My Mind's Betrayal

Haunting Perspective

         Outside

I remember only seeing her in dismissed glimpses around my environment. I’m walking down a shopping district with my head phones taking me out from my world and into a trance of thought to stir up any ideas for a novel. Then I’ll catch a foretaste of her in the peripheral of my eyes through a faint reflection on a shop window. I would turn and see her trotting behind me from the displays. I would take a second glance and she would be gone. This continued for a while. I just brushed it off as a simple illusion of the mind.

I remember her. My little sister watched the show when I would just sink in the couch drawing little doodles on my sketchbook. She would ask if I would draw them for her, but I told her I’m not a cartoonist, that my style is different.

Being tired of the constant the purple pony’s appearances and not knowing who she was, I looked her up on the internet late at night. An asocial character at first then changes as soon as she accepts help from persistent friends to go against the show’s first established foe. I read on. A book worm, applies rational thinking to situations, organized and obsessed about it, prone to nervous breakdowns when overwhelmed with insecurities and quarrels.

I spent hours looking her up and grew weary. I close my laptop and lift my glasses to rub my burning eyes. I gave up and step away from my oak computer desk then open my wet bar serving myself a double of bourbon. It crawls over my tongue with a warm burn giving a slight buzz. I continue till my balance reflects my spinning head. I stumble to my bed and drop face first feeling my scars on my forearms burn as if the wounds reopened. I pull on my sleeves and ignore them then black out shortly after.

She confronts me in my dream for the first time causing my mind to crumble and wake into reality where she followed.

Sitting on the floor slumped against my wet bar in discontent, I pick up my dropped bottle and cradle it like an infant and avoid looking at her and ignoring the spilt liquor.

“You stay here!” Twilight he telsl me and walks into the kitchen. Her horn glows in a purple light and a drawer lightens up in the same aura. The drawer is pulled and a dishcloth is taken out by a violet orb of light hovering in the air. The drawer closes and she strolls to me with a smile and that dishcloth drifting overhead. She wipes the spilt whisky with the floating dishcloth while humming a tune.

“There! Now where do you keep the hamper?” She ask balling the soaked cloth with magic.

“In the bathroom.” I answer her pointing at the open door way across the room.

She enters the bathroom and I take another swig of whisky hoping that she would just vanish, but she returns to my side sitting with her round eye looking at me.

“Well, nothing stirs up a conversation like awkward silence!” She comments forcing a smile and I just take another drink. “You want to stop that?”

“Stop what?”

“The drinking!” She shouts.

“No! I hoping the more I do, the faster you would go away!” Her ears bend back and becomes annoyed. She stomps a hoof on the ground.

“I’m not going away and you are just going have to deal with that!” She states.

I try to take another drink, but the bottle starts to glow purple and is pulled from my hand. It travels over my head and into the wet bar shelf with the cabinet door slamming after.

“There! And to be sure.” She exclaims then I hear the lock in the wet bat click. I stand straight up trying to budge it open, but it remains. I step back pointing a shaky finger at the wet bar in awe and anger.

“How did you do that?” I ask.

“With magic, I thought you knew I could do that?”

“Not the magic thing! You are not real so how could you interact with objects?” I ask her freaking even more out.

“It’s hurt my feelings every time you tell me that I’m not real.” She replies.

“Don’t deflect!” I demand. She gives a stern look and turns around walking to the covered window by the bed.

“This place is depressing!” She comment and the curtains spread without a moment’s notice; I shield myself from the immense light before it burns my retinas. Wait? It’s day out?

“Oh come on, the sun won’t kill you!” She tells me as I try to see her through the gap in my hands and the light. “It’s not even sunny outside! Well as dark as this place is, I’m surprised you didn’t burst into flames from the cloudy skies!”

“Shit! What time is it?” I ask. I turn to the clock on the night stand and see the green neon light reading eleven thirty-seven. I drop my hands to my sides and feel the horrid warmth of the day. “Shit!”

“What?” Twilight jerks her head back in shock. I bolt to my closet yanking the door open and riffling through my appeal trying to find a descent business shirt. I feel her behind me staring at me as I throw my clothes on the floor. “You goanna say something or just expect me to figure out what you doing?” She asks.

“I thought you could read my mind?”

“That’s only while you dream. Out here, I… I can’t.” I turn to her seeing her stare at the dropped clothes solemnly. She points at a red shirt with her hoof.

“That one would be suiting if you have conversation over business. Red is a passion and intimidating color catching the eye in attention.” She points at another shirt. You could use blue as a passive aggressive tactic setting the other person at ease.” She sadly states. “I read it in a psychology book.” She looks at me glum with her head ducked.

