The world tasted like purple. This was apparently normal.
“Ah…auhff….”
His eyes hurt and he screwed them shut, and he heard a gasp before the lights were turned down.
“Why do my eyes hurt?” he choked out.
He sensed someone come closer to him.
“You’ve never used them before. Please, take a moment and relax.”
The pain receded somewhat, and he relaxed, but did not open his eyes. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Everything felt numb. In his waking delirium, he heard a pen click and some papers shuffling.
“Hello. My name is Dawn Shimmer. Can you tell me your name?”
He was silent for a moment, processing the question. The voice was feminine and gentle.
“My name…” he murmured, “is Fred. Fred Buchannan. Doctor Fred Buchannan.” His voiced sounded wrong.
Dawn said nothing at first, and he heard the sound of the pen scratching on paper.
“Very good, sir. Now, what’s the last thing you remember? Please, take your time.”
He did. He could think now, but it was a little slow going. At least he thought it was. He shifted on whatever he was laying on – a bed? – noted how weak he felt. At least it was comfortable.
“I was… in a waiting room, reading a book. I heard them call my name and say the conversion apparatus was ready and the signals were clear. I went in, saw the computers and the other equipment. My handler, Dr. Fairbanks, walked me through the procedure first. Then she asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this, and I said yes and signed the final waiver…” He paused. “My body’s dead, isn’t it?”
The other voice made an uncomfortable sound, then replied, “Yes. I’m sorry.”
He tried to shrug but still felt too tired.
“They told me that would happen… can I have some water?”
“Of course, just a moment.”
There was the sound of clopping fe- no, hooves, as Sky Shimmer walked away. He heard her return, and felt something pressed against his lips – plastic, and then cool water. He drank greedily and his throat felt better.
“Are you ready to continue?”
“Yeah. So after finishing the last of the paperwork, they hooked me up. Had to cut into my brain and set everything, ran a few diagnostics. Had me on an anesthetic. They were talking to someone else – I think you guys – and we got the all clear. Then…. Something. Everything faded like I was falling asleep, and then I was here.”
He heard the sound of Dawn writing once more, and an affirmative sound.
“Excellent. Now, Dr. Buchannan, just a few more questions. What is your degree in?”
Things were coming back to him a lot faster now.
“Genetics PhD, and I have degrees in biomedical engineering and metaphysical biology. Most of my work focuses on the human genome and making apparatuses to grow organs and such artificially.”
He opened his eyes, blinked, and focused on the figure before him.
She – he was certain it was a she – was an orange unicorn with a blonde mane. Her horn was glowing the color of sunlight, and there was a clipboard and pen floating in the air next to her, her blue eyes focusing on what she was writing. She looked at him and smiled.
“Everything seems to be in order, doctor. We’ll have a more in depth interview later this week to make sure you aren’t suffering rejection or regression, but for now you should rest.”
She stood up from her haunches and adjusted the blanket over him with her magic, but he held out his arm shakily. He noticed then that it was a fuzzy brown foreleg with hoof.
“Wait…. Ms. Shimmer. Can I see a mirror?”
Dawn Shimmer paused and stared at him, thinking, as if debating with herself.
“Are you sure? You really should just be resting now.”
“No. I want to see…. Best get it over with.”
A sigh.
“If you insist…. Before you look though, know that I – and everypo, er, everyone else, think you’re doing a very brave thing.” She turned away and went to the closet on the far well, fetching a mirror. She levitated it over and before Fred.
Fred Buchannan, PhD, stared at the figure. It was small and curled up in a bed far too large for it – him. A chestnut brown unicorn colt, a tiny horn sticking out of the messy red hair that was his mane. Fred gulped, as did the colt.
“They told me…. But I guess I didn’t really get it until now…”
He lay down and relaxed again, suddenly feeling even more tired. The blanket was drawn up to his neck and tucked around him.
“Get some sleep, Dr. Buchannan.”
He closed his eyes and the world faded out around him.
“…you can call me Fred.”
Fred stared at his plate. He stared very hard at it in the colt equivalent of a scowl, which he could see reflected in his glass of water. The scowl intensified to "d'aww" levels as he realized he would never quite reach his previous degree of "don't-fuck-with-me"-itude when it came to his angry face.
"If you keep staring like that, your face will get stuck that way, you know."
The scowling colt looked up and rolled his eyes at his companion.
"My mom told me the same thing when I was a kid - never happened. Nice try though."
Dawn Shimmer smiled at him mysteriously with heavily lidded eyes.
"Maybe for humans, but you're a pony now. How can you be so sure?"
"You're fuckin' with me." It wasn't really an accusation. Fred sighed and ate up some of his lunch - carrots and hay fries, which, as a self-declared meat enthusiast, he was somewhat disturbed to discover were fairly tasty. "I'm going stir crazy in here, by the way. Why won't you just let me take a walk on the town? It's a whole new world and I'm stuck in a frickin' lab facility. And not even my preferred kind of lab facility. What is it with you people and the cutesy heart designs all over the place?"
Dawn just chuckled and attended to her own meal, a golden aura around her horn and her salad as she dexterously ate an cleaned her face with a napkin daintily.
