Pony's Search for Meaning

Fluttershy awoke to a dim morning sun. Light crept through her curtains, as she lifted her roughspun covers from her body. The little motes of dust in the air were starkly highlighted by the morning sun, illuminated like brilliant shafts across her room.

Dreary eyed, she slowly made her way out of bed. Animals needed tending.

A little apple pie could be easily heated from last night. A morose feeling had once again come over her. She tried to keep a strong face, especially in town, but it wasn't easy. With every year that passed, it got a little harder, she got a little older, but the memories... they were as vivid as ever...

Fluttershy hadn't slept well last night. She didn't often. She didn't like flying much anymore. She had dreampt of flying last night...

Over the clouds they flew in formation. Screaming over the wind just to be heard, they dropped under cloud cover. Below, she could still see the tell-tale lines in the ground, brown grids, no doubt filled with the enemy.

Yellow lines scarred the sky, the wind silencing the sounds of fire from distant airships. But they had to get in close. It wasn't accurate enough to drop from this height, without more numbers... and numbers weren't easy to muster anymore... for either side...

She shook her head. No more. Today, she wasn't going to remember... Today was going to be a new day. A good day.

She opened the door. The morning sun greeted her. It didn't seem as bright as she remembered. In fact, she was almost certain it wasn't.

She mustered a smile from within her. It took longer than she'd hoped.

***

The town square wasn't too lively. Even when it was, it didn't ever really feel truly "alive", despite appearances. People busied themselves, making small talk, in some cases almost forced conversation.

No one wanted to seem quiet. It was the quiet ones who were taken for... questioning.

Fluttershy approached the apple stand.

"Good Morning!" he said brightly, and as loudly as her soft voice allowed.

"Good Morning." he responded, the older mare seemed tired already, despite the early point in the day.

He didn't quite meet her gaze.

"How much are your fine apples today?" she asked with renewed vigour, determined to ignore his down attitude.

"5 bits."

She gulped. This was always hard for her. How to act positive... yet disappointed.

"Oh... why friend, that is such a shame. I am not sure that price is afforable for so many of us."

"Well, little missy, since Celestia "suddenly" has a lot more food to go around, I'm not really of much use around here. 5 bits makes me something to go home with."

Fluttershy stood aghast, and looked from one side to the other frantically, to see who had heard him.

She moved in closely, swiftly, and whispered.

"Are you crazy? How can you talk like that!? What if someone heard us?"

"Missy, when you get to be as old as me, and you've seen all ive seen, you stop caring about what Princess Celestia thinks about what people say in their spare time. We've given her enough." again, gruffly, he made his opinions known, loud enough for Fluttershy to wince at the possibility of them being overheard.

Fluttershy threw five bits onto the counter, and grabbed an apple. She didn't even check it. She left, dropping it into her bag, trying to walk as quickly as she could while still looking natural, or at least, as calm and natural as she could.

She headed into the crowds, hoping to get lost, almost feeling people following her, breathing down her neck already. The thought of the Loyalty Squad questioning her was not inviting. She did not suit questioning well.

***

A wing of airships was moving in from the north. She could see the orange flashes ahead reflected and glowing throught he clouds. Some orange bursts were blazing, no doubt burning airships ahead. Fire on an airship was a death sentence. Those men were already dead. They could stay on board, and burn, or jump, and suffer the cold as they fell, before everything would be cut short. She wondered how many mares and fillies were dead too...

The battle had begun early in the morning. A large wave of human troops had moved into the outskirts of the forest. Unbeknownst to them, their movements were being tracked. As soon as they were well within the forest realm, they had been cut off, all supply routes effectively severed by bands of raiders.

The survivors had been stunned by the savagery of their attack. What they had lacked in numbers they made up for with sheer determination and savagery. A blitz attack, from directly behind them, had left the human company shattered. Their numbers had been estimated at maybe 20,000. She doubted if half of them still lived. The vermin had been on the run.

