Pinkie tapped her hoof incessantly, waiting for the phone to pick up. "Come on, Twilight... I'm on a tight schedule..."

The phone clicked. "Golden Oaks Library. Spike the Dragon speaking."

"Hi Spike!" Pinkie nearly yelled her greeting. "D'ya know where Twilight is?"

"She went over to Applejack's to help her with something, but she'll be back in an hour. Why?"

Pinkie beamed, though her smile was lost to Spike. "Imma plannin' a super-duper Get-Well-Soon party for Applejack, but I need some help from Twilight before I can start."

"Awesome." Spike replied. "Hey, if you need any help from me, just let me know."

"Okie Dokie Lokie." Pinkie replied. "I'll call tomorrow, and see if she's free."

"Cool. Alright, see ya later."

"Bye-bye!" Pinkie waved, the visual sign once again lost. She slammed the phone back on the hook, ending the call.

"Pinkie, you done?"

"Yep!" Pinkie bounced back to the kitchen, the bright lights in the kitchen being a lot more comforting than the darkness outside. "What's up?"

"Mostly just the fact that it costs us a bit to call someone from that phone." Mr Cake replied, rolling some dough. "Also I need you to finish this."

"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

Pinkie tapped her hoof incessantly again, phone to her ear.

Click. "Golden Oaks Li-" Twilight's voice started.

"Hey Twilight!" Pinkie yelled.

"Ow... Good morning Pinkie." Twilight yawned. "How can I help?"

"I'm planning a Get-Well-Soon party for Applejack and I need your help. You free?"

A shuffling of paper. "I think so... Ah! Yes, I am- Wait, since when did you know about Applejack's broken leg?"

"Apple Bloom told me, duh."

"Oh... That makes sense. Alright, I'll be over shortly."

"Coolseeyathenbye!" Slam!

"Careful with that!" Mrs Cake called out.

Pinkie zoomed straight to the door and nearly broke the door off her hinges, a dead serious look on her face. Parties were serious business.

After a few minutes of tedious walking in circles, Twilight came into view. Pinkie covered the distance in no time, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Twilight, there you are!"

"Nice to see you too..." Twilight grumbled

"Come on, we don't have long." Pinkie bounced along, leaving Twilight confused.

"Pinkie, we don't even have a date yet. We've got as much time as we need."

Pinkie froze mid-bounce. "Oh yeah!" She turned to face her again. "Well? You coming?"

Twilight's ear twitched, but she smiled. "Yeah."

"So, how can I help?"

"Other than the heavy lifting, I need some help planning. I'm working on the food and location, but there's some things I need clarified."

"Such as?"

"Whether it should be an 'adult's only' or all ages party? And should it be invited or open door?"

"Well, personally I like the idea of invites."

Pinkie jotted it down. "And the age limit?"

"There's nothing stopping us doing both, you know." Twilight replied.

"Come again?"

"We could have an all-ages party for the first few hours, then we could have an adult's only when it gets late. Sound good?"

"I..." Pinkie looked blankly somewhere. "... Can't believe I didn't think of that myself!" She laughed, grabbing Twilight by the shoulders again. "That way she'll have the best of both worlds!"

"My point exactly. Although, I'd ask her if she's fine with it."

"I'll do it later." Pinkie waved her hand dismissively, then jotted some notes. "On a completely unrelated note, Rainbow told me you're writing a book."

"I am." Twilight replied.

"A sexy book." Pinkie grinned.

Twilight blushed. "Y-yeah... And?"

"And that you and Rainbow... Y'know..." She raised her eyebrows twice in succession.

"I... don't get it." Twilight lied.

"You and Rainbow... had some fun the night before last." Eyebrow eyebrow.

"C-could you be a little more specific?"

Pinkie stared at her unimpressed. "You and Dashie fucked each other because you needed some experience for your erotic novel. Geez, I thought you knew that." She rapped her knuckles on Twilight's skull. "Is your memory that bad?"

Twilight was positively blushing. "O-oh yeah... Wait. She TOLD you?!"

"Only me." Pinkie smiled, crossing her arms. "And made me Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony else except you."

Twilight sighed deeply. "And I was worried that you'd gone and told everyone."

"I can't break a Pinkie Promise. But..." Pinkie gave her a seductive look. "I can always help with the book..."

"Uh..." Twilight looked around. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm still a little tired from last night."

"You had sex last night as well?"

Stupid Freudian Slips. "... Yes... With Applejack."

"Ooooh..." Pinkie leaned closer. "What was it like? Did she tie you up? Did you wear her hat?"