"Well, this was a hospital before being converted into a Bureau. It's meant to make the patients feel welcome and safe." She took a sip of her own drink, eyes turning serious. "And I'm sorry, Fred, really, but protocol dictates that all new arrivals must spend a minimum of two weeks inside the bureau to adjust to their new bodies before being allowed outside. And even then, you can't even use your magic yet!"
"So what? I can walk and trot and gallop and whatever just fine. I'm even pretty handy - heh, handy - with these hooves for grabbing stuff."
"I still can't believe you got used to using your mouth for grabbing things faster than basic telekinesis..."
"Check your privilege, horse. I didn't grow up with a magic wand sticking out of my face. Anyway, as my attending physician can't you make an exception? All this time indoors can't be good for me, right? All this energy is about to make me pop. I might go bananas! Apeshit, even! Or is it horse shit? Some kinda shit." Fred shook his face, mouth open and tongue flapping about. He received an unamused look from the mare.
"Cute." She took another bite, going quiet. "Must you speak so vulgarly?"
"Let me out and I won't swear for a month."
"Don't think me so easily bribed. Your language, while filthy, is hardly the worst I've had to endure."
"Shit. Damn. Hell. Flaming hell shitmonkeys fucking moonbitches!"
"Ponies are staring, stop it!"
"I can't help it. I must be reverting to a childish state!"
NOTE: THIS REPORT IS CONVERSION BUREAU RECORD, CLEARANCE LEVEL RED. UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS OR DISTRIBUTION OF THIS INFORMATION WILL BE PUNISHED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW, UP TO AND INCLUDING DISMISSAL FROM THE CONVERSION BUREAU, A 200,000 BIT FINE, AND IMPRISONMENT. REDACTED INFORMATION CLASSIFIED AT CLEARANCE LEVEL INDIGO AT REQUEST OF INVOLVED PERSONS AND GOVERNMENTS.
Conversion Report for Frederic John Buchannan, PhD
Attending Physician: Dr. Dawn Shimmer
Assistants: Dr. Charles Wong (Technician), Nurse Saving Grace, Nurse Helping Hoof
Conversion Subject: Dr. Frederic John Buchannan
Sending Location: Conversion Bureau Site 1-Alpha, 8832 Industrial Level 5, New Chicago, USA
Receiving Location: Conversion Bureau Site 1-Beta, 2001 Aurora Street, Canterlot, Equestria
Date of Submission: June 25th 2093 (Earth Calendar), June 27th 2119 (Equestrian Calendar)
Report Abstract
Site Alpha and Site Beta established communications at 6:53 PM (Chicago Time) on March 13th, 2093 (Earth Calendar). Subject Buchannan’s conversion procedure was performed at 7:15 PM and his meta-self was received at Site Beta where it was deposited in his newfoal body. Subject’s human body was reported as dead as predicted directly after signal generation. Subject awoke two hours after arrival and was interviewed by attending physician Shimmer, who reported stable cognition and no apparent mental defects or signs of rejection. Later interviews and diagnostics confirmed successful conversion with no rejection or regression. Physical therapy and the acclimation program were successfully completed and Dr. Buchannan has begun work at [REDACTED] on the Human Evacuation Initiative.
Technical Summary
Metaphysical Signal Receiver
No issues were reported with the receiver, which had undergone routine inspection five days before the procedure and immediately after subject was received. Device receives subject’s meta-self which is transferred from original body and converted into strict-directional signal which is projected through the Barrier.
Newfoal Body
Unicorn breed, male, developed to foal equivalent (approximately six years) of maturation. Coat: Brown. Mane: Red. Body was grown in female progenitor [REDACTED] and had been subject to spells to suppress development of all higher brain functions. Family history is devoid of outstanding medical issues of hereditary nature. Birth two years prior to procedure and cared for at Canterlot Research Hospital. Two incisions at the base of the skull coupled with appropriate spells allowed the transference of Subject’s meta-self into the brain, which was simultaneously physically matured and transmuted to accommodate his mind. No defects were found during initial and later scans.
Physical Therapy and Acclimation
Subject took well to the physical therapy and was walking within the week. After four weeks of physical training and a regimen of potions and exercise, subject’s fitness was declared acceptable. At the same time, subject practiced his new telekinesis and exhibited slightly above normal adult proficiency within a month, and can lift a maximum of 157 kg while excelling at fine manipulations. Subject’s proficiency has progressed but not be extensively tested. Subject showed some interest in learning more complicated spells but focused on general magic field theory in his subsequent studies. After several weeks, subject retains human mannerisms both verbal and (where anatomically possible) physical, but has over time learned enough equine body language and dissimilar language quirks to communicate effectively. Subject noted to have retained flirtatious nature despite prepubescent body and having little experience with equinoids. Subject noted to swear infrequently but vehemently. Subject noted to have a mean right hook and little sense of self-preservation when faced with belligerent and intoxicated unicorn nobles harassing those he sees as his friends. Subject [REDACTED].
Author's Note
Not a whole lot to write home about. Mostly a little bit of world building.
