” Rarity roared, as if that innocent kiss was a flame sparking a fuse. Her voice carried so far that some ponies walking outside could hear her.

All three girls looked at each other quickly as if they were telepathically getting their stories straight.

“Oh uh, well,” Applebloom stammered. “You see Johnny here to uh... he’s--”

“He was just looking for somepony to be on his show!” Sweetie Belle interjected. “Uh... right girls?”

“Y-yeah that’s right! He’s definitely not here on some super secret mission to infiltrate the castle or anything like that.” Scootaloo said, punctuated her explanation with a wink to Jon causing him to stealthily use his hand to gesture her to stop talking, but Rarity didn’t notice. All she picked up was the fact that Jon was looking for a guest.

“He... he’s looking for someone to. Be. On. His. Show?” Rarity asked in an eerily placed tone, like someone had taken control of her mind.

“Well yeah,” Sweetie Belle answered. “But don’t worry sis cause he’s already--”

“OH MY GOODNESS IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!” Rarity bellowed. Before Sweetie Belle could explain her now overly determined sister grabbed the three shocked fillies and forcibly began to  push them towards the door.

“Okay girls playtime is over! I think it’s time you all skedaddled!” She encouraged as she rushed through the piles of clothings rather than walking around it, causing Opal, who was still in the room, to scurry off in protest. “Me and Mr. Stewart need to discuss... uh, grown up things! This is my big chance to go on television I won’t have you all ruin it!”

“But sis you don’t understand!” Sweetie Belle begged. “He’s already--”

“Yes, yes that’s all very lovely but I need to be alone with Mr. Stewart now.” She interrupted. “Why don’t you and your friends go outside and play tag or whatever it is you three do these days.”

“Uh well okay,” Sweetie Belle uttered, as she almost tripped over a display racking getting pushed to the door. “But I really think you shouldlistenwhenIsaythatyou--”

The sound of the door slamming shut ended Sweetie Belle’s frantic attempt of an explanation. Taking a deep breath Rarity turned around and looked as if she was about to say something, but as her mouth opened the door flew open again, followed by Applebloom sticking her head in.

“Bye, bye Johnny!” She waved. “Don’t be a stranger now!” Before Jon could return the gesture Rarity quickly turned around and slammed the door a second time, this time following up by locking it shut.

Jon wasn’t used to seeing such burst of energy coming from such a small person. Looking onwards he saw the once frantic unicorn standing on her hind legs with her front hooves pressed against the door, her back moving up and down, a sure sign that she was taking a moment to steady her breathing.

The room was now quiet with only the sound of wind occasionally slipping under the ajar window to fill the void. Jon was moments away from asking if she was alright but soon a new sound found it’s way into the void... it was the sound of Rarity taking a deep breath before turning around.

“Mr. Stewart, darling so good of you to pay me a visit!” She said, her voice flowing from her lips like honey with her tone just as sweet. “I must say it’s an absolute delight to finally make your acquaintance.”

“Uh... likewise.” Jon said, shocked at how her disposition did a complete 180.

“Though what a dreadful shame it is that you must endure seeing me in my present state!” She continued, as she placed her hoof across her forehead in a pose that suggested that she would faint at any moment. “I mean look at me, my hair is an absolute mess and I haven’t even gotten my hooves filed down today... not to mention my boutique lays in ruins! Oh! You must think I’m absolutely barbaric!”

Jon was tempted to to remind her that the last time she met him he was laying face down in a pool of his own blood... a few degrees worse than messy hair but doing so would have made things even more awkward than they already were.

“No, no it’s fine!” Jon assured her. “I’ve seen worse... after all I did grow up in New Jersey.” Immediately Jon regretted using such a foreign joke on a native, luckily for him Rarity was in full suck up mode.

In response to his predictable joke she immediately burst out laughing, almost as if she saw it coming and was waiting for her cue to respond.

“Oh Mr. Stewart you do go on! I can see why they gave such a handsome man such as yourself your own show!” She complimented. “I see even when off camera you’re still as comical as ever! Good heavens, just listen to me me rambling on! Please, please have a seat.”

“No, no that’s alright I’ll stand.” He rebutted, as he looked around at that ever present mess. “Uh listen before we go any further I just want you to know--”

“Would you like something to drink!” Rarity offered as she rushed over to him so quickly, he barely noticed her. “Perhaps a cup of tea with a danish? I just acquired a heavenly new blend of lemon flavored herbal tea and some pastries that are to die for.”

“No that’s alright I’m trying to watch my figure.” He joked as he patted his stomach.

“Oh nonsense Jonathan you-- Can I call you Jonathan?” She asked before immediately continuing. “You simply must eat something, I insist! You’re all skin and bones, darling!

Back home Jon knew a guy who lived on the upper west side. His name was Frank Henderson and he knew him through mutual friends and on occasion would run into him and his wife during some charity meetings or some such events. Jon was reminded of him because Rarity reminded him a lot of Henderson’s wife in that she too spoke similarly in tongue and had an almost identical forceful personality. The only difference here being that Rarity was the same color as a marshmallow whereas Mrs. Henderson was in the shape of one.