"One, it felt great. Two, no she didn't tie me up, as her leg was broken. Three, I did not wear her hat, as she wasn't wearing it while I was cleaning her. Four, stop asking."

"So you've had two lesbian encounters, so that's a good start to the book." Pinkie tapped her chin. "But you need to know what it's like being sexified by a dude too."

"I... do?"

"Yep! That way you don't exclude female readers." Pinkie dashed over to her bed, and pulled herself under it. "Good thing I've got a buncha stuff to use." She, through a few tosses, loaded at least twenty different sex toys onto her bed. Afterwards she ran to the door and locked it. "But first, you need to be naked."

"Wait, wha-?"

Pinkie leaped to behind Twilight and with unknown strength yanked her skirt and panties down to the ground.

"Pinkie!" Twilight yelled, covering her crotch.

"What?"

"Do you mind?"

"Nope."

Twilight rolled her eyes, and before Pinkie could she took her hoodie and shirt off and cast it aside. "Let's just get this over with." Her horn flared up and an aura wrapped around Pinkie's clothing. In a flash of light the items disappeared, reappearing off somewhere else in the room.

Pinkie giggled. "That felt funny!"

Twilight walked up to the pile of toys, sorting through them. "Too small... Not the right shape... Too solid... Aha!" She picked up one that looked as accurate to a stallion's member that a flexible piece of plastic could.

Pinkie looked over it. "Ah, so you're going for a realistic thing." She stuck her hand out and stroked Twilight's slit quickly, the unicorn gasping in shock. "Let's just get you warmed up then..."

Twilight leant back onto the bed as Pinkie stroked her clit and stuck her finger inside her. After a few seconds Twilight was panting and dripping wet.

"And now for the fun bit!" Pinkie strapped a sort-of harness onto herself, and she stuck the dildo where one on a stallion would be. She leant over Twilight, poking her entrance with the tip. She slowly guided it in, and started a steady rhythm that quickly sped up. One of her hands latched out to Twilight's breast, squeezing and making Twilight moan in delight.

After a few minutes, Twilight was squirming in delight. "Ah~ I-I think I'm close!"

Pinkie stopped abruptly, flicking some hair out of her eyes, a slightly disturbing smile on her face.

"Hey! What gives?"

"I've got something a lot better than this." Pinkie pulled the device out, and helped Twilight up. She bounced off to the wardrobe, where she dug through. "Aha!"

Twilight's eyes widened when she emerged with a box the size of Spike. "Oh dear."

"This," Pinkie said while opening the box. "Is something I got years ago. It's a, quote, 'biosynchronous sexual toy that reacts in much the same way a male's own member would. It links up with the nervous system and temporarily implants the knowledge on how penises work while someone is wearing this. Designed for mares.’ I dunno what half of that means, but the store guy told me it basically turns into a dick when you wear it."

"What size is it, dare I ask?"

Pinkie flipped the box over. "Two Ex-Ell."

Twilight gulped. "And you're going to stick that... Inside me...?"

Pinkie gave her a deeply unsettling grin. "Of course. But first..." She said as she secured the device. It flashed brightly and turned from the black plastic and straps to looking like it was actually growing out of her body. "You have to get me hard."

Twilight walked up and knelt in front of Pinkie. From her knowledge, it was partially out of the sheath, but there was more to go. She gripped it with her hands and it felt... warm. Pinkie hummed as she pumped her hand along its length, feeling it grow under her hands.

"Wow..." Twilight watched it get bigger... And bigger... And bigger. It was at least 12 inches long and at least a one inch radius. "Is this even going to fit?"

"Oh yeah." Pinkie replied. "I think it's hard enough."

Twilight blinked. "So..."

Pinkie's cheerful grin turned into something a lot more sinister, the pony's eyes shrinking down. She grabbed Twilight's head and slammed it into the ground, her back in the air.

"OW!" Twilight shouted. "Pinkie, what the heck?!"

Pinkie loomed over Twilight, a goofy grin on her face. "Oh come on, Twilight, relax a little!" Her smile turned sinister again. "You'll need to."

Twilight felt Pinkie rubbing her member over her slit, gathering up liquid, before prodding her asshole. "Oh no. Oh, don't you dare!"

Pinkie laughed madly, before shoving the entire length into her ass. Twilight screamed in pain, her eyes becoming pinpricks. The party pony started increasing the speed rapidly until she was hammering down, her hips smacking against Twilight's cheeks.

Twilight yelled and screamed with every smack, a mix of pain and pleasure clouding her mind. Pinkie grabbed her tail and pulled hard.

"You like that, don't you?"

