My Mind Isn't Like Your's

It was a semi-normal day in the Canterlot dungeons, semi because Chaotic was still getting used to the fact three guards were always watching him. Though he didn’t outwardly show it, he was uncomfortable with the constant gaze the guards always had on him. The filly told him not to worry about it though, and so he just didn’t bother with them. Instead, Chaotic turned to creating wall art as he was kindly supplied with non-toxic paint since he was dubbed insane.

What he made on the walls was not the best of things, but it was still easy to see what he made. On the furthest wall from the door, he painted himself and the filly in lighter shades than they appeared to him so the picture would show up better on the dark walls. In the picture Chaotic put himself and the filly lying on a hill side, underneath a tree, with a sun on the distance setting over a mountain. A cliché piece of art as it was no doubt done before, but the painting made Chaotic happy.

Shining would come down to see what Chaotic was doing at least once a day, sometimes two or three times. Each time Shining was met with a new picture to replace the ones on the two side walls of the cell. In his mind, it was strange to see a pony so content with sitting in a dank room all day with only enough food and water to keep him alive. Though one day he got quite a surprise when his fiancée followed him to see what he did every day.

The first thing Chaotic did when he saw the two approach the cell was laugh a laugh only dementia and insanity could produce. His laugh still had a gentle touch behind it though, showing that he was just playing. Instances like that became common the first time Chaotic was in a cell so it didn’t faze Shining, however the mare behind him was slightly freaked out.

The mare behind him in question was Princess Mi Amor Cadenza, and without a doubt, Shining’s true love. What Chaotic saw was not what anypony else did though. Chaotic didn’t see a beautiful pink mare, no, what he saw was a creature of deceit and lies. The first thought through his head was, that isn’t the real Princess, though I’ve never heard of her. She is lying, and I should know lying after my life happened.

Neither she nor Shining picked up on his knowledge though, as his training kicked into gear and made him play natural while observing the actions of the mare. A second nature thing to him after being an assassin for so long, but that didn’t mean he liked having her anywhere near his body or mind. Her very being was off in a way only a madpony could tell. Though it wasn’t his madness though as much as it was the fact he could see another things that others seemed oblivious to.

It was like he was looking at a mare that had a shadow pony walking inside of her, but instead, the shadow pony was real. Instead of the shadow being fake though this time, the thing the others could see was not real. For once in his life, Chaotic didn’t understand a shadow. He shook that feeling off though because he realized soon after that this shadow was not a part of his head.

It appeared to be regal by the way the shadow and illusion moved, but it was completely silent. Well, not silent, but its hoof falls were non-existent. Every single detail perfect for that, and then once again he noticed one difference the others weren’t catching. The real pony’s eyes flickered green for only a split second every four or five blinks. Something that, had he not been an assassin, Chaotic would have missed entirely.

Still though Chaotic didn’t actually care who she was, for all he cared, she could be an assassin herself that planned to kill Shining. Chaotic had his own personal reasons for not liking ponies and Shining exemplified one of his reasons; ignorance to facts. Though it wasn’t obvious why, it was there. However, Chaotic never hated a pony that meant well, and thus found a sort of empathy towards the guard and his subordinates. Beyond that, he didn’t give a damn about them.

When Shining unlocked the cell door and came in with the mare, Chaotic cocked an eyebrow, but didn’t do anything beyond that. In fact after she settled down into a sitting position with Shining, Chaotic went right back to his painting on the left wall. It was a griffon with black feathers and other bird things, and golden lion appendages. In its talons was a bastard sword that was bloodied. Though nopony knew beyond Chaotic at that point, the picture was of a griffon that he had killed. The griffon was charged with the murder of twelve families, four orphan children, and seven unknown others.

That fight ended with that bastard sword through Chaotic’s body, and Chaotic’s own blade through the griffon’s eye socket. It was amazing Chaotic lived through it, but that was only one of many things he lived through that shouldn’t have been possible. It was common for Chaotic to make pictures such as the one he was making, but this one was more out of the memory of the fight rather than just an image. For the picture he was painting, was how Chaotic found the griffon leaving a room he had slaughtered two children in, two of the orphans accounted.

After that, all Chaotic remembered was the blood the griffon spilled from him, and what he spilled from the griffon. After that day, he had griffons and ponies of that small border town keeping tabs on him. After his disappearance from The Order though, there was no telling what they thought happened. Chaotic thought to send the town a letter or message of some sort, but Shining most likely would deny the request.

Shining showed a unique curiosity to the art though, for what, Chaotic wasn’t quite sure. The mare was the same, as she was examining the painting with detail. It was hard to see some parts of the painting due to the dark walls, but Shining cured it somewhat with a magical orb of light. After that, absolute silence took over save for breathing and the movements of Chaotic painting.

He could tell that both of the present ponies wanted to ask about the painting, but kept themselves silent if only to give him Chaotic a few moments to do a few more details. So after a while longer of his painting, Chaotic broke the silence, “Well Shining, are you going to introduce me to the mare or no? If not I would like her to leave because I don’t like ponies who keep things such as names away from me.”