They had retreated further into the forest, precisely as predicted. However, their cavalry had faired better than expected against Shining Armour's wing. They had been able to push the pony force out of the clearing, and as humanity always seemed to do, began to butcher nature around them.

To be fair, the ponies did similar, where necessary, but always with respect. The humans, however, their disgusting lack of respect for the forest, the trees, had always left Fluttershy stunned. They hacked down the forest, expanding the clearing in all directions quite a stretch, and setting up defences.

Their forces never gave them room to breathe. They had the humans exactly where they wanted them. Raiding parties attacked them on all sides, one after another. They built their fortifications under constant harrassment...

***

A short while later, Fluttershy had calmed down. She was browsing the stalls. Life was normal, or as normal as it could be, for a little while.

Then she saw them. Mayor Mare, and an escort of Royal Guards were moving through the crowds. Many gave her a respectful nod or greeting as she passed, which she did not return. Ahead and out of her sight, many were scuttering out of their path, as news of her arrival spread ahead of her in her wake.

Everyone knew why they were here. Fluttershy feared she had an idea of who might be a part of their visit...

She kept her gaze low as they passed, not drawing attention. She calmly let them pass before she continued. She always tried to keep to the side of the path, letting the majority of people pass her by as she slowly made her way. She tried to avoid anyone she could. She was constantly bustled as she moved through the marketplace, but finally made it out. The sudden lack of pressing flanks was more than a relief.

She took a deep breath, steadying herself against a nearby home, eyes shut, trying to block out the incessant sounds, the throbbing bustle...

***

It soon became apparent, later in the day, that the supplies they had were all they had left. Their slow carts, drawn by their slave horses, had been abandoned in the sudden attack. The human army was surrounded. Somehow, they had managed to get a message of their situation out, perhaps the humans down there had one of their poor versions of a wizard. Maybe a few survivors at the forests edge had managed to get away.

In any case, some of the human airships were heading this way. No doubt, they would try to drop whatever supplies they could, land troops if possible. It would be difficult, to say the least. However, Fluttershy's wing had more pressing matters first... Fluttershy and her compatriots bore a heavy load. As the wing commander gave a signal with her hoof, pointing down, they dove. One after another, working back along the line, they dropped, following the pony ahead of them.

They swooped down, faster, faster, until the force of the wind on her face was buffeting her head slightly from side to side. At a screamed command, they unbuckled the belts around their abdomens.

Fluttershy reformed on the end of the wing, the load she carried now missing, as it fell ground-wards. She didn't even look down to see what they had hit.

Above her, she saw the first of the airships cresting out of the cloud cover. Humans. They always managed to make such... unnatural devices...

***

Fluttershy walked solemnly through the streets. She tried not to let her eyes linger on the garish, colourful building design around her. It sickened her. That was the conclusion she had come to. It sickened her. Clashing colours, buildings made to look fantastical, when all they were were brick and mortar, wood and hay.

Such a fitting analogy, she thought. Bright and colourful to the uninformed, but underneath, as disgusting and monotone as the rest of the world. Many were just too foolish, or ignorant, to see it.

And she had seen it.

She had seen the mortar lying wet between the bricks. Rivulets running through cobbled corridors, the cries, the sounds of despair, the screams-

"FLUTTERSHY!" came a shrill cry from directly behind her.

Fluttershy screamed, and jumped back in alarm.

It was Pinkie Pie.

It was always Pinkie Pie.

"Agh! Pinkie! Wh-w-w-what!?"

"Oh Fluttershy! So jumpy!? Heyyy, you're not trying to hiiide something, are you?" she asked, leaning in close, as if trying to peer into Fluttershy's very soul.

"N-nn-n-n-nn-n-n-nhh-nooo!" Fluttershy whimpered.

"Oh. GOOD!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

Why did she have to bear this burden. Why did this pink devil toy with her at every turn. Why couldn't she just wallow in her own despair, without the garish pink fork sticking in her flank...

