Jerks with Jewels

Chapter 2: Jewel Mountain

“Step right up everypony!” Said Flim, echoing through his microphone.

“We’re here to introduce to you the greatest”

“Most unbelievable”

“Incomprehensible”

“I-can’t-believable offer you will ever hear in your life!!!” Storms of ponies flourish in a u-shaped formation around the gargantuan ski slope of gems. In this center, assorted fruit and vegetable stands sell their commodities for all to buy. Only native sellers dare to compete on these soils, every native besides The Flim Flam Brothers themselves. The Cider Squeezy tracks back and forth behind this monstrous formation of crystals and jewels, bringing back more and more to stack onto the pile. Attention spreads across the citizens of Ponyville, observing as this mountain of wealth crawls to visually peak the great city of Canterlot and beyond. Everypony for miles could witness this great mound form in width and length.

With this occurring scene, Fluttershy tries her best to ignore the crowds and continue on with her shopping. She needs to purchase all sorts of edibles for her darling animals, especially for the ever-so picky Angel. Ponies of all ages, shapes, and sizes continuously come, bustling in bundles across the thin intersection of shops. getting shoved and pushed, Fluttershy utters rampant apologies as the discord continues.

“That’s right everypony, this is no swindle, we offer a true, valid piece of wealth for every one of you to afford!” Flam boasts as his echoes travel to every home in Ponyville.

“What if I told you that this offer will cost you less than 1000 bits per gem?”

“Brother you've got it all wrong, these fine people deserve a better offer!”

“My word you’re right brother, let’s say we knock down those prices to 100 bits per!”

“Further!”

“50 Bits?”

“FURTHER BROTHER!” Flam screamed as the hordes of people hop on their hoof tips in excitement.

“10 Bits?”

“Almost brother, almost!”

“ONE BIT!”

“That’s how you do it brother, that’s how you do it!” Flam screamed, throwing his hat up near the front center of the crowd, falling to the ground and landing back onto his head.

“Everyone! Our jewels will be sold here for a measly ONE bit per!” With this proposition, every soul in Ponyville dashes towards the tremendous hill, drooling at the mouth with lustful thoughts, Spike included. Twilight sits patiently inside the library, ignoring the bustling crowds as she continues to her studies. Being that her mind is near sound-proof while reading, the jewel advertisement simply slipped by.

“Spike, could you hand me volume 2 of the “Economics” series?” Twilight promptly asks as she scans the last few words in the text. Not a sound was heard, unusual being that Spike will normally rustle the shelves, even if he never speaks (which, in itself, is highly unlikely).

“Spike? Did you hear me?” Twilight unstuck her face from the inner folding of the book and looks across the room, with no signs of Spike anywhere. After neatly shutting her book, Twilight rushes downstairs, yelling her young assistant’s name throughout the house. The upstairs and downstairs living room showed no signs of him.

“Maybe something caught his attention, I better check the porch” Twilight conveniently told herself as she dashed towards the door. Both hinges flew open, revealing Spike sitting on the porch, leaking waterfalls of saliva at the colossal tower of gems.

“Spike!” yells Twilight, however, he remains too busy staring at the jewels. With a flicker of her horn, she picks him off the ground by his tail and turns him by a half circle for eye contact. Spike keeps no focus however, he is still dazed and confused.

“Woah… what happened…” Spike said as his head turns and his eyes roll.

“Spike, what are you doing out he-“ Before Twilight could finish, the luscious glow of the ambient stones caught her eyes in disbelief.

“Spike, this is what you were staring at?”

“Staring at what… Oh right!” Spike said, pointing his left hand downward with his index finger extended.

“Twilight! They’re selling gems over there for one bit a piece!” Yelled Spike, frantically flailing his arms fanatically.

“Those gems are so immensely beautiful, why would somepony just give them out for near nothing?” Stated Twilight, questionably turning her head sideways.

“I don’t know… but whoever they are they sounded oddly familiar…”

“I Think I have an idea who… come on Spike, we have some investigating to do.” Twilight trotted down after her exposition, heading towards the mysterious gem tower. Twilight observes the frantic mess of ponies as they hop onto one another in excitement, nearly causing a mob. Mumbles of familiar tones soon become audible as she approaches closer and closer to the jewel mountain.