I pick up the blue shirt and take it off the hanger.

“I don’t want to scare the guy. He’s my publisher and I need him to be mellow.” I tell her and she sits straight up with a gentle smile. I leer at her blankly and she leers back then tilting her head to the side with an ear twitching. “You just going to stand there and watch me because I need to change my pants as well? I don’t need this to get anymore awkward than it already is!” I tell her.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry!” She walks backwards wearing a embarrassed grin until she hides behind the bed. “Sorry! She says again.

I scratch my head wondering if I should even ask. “Can you still see me?”

“No…Just let me know when you are done!” She says and a sudden thought came to me.

I quickly change and quietly grab my keys, wallet, a sports coat and the cell phone from my night stand. I silently creep to the door while keeping out of her sight, but just to be sure.

“Are you looking?” I ask opening the door.

“No I’m not! I staring straight into the carpet!” She shouts and I cautiously close the door without any sound then set the lock. “Hello?” I hear her say from inside the room and I rush down the stairs to the parking garage.

My dress shoes echo in the darken lot as I walk with haste trying to contain my chills and the panic urging to overwhelm me. I look around like a paranoid junkie twitching every direction.

I reach my parking spot overcome with anger and shock as I just see an empty space where my vehicle should be.

The parking garage door slams open in a faint bang and then sound of hooves clopping on cement growing closer as I stare at a stain of motor oil imprinted on the ground.

“HEY!” I hear Twilight yell from behind then the echo briefly replays. “That was incredibly rude and, and! Arhh! I’m so infuriated that I can’t come up with any insulting adjectives other than ‘jerk’!”

I just close my eyes breathing in slowly hearing the sky rumble. “It’s not here! It’s not here!” I mutter to myself.

I open my eyes and see Twilight standing in the middle of the parking space pissed off glaring at me with intense rage.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that I’m not here, because that worked so well last time!” She shouts at me then pants. “And I am a she! Not an it!”

“I wasn’t talking about you! I was talking about my missing car!” I tell her.

She looks around and furls her brow then she turns back to me. “Where was it last?” She asks.

I go back inside the building and exit the first floor lobby of the complex and stare into moving traffic looking for a cab to hale in a city raining icy devils pitch forks. In New York, it fluctuates from easy to “I’m going to find where you live asshole!” frustrating. I wave and yell at cabs like an idiot grunting with every failure while the pony sits on the sidewalk soaking wet with her eyes following.

“So, you needed to meet your publisher?” She asks.

“Yeah, it’s for my new book!” I reply to her still trying to get the attention of a taxi drive.

“I didn’t know you wrote a new book!”

“I haven’t. I was going to pull one out my ass.” A woman holding an umbrella and wear a designer dress flinches as I turn to Twilight and I suddenly realize that I’m talking aloud to a fictional pony that only I could see. Let alone the “pull one out my ass” could be taken out of context.

“What!? A guy can’t yell at his drug induced hallucinations!?” I aggressively ask the frightened woman. She jump forward and picks up her pace as she double takes my instability.

“Was that really necessary?” Twilight asks with her drenched bangs over her eyes.

“No, but it felt good!”  I turn back to traffic contemplating if I should walk into it and ride whatever hits me.

“Let me try!” Twilight says and starts to trot pass the parked cars aside of the curb.

“Twilight, no! That’s not a good idea!” I plead to her under my breath as others see me and they give me a stare. I stare back annoyed. “Keep watching! I’ll start barking in a few minutes then after that, I’ll play the guitar with my d-“ I stop at the sound of tires screeching behind me. I turn around and see the purple pony jump up at a stopped taxi with the driver stunned looking around.

“It worked!” She shouts and prances to the cab.

I turn back the people I was yelling at. “You guys have a nice day and stay sane!” I tell them and dash to the cab with Twilight trying to figure out the door handle. I open the door and she jumps in then shakes of the water from her coat. She takes a seat with a wide grin and I take mine slamming the door. The driver turns with his hand up in confused exasperation.

“Hey, I don’t know what happened but my cab just stop!” He tells me and cars lined behind honk in a unorganized symphony. I turn to Twilight bewildered.

“I thought I was supposed to stop the car.” She says and I rub my temples feeling a pulsating head ach crawl under my skin. If this hangover won’t kill me, I’ll find something else that would. “I’ll try something!” Her horn glows and the engine resurrects into a roar and a pop from the muffler. “I am very handy if I do say so myself!” She smugly comments. I have no idea how my subconscious mustered her up, or even why, but I think it hates me for all the drinking. Fuck you brain!