"Well I'm suuure you'll be attending the Get-togetherly Get Together tonight, riiight Fluttershy?" She asked, that suggestive tone again making itself known.

"W-well, I-I don't know P-Pinkie... I mean... I'm not so s-s-sure... That is... to s-say..."

"I knooow you wouldn't want to be missing out on all the FUN, right Fluttershy?" she asked, her smile utterly hollow, as her dead tone whistled from between bared teeth.

"N-n-no! O-of course not Pinkie, it's just-"

"GREAT! That's great to hear! I know the little fillies just LOVE getting to talk to the old War Heroes!" she said, her enthusiasm immediately back, and gave Fluttershy an almost-too-rough rap on the shoulder, "Especially the little pegasususes! Between you and Rainbow Dash, I know we're gonna have a heck of a time! Maybe you guys could tell some war-time stories, huh Fluttershy? Just try to keep em in line for the kids alright? Haha! Sometimes I can only imagine what you and Dash got up to in those days..."

"Y-yeah... that sounds... fun..." Fluttershy whispered. Nothing, she felt, sounded less "fun".

"Of course..." Pinkie said in that soft tone she seemed to reserve just for her, "I do know all about your time at the Crystal Glade... now don't I?" she asked, seemingly rhetorically.

Fluttershy didn't speak. She simply stared straight ahead, as Pinkie slunk past her, circling her still form.

"Yes... The fillies don't need to hear about that now, do they, Fluttershy?"

Again, she simply didn't respond. Pinkie didn't seem to mind.

"No, of course not. The more "distasteful" side of war, well, nobody really needs to know about that now, do they? No. Nobody ever really, truly wants to know about that, do they Fluttershy."

"No." Fluttershy whispered. It may have been her quietest voice to date.

"To them, those people back there Fluttershy... The war was an ugly business. Ponies like us, you and me, and the others at Crystal Glade, we keep that side a secret. The world is a better place now, Fluttershy, and it's thanks to us. We made it a better place. Crystal Glade did."

***

Grey, mottled, cobbled hallways. Walls almost indistinguishable from the floor. Soot, and ash, covers everything. Everything was grey. Everything flowed together in front of her. Cobblestone, mortar, brick, bodies. All grey.

Even her. Fluttershy's uniform was grey to begin with, so it rarely made a difference.

Regardless, it was pressed, straightened.

Perfect.

She would look good. She would look valiant. She would be a shining example of the pony race.

She would be the last thing these creatures ever saw.

***

"You would do well to present yourself better, Fluttershy. You should be proud. You saved this world. We all did. Your shyness is fine, for now. Do not let it turn into something worse. Good day, Fluttershy."

Then she was gone. She took off, skipping and prancing, humming some nonsense tune from the depths of her insane mind.

But that pony wasn't insane. Fluttershy knew first hand just how cold and calculating that pony truly was. That was how she had advanced up the ranks. Political Officer of the People.

She had known Pinkie as a fillie. They had gone to school together. That had been... a long time ago...

Throughout it all, all Pinkie had done... the sheer joy she seemed to take in her work... Fluttershy often laid awake at night, chilled by the thought that she had only done it to keep her around...

Not for the first time, she wondered if that was how she had come to be transferred to Crystal Glade in the first place.

Fluttershy felt the tears before they began to itch at the corner of her eyes. It gave her a few moments to get off the street. She ducked in behind a house, with only the trees to witness her silent sobbing.

She hated this. She hated everything. She hated the way she had to act, had to walk and talk. She hated how she was barely passable at it. She hated herself.

For the thousandth time she swore she would just sit there and cry until she died there. And for the thousandth time she eventually picked herself up, and scolded herself for being so stupid. She had to make a quick return home to make herself ready for the Get Together tonight. No doubt there would be eyes and ears everywhere, seeking, searching, looking for doubt from any of the older ponies, herself included.

No doubt now she would be late, despite her haste. No doubt that would be noticed. Stupid, stupid...