He never broke his stride though with his painting, detailing scars on the griffons face. Though Shining did answer, “This Mr. Heart, is my fiancée, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Cadence, this stallion is Chaotic Heart, which is not his real name from what he told me.” With the introduction, the pink mare was insulted by his lack of care for the title Princess, Shining had expected such though.

After Shining introducing her, the Princess said, “If Chaotic Heart is not your real name, then would you care to share it with me?” Chaotic remained silent for a bit, putting on a particularly tough scar on the painted griffon’s face.

After he had finished doing that he simply stated, “No I would not, and do not think you can make me think otherwise.” As he said that, he gathered up a different set of paints, and expanded his workspace to the left side of the wall since he was using the right side of the left wall. On this side, he had pre-determined that he would place himself and the orphanage matron as it had been that day.

In the picture, he put himself in front of the matron who was cowering away from the hulking griffon. The picture Chaotic stood battle ready with nothing but his fur on. No armor because that was how Chaotic was when he was thirteen, stupid enough to go into a job without proper armor. Of course, back then he didn’t have anything back then when it came to armor, but the blade that was strapped to his body was enough to give warning.

It appeared though, that Shining was having a moment of recognition as he compared the picture to the real Chaotic. There were similar in all ways but the scars, and size. So after a while longer Shining said, “Is that you Mr. Heart?”

All that Chaotic did was nod at the question. It was the Princess who spoke the next question, “Was that mare of importance to you? And who is that griffon and where is he now?” Chaotic did a few details more on the picture mare before turning to look at her.

“The mare is of no importance to anypony other than the foals she takes care of; I was simply protecting her for them. The griffon was a killer that I ended, his location is six feet under,” his tone was fitting for what he said, Shining knew almost instantly that something was up about that particular topic.

So with that in mind Shining asked, “What else happened, who did the griffon kill?”

Shining didn’t expect what Chaotic said though, “I protected her for them, but I couldn’t save others before I caught him. He evaded me in several instances, but in the end, I caught him and made him pay for the lives he took.”

It didn’t shock Shining how it was said, rather the fact of what he said, as the little flower mishap got a bit clearer to him. Though Chaotic was still where he belonged for the threat, it was a little less deserved than before. It went as far to show Chaotic that Shining had actual thought of that. Neither said a word though.

Though as soon as that moment was over, Chaotic broke the mood with, “Alright enough of this depressing stuff, for buck’s sake I’m in a dungeon; I don’t need any more depressing. What about your wedding, when is that at and when did you get engaged? I know damn well you weren’t getting married a couple months ago.” The last sentence was an afterthought.

Shining smiled when Chaotic mentioned the wedding, and went on to tell Chaotic all about it. That’s when Chaotic picked up on the lack of interest coming from the strange mare, though now Chaotic could see more of the shadow’s features, it was beginning to get more defined as time went on, hinting at the probability that the longer he stayed around it, the clearer it would get. Chaotic didn’t even flinch most of the time the mare looked at him when she caught him looking at her.

Shining was oblivious to the exchange though, as he kept going on about the preparations. That finally led to a very personal question though, “Did you ever have a marefriend Mr. Heart?” he didn't get an answer very fast though as Chaotic thought about the answer.

Finally after a while though, Chaotic said, “I did have relationships, but other than that, you won’t be getting any more detail until I find a reason you need to know. However I will say that they were still alive when I last checked.” Shining cocked a brow at the fact Chaotic said they but didn’t pester him about it.

They sat there for a while longer, with Shining doing what he could to keep Chaotic talking. Reason being that Chaotic still barely talked and only rarely did he get into full conversations. The mare though was more or less just looking at the details of the painting that now decorated all of the walls. She was looking at the one in the back most of all though. She seemed to wonder exactly who the filly was if either of the stallions would take a guess though.

It was a well founded question, but Shining had told her that he was nuts and so she didn’t bother with asking. Not that Chaotic would have answered at that point, for he was getting a clear picture of what he was looking at when it came to the mare. He wasn’t sure, but if he were to guess anything, she would be one of the shape shifter races he encountered, though he couldn’t tell which one by shape.

That strange thought shocked him into somewhat of a stupor though. He could tell that she was either not being truthful, or she had a shadow following her. He leaned on the former but wanted to believe the second. There was no possible way that a bat pony Pegasus could sense that sort of thing, and he knew it, so he just disregarded it for a while, passing it to the voices in his head to mull over.

As soon as he did that though, he got one of his fits that occurred when he was alone. The fit in question was the same thing that happened in the garden, but it varied from time to time. The voices were the start though, and Chaotic could feel his muscles starting to clench from the pain it brought to his head. Shining was quick to acknowledge it though and asked what was wrong.

Chaotic never answered though as the voices kept getting louder, loud enough to where the outside world beyond his head no longer existed. This time though, it was very different, as he could feel darkness creeping into his conscious mind, threatening to make him lose his consciousness. That doubled with the pain almost made him collapse instantly, but he didn’t go down.