“Before we sell this bounty of gems, we would like a guest, who here has a fantastic talent of gem detection?” Flim explained as he looked across a citizen sea with rippling tides and waves. One pony in specific stood out, flailing her front hoofs around and shoving through the crowds to reach the top. This specific pony was none other than Rarity, the most divine stylist in all of Equestria.

“Me! Me! I want to go, pick me!” whined Rarity with a squeaking tone. Flim and Flam both nodded in agreement, picking her out of the crowd.

“Wonderful Ms… Rarity, correct?” Flim said as he skied down the gems.

“You remembered my name!!” Rarity screeched, slightly fainting on top of a sliding velvet love sofa. Flim and Flam are stumped, standing in oddity as to where this sofa even came from. Regardless, they continue their pitch.

“Well yes… Ms. Rarity, we are here to generously hand you over 100 gems for being our guest!” Flam yelled, hyping the crowd with a preaching echo. Screams of joy erupt from Rarity as she wiggles her appendages cheerfully.

“That could be enough to finish my new clothes line, garnished in only the finest gems!” Rarity said, lying down with a tender hoof holding her head upright.

“Absolutely my dear! These gems could accomplish that and so much more!” said Flim, awaiting his brother’s fine response.

“All you need to do is tell our lovely audience here that these gems are the real deal!”

“What? That’s all? Why of course darling, I’d love to!” Rarity sat herself up, throwing the chair aside with a convenient front porch landing near her home. She scaled slightly from the foot of the mountain, gathering one of each jewel, slowly levitating around her in a gravitational-like bind.

“WHY YES! Yes, these are all real!” Rarity exclaimed, with a following cheer of excitement from the gathered citizens. Under all this excitement, Twilight pounded her way across the stage floor, with Spike courteously following suit. An eerie silence plagues the environment as she steps in front of the two business men.

“I knew it all along! It’s you two!” Twilight said as Spike slightly mimicked her movements. Flim and Flam give each other a sarcastic look and chuckle immensely, sliding to the very bottom step of jewels.

“Why hello there young stranger, I do believe we haven’t met before…” Flim said as he tips his hat in regards to the velvet mare.

“Cut the act you two, I know you’re up to no good! What are you doing in Ponyville?”

“We, as the professional businessmen we are, felt there was a dissatisfaction with our previous product, so we came back with a new offer that’ll right our wrongs.” Spoke Flam softly, slightly comforting Twilight’s uncertainty.

“This has to be some sort of trick, you tw-“

“I beg to differ Twilight" Interrupted Rarity

"I find these two rouges quite kind and sincere. They gave me gems to help my poor little store, and they’re real too!” Rarity exclaimed, gently batting her eys against Flam’s side as he scoots towards the opposite direction.

“Hear that Ms… Sparkle, I believe, your jewel extraordinaire friend can’t help but agree with us, and in a few minutes we’ll be selling our authentic products.” Flim arrogantly said as he starred face to face with Twilight.

“If they’re so authentic where did you ge-“

“And that’s where we have to cut you short, I’m sorry madam but our hungry customers are waiting for their order”. Flim said as he tossed out Twilight with his magic, landing her mere meters from her house. Twilight’s head became chili red and steaming, she knows something is rancid about this whole pitch; she has no clue what though. Instead of fighting a one mare battle, she needed to research this situation. throwing her front doors open, Twilight scans the shelves for any useful information.

Meanwhile, jewels are being sold left and right. Ponies of all ages and species purchase their fair share, throwing their bits onto the table for equal exchange. Some even purchased large chunks of the mountain, hiring unicorn moving crews to ship their jewels home. Everypony is fanatic about these jewels, so much so that nearly everyone is spending their entire savings in gems, looking for profit. Those who don't purchase that way are surely pulling from loans, including Rarity, taking her loan straight from the Equestrian banking system.

In an attempt of secrecy, The Flim Flam Brothers took shelter behind the remaining hill of jewels. No other ponies are in sight; their occupation is in purchasing mounds of jewels.

“Brother this is genius! Our greatest pitch ever!” whispered Flim to his older brother Flam

“Indeed brother, and when they realize it, it will be too late!” The two chuckle maniacally, carrying every sack of bits into the Super Cider Squeezy 6000.