She could only scream in response. Against all possible wishes otherwise, she could feel herself rapidly closing to the edge of orgasm. Her head was yanked back by Pinkie, and it startled her to see her with a flattened mane and the most disturbingly crazy grin she had ever seen from somepony other than herself.

"Answer me, bitch!" Pinkie yelled, as she yanked her tail again and slapped her butt hard.

This drove her over the edge. She tensed up, screaming at the top of her lungs, her slit spurting hot fluids behind her.

"I'll take that as an 'I love it'." She continued to pound her, before slamming against her and holding. "And here's your prize!"

Twilight felt a huge load of hot seed fill her up. Another caused some overflow, and the last few ones, which got progressively smaller, caused much more to spill out onto the wooden floor.

Pinkie panted with satisfaction, until her mane turned poofy again and she gasped, tugging at a buckle on her back. Upon opening it the device turned back into its black plastic form and dropped to the ground. "Twilight!"

She leant down to see Twilight face to face. The unicorn was crying, and that made Pinkie worry.

She scooped her into her arms and held her in a comforting hug. "I'm sorry, Twilight..." She stroked her mane gently, trying to calm her down. "The strap-on... I think it made me do that..."

Twilight sniffled and wrapped her arms around Pinkie. "Can you... Can you get rid of it?"

Pinkie looked at the device, lying on the ground, coated in its own juices. "I knew I should've gotten the white version... Sure thing, Twilight." The pink pony felt a dribble of seed running down onto her leg, but ignored it.

Twilight looked into Pinkie's eyes. "It wasn't all bad, though..." Twilight sniffed. "At least I have a scene idea now."

Pinkie gave her a friendly-but-confused smile. "I... See... I've got some good news, though."

"Oh?"

"I read that the fluid is actually magical, and disappears after an hour or less. So you don't have to worry about cleaning it up or... y'know..."

Twilight smiled, releasing herself from the hug. "One thing, though."

Pinkie tilted her head.

"I think I need to go to the toilet right now."

After the little... Incident with what was later discovered to be a cursed strap-on sold to Pinkie by a dodgy salesman, Twilight and Pinkie quickly pulled the party together.

The first part went over excellently, the Cutie Mark Crusaders eagerly running around and trying some minor crusading. After a few hours, though, they and Spike were escorted back home by Granny Smith, who had left the other adults to have their own fun.

Of course, Pinkie spiked the punch and pulled out the kegs of hard cider once they left.

Pinkie was somehow able to metabolise alcohol fast enough that the few drinks she had barely affected her, such was the way of Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy was wise to the spike, and so didn't drink any alcohol and stuck to the soft cider that was provided before. Rarity had a few sips of both alcoholic drinks, and was a little tipsy.

Applejack and Rainbow were happily singing together, about as drunk as each other despite the fact that Applejack had double the amount that Rainbow had.

Twilight skulled her fifth drink of spiked punch. "An' so I said to him... 'I don wanna write yer essay', and dyaknow what he said?"

"Um..." Fluttershy tried to think. "No, I don't think I do."

"He said 'I... I'll pay yoo three-hundrd bits fer it.'"

"Oh my."

"'Oh my' is right, my friend... Ah-I turned him down, of course. I mean, how else wud he learn?" She chuckled drunkenly. "He, uh, he failed the essay... An' he blamed me... But no-one believed him..."

"Um, not to interrupt, but-"

"He had a record o' doin' silly-" Rainbow smashed her glass on the floor, shouting "Another", just as Twilight swore. "- Before, like tryin' t' hit on th' teachers an' stuff like that..."

"Twilight, um, I think-"

"Who the hay hits on yer teacher? I certainly didn't, even though that Mr. Trotwood was a hansom fella~"

Fluttershy grabbed Twilight's cup and poured her what she thought was water from an oddly square glass bottle. "Have some water, you'll feel better."

Twilight lazily grabbed the cup and tried to sniff it like a wine connoisseur. She failed dismally. "A-allright..." She skulled the drink. "Whoo, I didn't know water was that strong..."

Pinkie leant over, holding the bottle. "Did you pour her a drink from this bottle?"

"Um, yes, but-"

"Fluttershy!" She hissed, as not to startle the others. "That was vodka, not water."

Fluttershy blinked. "Oh my."

"Is it me or is the room spinnin'?" Twilight said, stumbling around now. Indeed, to her the room was spinning and she was rapidly losing balance.

And then she lost it, just as she passed out.

Author's Note

Drunk Twilight is best Twilight.

If you have any tips on how I could make the sex scenes a little more... interesting than they already are, I'm willing to listen to any suggestions.