My Mind's Betrayal

Haunting Perspective

I take a small drag on my cigarette feeling the burn in the back of my throat. The smoke escapes from my lip swaying and twisting. Sitting on my leather chair staring at her.

“So, tell me about yourself.” I ask.

“What do you want to know?” She responds tilting her head as she lies on my bed with her hooves crossed. “I get kind of audience shy when I’m put on the spot!” She ducks her head and gives an apprehensive smile.

“Something that I don’t know.”

“UH…? What have you read about me?” She asks scratching hear head looking away.

“Only your name. Twilight Sparkle which is a forced compound reference to what is suggested that little girls like: Rainbow, butterflies, unicorns , big white castles with a prince charming. The lies that they are fed.“ I take another drag.

“Wow, you’re kind of a brooding jerk ?” She looks at me blankly.

“Here you are. An illusion of a purple unicorn exchanging words with me. You could imagine why  I’m on the offensive.” I tell her.

She appears on the arm of my chair looking around appalled. “This place is so clustered! I could tidy this place up if you’d like? .” Then she’s back next my bed in an instant fixing the bed sheet.  “There that’s one task done! Now where-“

“You want to focus on the task at hand her Twilight?” I announce. She embarrassedly grins then trots in front of me and sitting down.

“I know what you are thinking.” She lowers her head brush her mane aside looking down. “ The reason I know what you are think is because you are thinking it.” She sounds hurt. “ Traumatic points that can lead to paranoia, illusions, and schizophrenia. So, what happened to you to make me appear?” She ask sincerely .

I try to think but I’m my thought are blocked by a blinding light. I look back to her.

“I can’t remember.” I confess.

“Maybe that’s why I’m here? I can help, if you’ll let me?”

“I couldn’t imagine anything else?” I ask.

“You could have, but there are worst things to be haunted by. ” Yeah, but MY Little Pony? Couldn’t I be haunted by Frank Sinatra, or Tyler Durden?”

I get off the chair and walk to the front door of my apartment. She’s stand by it with her eyes following.

“Where are you going?” She asks.

“Out!”

I open the door finding myself in a dark hallway with a florescent light buzzing and flickering. I carry on seeing  a neighbor opening their door. A womanly figure in a tank top and sweat pants, dirty blond hair going down over where her face is supposed to be. She just has two sunken in pits where her eyes are not , no nose, no mouth,  She just stand there like a mannequin on display.

“You should go back to your room!” Twilight tells me standing beside me.

The walls start to crumble and tear.  I run down the darken hallway seeing the pony and the faceless woman grow distant.

“Or you could completely ignore me!” The pony shouts looking frustrated.

The hallway become shrouded in darkness till I can’t see anything, I can’t breathe.  I scream and see bubbles of air shoot out my mouth swish upward. My body is sluggish as it moves forward as a door faintly appears. I push through feeling the powerful brisk air blowing on my apartment building’s roof top. The Lights of the city burn through the night.

“This this not real! It’s not real!” I tell myself.

I step on the ledge looking down at the cars moving along traffic. People carrying on through the night.

“Come back in!” I hear her behind me. I slowly turn to her making sure that I keep my balance. “You don’t want to do this! Mainly I don’t want you to do this!” She tells me scared and bewildered.

“How can you be sure?” I ask.

“Because I’m asking?” She questions.

“And you are an extension of my subconscious telling me not to jump.” I reply.

“Do you always have to psychoanalyze everything? I mean , your perception is very depressing!” She comments.

I rub my temples trying calming down a migraine that I’m imagining. “YOU”RE NOT REAL! NONE OF THIS IS REAL! NOT EVEN THE BUILDINGS ARE REAL!” I YELL AT HER.

The buildings around me starts to collapse unprovoked. Their thunderous demolition folding into rubble to the ground hurting no one that truly exists.

The lavender pony narrows her eyes at me as I look dumbstruck at the crumbling surroundings.

“You had to destroy the city? Granted that it was imaginary but it was the mental foundation of your world.” She chastises me.

I sit on the ledge with my feet dangling in the air.

“What do you want me to do?” I ask giving up.

“You need to wake up!” She says softy as the roof top breaks and sinks into the dark. The ledge falls and I follow.

*****

I find myself staring at the wine red ceiling lighten by a dim lamp filtered through a dirty lamp shade.

“Good to see you’re up!” Twilight tells me as she lays besides me with her hooves crossed leering into my eyes in content.

“And you are still here! You’re not real, are you?”

“Nope!”

“And are not going to leave?”

“Yup!” Her tail swishes and she gives a big grin.

*****

I splash cold water in my face and rub my forehead with the remaining moisture.  I place my hands on the sides of the kitchen sink feeling the anxiety well up in my chest until it hurts. I can’t catch my breath as air starts to become scarce. My legs feel weak and drop to the ground sitting against cabinet door gasping.

“Chester!”  She cries rushing to me. “You need to calm down!  You are having a panic attack!”

“What …huff…the fuck… huff…you think… huff…I’m trying to do?” I reply.

She places her hooves on my face and pulls me to her face until I only see her round violet eyes.

“Breath! Breath!” She tells me then hums a familiar tune that I can’t figure out the words, but they hang on the tip of my tongue. I chest stops hurting and my breathing comes back into rhythm.  She releases her hold and sits staring at me with a humble smile. “You feel better?” She asks.

“FUCK!” I shout. “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!” Her smile disappears into an annoyance gaze. I push myself off the linoleum tile and stumble towards my wet bar opening it hastily and pulling out the crystal whiskey bottle. I fumble the top and just place the rim on my lips taking in the bitter tang numbing my mouth. I slam the bottle on the bar as I feel my throat being stripped.

“She’s not there, she is not there! When I turn around, she’ll be gone!” I coach myself summing up the courage. I got none so I take another drink of the awful liquid that I love.

I spin around pressing my back to the wet bar just seeing my crowed apartment occupied with furniture and antique décor. I feel comfort being surrounded by unnecessary possession that has a richer history. I sigh in relief and I shed a tear not know if it was from the sudden joy or the burning liquor. I slump to the floor sliding on the wet bar cradling the bottle like it was a precious golden nugget during the California gold rush.

I rub my forehead again and freeze feeling a chill creep up my spine as if smoothing ominous is burning their eyes into my side. I look to my right and drop the bottle.

“You’re done acting crazy?” She asks leaning close place her chin on my shoulder.

“FUCK!” I shout.

"So, you're not done?" She replies with a brow raised.

"This is the moment where it fades and the opening theme song rolls and the problems are solved in a single episode!"

"Uh...Chester?"

"Yeah?" She lifts her head and places a hoof on my shoulder

"It would take more than one episode to fix your problems!" She says and I drop my head.