He heard what the voices said, and they promised pain if he were to fall unconscious. And a long time ago, Chaotic learned that his dreams were the most painful thing in his world. The voices knew his fears and worries, and they used those against him. He didn’t register when Shining touched his shoulder, or when he began calling for help. All Chaotic knew was that his own mind was trying to do him harm.

It all stopped when Chaotic’s consciousness slipped away with a shriek inside of his head. And as he awoke to his dreamscape, he knew that pain was coming as he was told by the creatures in his mind. Here though, inside the dream, the voices didn’t echo in his head, no, they echoed all around him.

When he saw the beast that was tearing through the empty plains of grass that was his mind, he was utterly terrified. It resembled a dog in several ways, except it had three wolfish heads, twelve tails that moved on their own, and what looked like blade like protrusions traveling down its spine.

It was one of the monsters that lurked in his subconscious, Kerbouros. The giant dog was most likely three times the size of the sun princess, and four times as long, each tooth in its maws were large and possibly overgrown, its claws were what appeared to be two feet long, and each head had different eyes though. The left had golden eyes, the right had bloody red, and the middle had piercing cold blue.

Chaotic did what he always did though, and galloped full tilt towards the beast. Though it was his first time fighting Kerbouros, that didn’t change the fact that he would be knocked out for a long time in the real world, and since nothing in this dream world got tired, it would take a long time to wake up. That wasn’t the problem though, as the real problem was that nothing could die either.

Chaotic gave one last deep breath before he launched up and over the beasts snapping jaws. When Chaotic hit the ground behind it, he bucked its left hind leg before getting swatted by one of the tails. The buck did absolutely nothing though, and so Chaotic groaned as he realized the dog was the true beast of all the creatures that plagued his mind.

He didn’t stop trying to fight though, as long as he could stay away from all of it more agile parts than it couldn’t very well grab him. Though it did try to just stomp Chaotic into the ground, as he dodged he heard a voice calling to him. He couldn’t separate it from the rest though, so he focused on the canine beast.

Chaotic couldn’t tell how much time had started to go by, mainly because he was in his own head, but it felt like a very long time. The whole time he was fighting the beast that was in his head; the whole time, a voice was trying to reach him to no avail.

The beast had small cuts where Chaotic’s hooves were able to break skin, and where he bit into the monster with his fangs. Black blood oozed out of the wounds, staining its scarred white pelt.

Chaotic however was much more bloodied; he had been fighting a losing battle from the beginning. The creature pushed Chaotic into a forested area, most likely miles away from where they began. That’s when Chaotic started getting wounded badly.

Cuts from the beast’s claws, and teeth, as well as trees when he was sent through them, littered his smaller body. Falter as some would have though, Chaotic kept fighting.

The pain was only made worse by the influence that the beast had on his mind, intensifying it to a point that should have made him pass out, of course he was already out so that wouldn’t work. However it did make him clumsier in his movements, no longer being coordinated very well. The affect was profound, as he got hit more and more until skin peeled away from the wounds, leaving exposed muscle to the air.

That was when the voice broke through the ramblings of all the others, screaming out, “Gouge the creatures eyes, its eyes are its weakness.” Chaotic recognized the voice as the fillies, who had disappeared when Shining came into Chaotic’s cell.

Chaotic listened though, and began to prepare himself to be an idiot. His moment came when the left head snapped forward at him with wide jaws. When he knew he could get into the appropriate place, he jumped up and spun 180 degrees in mid air.

He landed atop the head, and clamped his wings over the sides of its head for a hold. When he was secure and knew the beast’s thrashing wouldn’t throw him, he sank his fangs into its left eye. While the taste was horrid though, Chaotic jerked his head side to side; completely shredding its eye.

Chaotic would have done the same to the others if not for the middle head biting into his left wing and pulling rather roughly. It didn’t dislodge Chaotic but it did make him loosen his grip. So in an attempt to get it off his wing, Chaotic released the left head and pulled his body as if he were going to jump to pull out of the grip.

The head obviously thought about it for more than a second and released him, only to have Chaotic turn around and jump at the head. Now some may not realize just how sharp the edge of an assassins hoof is, but the middle head found out as quickly as Chaotic’s hoof nearly bisected the eye completely.

The filly, as Chaotic soon realized, was quite a few yards away watching the fight. She knew that Chaotic wanted her to stay out of the fight, so she didn’t do anything other than watch. The reason he had for that was that they were inside of his mind, thus if the filly got killed, she would be dead.

When Chaotic hit the ground, he whirled around and distanced himself from the dog. Only its right head was not thrashing in pain, the other two clearly feeling the effects of getting their eyes mutilated. The right head, the calmest of the three during the fight, didn’t even flinch once.

In fact, the right head only ever attacked when Chaotic tried to harm it. So with the dumbest hope he had, Chaotic called out, “Hey righty, do you understand me?”

The head grinned.