“Never mind man! Where do you need to go?” The driver asks.

“7th Avenue and W 52nd St Sheraton tower.” I tell him and he enters the streets in his GPS.

I look out my window with the rain crashing on the glass. Twilight leans over and stare outside with her two  hooves pressing on my lap. I feel her weight and see her at joyous awe witnessing the city. She tucks a wet lock of hair over her ear with a hoof.

“I never experienced the city like this!” She says looking back at me.

I pull out my phone and place against my ear. “Hello?” I say to no one on the phone. Twilight backs away from the window perplexed.

“Who’s on the phone?” She asks.

“No one! I just did it so people don’t think I’m crazy." I reply indirectly. The cab driver glances at me in the rear view mirror. I nod my head at him and he returns his focus on traffic.

“Are you talking to me?” Twilight asks.

“Yes, just trying to make idol conversation.”

“Okay, uh, so you are an author. What types of books you write?”

“I thought you would know everything about me?” I turn my gaze at her sadden. She scoots in closer to me.

“All I know is what I seen. Before this…before this morning I only saw glimpses of you through a one way mirror. There was one other time I entered this plane but you weren’t conscious. Being behind that mirror only reminds me of my nonexistence. I’m only a perception of what you see. I know this only raises question that I don’t have the answer to.” She lowers her head looking like me after an anti-depressant chased with vodka.

I place my hand on her head and feel her thick wet mane.

“You feel my hand on your head?” I whisper to her. She raises her head meeting my gaze with her large violet eyes.

“Yeah, I do!” She responds.

“And I feel you head, solid mass that occupies space. You can interact with objects and you seem very cognitive. Your thinking opposes mine.”

“What are you saying?” I move my hand away.

“That you are a figment that neither fiction nor psychology could explain, or that I’m really more fucked up than I originally thought. Also I have too much of a hangover for me to ponder on this in depth.” I elaborate. She narrows her eyes at me.

“Was that supposed to be comforting because I don’t feel better one bit!”

“I got some pills that could help!”  I tell her.

The cab comes to a stop where traffic stands still with horns blaring.

“Cabbie 24601, come in.” The dispatch radio cracks on with popish static. The driver grabs the receiver.

“This 24601!” He answers.

“There is congestion on Broadway. A construction yard went through an accident on Midtown so authorities has block streets to pass through.”

“What happened?” The cab driver asks.

“What I’m hearing from the news a steel beam fell with two workers on it. One of them died from the fall!” The dispatcher responds.

The driver looks back at me. “You hear that guy! We are going to be stuck here for a while!”

I see that we are in W 48th and 6th avenue, just a couple of blocks away from the tower. I hand the driver a hundred for his trouble and thank him. I step out the car and into pouring rain holding the door out for the invisible pony. I take off my sports coat and hold it over her with one hand shielding her from the rain as we make our way to the nearest building’s awning.

She steps on the side walk away from me and the rain and shakes off the water. People react to the moist mist violently sprayed in their faces. They glare at the spot where Twilight is at but don’t see her.

“Thanks for that! It’s was very nice of you!” She tells me with a wide smile as she closed her eyes. I look at my coat now heavy dripping on the concrete.

“I don’t know why I did it though.” I tell her and start walking along the building.

“It was a kind gesture nonetheless!” She follows me avoiding people as they walk around me. I need to get her out of my head and out of my life. This is becoming too much to take in. Seeing her next to me is a slap to my rationality. My scars on both my arms start to burn intensely and I stop to fight the reoccurring pain. I scratch at them hoping that it would stop. Twilight peers at me looking concerned.

“It’s your scars isn’t it?” She asks. I continue on ignoring the burn and she trots aside of me.

“You know about them?” I ask under my breath not looking at her.

“I saw them before.” She replies.

“Well, if you know about them, you should know I don’t like talking about them!” I walk faster and turn a corner feeling a brief moment of the freezing rain. She matches my pace.

“Look Chester, I know I’m here to help you! So, if you would let me-“

I stop unable to look at her as clinching my fist until I feel them blister.

“All I know that all I have to do is withstand you until you disappear! Until then, you’re an imaginary inconvenience.” I grunt and continue down the pathway. I don’t look back, I don’t want to see her sad face. I suddenly hear an echo in my ear.

“I was there!”

I turn around and the purple pony is nowhere in sight! Now I feel guilty! I’m such an asshole!