“Uh, thanks I suppose.” Jon cleared his throat as he sat back down. The second his butt made contact with his previously used seat Rarity dashed off to a nearby kitchen where the sound of pots and pans being thrown about caught his attention. In response to this he called out to her. “But seriously you don’t need to!”

“Oh pish posh Jonathan, it is only appropriate.” She answered back even louder. “You are my guest and it is my duty-- NAY! My responsponsibility to see you as comfortable as possible.”

“She’s some piece of work.” Jon thought as he rubbed the back of his head before calling back out to her. “Uh, Mis Rarity, this is all very nice, but I think it’d be pertinent of me to explain why I’m here.”

“Oh, I know exactly why you’re here,” She said poking her head from the kitchen, her eyes gleaming

“...You do?” Jon challenged with furrowed brow.

“Oh but of course darling!” She said as she went back to prepare his snack. “I happen to know from dear friends of mine that you sometimes come to our world to looking for potential guests... I’m not sure how many of ponies you’re currently considering, but let me just say your search is over, dear!”

“Uh, Ms. Rarity I don’t think you understand.” Jon called out. “I’ve already--”

“Oh please Johnathan just call me Rarity!” She called back “And don’t worry I understand perfectly. Like I said I know what’s going on... you’re here to evaluate me... to see if I’m important enough for your program!”

Before Jon could correct her she emerged from the kitchen while simultaneously holding a tray of sweets and beverages.

“I can see it now! The illustrious Jonathan Stewart scouting the four corners of Equestria in desperate search for a pony, a pony worthy enough to grace his show for all the world to see!” She said, delivering each line with a dramatic voice. “Well Mr. Stewart look no further... for I, Rarity, am that pony!”

Jon recalled the Cutie Mark on her flank and tried to make the connection between diamonds and overreacting.

“Uh, Rarity?” Jon said.

“Now then darling, let’s get things started shall we,” She said using her magic to levitate a cup of hot tea to his hand. “Now of course you may ask me anything you’d like, but do err on the side of civility, we just met and we wouldn’t want every single last single detail about myself being revealed now would we?.”

“Uh... Rarity?” Jon repeated.

“No, no you’re right it’s your program so it’s your rules!” She now insisted. “Feel free to ask any question your hearts desire! Please I insist, I am your open book!”

“Uh... Alright then,” Jon warned as he examined his cup of tea. “Uh... first question I uh, I guess... how did you make this tea so quickly? You couldn’t’ve been in that pantry for more than a couple of minutes.”

“Oh... that? Why, no mystery there Jonathan,” She answered by tapping her horn. Carefully she tilted her head and used her magic to make his tea bubble with heat friction. “Just some old fashioned Unicorn magic... really comes in handy for us seamstresses. Just one of many reasons why you should let me appear on your program.”

“Ah yes indeed. But you do know this is completely unnecessary, right?” He asked.

“OH! Of course what was I thinking!?” She announced, but not before using her magic to yank Jon’s beverage out of his hand a split second before he was about to take a sip. “You obviously didn’t come here to see some cheap parlor trick. “I’m certain a gentleman of your caliber has already seen his fair share of magic... so allow me to demonstrate what makes Rarity a very important pony.”

Using her magic once again the insistence Unicorn made a nearby measuring tape float in mid air, causing it to twist and turn as it she had given it life. Slowly she walked over to Jon with determined eyes and the measuring tape slithering towards him like a hungry snake.

“Rarity.” Jon murmured with uncertainty. “What are you doing?”

“Do not worry Jonathan, I just merely want to take your measurements.” She explaining, stopping in her tracks and waving him to come to her. “Once I have that I’ll get to work right away with making you a new suit to replace that drab one you’re currently wearing which I can only assume you wore ironically for comedic effect, yes?”

“Oh uh... yeah... yeah sure.” Jon lied, that was his favorite suit. “Listen though, you don’t need to do this I mean... I mean don’t waste your time on me you-- didn’t you say you had a client coming over... wouldn't look good if he saw this mess would it? If you want I can help--”

“What, this?” Rarity asked, motioning to a large pile of clothes, both hung and on the ground. “Oh that’s nothing darling, please ignore it.”

Using her Magic the purple haired unicorn bulldozed a large section of the clothes off to the side into a pile of dresses and work related gear, making a clear path from Jon to a standing mirror. In practice doing more damage and causing more of a mess than Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo combined.

“Now then... do be a dear and come over here.” She continued. Tentatively Jon walked up to the five set mirrors aligned so that whoever looked at it would see him from several different angles. “Now then... hold still.”

Using her magic she made the tape lunge at Jon only to redirect and align itself against his arm, around his waist, and across his chest. While this was happening Rarity took extensive notes, recording corresponding numbers.

“Let’s see... shoulders; check, arms; check, torso; check.” She listed in detail. “Alright we’re just about done, here. Do me a favor Jonathan; bend over.”

“Wait Rarity I don’t think I-- Argh!” Jon yelped. Even though she technically asked, she used her magic to force Jon to lean forward in such a way that it would be easier to measure his legs.

“Ah! I see you fancy the boot cut on your slacks.” Rarity noticed. “Very elegant, if I do say so myself.”

Now finished with her measurements, Rarity released Jon from his magical restraints so suddenly that he almost fell forwards. When he hoisted himself back up, he was greeted with the sound of machines being used, he turned around to notice that his Unicorn friend wasted no time in getting to work on his new suit.

“Do not worry Jonathan, I’ll have your new attire ready in no time!” She assured him as she used both her magic and front hooves to work machine and select fabrics. Jon wasn’t too knowledgeable on how a fashionista works so for their safety he decided to leave her alone less he distract her and cause anyone an unwanted injury.

So for a while Jon just sat on a nearby table and enjoyed his tea while Rarity worked at break neck speed making Jon feel lazy by comparison. After a while Jon felt like even more of a burden, so to feel more useful Jon picked up a nearby clothes rack and wiped any debris off of it. It was only when he did a third this did he see some other pony standing outside of Rarity’s building, peeking through the window. and knocking on the door, like a dog wanting to be let back into the house.

He seemed to have been someone of grave importance based on how he looked. He was a slightly balding unicorn with a sweater vest, pencil balanced on his ear, and a similar measuring tape as Rarity’s draped around his neck. He was slightly older and looked like a pony version of Tim Gunn which to Jon meant that he might have the appointment that Rarity was talking about.

“Uh... Rarity?” Jon said as the knocking continued. “I think your appointment is already h--”

“GO AWAY!” Rarity yelled at the pony outside. “I’M BUSY!” And with that the terrified pony scampered off.

“Rarity seriously I don’t want to be a burden here,” Jon said, turning around. “If you have other engagements I can just come back lat--”

“DONE!” She exclaimed.

“E-excuse me?” He said.

“I hereby pronounce your new suit complete!” She went on, using her magic to levitate a jet black suit with light grey stripes going up and down the body and appendages. This was Rarity’s first time making anything for a human which is particularly impressive considering how well it looked. It’s proportions was identical to Jon’s and was complete with a sports jacket, slacks, and even a vest.

Jon was stunned to see that it was done already. He took his eyes off her for what seems like a few seconds and already she was done. Fueled by astonishment Jon walked towards his generous gift and began to run his palm against the fabric... not only was it the best looking suit he’d ever seen it was also the best feeling one as well.

“Incredible.” Jon commented. “I’ve never seen such elegant craftsmanship before... and it took you what? five minutes?”

“Six actually. I was taking my time.” She said. “Now then let’s see how it looks on you!” Her horn began to glow as it slowly worked the buttons on Jon’s jacket, eventually levitation it above his head. At first Jon didn’t know what was going on but now he could see clearly that Rarity aimed to undress him and replace his garbs with the newer one.

“Wha-- hey now, stop that!” He shouted, forgetting about how, in Equestria, there wasn’t really such a thing as being exposed. “I realize you want to see how it fits but come on! This is hardly the place!”

“Oh my word, you’re right!” She agreed, as she used her magic to neatly fold Jon’s new suit in a nearby box. “How foolish of me... if we're going to do this we shall do it right! Come Jonathan let us leave this place!”

“I-- wait what!?” Jon asked as she pushed Jon towards the exit in the same manner that she did with her sister. “Wait! What’s going on here!?”

“Why I’m going to treat you to a night on the town!” She revealed. “Let’s show Ponyville what real socialites can do!”

"Wait Rarity please you don't have to do this on my account!" Jon urged. "I mean that suit just in itself was--"

“Wasn’t enough? Yes I agree.” Rarity interrupted. “But don’t you worry! Because I declare that by the end of this day I’ll will have convinced you beyond reasonable doubt that I Rarity should have a slot as a guest on your show... watch your head.” Looking forward Jon saw the door to the outside world, closing in fast. Using her magic Rarity made the front door swing open as Jon ducked to avoid get hit.

When the door itself flew open it made an odd crashing sound like it terminated on something soft. When he turned to investigate what it was it soon found that the fashion pony, that was trying to desperately before to get in, had camped out of the boutique for a chance to speak with Rarity. He had, however, foolishly placed himself on the left side of the door meaning that when the door opened he was on its receiving end.

When Rarity closed the door Jon saw a good look at him; he looked to be in great pain as he slid down onto the floor like a pancake being scooted off a frying pan. Jon didn’t even have time to ask if he was okay since Rarity was already using her magic to push him down the street further and further.

“Wait Rarity I-- you don’t... I mean could you at least tell me where we’re going!?” He begged.

“Why of course darling! Before we head out we need clean ourselves up first.” She explained, as she hurried Jon around a nearby corner. “We’re going to the Spa! My treat! But while we go there allow me to explain to you why you should have me on your show.... ahem, now then...”

“Oh boy.” Jon thought. “What... have I gotten myself into?”